Let's Get Serious: Animal Match-Ups

I considered calling this beast brackets, but a title like that on a site like this gives me the heebie jeebies.

This is an intellectual space. So post your best animal match ups and plead your case with facts.

First match-up: Anaconda vs. Grizzly Bear

Who's playing the home match?

Quote by noll

Who's playing the home match?

It's neutral. Let's assume neither are in their home environments, which gives them an equal lack of familiarity with their surroundings.

Quote by Dani

It's neutral. Let's assume neither are in their home environments, which gives them an equal lack of familiarity with their surroundings.

Okay, so let's assume they're both on Antarctica then. In that case the Grizzly will win.

Quote by noll

Okay, so let's assume they're both on Antarctica then. In that case the Grizzly will win.

Okay fine killjoy, let's assume they're in some neutral location and not impacted by abnormal temperatures.

But they inhabit mutually exclusive zones, both in climate and environment. What's good for the goose is most definitely not good for the gander and vice versa.

Metaphorically speaking I hope the bear loses.

Quote by Dani

Okay fine killjoy, let's assume they're in some neutral location and not impacted by abnormal temperatures.

No.

Quote by noll

Metaphorically speaking I hope the bear loses.

I'm in California, so it's a moot point...

Quote by noll

Metaphorically speaking I hope the bear loses.

Why do you hate bears?

Quote by Dani

Why do you hate bears?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_Bear

Quote by noll

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_Bear

Hate to break it to you, but your prejudice against grizzlies aside, a grizzly bear would absolutely slaughter an anaconda.

Quote by Dani

Hate to break it to you, but your prejudice against grizzlies aside, a grizzly bear would absolutely slaughter an anaconda.

Then why did you ask?

Quote by noll

Then why did you ask?

Why does anyone post in the Think Tank? To prove to everyone how right we are.

1 Hippo vs 30 Hyenas.

Assuming both will fight to the death. The Hippo can't run to the water. The hyenas can coordinate attacks.

Quote by Magical_felix

1 Hippo vs 30 Hyenas.

Assuming both will fight to the death. The Hippo can't run to the water. The hyenas can coordinate attacks.

The hyenas. And it would be gruesome as fuck.

2 vultures vs 3 eagles.

Quote by Dani

The hyenas. And it would be gruesome as fuck.

2 vultures vs 3 eagles.

The eagles. They are hunters, vulturers are (mostly?) scavengers.

A Wookie against a Klingon.

Quote by noll

The eagles. They are hunters, vulturers are (mostly?) scavengers.

True, but vultures have size and acid vomit to their advantage.

Quote by Dani

The hyenas. And it would be gruesome as fuck.

2 vultures vs 3 eagles.

Incorrect, the hyenas would get snapped in half one by one.

The eagles would win. They are natural predators where the vultures just don't have that instinct or speed.

3 water buffalo vs 1 white Rhino. Totally enraged and attacking full force.

Quote by Magical_felix

Incorrect, the hyenas would get snapped in half one by one.

The eagles would win. They are natural predators where the vultures just don't have that instinct or speed.

3 water buffalo vs 1 white Rhino. Totally enraged and attacking full force.

I don’t think the hyenas would be taken out that easily, if at all, especially if some of them are attacking from behind.

I think the eagles would win too, but the vultures would put up a somewhat decent fight.

I think the water buffalo win because white rhinos have shit eyesight, aren’t as aggressive as black rhinos (actually quite placid), and they also can’t make sudden turns. They have the advantage of a long horn, but I don’t think it’d be enough.

Eurasian collared dove vs western jackdaw.

Quote by noll

Eurasian collared dove vs western jackdaw.

This is why you're not invited to parties and have no friends noll.

Quote by Magical_felix

This is why you're not invited to parties and have no friends noll.

Quit picking on Noll.

Noll vs 10 bee-sized bears.

Quote by Dani

I don’t think the hyenas would be taken out that easily, if at all, especially if some of them are attacking from behind.

I think the eagles would win too, but the vultures would put up a somewhat decent fight.

I think the water buffalo win because white rhinos have shit eyesight, aren’t as aggressive as black rhinos (actually quite placid), and they also can’t make sudden turns. They have the advantage of a long horn, but I don’t think it’d be enough.

There is a YouTube video where a pack of lions are crossing a river. A hippo sees them and starts charging at them. That hippo meant business, snorting and cutting through that water at pretty impressive speed. I thought one of those lions was done for, but somehow managed to escape. There was another lion who saw what had just happened and decided to go back in the other direction. I'll go with the hippo over the hyenas, simply because the hyenas would attack for food. The hippo would attack just because.

My contribution: Murder hornet vs praying mantis.

Praying Mantis. I am phobic about stinging insects as it is, so a hornet the size of a small hummingbird whose sting dissolves flesh is so not something I am voting for. Whereas I find mantises quite interesting and have happily let them crawl on me before. They have a curious, almost intelligent, expression on their weird triangular faces. However, I am not a male praying mantis so I may be biases (the females kill the males after mating IIRC).

Humpback whale vs. dolphin

Quote by gffphann

There is a YouTube video where a pack of lions are crossing a river. A hippo sees them and starts charging at them. That hippo meant business, snorting and cutting through that water at pretty impressive speed. I thought one of those lions was done for, but somehow managed to escape. There was another lion who saw what had just happened and decided to go back in the other direction. I'll go with the hippo over the hyenas, simply because the hyenas would attack for food. The hippo would attack just because.

My contribution: Murder hornet vs praying mantis.

I think the murder hornet and praying mantis would take each other out, so I'm gonna with no victor on this one. The murder hornet's sting would kill the mantis, but the mantis would rip the murder hornet a part.

Quote by Seeker4

Praying Mantis. I am phobic about stinging insects as it is, so a hornet the size of a small hummingbird whose sting dissolves flesh is so not something I am voting for. Whereas I find mantises quite interesting and have happily let them crawl on me before. They have a curious, almost intelligent, expression on their weird triangular faces. However, I am not a male praying mantis so I may be biases (the females kill the males after mating IIRC).

Humpback whale vs. dolphin

Despite being the assholes of the sea, dolphins actually get along pretty good well with humpback whales. Dolphins occasionally bully humpback whales' young, but they get along with them for the most part.

But if it came down to a fight, the humpback would swat the dolphin around like a fly.

10 large rats (and not just any rats, but these fuckers are from NYC) vs. 2 rattlesnakes.

5 Battery/NYC raised harbor rats vs Roger Stone.

pack of feral cats vs shark