Mike Tyson - one bite at a time
Join the best erotica focused adult social network now
Login
What is the best way to dispose of a body?
last reply
113 replies
8.9k views
1 watcher
21 likes
Scarlet Seductress
I'm seeing some potential issues with a few of these suggestions.
Mailing it through the U.S. Postal Service
- A body is too large to send in one piece through the postal service so it would need chopping up and mailing in pieces.
- Risk of contents being detected by an automated security process like X-Ray or manual inspection due to the smell of decomposition.
- Possibility of trace evidence on the packages: fingerprints, DNA, other geologically unique materials.
- Possiblity of identification through CCTV at USPS mailing point, payment of postage, etc.
- Who would you mail it to?!
BBQ
- Advanced understanding of human anatomy required to dissect and filet a human body.
- Still have the issue of disposing of bones and other body parts that are not consumed from the grill.
- Huge amount of physical trace evidence to clean up in your own home.
- Risk of detection if any diseases or pathogens are passed onto your dinner guests from the recently deceased.
Piranhakeet
- Fantasy creature.
Hydrofluoric acid in a 50-gallon acrylic barrel
- Hydrofluoric acid is toxic and corrosive, but actually isn't that strong of an acid compared to other hydrohalic acids; the fluorine has a very good orbital overlap with hydrogen and is also not very polarisable, therefore it resists donating its proton, unlike other hydrohalic acids which are good proton donators. It will break down some tissues, but it will take a relatively long time and won't turn the entire body into stuff that can be rinsed down the drain. Hydrochloric acid is a much stronger acid, and as it has several uses from pH-balancing pool water to preparing concrete surfaces, it's available by the gallon from any hardware store. However, it isn't very good at dissolving bodies either; while it will eventually work by breaking down the connective tissues, it will make a huge stink and take several days to dissolve certain types of tissues and bones.
- You also have the issue of sourcing 50 gallons of Hydrofluoric acid. The stuff you buy from hardware stores is a fairly low dilution of the acid for safety reasons. To source stronger, purer versions you would need to purchase it through a specialist chemical supply company which would leave a paper trail.
- Barrel dump or contents clean up? Either has its own set of risks.
Burial in the Arizona desert
- Small risk of trace evidence being left in or on the vehicle but adquete measures could be taken to minimise this.
- Burying a body deep enough to avoid carrion-eating birds and animals detecting and digging it up would be a long, hard task. Additional help may be required. The longer the disposal takes the greater the risk of being detected.
Blowing it up using over the counter untraceable materials
- A detailed knowledge required of explosives and bomb-making.
- Depending on the materials you chose to use, the purchase of some innocuous over-the-counter substances are still monitored by authorities for anti-terrorism purposes.
- All of the bomb fragments left behind would tell investigators what was used to make the bomb and could provide them leads to tracking down where the materials were purchased. It would also indicate that it was of amateur construction and almost certainly researched on the internet. Unless very technically saavy, evidence could have been left behind of your 'research' activities.
Extra-terrestrials
- They'll only take a body off your hands if you arrange it through this guy.
.jpg)
Feeding it to pigs
- Who do you know who has a pig farm and would be happy for you to feed them a chopped-up body?
- Trace is still left behind in the excrement including bone fragments, and DNA can leech into the soil and be detectable for years.
- It's still not a fast method of disposal. According to the CDC, the average American man is 5 feet, 9 inches and houses about 195.5 pounds of flesh and bone. For a hungry pig, that’s a week, maybe a week and a half of lunches. So you would need a lot of pigs.
- Pulling the teeth and other associated prep work would leave a lot of trace evidence on you, the work area, and all of the tools used so all would need to be extremely well cleaned afterwards.
Industrial mincers / wood chippers / etc
- Gaining access to the machiney (unless of course you work with it, in which case it's already a terrible idea due to the small suspect pool investigators would be looking at).
- Risk of detection - you can't do it during the day.
- Huge amount of physical trace left behind. Even industrial mincers will leave bone fragments etc behind which would be detected.
Not having a body to begin with
- Too late. Got a body.
