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Jaymal
1 day ago
Straight Male, 50
0 miles · London

Forum

Quote by Ishhhvv
Quote by spriteA few moments later she watched them collapse. "It's something you never forget, Rach. Something you wish you could, but every anniversary it still haunts." 

I like most of the world watched it live on TV. I remember coming from school and seeing that. Even as kids we were like..wtf! Had a confusion, "is it a movie? Or what's happening?" Then seeing it was live from news action, that feeling of disbelief. True, never got that day, still vivid. Thoughts and prayers...

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆


Okay on a Happy Sunday note: I never posted on this thread. So Hello everyone wave 

I'm Trishh. Have a good day smile

Hi Trish! I haven't been a regular here either, so there are better qualified to show you around the place. But I think you'll enjoy its friendly ambience. Happy Sunday, and cheers! Jake 

Morning, everyone. Just popping by for a mid-morning Sunday beverage. Pint of New Yorker beer, please. I shall raise it in honor (note US spelling) of my American friends on this 9/11 memorial weekend. 

Nice to see the decor here is still the same, seeing how everywhere else in Lush-town has undergone such radical renovation.

Hmmm - Can't see a way of attaching pics...

Quote by AngelWorthy

Thankyou ever so kindly Ensorceled. Your laziness made my OCD swing into action. I just counted 81 stories. & Yes, I have read, scored & commented on all of them to this point in time. I have no idea how well any of the stories are going. I just know that I have had more people vote on my story then comment on it. My Friday went swimmingly. It is now after 3.30am Saturday here. I must sleep.

Think I will have a Hot Chocolate to go, thanks.

Stay Safe & Have Fun Everyone. xx



I'm really trying to read and comment on them all, or most, but it's becoming a bit taxing in terms of numbers.

Anyway, here's to a stress-free Friday - and in the spirit of that sentiment, here's another sexy dance CHOON. (I'm on a bit of a Maruv kick right now it seems...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVSLJ4CKbXA
Quote by Lilly
This is the current level of my insomnia:

Rumps is where Lushies go
To escape from life’s trouble
Insomnia is my current foe
Tonight I will drown it double

Jameson seems like a perfect choice
To drown my troubles should be easy
Just don’t let me have too many shots
My drunk alter ego is quite sleazy


Well it is 2:05am here in Utah and I am about to count sheep. I actually did download some insomnia music that Kimmi suggested and I am going to try falling asleep to that next.

Anyone join me in a double of Jameson? I am buying!


THIS is the kind of creativity I shall embrace during my next bout of Insomnia. Well played, Lilly the Poet. That's one for the masses (specifically at Rumps').

Oh God. I looked down the rest of the thread and it's a bloody poetry pandemic!!!
Quote by JustAnotherSapphic


Welcome. I'm Elyse.

I'd tell you to pull up a chair or a stool and get comfy, but you seem to have already done so. Oh, and I'd have welcomed you sooner but, well, head empty. No thoughts; only Jane.


Thank you, Elyse - returned. Good to meet you.

I more or less had chairs thrown at me on entering the bar, in a nice way.

This is going to be a hell of a busy day, so just a double espresso to go, please, Bertha. (You do take-away?)
Happy Monday, everyone! It's pissing like the gods are having a contest here in the South of England, so I'm taking some A.M. Rumpilatory refuge.

Cup of Pure Roasters please, Bertha, Harley recommends it and I'm still awash with various brands of Irish stout after last night.

Thanks to all the meet'n'greeters yesterday...

*James*, who gave me the dime tour of the whole place.

*Harley* who expressed solidarity with the Rumps new guy.

*Grace* for reminding me that as oranges are not the only fruit, Guinness is likewise not the only black beverage to be sampled.

*Jeff* for being nice about my stories and for pointing me in the direction of Tamara's latest (aiming to read before the day is through).

*Kimmi* for the drink and the education.

*Annie* and *Kat* for adding profusely to the welcome.

That felt like a feckin' Oscars speech - I just made it before the orchestra started playing me off. Could do with a sugar boost. Are there doughnuts (UK spelling) served here? biggrin
Quote by AppleByBoom


Well, after having a sneaky peak at your profile I think I've established that you are not a newbie and I look like a right muppet for welcoming you. Oh - and look - you're a moderator as well.

Hangs head in shame...

Harley here - making an arse of herself since 1993

Is there any Kraken lying about? Please.


Yes, but I'm a total Rumps newb, however ever many words - and hyphens - I've slung around the site as a whole. So all orientation and friendship is gladly received! biggrin
Quote by JamesLlewellyn


Something tasty and hopefully chilled, eh? Sounds like Kimmi in the store room!

Welcome Jake! Glad you decided to drop in! Lemme show you around.

This is Rumps to its Regulars – the absolute best bar within these four walls! I'm the de fatso coffee maker – or rather, Big Bertha's second most devoted fan, the first being Madam Curvy! – as well as the OFFICIAL unofficial greeter, and resident polar bear!

