Quote by sprite
ok, done with you now. bye bye. have fun in your sandbox.
Ok. Get some rest for your next outragefest.
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
1ball
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 67
United States
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by sprite
how is what i said hypocrisy? as i said, all i said is that i expect friendship, not more - the level of that friendship my vary, but as long as it's there, i consider someone my friend. yeah, i have friends that i'm closer to than others, and friends that i give more to than others, but that doesn't change the dynamic of friendship. now, if they're not giving me friendship in return, obviously that's a different story. and really, all friends are, at some point in time, high maintainance - i know that i can, and have been at times, HM, but i think i'm worth it, and i think my friends are worth it as well. *shrugs* as i said, my behavior is that only thing that i can control, so my expectations are only on myself. yes, if someone proves themself to not be a friend, likely that friendship will fade, but otherwise, there is always the seed of a relationship there, regardless. all i am really interested in is that i can have a relationship were i can talk to someone and we can both come away with a smile on both our faces after.
I didn't call it hypocrisy. I called it sanctimony, the pretense of superior holiness. If a "friend" doesn't live up to your expectation of what it means to be a friend, you adjust the level of support they get from you downward. In other words, you change what you expect of yourself as a result of a declining opinion of them. There's nothing wrong with that, but to pretend it isn't an expectation on them to meet your standard of friendship (or face consequences (that friendship will fade)) is sanctimony.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by sprite
i don't expect anything from my friends except friendship. nor do i give in regards to what i'm giving. people give what they can and what they are comfortable with. i do the same. sometimes the levels of giving don't match up. sometimes they are uneven. sometimes they see saw back and forth. the only person i have expectations of is me.
Sanctimony. There are a lot of ways that a friend can be "high maintenance" and we all make decisions on whether the value of a friendship is worth the cost. Friendships are either symbiotic or parasitic, and when they're parasitic, they're destructive. I guess I'm just more honest and direct about that than some people.
If some woman had advised another on this board that "many men are only interested in <whatever>", nobody would have said a word about it. But there's probably a Shallow Sal for every Shallow Hal on the planet, and if the OP is running into women who friendzone him when they sense his interest, cutting the string and moving on unless they bring mutual benefit to the friendship is just self-preservation.
Active Ink Slinger
I asked: Do you lack the ability to be intellectually honest? Or are you just not interested in abandoning intellectual dishonesty?
Unfortunately for you, in an intellectually honest discussion, you don't get to choose which questions you will answer. You're hiding from the truth of your own beliefs. Maybe you should google "intellectual honesty" and "intellectual dishonesty" and see if you can commit to providing honest and relevant answers to questions. I've answered yours. Try it. See if you can stick to the discipline of intellectually honest discussion. It's not the difficult. You just participate in free inquiry and you purge yourself of double standards. I'm guessing you can't handle it.
Is every woman who has kicked out a husband or boyfriend for being a freeloader, lazy ass, sponge, moocher, leech, deadbeat, user, or parasite guilty of lacking empathy? How about everyone who has given up on a fair weather friend who's never there when needed but always there when it suits their purposes? Are all of the many people who've walked away from friendships where they felt they were being ill-used being insensitive and uncaring? Can anybody decide to be your friend and obligate you to fulfill their needs?
Quote by Magical_felix
I crumbled under your intellectual superiority. confused1 This isn't exactly an intellectual conversation though... I'm actually not sure what it is.
I chose not to "answer" everything you said because all you did was say the same thing over again. I was not interested in reading the same thing once again if I would have responded to all your dumb points.
Unfortunately for you, in an intellectually honest discussion, you don't get to choose which questions you will answer. You're hiding from the truth of your own beliefs. Maybe you should google "intellectual honesty" and "intellectual dishonesty" and see if you can commit to providing honest and relevant answers to questions. I've answered yours. Try it. See if you can stick to the discipline of intellectually honest discussion. It's not the difficult. You just participate in free inquiry and you purge yourself of double standards. I'm guessing you can't handle it.
This is a dishonest statement. Your posts sound like those of a narcissist. You do not relate to people as equals. You think you're better than them. Anyone that has wasted their time reading anything you've posted can clearly see this. This statement of equality from you is laughable at best. This is probably why you have a hard time doing favors for people. Because no one likes to do favors for you because your narcissism makes you come off as a prick. I'm being intellectually honest now. People think you are a prick. You can tell and that is why you keep score like you do. The favors people are inspired to do for you are few and small. It has made you bitter and it's obvious to everyone.
Reflect and better yourself.