DIY cremation
- Cremation of a dead body is carried out at a temperature ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. The cremation chamber is designed to dry out the body, burn off the skin and hair, contract and char the muscles, vaporise the soft tissues, and finally calcifiy the bones so that they eventually crumble. The gases released during the process are discharged through an exhaust system where the emissions are processed to destroy the smoke and vaporise the gases that would smell. The smell of burning a corpse is going to be the biggest issue with this method of disposal. You would detect that Eau de Dead Guy from miles away.
- You would also need to collect every minute remnant after the blaze for disposal - this would be a big task. On average, it takes about one to three hours to cremate a human body, thereby reducing it to 3-7 pounds of cremains. Metal fillings, implants, pacemakers, and all manner of other things would also need to be collected as they would not be completely consumed in the fire.
Mailing it through the U.S. Postal Service
- A body is too large to send in one piece through the postal service so it would need chopping up and mailing in pieces.
- Risk of contents being detected by an automated security process like X-Ray or manual inspection due to the smell of decomposition.
- Possibility of trace evidence on the packages: fingerprints, DNA, other geologically unique materials.
- Possiblity of identification through CCTV at USPS mailing point, payment of postage, etc.
- Who would you mail it to?!
BBQ
- Advanced understanding of human anatomy required to dissect and filet a human body.
- Still have the issue of disposing of bones and other body parts that are not consumed from the grill.
- Huge amount of physical trace evidence to clean up in your own home.
- Risk of detection if any diseases or pathogens are passed onto your dinner guests from the recently deceased.
Piranhakeet
- Fantasy creature.
Hydrofluoric acid in a 50-gallon acrylic barrel
- Hydrofluoric acid is toxic and corrosive, but actually isn't that strong of an acid compared to other hydrohalic acids; the fluorine has a very good orbital overlap with hydrogen and is also not very polarisable, therefore it resists donating its proton, unlike other hydrohalic acids which are good proton donators. It will break down some tissues, but it will take a relatively long time and won't turn the entire body into stuff that can be rinsed down the drain. Hydrochloric acid is a much stronger acid, and as it has several uses from pH-balancing pool water to preparing concrete surfaces, it's available by the gallon from any hardware store. However, it isn't very good at dissolving bodies either; while it will eventually work by breaking down the connective tissues, it will make a huge stink and take several days to dissolve certain types of tissues and bones.
- You also have the issue of sourcing 50 gallons of Hydrofluoric acid. The stuff you buy from hardware stores is a fairly low dilution of the acid for safety reasons. To source stronger, purer versions you would need to purchase it through a specialist chemical supply company which would leave a paper trail.
- Barrel dump or contents clean up? Either has its own set of risks.
Burial in the Arizona desert
- Small risk of trace evidence being left in or on the vehicle but adquete measures could be taken to minimise this.
- Burying a body deep enough to avoid carrion-eating birds and animals detecting and digging it up would be a long, hard task. Additional help may be required. The longer the disposal takes the greater the risk of being detected.
Blowing it up using over the counter untraceable materials
- A detailed knowledge required of explosives and bomb-making.
- Depending on the materials you chose to use, the purchase of some innocuous over-the-counter substances are still monitored by authorities for anti-terrorism purposes.
- All of the bomb fragments left behind would tell investigators what was used to make the bomb and could provide them leads to tracking down where the materials were purchased. It would also indicate that it was of amateur construction and almost certainly researched on the internet. Unless very technically saavy, evidence could have been left behind of your 'research' activities.
Extra-terrestrials
- They'll only take a body off your hands if you arrange it through this guy.
Feeding it to pigs
- Who do you know who has a pig farm and would be happy for you to feed them a chopped-up body?
- Trace is still left behind in the excrement including bone fragments, and DNA can leech into the soil and be detectable for years.
- It's still not a fast method of disposal. According to the CDC, the average American man is 5 feet, 9 inches and houses about 195.5 pounds of flesh and bone. For a hungry pig, that’s a week, maybe a week and a half of lunches. So you would need a lot of pigs.
- Pulling the teeth and other associated prep work would leave a lot of trace evidence on you, the work area, and all of the tools used so all would need to be extremely well cleaned afterwards.
Industrial mincers / wood chippers / etc
- Gaining access to the machiney (unless of course you work with it, in which case it's already a terrible idea due to the small suspect pool investigators would be looking at).