Here we have a fine selection of lickers – and of liquors as well – plus some amazing imported coffees (we get it from outside the bar), boring beers, whiney wines, and lovely lades, starting with Grace.

Our head of security is Terance, the Tarantula, who's hanging from a thread, just above your head – he keeps watch over strangers, and folks, there ain't many denizens of LushLand stranger than you, Jake. You'll fit right in.

Terance doesn't usually bother the regulars much – as long as they keep their bar tabs under five figures or so.

The most important personage here is Big Bertha – our coffee maker. She all fixed up already, but I'm sure she'd be happy to dispense some dark and aromatic goodness to you. Which can describe some of our other denizens as well, but you can add cream and sugar to hers!

You'll have to gird your own loins to meet most of the regulars, many of whom I'm sure you already know: Kat, Kimmi, Scott, Carl (who, when he's not busy with the other animals, spins most of the tunes around here), Kisten, and, of course, Bill – the Rumplator himself, who is usually sleeping it off in the back corner on that broken lounger you see there.

You've already met Lily, who is also a long-time Lushie, just newly wandered in off the street.

So, step right up! For a first-timer, you get a free, small beer, but as a friend, I can stand you something a little tastier. What's your pleasure (among the drinks that is…the ladies you'll have to negotiate yourself)!

And Ladles and Gellyspoons, this fine figure of a man is my friend Jake, with a tongue that drips honey, a vocabulary that can sweep your clothes into last week, and a disposition to match! He can sweet talk the birds from the bars, and then run them through a sex machine that leaves them gasping – for more! If you haven't read any of his stuff, then you have a real treat ahead of you!

Welcome, Jake! We're glad you're here!



That is a fulsome and detailed introduction, James (almost typoed 'introfuction', which would have been unfortunate), the details of which will require some time to absorb. Thank you for making me feel so instantly at home. I'll use this as a guide to find my way around.

I'm a massive coffee fan, so I'm looking forward to sampling all the caffeinated wares here (and who knows what else? he added with much ribaldry). For now, a pint of something black, preferably Dublin's favourite.

I do love a party
Quote by KimmiBeGood

Wicked Jake!! About time you poked your sexy, Irish head in here!!

I'll buy you a drink ... which means it goes on James' tab.


I see how things work around here already. Thanks for the drink, Kim/James.

So how long a tab does the barman allow??? Depending on the answer my Irish ass may be frequenting this establishment from now on...
Quote by AppleByBoom




I'm pretty new here, so definitely not the best person to do a welcome thing or anything but welcome anyways!

I do like your music choice!

TUNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

BB, I'll take some delicious dark roast please straight in veins. Some in a mug too would be great

Happy Sunday everyone!



Thanks, Harley - it's okay if we newbs stick together until we're both considered regulars. Glad you like my music pick.

This pint of black is going down nicely...
Happy Sunday, everyone. James L encouraged me to venture down to Rumplations for a cheeky weekend pint of something tasty and hopefully chilled.

Since this is my first ever post here, I thought I'd come bearing a gift, namely this sexy-naughty choon for the duke box. (There IS a duke box, right?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTwiB1uw9sQ

So dance like you're not wearing any trousers and have a great day. biggrin
Hi -

Let me add my congrats to WW, whose work is all Wordsmith and no Wannabe. Mad-sexy story, great win. Also Tam whose work is always a source of joy - I'm chuffed to bits to be between these two, take that as you will.

Well done all the top-tenners - jostling with great people and great writers. There are others who so could easily be there too. It was much fun being part of a hot, messed-up, inspiring and empowering bunch of comp entries. Reading good writing makes us all write better. Right?

Wishing kink and pride to all,

Jake.
Hi V - you already know how unreservedly I loved this story, so congratu-fucking-lations on the EP. Richly deserved for your darkly comic Kafka-kitty marvel. Much love.

Belated Happy Birthday, Vanessa! Sorry I'm late to the party - there WAS A party, right?

Hope you had a great day ;)

Jake x


It's lovely to be on the podium with Phil and WW - many thanks, judges, and well done those two! Frankly I feel a degree of awe at the contributors in this comp writing in ways of which I can only dream. It's a long list, but let me just mention Grusha's All Systems Functioning, one of several stories which made me lloll (literally laugh out loud loudly) and VioletVixen's Pussified, which imo was the best piece of writing in the contest. Also CumGirl's The Fools - insane genius, so no change there.

I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of this, and love that I'm contributing on Lush at a point when there's so much awesome writing to enjoy and learn from. Much love and foolery to all.
Quote by WannabeWordsmith


That makes sense. Word is clever (?) enough to distinguish that an em dash isn't a character that makes up a word on its own. I expect the Lush counter simply looks for anything with a space either side (or a space on one side plus punctuation the other) and counts that as 'a word', regardless if those characters are alphanumeric or not. So yeah, taking out the preceding space will help.

The rest may well be that pesky formatting: the counter probably reads the markup under the hood, treating the opening and closing marks that tell the system to make the bold text as 'words'.

