Hello all. I am Georgie, my female alter ego is Caren and she has been there I think since I was 12. I am now 65 years old and still wondering about my gender. 

Why am I here - because I have had a fantasy story in my head about how Caren was deflowered for as long as I can remember and I have been looking for somewhere to write it down. It is currently waiting for the moderators.

Why suddenly do I want to do it now? Because now sexuality is not a dirty word any more. At 12 I spent time looking at Lingerie in catalogues, it fascinated me. I was hardly conscious of the women wearing it as most 12 year old boys would have been. I was more likely to read articles about make up and dresses than cars or football and my wet dreams were more likely to be about kissing a boy and feeling touch me then take me rather than the other way round.

I grew up in a world where the merest hint that I wasn't a heterosexual male would have landed in a whole heap of trouble and possibly in jail. 

At 12 I used to dress in a blue lurex one piece trouser suit and try to make up my eyes with wet pencils. I nearly got caught a few times and my parents would definitely not have understood.

Through my teenage years I discovered girls and eventually lost my virginity with a girl a little younger than myself. From that point I appeared to be a normal hetero male until, getting married, having a child and the thoughts and feelings were buried until they were reawakened by intimate conversations with a female friend who told me how much pleasure she got from giving her boyfriend and bj and swallowing when he came in her mouth. We also talked about Anal sex and how she found it made her cum like normal pussy sex. 

The feelings re-awakened and I set out to find a man, and then understood how it felt to have a man in my mouth and how I loved the noises he made as I took him into my throat. I didn't get a choice to swallow as he let go while he was all the way into my mouth. Since then I have known that I need to experience the whole package.

I know I am not gay, as given the chance Georgie would have sex with a woman but Caren has resurfaced and I have started to cross dress, now I am as comfortable in female clothing as male and more and more looking round charity shops for womens clothing and shoes. Caren wants to taken by a man dressed. 

So this is me:

Have I had a cock in my mouth?  Yes

Did I swallow? Yes

Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat

Do I want a man in me? Yes

If I had the chance would I have sex with a woman? Yes

Have I had cyber sex? Yes with both women and men.

My head is full of thoughts and fantasies which I really need to write down. I have written erotic stories before for one special person but now maybe it's time to share.

What do I want? To fulfill my fantasies for real.