- Risk of detection - you can't do it during the day.
- Huge amount of physical trace left behind. Even industrial mincers will leave bone fragments etc behind which would be detected.
Not having a body to begin with
- Too late. Got a body.
DIY cremation
- Cremation of a dead body is carried out at a temperature ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. The cremation chamber is designed to dry out the body, burn off the skin and hair, contract and char the muscles, vaporise the soft tissues, and finally calcifiy the bones so that they eventually crumble. The gases released during the process are discharged through an exhaust system where the emissions are processed to destroy the smoke and vaporise the gases that would smell. The smell of burning a corpse is going to be the biggest issue with this method of disposal. You would detect that Eau de Dead Guy from miles away.
- You would also need to collect every minute remnant after the blaze for disposal - this would be a big task. On average, it takes about one to three hours to cremate a human body, thereby reducing it to 3-7 pounds of cremains. Metal fillings, implants, pacemakers, and all manner of other things would also need to be collected as they would not be completely consumed in the fire.
Wild at Heart
Quote by Liz
If you were going to commit a murder, how would you dispose of the body to minimise the risk of being linked to it by forensic evidence?
You're actually going about this in completely the wrong way.
You don't go and buy a 25 lb turkey before making sure it fits in your oven.
- edit......
Scarlet Seductress
Quote by Magical_felix
You're actually going about this in completely the wrong way.
It's just a hypothetical deliberation on a forum. A bit of a 'you've got a body, how do you dispose of it?' thought exercise fun.
You can't start a casual discussion thread by asking people to plan a whole murder soup to nuts.
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
Launch them into the sun.
=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===
Active Ink Slinger
Chains and chicken wire wrapped around the body. Dump in 500 foot of water and the crabs do the rest
Sexy Seductive Siren
Dumped in sulphuric acid. Leaves no trace of identity of victim or method of death and nothing in the acid itself that can be traced back to the perpetrator.
Meagan
Sexy Seductive Siren
Quote by Ping
Mike Tyson - one bite at a time
Earios are the new Cherrios.
Meagan
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dream_Weaver
Chains and chicken wire wrapped around the body. Dump in 500 foot of water and the crabs do the rest
Crabs... they're the worst..
Just the other day I heard
Of a soldier's falling off
Some Indonesian junk
That's going round
It takes a long time for acid to dissolve a whole body.
Good luck finding a large amount of HCL. Sulfuric acid takes a long time and it will not dissolve the teeth.
When the Bolsheviks murdered the Romanovs they poured sulfuric acid all over the bodies after smashing in their skulls. Then they burned them, then tossed them down a mineshaft. Dropped grenades in. Then poured petrol and lit them on fire. They came back the next day, broke the bodies apart and scattered the bones around to different grave sites. This is why Anastasia was thought to have survived. The bones were found, but because the soviets were still in power the discoverers hid them until the USSR fell.
This is why you have to scatter the bones in different areas. Eliminate any recognizable piece. Especially the skull. Feed some to animals, flush some down the toilet. Toss some out the window of the car.
You can bury it all in one place but depending on where you do it, animals may dig them up. The hardest piece is the mandible. You need to extract the teeth and then burn the mandible until it can be broken down.
Good luck finding a large amount of HCL. Sulfuric acid takes a long time and it will not dissolve the teeth.
When the Bolsheviks murdered the Romanovs they poured sulfuric acid all over the bodies after smashing in their skulls. Then they burned them, then tossed them down a mineshaft. Dropped grenades in. Then poured petrol and lit them on fire. They came back the next day, broke the bodies apart and scattered the bones around to different grave sites. This is why Anastasia was thought to have survived. The bones were found, but because the soviets were still in power the discoverers hid them until the USSR fell.
This is why you have to scatter the bones in different areas. Eliminate any recognizable piece. Especially the skull. Feed some to animals, flush some down the toilet. Toss some out the window of the car.
You can bury it all in one place but depending on where you do it, animals may dig them up. The hardest piece is the mandible. You need to extract the teeth and then burn the mandible until it can be broken down.
Top Shot
Quote by Ping
Anyone heard of Robert Pickton AKA The Pig Farmer Killer?....He was reported to have murdered between 6-49 people. He was convicted of six, but confessed to forty-nine...