Not much we can do about the dividers. You may find that some character sequences don't get treated as words but (as it stands) I don't think it'll make any difference. The Lush word counter seems to use a simpler (likely faster) algorithm than the one in most Word processing programs. If you're running tight on words, try inserting an image as a divider, or use the horizontal rule built into the Lush editor. That should be ignored (though I've never tried it).

Edit: and if you're less than 10 words over, don't worry about it: that's tolerable in competitions, precisely because of this annoying word count issue.


That's all very helpful. I managed to get it under the 5k, largely due to dealing with the em dash issue. I'll keep all else in mind for next time!
Quote by KimmiBeGood
Wicked Jake ... those who know you know you always play within the comp rules. You shouldn't have to use less words than the limit just because your bold type, hyphens, dots count against you on word count.

In my mind, your piece is an easy Top Ten, so add an author note saying your actual word count is xxxx, so you won't catch flack from others if you get recognition.


Thanks, Kim! I'll resort to that if I can't get the word count under control! biggrin
Quote by WannabeWordsmith
Verity100 has done some sleuthing recently and found that formatting counts towards the word count. Since you have a bunch of bold phrases in your intro, that may account for some (or all) of the inflation.

Hyphens are a standard trick I use to cut down the word count (side-by-side = 1 word, yay) so it's probably not that. Em dashes maybe. Not sure.

The other thing is that dividers can get counted as 'words' in the lush counter but some word counters only consider alphanumeric characters as words. This one: ---- might not count, but this one: -oOo- might. Not sure about the string of tildes you use. Worth a look, maybe?


Thanks, WW. I've worked out that the difference between the Word doc from which I copied and the Submit page is explained by my use of em dashes - like that one biggrin. Put it directly after the word like a comma, however, and it doesn't count as an additional word.

You may well be right about formatting upping the count between Submit and the posted story. I'll keep experimenting ;)
Quote by RejectReality


Unless something has changed since the last time I submitted a micro with one, proper use of an emdash ( no spaces before or after ) only counts 1 word for the two words connected by the em dash. Seems weird that it would do that, but count hyphenated words as two.


I shall adjust my em dashes and see if that makes a difference.

Thanks!
Quote by Wet_n_willing
One thing I have noticed is that Word counts hyphenated words as one while the Lush counter counts them as two. That likely wouldn't account for a discrepancy that large, but if it does the same thing when you use a dash as punctuation vs. a comma or semi-colon it might add up especially if you use it often. I use Word and mine are always a higher word count here.


It would account for my discrepancy, W&W - I'm a total hyphen-whore! See? If that's the case, then I'm doomed :O

I'm hoping it's the hyphen as punctuation thing. Much easier to resolve.

Thank you!
Quote by kistinspencil
Did you save the Word doc as a plain text file first or just copy and paste? Word inserts all manner of crap format coding, some of which gets counted here as a word. Others are having issues with posts in Micro and Flash stories along the same lines.


I copied and pasted, which from what you say, Kirstin, would explain the difference between the Word count and that on the Submit Story page. My real issue is why the total went up over 40 words between Submit and when the story was posted. Some of the other comments here suggest it might be my use of the em-dash? I'll check that out. Thanks for the copy/paste tip. Much appreciated biggrin
Hi -

I was called out today in the comment section for my 'Foolish' Competition entry, for having overstepped the 5k word count.

When I pasted the story into the box on the Submit page, it was counted as under the limit - 4993 to be exact, I just checked. Then when the story was verified and posted, the count was 5042. I spent quite a lot of time paring down the story so it would fit, not least because the Submit page 4993 had increased the word count by 30 from the original Word document, not the first time that's happened to me.

Any idea why the count goes up? Might it be to do with punctuation, e.g. the use of dashes in between words? I'd be grateful is someone could shed light on this for me.

Best wishes,

Jake/Jaymal.
I think I've got something for this comp - one of those tales that's been nagging me for ages in various possible incarnations. 5000 word limit and a Foolish theme might just bring it into being.
Happy Birthday dear Kimmi, Happy Birthday to you biggrin

Hope it was a great one! xxx


I know it's taken me forever to get around to commenting - busy week. This was a great competition to be a part of (of which to be a part - see? grammar pedant as well as smut-monger) and having read numerous entries if not all, I found a striking number of stories any one of which would have graced the top three very well.

Congrats to all - flattered to have been picked and glad to be a part of this great outpouring of deranged erotic imagination.
Couldn't happen to a nicer, friendlier, more supportive fellow Lusher. Many congratulations, Kimmi. It's a genuinely lovely thing having you around here. (I was going to say 'around these parts', but that just sounded the wrong turn of phrase biggrin )

Much love,

Jake.
Quote by AmeliaLeigh


You can send them to me *giggles* I won’t tell


If you send them to Candy, Amelia, be sure to copy me in... ;)
Thanks to Buz for the RR, to Nicola for the thumbs up and to Coco for the anticipation! It's been a great experience working with Jayne - huge fun and a privilege to write for her utterly lascivious voice ;)