Well, the word "demand" doesn't work for me either, but "ask" does. And within certain boundaries, my answer would be yes.
I have had that conversation with my wife in the past. She was surprised I would be ok with it. She never took me up on the offer though and I never pushed it. She didn't seem to feel comfortable with the idea. She did ask me once why I would be ok with it and asked me wouldn't I be jealous?
So to answer your question as to why, I will try to explain by what I told her many years ago when we had such a conversation.
1) I can separate sex from love
2) I am not the jealous type, which she already knows, since guys flirting with her and dancing with her - never bothered me
3) I really like seeing women let loose and enjoy sex. The more wild they get, the more it makes me feel they enjoy it. Seeing women really enjoy sex - is a huge turn-on for me. I like porn just as much as any guy I guess (we are visual creatures), but most porn does look fake. You can tell a lot of their enjoyment is an act. So seeing your partner really get into sex, would be a lot more real and way more of a turn-on than the fake stuff you see in videos.
4) I am open to experiencing a lot of different things sexually and I certainly couldn't be upset with her for wanting the same.
With all that in mind, I have some boundaries/limits, because although I would not be jealous of the sex, I would not want love to form that could end up causing problems in our relationship. There are precautions/rules that I would probably insist be taken to avoid those types of issues - my boundaries.
- I would want to watch or participate (mfm - meaning both me an the other guy giving her attention - I am not bi). Not sure if I would ever let it happen with me not there. I am guessing not. But since none of this has ever happened and probably never will, I can't be sure
- Communication would be key to make sure we always knew how the other felt.
- If I felt or she felt any deeper feelings were starting to take root, then there would be no more encounters with that person. She would have to assure me that she would speak up, if she started to feel that way. Again good communication.
- Each encounter and person would have to be approved by both of us. Because it is something we are doing for each other. Not something to be hidden and done without both of us wanting it each time.
- It wouldn't be something we do all the time, but something we do from time to time to keep the new erotic experiences flowing
- Either one of us could say we are done with this type of experience at any time and for any reason or no reason and it just stops - no questions asked.
If all those things were agreed to, I would not only agree to try it, but I would want to have her try it. Not going to happen though, since that is just my fantasy, not hers.
I don't know if anyone has noticed, but several men have said yes to this question, but I see mostly no to the same question asked in the "ask the girls" section. What does that indicate - do you think? Men can separate sex from love better than women? Or are there more men who don't get jealous compared to women? Or does my wife's explanation fit best - all men are just pervs - lol.
I always answer, you wouldn't want it any other way. Of course we are pervs, that is why guys always chase girls. And you seem to enjoy it or you wouldn't have let yourself get caught.
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MichaelJBranch
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 52
United States
Forum
If I was attracted to her, I would probably let it go on for longer than I should (considering I am married); however, I would end up stopping her if she didn't stop herself. I would certainly feel flattered.
If I wasn't attracted to her, I would not let it go on for near as long, but I would not react badly in either case. I would probably just respond with something like "Wow, what did I do to deserve such a great kiss?". And then just chat for a bit if that is what she wanted. I would not be able to let a second kiss happen though, considering my relationship status.
Now if it was someone I knew I just didn't like, I would stop it really quick and not be quite as friendly, but I am also not the mean type. I am not sure exactly what I would say, but I would ask why she just did that.
Now back in my single days, I would be all over that. I would find it rather hot, so she would have to break the kiss - I sure wouldn't, unless I just really didn't like her in some way.
If I wasn't attracted to her, I would not let it go on for near as long, but I would not react badly in either case. I would probably just respond with something like "Wow, what did I do to deserve such a great kiss?". And then just chat for a bit if that is what she wanted. I would not be able to let a second kiss happen though, considering my relationship status.
Now if it was someone I knew I just didn't like, I would stop it really quick and not be quite as friendly, but I am also not the mean type. I am not sure exactly what I would say, but I would ask why she just did that.
Now back in my single days, I would be all over that. I would find it rather hot, so she would have to break the kiss - I sure wouldn't, unless I just really didn't like her in some way.
I am a new member, but I have visited the site for the stories over the last couple of years. I recently became a member not just for the stories though, but to talk with like-minded people in the forums and hopefully chat with a friend or two about a variety of topics. Although I would be open to sharing a sex fantasy with friends here, I don't think I would be willing to pretend to live out those fantasies with them online. Of course I haven't tried that to know for sure, but I think it might make me feel like I would be cheating on my wife. So unless my feelings change about that, I expect I will stay away from those types of chats.
When considering how I felt about those pretend sex chats, I asked myself how is imagining yourself as part of the stories your read any different. I think to me it came down to in my mind stories are with imaginary characters and the fact that a real person is on the end of a chat session. Now if I talk to my wife about it and she was ok with, then I would give it a try and I would like it even more if I could get her to join in a multi-person role-playing chat sessions with me. Hey, there is an idea I hadn't thought of until just now, hmmm.....