Is every woman who has kicked out a husband or boyfriend for being a freeloader, lazy ass, sponge, moocher, leech, deadbeat, user, or parasite guilty of lacking empathy? How about everyone who has given up on a fair weather friend who's never there when needed but always there when it suits their purposes? Are all of the many people who've walked away from friendships where they felt they were being ill-used being insensitive and uncaring? Can anybody decide to be your friend and obligate you to fulfill their needs?
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Magical_felix
Read what you said over again. Then read it again. It's sad 1ball. Your outlook is laced with anger. Seems like you lack empathy and love in your heart. Reflect on your words and think about how you relate to people, for your own good.
I didn't think you would have the balls to answer my questions. Do you lack the ability to be intellectually honest? Or are you just not interested in abandoning intellectual dishonesty? I relate to people as equals, neither inferior or superior to me. Some people appreciate that. Others have entitlement beliefs. Are your friends entitled to unlimited sacrifice from you? Are you entitled to unlimited sacrifice from them?
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Magical_felix
if you save someone from drowning do they now owe you their life?
No, because you did that for your own reason, for how you would feel about yourself if you didn't. But being host to a moocher is a different thing. Would you advise both the men and women of this world to stay in unrewarding relationships? Or just the men?
At Christmas do you compare how much the gift you gave cost compared to the gift you received? Do you then feel slighted if the gift you gave was more expensive?
No to both, but I don't think you're doing someone any real good if you're letting them be dependent on you for support. It stunts their emotional growth and you're probably getting something creepy from the relationship. Maybe you enjoy or need something that you get from that kind of relationship, but I don't.
What if one of your plutonic friend's life takes a turn for the worse and now they need your help?
They'll get what I think they deserve from me. If I give them more than I think they deserve from me, I'll feel as bad as if I gave them less.
Are they now taking advantage of you? Are they being parasitic?
Maybe and maybe, if I give them the chance to. If that happened to you, would you dedicate your life to their happiness at the expense of your own?
You think it's the right thing to do to let them suffer when you can help, even if you will get nothing in return?
Do they have a claim on my life? A right to make me their servant? What about their situation requires sacrifice beyond what I think they deserve from me?
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Magical_felix
Thinking this way about women or anything in life really will just make you fail at everything.
A false premise. My statement only applies to the women it applies to. Think about who is likely to be left for any length of time in the "single and looking" pool. You'll find a lot of the women I referred to there competing with each other for Mr. Perfect because they worry more about what their girlfriends will think about their guy than whether they deserve the respect of the guy they're pursuing or are capable of earning the trust and respect of the guys they're rejecting.
This may be a stretch, to assume you have female friends, but how many of them have you helped find boyfriends?
Several, and considering that I don't seek a lot of friendships, that's something.
I mean "getting what they want?" Like what?
A piece of your life that they haven't earned and don't even try to earn. Extroverts are often like that. Most women and most men are extroverts.
I mean, don't you do favors for your male friends? Do you expect your male friends to suck your dick if you help them move or something?
No, but I would not keep doing them favors if they never did me favors. Would you? That's not a rhetorical question. I would like an honest and relevant answer.
Why is there a double standard for attractive women?
The only double standard is in your imagination.
How come doing a normal friend gesture or favor for a woman you find attractive somehow obligates her to have sex with you, go out on a date with you, or be your girlfriend?
False assumption not relevant to what I said. They can find other ways to return a favor. many don't bother. They just act entitled to favors, for as long as you let them get away with it. Those are the ones to kick to the curb.
What if a woman you were just not attracted to but was your friend all of a sudden hit you with, "Uniball, I take you to the airport, I have you over to my parties, I make you food, I listen to you bitch and moan about your life, I am such a good friend to you... BUT you don't want a sexual relationship with me, why are you using me like this? If you don't start putting out, I'm kicking you to the curb."
False assumption not relevant to what I said. The rest of your questions, following from that false assumption, are irrelevant. I've had and have platonic friendships with women who did not fit the parasite description. I'm advising the OP to learn protect himself from those who do. And when I was seeking a gf, I found many who did.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Mazza
I never took offence at your sweeping generalisation, I just found it surprising that not only does someone think that way, but had the (what I deem) poor judgement and lack of class to 'say it out loud'.
I can honestly say that I've never encountered anyone, male or female, who behaves that way.
I don't see how such a statement as the one you made can possibly be either conducive to the thread or helpful to the OP. surely such negativity is what we are trying to avoid?
First, it isn't a sweeping generalization. It only applies to those that it applies to. It isn't misogynistic because it isn't a generalization about all women or even most women. It is about the subset of women that it is about.
