Quote by wonderway
I do understand people need to begin somewhere. But in the beginning, the water is tested, if one likes the temperature, then a swim instructor is sought. If not, then you wade around in the water appearing like you can swim or could if you chose. If one decides that an area is of interest then one should seek guidance on a subject matter that one knows little about, read, ask questions, join a group, and/or find a mentor.
Wonderway, I agree that a responsible person will seek additional resources as he/she tries to learn something new, but there is not some standard "Dominant" school that issues Dom licenses. An aspiring cook may rush off to the Cordon Bleu for training, but he will sure as hell have baked a lot of soufflés before he gets there. Did you test the BDSM waters for a bit, then say, "OK, I like this, but no relationships for me until I am trained." I think probably not. We learn best through practice, even as we seek more information, and I think we will all stumble along as we gain that experience. Select the best Dom or sub you know, and I am sure both can fill an evening with stories of things that went wrong in their earliest relationships.
Quote by wonderway
I will say I do find it disturbing that you find "some compassion for vulnerable women". What exactly is some? Are you or are not compassionate? Are you only to some extent loving and partially warm? I truly ask this for better understanding, certainly not to be contrary or difficult. What follows is simply my humble thoughts on "some". "Some" implies an unspecified amount or change. Almost as if the rules are possibly made as you go along or you change them mid game to suit you better . As a whole, society lacks total compassion to all things vulnerable...women, men, animals, children and the elderly (I am sure more could be added but I will stop at the obvious).
I will concede that "some" was not the best adjective to use. I try to be, and think I am a very compassionate person. If you would like to volunteer some kind of objective measure of compassion, I will be happy to score myself, but I will admit that I do not rise to Mother Teresa's level. I do not think many of us do. My comment was meant as a response to Nordic_Pixie's post, where she said "As a sub, I know first-hand how emotionally vulnerable you leave yourself when you submit." As I have said in other ways, I do not think a sub can submit any more emotionally than any other person can in a vanilla relationship if both intend to commit to the relationship. A measure of the depth and quality of any relationship is the amount of trust one partner gives to the other. Vanilla relationships are just as capable of wreaking emotional havoc as D/s relationships. With respect to compassion for someone who has been hurt in a relationship, I have compassion and empathy. I have had my share of heartbreak, I know the feeling! I suspect that Nordic_Pixie IS more cautious in future relationships if she has been hurt in a previous one. But if she is not more cautious, I still have empathy, but I am inclined to suggest that she wake up and smell the coffee like the rest of us.
An implication of Nordic_Pixie's comment that I have heard stated in various ways elsewhere, is that subs must be accorded some special consideration in a relationship because they become so emotionally vulnerable. A further implication is that people in a vanilla relationship need not treat their partners with an equal amount of consideration. Really? It is my opinion that there is nothing unique about a sub's emotional vulnerability. If a relationship has deepened to the point of emotional vulnerability, how is the vulnerability any different for a sub than for some other person in a vanilla relationship? I think that emotional vulnerability is a fundamental part of any meaningful relationship, and the more we are willing to be emotionally vulnerable, the deeper and more fulfilling a relationship can be. But "vulnerable" is the operative word, and no relationship comes with a guarantee of eternal happiness.
Quote by wonderway
To be clear, I would never think any healthy relationship was better then the next healthy relationship. But I would venture to say that if someone is in a healthy fulfilling relationship, then that person should feel like he/she is in the best relationship ever, the most elite of the elite.
I completely agree with this statement. It helps make my point that there is nothing intrinsic to a D/s relationship that somehow makes a good one better than a healthy, fulfilling vanilla relationship. There are all kinds of relationships in Heaven, and it is the same Heaven for all of us, D/s or vanilla!
Wonderway, as you said, my intention in my comments is to offer my opinions on the subjects at hand, and I am happy to hear the opinions of others. I do not intend in any way to disparage you or Nordic_Pixie, or your opinions. I wish only to disagree with them in the spirit of extending the discussion. I, too, am delighted with it.
