Reading Sprite's togue-in-cheek rants is #1; really, really entertaining and fun, and #2; really, really instructive. I graduated from the Lush school-of-hard-rejections a long time ago and now my books sell very well due to what I learned in those harsh edits. My thanks to the mods and reviewers here for that and everything else they do.

Quote by sprite

so, authors... think about ALL the stories you've ever read. Hemingway? Patterson? King? Tollkien? The Bible? how many of them had dialogue that looked like this:

"MAKE ME CUM!" she shouted.

the answer? none of them. there's no real good reason to capitalize every letter when writing a story. just the little descriptor - she shouted - should give readers the idea. just because you've seen it on other porn stories, doesn't mean it's the way to do it. also, adding letters - i'm going to cuuuuuummmmm! - is just as bad. stop it. please.

So how about:

"Make me cum...!" she shouted, stretching out the last word into one long syllable until she ran out of breath and nearly passed out. Then, after inhaling deeply and regaining lucidity, did the same as she shouted, "Please...!".

Key West style Crab Cakes w/ dijon tarter sauce.

Pulled pork with bourbon/maple BBQ sauce, (The most expensive BBQ sauce I make so I rarely make it), and parmesan roasted potatoes.

Philly cheesesteak wraps made with red onion, orange peppers, and gouda cheese. Vegetable medley for a side.

Another quick anecdote: My wife makes the same noises when eating her favorite dinner as she does when I lick her pussy. Both are turn-ons.

Quote by sprite

and YES. I will reject stories like this. without remorse or guilt or compassion. just be glad i don't start publically shaming you. don't push your luck!

Que Dick Dale playing surf guitar 'Miserlou'

Quote by sprite

ok, i have tried to be nice. fuck that shit. IF you are submitting a story that is 300-500 words long and it doesn't contain ANY sex and/or eroticism and it ends with 'TO BE CONTINUED' it WILL be sent back. i don't give a fuck if you're a gold member, a platinum member, or George RR Fucking Martin. it's not going on the front page. Finish the damn thing and THEN submit it. This is your last warning, mofos. I have HAD it with each and every one of you. (that goes for you too, Jaymal - I know where you live. Prick.).

Sprite.

Every time I read this I picture Amanda Plummer as Honey Bunny in 'Pulp Fiction' standing on a table pointing a gun at the diners and yelling "I'll kill every last one of you muther fuckers!"

Boring scene-setting, world-building, backstory, or info dumps. Tell the story, let the background information come out naturally as the story progresses.

I was going to write about doing it in a glass elevator in Las Vegas, but I cannot top the previous poster. You win, close the thread.

Synchronicity - Police

Layla - Derek and the Dominoes

Like it? Absolutely love it. Crave it. Can't get enough of it, neither can the wife.

Nowhere Man - Beatles

Sundown - Gordon Lightfoot

Message me with your question, I'll try to answer it.

After reading through all the posts in this thread, one thing is clear. Some people like to get to the sex part quickly, while some people like a slow build-up. Some people like back-of-the head banging against the wall rough-fucking, and some people like tender, sweet, love-making, sex. Some want lengthy character building, and some want to find out about the character through action.

I usually want to read, and I write, by first introducing the characters through their thoughts and motivations. Then on to the set-up for the sex, followed by hot and heavy action. But I did do one story with sex from the very first word (a masturbation scene), and it's one of my favorites.

I played with my 'girlfriend's' pussy, (she doesn't wear underwear), while in a bar with my wife sitting beside me and her boyfriend sitting beside her.

Forty-two years after the incident and forty-one after the divorce I can tell you I have not forgotten and have not forgiven.

Rupert Holmes - Him

***

Over by the window

There's a pack of cigarettes,

Not my brand, you understand

Sometimes the girl forgets

I am listening to sad songs from the 70's

Yes, been given BJ many times at 'swingers' parties and have had sex several times in a hot tub at those parties. Used the experiences as a basis for many of my stories.

This was a fun little exercise, but much harder than I thought it would be.

I flicked my tongue over her inner labia before pursing my lips around her clit, slowly drawing it into my mouth. She gasped as the rush of sensation overwhelmed her body. I ran my tongue over the tip, she came furiously, I continued to suck the engorging appendage into my mouth.

I look at it this way, it's erotica, you don't have to start right off with the sex part, although I have written stories that do, but someone should be talking about sex, thinking about sex, flirting or fantasizing about sex within the first two pages. After that, the story needs to always be moving in its natural progression to the 'climax'.

All of my family, the few that there are, know I write erotica. So do all of my friends and acquaintances, swingers, non-swingers, and nudists. They even tolerate being the basis for many of my characters and plots. I am proud of my work.

My wife proofreads all my stories and suggests edits, plot changes (position changes), and character traits, likes, and dislikes. The stories do to her exactly what they are intended to do, to our mutual benefit.