Just off the night shift and having a glass of blanco tequila to (hopefully) help me sleep, whilst reading a few stories I have in my reading queue.

Have a morning shift tomorrow. Trying to set the stage for sweet dreams.

Quote by kinkyflame35
im drinking a cuppa tea.....

I love tea.

Quote by sweetsinner


Can I speak, from a perspective of an < 30 year old who long lost interest in sex (mostly due to contraceptives) it wouldn't hurt to work on things that are not physically related well before you try to dive in to sex.

Work out her love language, how to make her feel loved, valued, special, appreciated, work on engaging and stimulating her mind and make it so that the aspect of touch, physical and sexual intimacy is irresistible (as opposed to straight up repulsive which it can be, even just for women who are menstruating)... and then engage those things.

Cook for her, leave her love letters, focus on gentle non-sexual incidental touching, give her a massage, lay with her while she sleeps, make her feel comfortable (cool cloths, heat packs, snacks, whatever). Like, I know these seem like REALLY SIMPLE THINGS but often they are missing and it is the lack of these that makes a woman feel emotional undervalued and disinterested in sex. Add the hormonal overthrow to the mix and its only going to exacerbate the situation.

Also definite yes on the lube as menopause brings with it a decline on oestrogen production which is responsible for natural vaginal lubrication (which is why some women on contraceptives or whom are breastfeeding often also have dryness issues)

Thank you for that excellent reply, @sweetsinner.

Complex topic.

My lover had a high libido through peri-menopause but once it hit full-on, that was it. She lost all interest in physical intimacy.

As I understand it, from what I've read and heard from friends, it really depends on the woman, and factors, such as how understanding and open their partner is, communication on both sides, and then a whole slew of physical conditions that result from the end of fertility; vaginal dryness, changes in elasticity, health issues (greater risk of UTIs and others that complicate matters.

At the end of menses, several chemicals are produced in lesser quantities such as estrogen and testosterone, which contribute to libido, levels of arousal, and desire. The drop can be very sudden and something of a shock, combined with other aspects of ageing and physical changes that can affect self-esteem and self-image.

As I understand it, exercise and diet certainly help (as they always do) but there are medical treatments such as Hormone Replacement Therapy that have helped some women (and not others) and herbal remedies that can help restore hormonal balance and promote a healthy libido post-menopause. There are natural lubricants and some new products that can aid in restoring blood flow to the genitals, resulting in arousal and lubrication.

My friends have not tried any of these yet, so I'm curious to hear if anyone has.

Now, I have a few older friends who spell it, "Men: A pause," who suggest that it is temporary, and a few have told me that although it is different now, they still have a healthy sex life with their partners.

I actually came on the forum to see if this was being discussed at all, because I am still very much in love with my friend and am trying to be supportive, whilst gaining more of an understanding of what she's going through (as well as many of my friends my age).

Thankfully, there is good information out there but I'd love to hear from women who have actually gone through this change and have found ways of coping and keeping their interest in sex and intercourse. I have to have hope that although things might be different from this point on, there can still be physical love.

I'm middle aged but still have a strong sexual drive, and at least for now, am fully functional. In other words, I'm not really ready to put it down, don my cardigan and settle for the rocking chair until my heart finally decides it's had enough and gives out.

That's said with some humour, by the way.

So, women, is there any advice you can share with a loving, patient man, who has a desire to understand and be supportive? I've heard and read that there is sex after 55/60, and I really have to hope that that's true.

Quote by 1nympholes


Mostly true, but very harsh words for a man.

Yeah, that was not helpful or kind, though it's a perfectly valid perspective.

No. Nothing at all against men who do, it's just never seemed appealing to me. There have been opportunities to try being with a man but I've never felt interested enough to engage.

Complex topic.

My lover had a high libido through peri-menopause but once it hit full-on, that was it. She lost all interest in physical intimacy.

