(TW: Self harm, S**cide, Abusive of manipulative behavior, drug use)

In general - incredibly toxic behavior ( by bio men especially) that is passed off as endearing or even romantic by their partners. I recently had to put down a book because the main love interest in a story threatened and then attempted self harm because of a misunderstanding with his new partner- all just to get her to talk to him again. If the issue had been handled in a trauma informed way that set boundaries and explained that that sort of behavior is abusive and manipulative in the extreme, then I would have continued the book. That however did not happen. His partner was more concerned about whether he had actually been cheating on her or not. What the man had done to get her attention was passed off as "overly dramatic" and even "kind of romantic". As someone who has unfortunately had to deal with a very similar situation which resulted in my partner being removed from our home via paramedics, I was absolutely floored at how the author handled that part of the plot. Its not fun. Its not cute. Its not romantic. It is fucking terrifying and it will color the remains of the relationship for a very long time, if not forever. My only conclusion is that the author watched a lot of TV and decided that was enough research and thankfully has never had to experience those types of things first hand.

I completely embrace complex characters that make mistakes or that are dealing with their own personal trauma. I myself write a good deal of dark content and I do not expect a 30 page trigger warning for every book. Still, I can't help but worry that in a generally repressed western society the continued repetition of "He loved me so much he punched a hole in the wall"/ "He was instantly jealous on the first date and proceeded to show up in my apartment with no invite" - is actually dangerous in the long run. That does not even begin to touch on what bio women are socially engineered to put up with in the real world and because of that one cannot expect their audience to "know better" in stories that are based in our current reality.

Yes these stories are fiction, yes they exist to cater to someones fantasy, but it IS POSSIBLE to ensure that the content is both hot, dirty, AND socially conscious. At this point it just seems lazy as much as utilizing 50 Shades as legitimate research material for a BDSM story. Have your tattooed-to-the-toes "bad boy" character with abusive parent issues all day every day, have the warrior king out for blood, the blue-eyed oligarch with alarming trust issues...but can we stop acting like its not abuse please?

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.