what a SAM is seeking is a spanking...there ARE other ways to get that.
You've got to be kidding.. "mindfuck"?... "borders on abuse"??
In that case every parent in the world should be serving consecutive life sentences. These are basic things for dealing with disruptive child behavior. Not that we're talking about children...but the same principles apply in nearly any relationship...first you let the person know that their actions are creating problems in the relationship--then find solutions to fix it.
As stated in an earlier post..ya...you could just dump em and be done with it...but it isn't so big a problem that it can't be fixed instead...IF it's causing problems in the relationship.
I think a more interesting place to put this poll would be in "ask the gals" and "ask the guys"...a comparative study of the sexes
The vernacular to include both sexes is Dom/me.... much simpler than typing 47 titles(slight exaggeration)
*most likely because Mastress sounds like something to sleep on*
OMG... My brain won't stop.. keeps wanting to push you out from in front of a speeding bus...
OK... as One in the life for 20 yrs... I feel I MUST warn you... You can't enter into this type of life if you're weak... you'll get pushed around and kicked all over.
Submission is NOT a sign of weakness, It takes a strong intelligent person to make such a decision... as such it is imperative that you be able to stand your ground negotiating a contract. If you back down from your hard limits during a contract negotiation you will continually let yourself be pushed in the direction He sees fit. IMHO
Guess I should have read your entire question first LOL
Some Doms do...some don't
I personally only want 1 slave... so My attention isn't spread over a "flock". Though there could be a possibility of adding a sub later, the RIGHT one to fit into what W/we already have without wrecking anything...and I would offer My slave the option of approving the sub as well so it didn't cause irreparable damage to O/our relationship. As the relationship is MUST-TRUST based I can't allow myself to do something with the potential to destroy everything, based solely on My opinion. A good Master realizes that His decisions affect more than Himself.
Make your feelings known....up front. You can't hold Him responsible for things He doesn't know about.
That should be part of the contract negotiation. As well as any other things you feel strongly about. It isn't a one-sided thing entering into a contract...and you need to insure that your needs and hard limits are incorporated into such a contract.
Seems every time I've used this term, at least one person asks 'What's a SAM?' so I will attempt to cover this here. SAM means Smart-Ass Masochist, many consider them subbies, but I will attempt to dispel that thought.
IMO a SAM does not fit in the sub category, they use manipulation to get what they desire, which in turn means they are taking control.
'What is it they desire?' They WANT to be punished, their main goal is to push their Dom/me into punishing them by any means necessary. Some may refer to them as "pain sluts"(I disagree and will expound on this later) as their desire is to be physically punished. They feel no remorse for causing their Dom/me to punish them. They may not behave this way all the time. They may behave as a sub most of the time even. The instant they let the SAM in them out they are no longer a sub until such behavior is gone, they are now "topping from the bottom". They have assumed control by forcing their Dom/me to take action, which if analyzed properly - Is non-consensual!
This behavior can be very hard to break, as physical means of punishment will only fuel the fire. If they realize that they can get the spanking, flogging, etc. they want in this manner without feeling badly for behaving that way it becomes second nature.
I won't even go into methods of breaking this behavior because it is different for everyone. Well, maybe a few pointers.
1) Try sitting them down and explaining how it makes you feel as a Dom/me to have to punish them. Them understanding that it hurts You to have to do so may change their outlook.
2) Let them know if that is what they want/need that they can come ask for/hint toward what they want.
3) Instead of physical punishment take away their 2nd favorite thing (their first favorite being punishment, is already gone lol) for a period of time -- internet access -- phone time with friends -- as I said different for everyone.
The difference between a SAM and a "pain slut" sub -- both are masochistic, but a pain slut will get what they desire in a positive manner. The mere idea of punishment for a pain slut kills their mood entirely, they go to a state of guilt for disappointing their Dom/me. They may find subtle ways to let their Dom/me know what it is they want -- Laying their favorite flogger on the bed so it can be seen by their Dom/me. They may come whisper erotically "i need it rough tonight Master", or even come out and beg for what they want -- and who would turn down such an offer? ;) It is their approach to getting what they want that makes the two different.
where should I begin... seen several that fit here...