If you have never encountered anyone who behaves that way, maybe it's a US thing. Lots of stuck-up wannabe parasites here.
As to what we are trying to avoid, I'm trying to give the OP some perspective. To the OP, avoid women who are prone to assuming that specific statements are sweeping generalizations, unless you love incessant bickering. If you get friend-zoned by women who aren't helping you to have a happier life, you're better off kicking them to the curb.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by She
Jay was looking out of his league, but not better or worst..he was just not fishing in the pool of women who are attracted to his type of guy.
This is an important consideration. Everybody who is looking for somebody is fishing in a pool and has competition from others who are fishing within that pool. As I see it, for a heterosexual male, there are four main pools to consider
Undesirable - Ineligible -- Don't touch that.
Undesirable - Eligible -- Don't want to touch that
Desirable -Ineligible -- Can't touch that
Desirable - Eligible -- All that's left
Things that make women Ineligible include
Already committed to some other guy
Homosexual
Not local
Incarcerated
Celibate
Things that make women Undesirable include
This is a highly subjective thing. It could include smokers, women with children, wrong religion (or too much or too little religion), too old, dregs of society, too something or not enough something. This is where a guy could find someone if he broadened the pool he fished in to include some from the Undesirable - Eligible pool. Otherwise, he's stuck with the Desirable - Eligible pool and the competition there is the fiercest.
Keeping in mind that the heterosexual women are also fishing in pools they define subjectively, a guy who has negatives (as perceived by a large percentage of the Desirable - Eligible women) is going to be in fierce competition with a lot of guys for the small percentage that find him attractive.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by sprite
no, actually you made such an incredibly mysogynistic statement that it just had to be addressed:
"Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance."
had i said "many men are little more than rapists, given the chance" i'm sure that some of the guys might feel the need to make a rebuttal as well, seeing as i'd be unfairly slandering a fairy large cross section of people based on their gender of a very heinous crime. fortunately, i'm smart enough to realize that A), it's not true, and B) it's an incredibly hurtful statement to make.
If I had said, "Many women are lesbians" would you have (conveniently) assumed that I meant, "most women are lesbians"? If you had said, "Many men are little more than parasites, given the chance.", I would have, knowing that it didn't apply to me, not taken offense and assumed you were speaking of experiences you had with men. Playing the card makes you seem even less rational than assuming that "many" means "most".
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by slipperywhenwet2012
Oh for Pete's sake. Don't you guys recognize fresh bait when you see it? 1ball is just dangling the proverbial carrot in front of your faces in hopes that you all lash out at him. I'm sure his dick tingles when he logs on and sees so many replies to his obviously and intentionally obnoxious posts. Please don't feed the troll. If we all ignore him, he'll crawl back to whichever hole he crawled out of...until he gets another opportunity to piss people off and trigger/fuel some shit-slinging and gets to sit behind his computer screen like this:
I'm just giving the OP the benefit of my experience. Apparently I touched a nerve that was covered by thin skin.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by sprite
now, girls, before you go attacking 1ball, he's got a point. most of us are merely wannabe blood sucking leeches. speaking for myself, my only real joy comes from dragging men down and fucking them up so badly that they're broken for life. really, that's how i roll - i get a guy interested in me, get him to buy me lots of nice things and then, when i get bored of him, i fuck his best friend and then take off - if i really play it right, it's after he marries me and then i even get half of his stuff, further emasculating him! total win-win for me.
Nobody (but you) said anything about "most of you". Was that a deliberate misunderstanding?
Active Ink Slinger
The thing is, you probably have victim written across your forehead in an invisible tattoo that only women can see. Many women are little more than parasites, given the chance. They measure their self-worth by how much attention they can get from men and how hot of a bf they can attract. Even if they don't want to be with you, they could be helping you find a gf, but they're getting what they want from you, so why should they? You really don't want to know them, at least not on their terms. If they don't want to meet you halfway, kick them to the curb.
Active Ink Slinger
If you want a gf and you're not trying sites like match.com then you're going to be meeting only 1 women per thousand (or even less) that you have any kind of chance with. The women you would have a chance with aren't out in public where you're likely to meet them. They're on there way to becoming spinsters or they're only dating people they screen first through some mechanism. If you screen each other first, your odds of meeting one that you have a chance with rise to maybe 1 per 100. If you meet them through some site where they're actively looking for a bf and they friend-zone you, throw them back and look for another one. The last thing you need is "friends" who will be jealous if you're paying attention to other women.
