‘Bugger!’ I exclaimed. The sound of crockery smashing echoed around the kitchen as I dropped six of Rebecca’s best dinner plates onto the tiled floor. ‘Mark! What happened! What have you done!’ Rebecca – my mother-in-law - was, understandably, very upset and angry. ‘I’m sorry, Rebecca – the plates slipped out of my hands…’ ‘Jesus, Mark – you need to be more careful! What you need is a bloody good hiding!’ she said in exas...

My parents-in-law were due to arrive later that day for their annual visit, and the tension in the house was palpable. For me, it was a mixture of apprehension, worry, and sexual awareness that was tying my stomach in knots. My wife, Debbie, on the other hand, had been in a light-hearted, buoyant mood all morning, patting me on the bottom whenever she was close to me. “Not long now, lover-boy,” she teased with a mischievo...