Check that, convicted of the murders of six women and confessed to the murder of at least 49 women total. He was active over a time period of up to twenty years, picking up women he believed would not be missed--heroin addicts, prostitutes, First Nation women--in my hometown of Vancouver, B.C., then taking them out to his pig farm in Port Coquitlam, B.C., and eventually murdering the women.
This case is especially horrifying not just because of how he disposed of the bodies--dismembering them and packing them in barrels to be sent to a rendering plant, or dismembering them and feeding them to his pigs, which were to be slaughtered themselves for processing into various pork products destined for human consumption--but because of the numerous missed opportunities to stop Pickton's spree. Over the course of at least fifteen years, the Vancouver constabulary, Port Coquitlam constabulary, and other agencies either ignored or buried reports of the missing women and the goings-on at the farm; the Port Coquitlam constabulary even obtained consent to search the farm at one point, after being told that the Pickton farm had a chest freezer full of human flesh. The search was never carried out and Pickton is believed to have killed multiple women long after that search might have discovered evidence that might have stopped his run.
It wasn't until 2002, when the RCMP, egged on by assorted civilian groups and faced with information from individual Vancouver Police officers that had previously been buried or otherwise "lost", executed a search on the farm that things began to come together in a most horrifying manner. I won't repeat it here--it makes me sick to know that most of these women and their families will never have peace. Pickton is now in penitentiary in Quebec and his brother David, co-owner of the farm but not suspected in the actual murders, has not been seen in B.C. in a solid decade.
So. Buy a farm. A big one. Carve up the bodies, especially the long bones and skull, pack the bits in barrels, and send them to your local rendering plant with your regular load of livestock remains. Problem solved.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Story Verifier
Sheesh.... who's upset Liz here.... 
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by angieseroticpen
Sheesh.... who's upset Liz here....
you want a list?
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
Quote by sweet_as_candy
Surely the best way is to buy an Audrey 2?
Will a Venus Flytrap do?
=== Not ALL LIVES MATTER until BLACK LIVES MATTER ===
The Linebacker
Quote by Beffer
Yeah?? I'd never take a bath in that tub again! lol
But it would be a good for full body exfoliation.
Gentleman Stranger
A lot of the people in this thread seem to have spent way too much time considering this problem. I also note that a good percentage of them are on my friends list. Perhaps it's time that I do a bit of reconsidering regarding who I hang out with... 
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Strip the body and burn the clothes. Then throw said body into a pig pen. They’ll eat everything, bones included.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
Internet Philosopher
Quote by HeraTeleia
Check that, convicted of the murders of six women and confessed to the murder of at least 49 women total. He was active over a time period of up to twenty years, picking up women he believed would not be missed--heroin addicts, prostitutes, First Nation women--in my hometown of Vancouver, B.C., then taking them out to his pig farm in Port Coquitlam, B.C., and eventually murdering the women.
This case is especially horrifying not just because of how he disposed of the bodies--dismembering them and packing them in barrels to be sent to a rendering plant, or dismembering them and feeding them to his pigs, which were to be slaughtered themselves for processing into various pork products destined for human consumption--but because of the numerous missed opportunities to stop Pickton's spree. Over the course of at least fifteen years, the Vancouver constabulary, Port Coquitlam constabulary, and other agencies either ignored or buried reports of the missing women and the goings-on at the farm; the Port Coquitlam constabulary even obtained consent to search the farm at one point, after being told that the Pickton farm had a chest freezer full of human flesh. The search was never carried out and Pickton is believed to have killed multiple women long after that search might have discovered evidence that might have stopped his run.
It wasn't until 2002, when the RCMP, egged on by assorted civilian groups and faced with information from individual Vancouver Police officers that had previously been buried or otherwise "lost", executed a search on the farm that things began to come together in a most horrifying manner. I won't repeat it here--it makes me sick to know that most of these women and their families will never have peace. Pickton is now in penitentiary in Quebec and his brother David, co-owner of the farm but not suspected in the actual murders, has not been seen in B.C. in a solid decade.
So. Buy a farm. A big one. Carve up the bodies, especially the long bones and skull, pack the bits in barrels, and send them to your local rendering plant with your regular load of livestock remains. Problem solved.