Active Ink Slinger
Scoring applies as follows:
1=Needs a lot of work; 3=Average or Could be better; 5=Awesome, loved it, wish I wrote it
Story Opening: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Conflict: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Plot: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Setting: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Characterisation: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Dialogue: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Point of View: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Show versus tell: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Format: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Grammar: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Writing Style: Rating 1-5 ___ Comment: ____________
Might want to add "Arousal:" and delete some that many readers aren't that qualified to judge. Grammar is already screened by the mods. Not sure Point of View is needed. Format and Show Versus Tell are part of Writing Style.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by TheDevilsWeakness
This gives you a bit more in depth critique without making the reader write an essay about your lack of punctuation. Cause face it... We're lazy creatures and I don't want to put that much effort into it if I'm reading for fun.
Excellent suggestion. I would be more likely to use that when critiquing others and would like to see that on critiques of my own works.
Active Ink Slinger
A political message story masquerading as erotica would, in my opinion, be more transparent than a political message story masquerading as a mainstream story. We see the latter all the time and either tune out the politics or fall for it, but unless the political views are very ambiguous, they'll stick out like a boil on the end of a dick in an erotic story, and probably have the same effect on the reader.
Active Ink Slinger
I have to admit, I could be paid enough to wear one, though not for long on a sunny day. A sunburned ass it not pleasant to sit on. I think the main point is the statement that it makes where nudity is illegal but women can wear very small bikinis or even just body paint.
Active Ink Slinger
I think Lush is probably a great stepping stone to commercial publishing for those who want that. I think it provides very good experience. So for that reason, writing a multi-chapter story the way you want to is worth it, even if it doesn't get the views. There are at least some people who will appreciate it.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by DanielleX
Well, if a story is well-written, I would hope the reader has the patience to tolerate a non-sexual first chapter. However, there should be some hint, some carrot of naughtiness dangled to draw them in, make them WANT to read part two. That's my opinion anyway
Danielle xx
We would all hope that, but there is a wide variety of readers here. Some of us like well-written stories of complex relationships. Others like simple quick wanks. Most readers fall somewhere in between. I'm only sharing the benefit of my experience, but I think others have seen the same things. A completely non-sexual first chapter does not draw as many readers into the second as one that displays the author's ability to provide some satisfaction. If there is going to be a delay of several days between chapters, you risk losing the reader's interest in the characters because of the loss of tension that occurs as the reader forgets the details. Retaining the impression of having a more thorough enjoyment of the characters seems to delay the forgetting of the details. At least that's my best guess as to why it works.
Another possibility is that the reader is left disappointed and frustrated and doesn't like that. Some readers don't mind the postponement of gratification and some do. The quality of the writing influences some to accept the postponement, but some just won't.
Active Ink Slinger
I have written a few novellas here, even putting some in the category 'Novel'. My advice is not to put them in the category of Novel. It's a kiss of death that alienates lots of viewers, at least that's how it seems based on the numbers I see. Just tie the separate parts together by their titles. Don't even mention at the beginning of a chapter that it's linked to any previous chapter. Space the chapters out by a few days, as has already been mentioned. Don't expect to get many positive scores or comments on chapters that don't have sex. Don't expect all readers to read all chapters, because some just plain aren't interested in multi-installment stories.
If you don't put sex in the first chapter, you might lose viewers for the entire series. One way around this is to have a character masturbate. When I write a long one, I sometimes use a 'story arc' system where later chapters complete arc that start in earlier chapters and the final chapter becomes the terminus of previously started arcs. It doesn't have to be the terminus of all arcs. Some can fall sooner and others can be left unterminated, but it's good to tie the story begun in the first to the result of the last.
If you don't put sex in the first chapter, you might lose viewers for the entire series. One way around this is to have a character masturbate. When I write a long one, I sometimes use a 'story arc' system where later chapters complete arc that start in earlier chapters and the final chapter becomes the terminus of previously started arcs. It doesn't have to be the terminus of all arcs. Some can fall sooner and others can be left unterminated, but it's good to tie the story begun in the first to the result of the last.
Active Ink Slinger
Making my stories light enough to balance the darkness in them. I like to write about dramatic (including emotionally traumatic) events and the life affirming consequences (eg. sex) that come afterward, but there has to be the right amount of hope and goodness and recovery in between those events.
Active Ink Slinger
I prefer to write and read in first person. It seems more intimate to me that way, but there are times when the reader is supposed to feel like a voyeur to the events taking place, and that's when I prefer 3rd person. Second person or the weird "I do this you do that" blend of first and second that I sometimes see here usually turns me off, unless I feel directly targeted by the you. I usually like to choose which character I will imagine myself to be in a story that I'm reading and I can do that best in a first person narrative.