Once worked at a grain elevator.. loading wheat into rail cars to ship by train.... one guy got between cars when we were moving them... the cars coupled through his abdomen/chest... he lived fine long enough for his wife to get there....and as soon as they they uncoupled the cars he died
watched my best friend hang himself as i walked thru his front door when I was 10
saw a car wreck ... the lady had to be pushing 400# and when she hit the back of a parked semi doing 70 mph she exploded all over the inside of tha car...lil fat pustules dripping
another car ran under a semi trailer... I watched helpless as her and her 5-6 yr old child burned alive
lead guitarist in my band during high school... his girlfriend told him she was pregnant to force him to marry her.... he blew his head off with 2 357's during rehearsal ..she wasnt even pregnant
2 other friends were gunned down standing next to me ..the guys who killed them and missed me were aiming for me and my back was to the shooters as it happened
Me an a friend were ridin our harleys.... car ran a red light as we turned thru an intersection...his leg was instantly amputated
another friend (ridin harleys again) was nearly killed when a locust flew directly into his mouth at 80 mph... although that may have also belonged in "the funniest things I ever saw" too...I laughed my ass off... almost wrecked myself when I saw him fly off tha back of his bike
...any wonder I'm the way I am?
As I didn't read every post I may be covering something that was already said, but as it is My opinion on it, if it was covered before, this may shed more light on the subject or a different perspective.
I am a Master in the 24/7 BDSM lifestyle.. I don't "scene" or "play" this IS My life and how I live it. (I use Master/slave and "she" for slave because that is easier than typing every gender and form of the M word and is what I'm used to personally)
The difference between BDSM and abusive relationships is.. CHOICE.. abusers attempt to TAKE power... mostly because they aren't in control of themselves enough to allow anyone to trust them enough to willingly submit.
One of the most common misconceptions about BDSM is that W/we are A/all in it 24/7 ... many ppl are part-time. I personally am 24/7 and feel some major differences play out among titles.. which could easily translate to professional terms such as- Master (professor) Dom/me (teacher) Top (student). There are things in common with each title such as respect, trust, consent and safety, and within each title a multitude of variations based on personal preference.
In My opinion..and its a VERY strong opinion... the only true Master/slave relationship is 24/7. a slave doesn't choose "when" to submit..( this is still a choice, but it is a base desire, a need rather than want, to find someone she can trust enough to give herself to fully ) she NEEDS to submit and allow her Master to control every aspect of her life as He sees fit... this is NOT a relationship to be taken lightly... as a slave you better be able to trust the person with your life...because that is exactly what you are handing them. I personally feel that a slave is the most powerful person in BDSM. There is great responsibility as a Master to make sure your slave's needs are fulfilled ..from mental health up to and including.. nutrition..hygiene..grooming..and simple things most ppl never think about. Granted...most Masters don't take things to that extreme, but it is a possibility many never consider. Masters not only spend time researching new aspects and even things they already know, they check things outside their own comfort zone too, as aspects of those may intertwine or give insight into other things as well... We are constantly thirsting for knowledge on how to push/test/train our slave to achieve excellence (as that is Our job).. many think We are power hungry assholes that demean women, In reality a true slave can feel unworthy or useless if not pushed to achieve their goal, which is to achieve perfection thru the eyes of their Master...as perfection can never be obtained thru one's own eyes, and a Master's duty is to help them achieve that. I also feel it borders on impossible for one Master to properly care for multiple slaves, as even one can be a challenge. Adding another becomes a juggling act and one will feel neglected, not saying that it couldn't work with a slave/sub situation, but this is based on My high opinion of what a Master/slave relationship requires.
Dom/mes & subs (may be either 24/7, part-time or even just occasional play referred to as "scenes"), they generally have considerable knowledge about BDSM. I don't feel those who are Dom/mes & subs are specifically lower on a BDSM scale... they, IMO, just don't choose to take things to such an extreme as a Master/slave relationship.
The term I find a problem with is Top/bottom ... I have never met anyone in the life that is 24/7 that say's "I'm a Top" ..to me that term has been reserved for ppl who dabble... are just a lil kinky... or occasionally have a "scene".
Part of My point in establishing this...is live within your comfort zone(this may be confusing for some, as it is sometimes a Masters job to push boundaries, but that is what a slave is comfortable with) ... don't try to be something you aren't comfortable with .. or with someone you aren't comfortable with and especially don't tell ppl you're a Master when you've a slight knowledge of BDSM, it is quite possible you may be laughed out of a channel
on a lighter note.. most don't realize that it is actually the submissive who holds the power... it is something they give freely to those they choose.
I may as well throw my thoughts here ... vanilla relationships in the past....looks was all I cared about, but that was long ago in a far away place. At this point I would drop Jennifer Anniston if she wasn't into what I like. What they have to offer contributes to their hotness factor, as they say.. don't judge a book by it's cover ... an average girl can quickly become a 10 if she's as kinky as I am ;)
