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BlueEyedBelle
2 months ago
Straight Female
0 miles · Oxford
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Something I think I'll never wrap my head around - the ending of Lost
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I've seen this doing the round on facebook today, really made me laugh. The post I saw credited it to Pam Ayres, but according to her twitter feed she didn't write it. I thought I'd share it with the wonderful world of Lush.
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey
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My landlord always knocking the door when he KNOWS I'm working nights.
People who don't keep left on the motorway.
People who uses the work 'like' a million times in a sentence.
People who exaggerate...
People who don't keep left on the motorway.
People who uses the work 'like' a million times in a sentence.
People who exaggerate...
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The names of the four ghosts in Pac-man are Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde.
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I've always really enjoyed reading the sex scenes in books I've read and used to memorize the pages of my favourites and go back to them again and again. Then when I was about 16 or 17 my parents found some porn in the history on my laptop (I blamed my older brother!) They set up parental controls on it, but for some reason lush wasn't blocked and I stumbled across this wonderful website.
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Quote by atrain_alex89
Baby Girl, I'm A Blur - Say Anything
One of my favourite bands!
Right now I'm listening to When The Right One Comes Along by Clare Bowen
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Maybe it's only because my boyfriend is from Liverpool and I was young and impressionable when I met him, but I love a scouse accent.
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"You're gonna get pitch slapped so hard your man boobs are gonna go concave."
"At least its not herpes. Or do you have that too?"
Both Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, so funny.
"At least its not herpes. Or do you have that too?"
Both Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, so funny.
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Neal Caffrey from White Collar and Damon from The Vampire Diaries both get my pulse racing at the moment.
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Once I swapped two unattended shopping trolleys and watched people walk off with the wrong ones.
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I know it's on that top 20 list but Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials series have been my favourite books since I first read them. I have other favourites that come and go but those books have always stayed with me.
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Simons cat is hilarious! I think I've seen all of them and loved every one. Possibly time for me to get a life...
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The first time I went down on a guy it was just confusion. "Am I doing this right? When he is going to cum? Will I have to swallow it?"
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Quote by Jensi
Pam from True Blood.
She's even better in the books.
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Barney from How I Met Your Mother is possibly my favourite TV character ever. He's legend... wait for it... DARY!
(sorry lol, had to be done...)
(sorry lol, had to be done...)
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I never have, well not since it was my first time too. But the idea does appeal to me.
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Riskiest: at work
Oddest: on a trampoline in my neighbour's garden. Not that they knew we were there.
Oddest: on a trampoline in my neighbour's garden. Not that they knew we were there.
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Doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact thinking about him doing it turns me on. And sometimes we do it together.
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Both. I love it, he loves it. And I love that he loves it.
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Once by my mum, (yes I stopped!) which was followed by a very awkward conversation about 'urges'. I still cringe when I think about it. And a few times by my boyfriend, he usually joins in if I let him...