Good lord.
That is a gruesome case. That level of crazy is just of the charts. Yikes.
Mobile tourist
Put it In your neighbours loft.
Job done
Job done
Maker of Mediocre Jokes
Too many variables here. For instance, how did the person die? Is in in a region with high crime? Abandoned buildings? Can I mask the cause of death? For instance, if I cause an electrical fire in the building with the body, it might make it look like the body burned to death, unfortunately if the person was shot, the bullet holes on the corpse will render that not a viable option. If it's in an area with high crime, can I make it look like a mugging gone wrong? How much time do I have?
Best possible method is to allow not dispose of the body, but configure it in such a way that the death appears to be based on otherwise mundane reasons 100 people die due to automotive incidents every day and 125 due to suicide. Make the death one of those.
However, here's a pretty decent option. dismember the body, it might take a while but it's easier to dispose of parts than a whole. Dismemberment takes place on a very large tarp a painting tarp will work, clothing used during the dismemberment would be burned. Individually wrap each part as tightly as possible. Dispose of the tarp, and clothing, burning that works. For the pieces, each one goes somewhere else, ideally a different state, bury each section 6 feet deep in the woods. Burying an arm 6 feet deep is easier than a whole body.
But the golden rule is to obfuscate the cause of death. Make it look like not murder then allow the body to be found. Open and shut case.
Other option: Use the body as a sacrifice to a dark god. Dark god wants more sacrifices, so the dark god'll make it go away nice and easy and then hey, you've got a dark god on your side for the future.
Best possible method is to allow not dispose of the body, but configure it in such a way that the death appears to be based on otherwise mundane reasons 100 people die due to automotive incidents every day and 125 due to suicide. Make the death one of those.
However, here's a pretty decent option. dismember the body, it might take a while but it's easier to dispose of parts than a whole. Dismemberment takes place on a very large tarp a painting tarp will work, clothing used during the dismemberment would be burned. Individually wrap each part as tightly as possible. Dispose of the tarp, and clothing, burning that works. For the pieces, each one goes somewhere else, ideally a different state, bury each section 6 feet deep in the woods. Burying an arm 6 feet deep is easier than a whole body.
But the golden rule is to obfuscate the cause of death. Make it look like not murder then allow the body to be found. Open and shut case.
Other option: Use the body as a sacrifice to a dark god. Dark god wants more sacrifices, so the dark god'll make it go away nice and easy and then hey, you've got a dark god on your side for the future.
My first Recommended Read: I Planned To Walk In On Them, But Not For Them To Keep Going. HELP!
Active Ink Slinger
upon the death of the prson then cut their body into lots and lots of small pieces bagged them up and distribute them into lots of different wheelie (rubbish) bins in a wide radius
Щíccαη Щoods Щhore
I'm thinking you've left much out of such a deed.
Did you simply find a body on the roadside, or are you responsible for their death?
You have much more important things to consider than simply the disposing of their body.
Haven't you ever watched a C.S.I. like show on the Tele?...smiles
However to answer such simple question, after the fact, with simple answer?
Put on a complete cover-all chemical body suit, gloves, face mask, shoes etc...
Drain the victims blood into a bath tub, cut their body up into smaller pieces, triple plastic bag the body parts,
clean the cutting tool with bleach into the bath tub then burn the blades with an open flame,
thoroughly scrub the bath tub with bleach, especially after draining all of the water,
pouring the remainder of bleach down the drain.
Take the body bag out into the ocean und feed the body parts to the sharks as fish chum,
sink the bag with an anchor tied inside it.
Burn your cover-all body suit, gloves, shoes, etc...und douse the ashes with bleach und water mix.
Run a hot bath for yourself pouring at least two quarts of hydrogen peroxide into your bath water,
scrub under your fingernails as well the rest of your body with lye soap.
Then login to Lush und let us know how it went...lol
Hopefully you were well prepared when you first committed the crime though,
or this ist mostly irrelevant anyway...smiles
Probably much better to simply have a nice dinner und watch a film instead I thinking...
Did you simply find a body on the roadside, or are you responsible for their death?
You have much more important things to consider than simply the disposing of their body.