I think you will find Lush to be a great place and that it has something for everyone if you give it a chance. So, welcome to Lush and enjoy.
When considering how I felt about those pretend sex chats, I asked myself how is imagining yourself as part of the stories your read any different. I think to me it came down to in my mind stories are with imaginary characters and the fact that a real person is on the end of a chat session. Now if I talk to my wife about it and she was ok with, then I would give it a try and I would like it even more if I could get her to join in a multi-person role-playing chat sessions with me. Hey, there is an idea I hadn't thought of until just now, hmmm.....
I think you will find Lush to be a great place and that it has something for everyone if you give it a chance. So, welcome to Lush and enjoy.
It has not happened to me, so I can't say for sure without experiencing it, but I think it would not do anything for me and maybe just be a little distracting - unless it was some type of roll-playing fantasy that she wanted to act out. If it was for her benefit and I could see it was really making her hot, then I could see me jumping into the role and being turned-on by it. I really like seeing women get fully into a sexual experience and let loose. So, I could get into being called "Daddy" and many other things, if it was having that kind of affect on her.
Thanks for all the replies. The more I thought about it, one of the reasons for my post is I guess I was "hoping", but not really expecting, someone would respond with - "I have experienced that type of pain myself or know someone who did and they finally found the following medical solution that actually helped".
The support was nice also, so thanks for that. Hopefully, didn't come off as bad mouthing my wife. That certainly wasn't how it was intended. I am just not sure how to solve this.
Leesli, sorry to hear about your friend. I can't believe he would just go through with it anyway regardless of the pain she was in. You did bring up a good idea. I think I will take your advice on asking her to come up with ideas that she may be comfortable with.
Thanks again to everyone. If nothing else, it did feel good just to get his off my chest and discuss it with others outside of the situation.
The support was nice also, so thanks for that. Hopefully, didn't come off as bad mouthing my wife. That certainly wasn't how it was intended. I am just not sure how to solve this.
Leesli, sorry to hear about your friend. I can't believe he would just go through with it anyway regardless of the pain she was in. You did bring up a good idea. I think I will take your advice on asking her to come up with ideas that she may be comfortable with.
Thanks again to everyone. If nothing else, it did feel good just to get his off my chest and discuss it with others outside of the situation.
I haven't had sex in a couple of years. We have been married for 15 years. We are both in our 40's. My wife started having some pain at the start of intercourse. It was more of discomfort than pain. It only got worse over the years, until is is no to painful for her to have sex. I could see her reaction as I entered her, so I know it was really painful. We stopped having sex at that point.
She has been to doctors. We were told this is more common than you might think as women get closer to menopause. The cause was supposedly hormonal changes that cause not only dryness, but for her vaginal cell lining to change in a way that no only makes her less elastic, but the tissue extremely sensitive. This can cause anywhere from minor to extreme pain. She has been prescribed medications to try. None of them seemed to work and there were some that the risks didn't seem worth it.
After years of trying medical solutions, it seems we have given up on finding one.
We talked and I suggested we just maintain our intimacy in other ways, such as oral. We tried that and I always liked giving her oral and use toys with her. She has given me oral as well, but she doesn't really like it, so that has stopped too. It seems she is only interested in vaginal intercourse, but that is the one thing we can't do any more. With me giving her oral and never really finding a something to satisfy my needs that she would like to do, we have stopped having sex altogether. It has been years now.
The rest of our relationship is fine, we still enjoy being with each other. But it is a sexless marriage. I don't want a divorce. I just didn't plan on giving up sex at age 44. It sucks. And I am not sure what I can do about it.
Not sure why I am writing this, since I am not really expecting any advice that can help. But I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who is not directly involved.
She has been to doctors. We were told this is more common than you might think as women get closer to menopause. The cause was supposedly hormonal changes that cause not only dryness, but for her vaginal cell lining to change in a way that no only makes her less elastic, but the tissue extremely sensitive. This can cause anywhere from minor to extreme pain. She has been prescribed medications to try. None of them seemed to work and there were some that the risks didn't seem worth it.
After years of trying medical solutions, it seems we have given up on finding one.
We talked and I suggested we just maintain our intimacy in other ways, such as oral. We tried that and I always liked giving her oral and use toys with her. She has given me oral as well, but she doesn't really like it, so that has stopped too. It seems she is only interested in vaginal intercourse, but that is the one thing we can't do any more. With me giving her oral and never really finding a something to satisfy my needs that she would like to do, we have stopped having sex altogether. It has been years now.
The rest of our relationship is fine, we still enjoy being with each other. But it is a sexless marriage. I don't want a divorce. I just didn't plan on giving up sex at age 44. It sucks. And I am not sure what I can do about it.
Not sure why I am writing this, since I am not really expecting any advice that can help. But I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who is not directly involved.