Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea?
First off, let me say that I'm not going to be winning a Pulitzer for literature any time soon. Secondly, let's also admit that neither are most other authors here.
That said, as I've been reading stories here, I've been struck by how awful a lot of dialogue is in many of the stories I come across (I'm not calling anyone out specifically, just in general). Some of the worst offenders are people who get carried away with their own literariness. When thine muse blows inflamed word-kisses in thy sound-catching orifice with soft poetic eloquence in a poor caricature of bardliness, it sounds like shit. People don't talk this way. It's not sexy, it's silly. Stop it. And put away your thesaurus; it's killing my boner.
Instead, why not try actually listening to what people say in day to day conversation? For example people never say 'fornicate' outside of religious or legal contexts. The phrase, "Hey baby, I'm going to fornicate your brains out tonight," has never been seriously uttered by anyone without severe mental issues that impair their sense of language and taste. They say 'fuck,' or 'screw,' or 'have sex,' or a number of other more pedestrian terms that are far less distracting and more direct. Similarly, authors should avoid putting things like "show me your heat-seeking love-missile of masculine pleasure," into their characters' mouths. It's a cock. Maybe a penis. Put 'cock' in your character's mouth, and then you've got a story.
On the other side, there are the characters who talk like robots:
"Hello, James. I find you very attractive. We are going to have sex now."
"Yes, I find you attractive, too. I really enjoy your outfit. I agree that we will have sex. I am growing hard for you now."
"I, as well, am feeling horny for you. I am very turned on now. I wish to fornicate with you now on this sofa."
" ..."
" ..."
I use the term 'character' loosely, as these two obviously have none. Here's what this would sound like if there were actual personalities involved:
"Hi, Jimmy."
"Hey. What's up?"
"Nothin'. You're lookin' kinda hot today."
"Thanks. You look pretty damned sexy yourself in that lingerie. See what you're doing to me?"
"Damn, Jimmy. That thing's fucking huge. Come on over here, and let me get a closer look."
Real people use slang and contractions in their speech. It's not stilted and awkward. No one said fornicate. It's just better dialogue.
Okay, enough lecturing and complaining and general assholery. For fun, what I'd like to see is examples of some of the worst written dialogue you've come across (preferably outside of Lush, so no one's feelings get hurt).
Don't believe everything that you read.
Not exactly a Pulitzer Prize contender here, either, but some pieces I've read (tried to read?) on Lush have just made me cringe. If you put a double negative or a misspelling or a glaring grammatical error in your opening paragraph, I'm going to stop reading.
Lush standards are very high, but these do slip through nonetheless.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Haha, this made me laugh out loud.
I agree with most of the things you expressed here. I'd also add that fanciful terms like 'heat-seeking love-missile of masculine pleasure' personally turn me off even when they're expressed in the narrative, especially when they're constantly used and feel forced (which they often do). People don't talk this way, but they don't think or perceive things this way either.
An occasional "I was eagerly waiting for her to ride my glorious pole" is perfectly fine for the sake of variety, but it definitely shouldn't be overdone.
Well, he does have a point here: writing robot like dialogue isn't sexy. I don't know what other words he refers to as unsexy words. I've never used the word 'fornicate' in my stories, but (Although, it may be appropriate for historical stories) I do use an online thesaurus to make the sentences more interesting. I guess more like using 'scorching' rather than 'hot'. I always spend at least twice as long editing my work than writing it. I keep in mind that this is a sex story website while I do both. Unfortunately, when it comes to Lush standards, the mind can focus more on the grammar and everything of that nature, rather the story being sexy. Obviously, I'm not and can't speak for everyone, just myself.
My point being, sharpen your skills and take this under advisement to some extent, but don't let it completely change your writing mojo. Let your work evolve over time, but when you just make a complete 180, you aren't writing like you anymore. I'm not a big reader here, so again, I can't speak for Just_a_Guy_you_know on this issue, but even if you have nay sayers towards your work, it is still your work. You can only stand behind your stories and let your readers judge for themselves. I realize you want to get your readers turned on, but you still want to remain yourself.
I've been here for about 4 1/2 years now and some people would say my work has evolved. I still write the way I like to write and try to get people turned on. Obviously, I'm gonna write duds, whether it is 4 out of 10, 8 out of 10 or whatever. No matter what, I've never submitted a story or poem I thought was crap. I have some I've felt much better about than others, but I have 171 stories on here currently because I stuck to my guns and have written stories I think people will like. Even if I don't impress them, (Which Katherine Rollins has taught me not to care about so much) I know someone actually looked at it and may have even read it all the way through.
If people don't read it all the way through or even look at it, I know my words are available to people all over the world on Lush. Let your work stand on it's own feet, I understand that its frustrating when people scrutinize your work, whether they are being dicks about it or not. You just have to be strong and raise either of your middle fingers if you have to. Let's face it: Lush is a great place to post your work, but people here can crush your spirit if you let them. DON'T LET THEM!! Whether it is coming from a mod or just someone Lady Mysteria would refer to as a troll, you know how great your work is, because you wrote it.
You put in your blood, sweat and tears in writing a story, whether its 1,000 words or 10,000 words. If you can't keep people hooked, then try being yourself again.
Fornicate? You've never been to an old fashioned southern tent revival. The more those preachers say the word 'fornicate' the more green bucks they'll gather in the collection plate. And the more times that word 'fornicate' is used, the hornier those two big haired, bleached blondes in the third row are going to get. Yeah, that preacher is is going to score a threesome after. He'll fornicate with both of them, drilling one in the snatch and buggering the other in her rectal happy zone. Yeehaaa! Somebody pass the Mad Dog.
Great thread. I laughed my butt off. I think I just might go fornicate now.
Your post made me laugh.