Haven't you ever watched a C.S.I. like show on the Tele?...smiles
However to answer such simple question, after the fact, with simple answer?
Put on a complete cover-all chemical body suit, gloves, face mask, shoes etc...
Drain the victims blood into a bath tub, cut their body up into smaller pieces, triple plastic bag the body parts,
clean the cutting tool with bleach into the bath tub then burn the blades with an open flame,
thoroughly scrub the bath tub with bleach, especially after draining all of the water,
pouring the remainder of bleach down the drain.
Take the body bag out into the ocean und feed the body parts to the sharks as fish chum,
sink the bag with an anchor tied inside it.
Burn your cover-all body suit, gloves, shoes, etc...und douse the ashes with bleach und water mix.
Run a hot bath for yourself pouring at least two quarts of hydrogen peroxide into your bath water,
scrub under your fingernails as well the rest of your body with lye soap.
Then login to Lush und let us know how it went...lol
Hopefully you were well prepared when you first committed the crime though,
or this ist mostly irrelevant anyway...smiles
Probably much better to simply have a nice dinner und watch a film instead I thinking...
. . .♀♌TT☩✯⁂⊕⧋▽⧊ )◯( ψΨ∅ǯǮǯ∞✾❈❁✤. . .
Rookie Scribe
It was always easier to take the body into the local beef abattoir. Make sure there is no metal on the body. Drop the body into the rejected meats grinder. This grinds a whole side of beef, bones and all, to a slushy pulp in seconds and is pumped through to the rendering department to become blood and bone fertilizer with the rest of the waste products. There are normally magnets in the system to pick up dropped knives, steels etc , hence the necessity to remove metal from the body which might arouse suspicion.
The downside is: in the more modern factories, you may have to pay a premium to whoever has the security pin to the cameras to have them switched off.
The downside is: in the more modern factories, you may have to pay a premium to whoever has the security pin to the cameras to have them switched off.
Mana wahine
Quote by Aesaswolf
It was always easier to take the body into the local beef abattoir. Make sure there is no metal on the body. Drop the body into the rejected meats grinder. This grinds a whole side of beef, bones and all, to a slushy pulp in seconds and is pumped through to the rendering department to become blood and bone fertilizer with the rest of the waste products. There are normally magnets in the system to pick up dropped knives, steels etc , hence the necessity to remove metal from the body which might arouse suspicion.
The downside is: in the more modern factories, you may have to pay a premium to whoever has the security pin to the cameras to have them switched off.
You've either done this before, or you've worked in the freezing works or meat industry at some point. Chur.
Cheesy Alchemist
Quote by Liz
Hydrofluoric acid in a 50-gallon acrylic barrel
- Hydrofluoric acid is toxic and corrosive, but actually isn't that strong of an acid compared to other hydrohalic acids; the fluorine has a very good orbital overlap with hydrogen and is also not very polarisable, therefore it resists donating its proton, unlike other hydrohalic acids which are good proton donators. It will break down some tissues, but it will take a relatively long time and won't turn the entire body into stuff that can be rinsed down the drain. Hydrochloric acid is a much stronger acid, and as it has several uses from pH-balancing pool water to preparing concrete surfaces, it's available by the gallon from any hardware store. However, it isn't very good at dissolving bodies either; while it will eventually work by breaking down the connective tissues, it will make a huge stink and take several days to dissolve certain types of tissues and bones.
Someone DID do their chemistry homework! I'm pretty impressed.
As far as I know, in their golden days, the mafia used hot concentrated potassium perchlorate (KClO4). That's a pretty darn strong base and an excellent oxidizer. It oxidizes pretty much everything it gets its unimaginable load of electronegativity onto. You will oxidize any biological tissue so much you can't even tell this soup used to be biology while (relatively) strong acids like HCl will have a hard time dealing with bones, teeth, nails, hair et cetera. Also, HCl can be very dangerous, especially in such quantities. KClO4 is a safe-to-handle powder and can just be added to the barrel of hot water.
But if you're insisting on acid, why not go for the real bad molecules (the ones that make sulfuric acid look like a "weak" acid). Take fluorosulfuric acid or fluoroantimonic acid. It won't get much more acidic than that.