As I understand it, from what I've read and heard from friends, it really depends on the woman, and factors, such as how understanding and open their partner is, communication on both sides, and then a whole slew of physical conditions that result from the end of fertility; vaginal dryness, changes in elasticity, health issues (greater risk of UTIs and others that complicate matters.

At the end of menses, several chemicals are produced in lesser quantities such as estrogen and testosterone, which contribute to libido, levels of arousal, and desire. The drop can be very sudden and something of a shock, combined with other aspects of ageing and physical changes that can affect self-esteem and self-image.

As I understand it, exercise and diet certainly help (as they always do) but there are medical treatments such as Hormone Replacement Therapy that have helped some women (and not others) and herbal remedies that can help restore hormonal balance and promote a healthy libido post-menopause. There are natural lubricants and some new products that can aid in restoring blood flow to the genitals, resulting in arousal and lubrication.

My friends have not tried any of these yet, so I'm curious to hear if anyone has.

Now, I have a few older friends who spell it, "Men: A pause," who suggest that it is temporary, and a few have told me that although it is different now, they still have a healthy sex life with their partners.

I actually came on the forum to see if this was being discussed at all, because I am still very much in love with my friend and am trying to be supportive, whilst gaining more of an understanding of what she's going through (as well as many of my friends my age).

Thankfully, there is good information out there but I'd love to hear from women who have actually gone through this change and have found ways of coping and keeping their interest in sex and intercourse. I have to have hope that although things might be different from this point on, there can still be physical love.

I'm middle aged but still have a strong sexual drive, and at least for now, am fully functional. In other words, I'm not really ready to put it down, don my cardigan and settle for the rocking chair until my heart finally decides it's had enough and gives out.

That's said with some humour, by the way.

So, women, is there any advice you can share with a loving, patient man, who has a desire to understand and be supportive? I've heard and read that there is sex after 55/60, and I really have to hope that that's true.

Quote by Dani
Cheating is different for each relationship. Anything that betrays the trust or the boundaries within that relationship is cheating, be it emotional or physical.

And I would say that any involvement with someone else that you intentionally keep from your significant other is also considered cheating. Basically any involvement with someone else without your partner's knowledge or consent is considered cheating in my book.

Ah, you were so much more concise than I!
Yes. That's it.

It's all about your agreement with your partner.
If you're in a committed, monogamous relationship, then it's all about the two of you. Your thoughts are powerful things, and usually (though not always) lead to action.

It's natural to be attracted to others, especially in a very long-term relationship. Humans get bored, and our relationships are complicated. Besides, in our society, everything is so sexually charged.

But if you've agreed to be faithful to one another, then it's vital that you remain truthful and dedicated to one another. Does that cover watching porn or going on online forums? I think if you keep secrets from your partner, it could be considered cheating. When I'm in monogamous relationships, I feel the tacit agreement is to protect each others' health, integrity, and feelings in all that you do.

Now, if you have a relationship where you can openly discuss sticky issues like feeling attracted to someone else, or needing something that your partner is not providing or is unable to provide for you, that's healthy.

I've been in committed relationships where one or both of us had an attraction to or feelings for someone else, and we discussed it openly. Sometimes it was too painful, sometimes it was something we could work through, and occasionally, it allowed us to open the relationship and have someone join us in bed, which was great fun.

The main thing, I think in monogamous or open relationships is honesty.

If you're poly but have established rules (i.e., safe sex, getting tested before taking on a new partner, drug use, the level of emotional involvement with secondary partners), then those have to be honoured. I have poly friends who have ended relationships because of breaches of trust. Without trust, respect, and honesty, what do you have?

I may be biased. I've been burned hard, to the point where I had to leave the country I'd emigrated to and start my life over from scratch, all because my partner lied, cheated, and decided they couldn't face the reality and consequences of the situation.

I just wish people would be more honest with themselves and the people they have relationships with. I think everyone would be happier with more honest relationships instead of trying to stay faithful when they are unwilling or incapable of doing so.

And that's my two cents.