At the risk of proving my status:
Lord of the Rings - seven hundred and thirty pages dedicated to the hairs on Frodo's feet is a tad too much detail.
Fifty Shades of anything - hundreds of pages of derivative email exchanges and crappily written sex doth not a compelling novel make.
Filth by Irvine Welsh - found it really hard going.
A Brief History of Time - I own the dumbed-down version and still feel stupid when I read it!
Anything by the Brontë sisters - it's all so damn depressing.
Please browse my digital bookshelf. In this collection, you can find 115 full stories, 10 micro-stories, and 2 poems with the following features:
* 29 Editor's Picks, 75 Recommended Reads.
* 15 competition podium places, 11 other times in the top ten.
* 21 collaborations.
* A whole heap of often filthy, tense, hot sex.
Moby Dick and Uncle Tom's Cabin. Seems I'm destined to remain ignorant of whatever essential life lessons they offer.
And To Kill A Mockingbird the second time around, the first being at gunpoint when I was at school. Although to be fair, my Audible crapped out and I couldn't be bothered retrying the download.
My latest story is a racy little piece about what happens when someone cute from work invites you over to watch Netflix and Chill. I have the books on my shelf still so I may do them justice some day but it’s been years since I started:
Lord of the Rings - I read six pages and have no memory of what I just read. I tune out but my eyes keep moving.
Ulysses - I get hung up on the allusions and the stream of consciousness is difficult to follow.
The Big Sleep - A novel about a detective that pretty much requires that the reader become a detective in order to deduce what’s even going on. Cue the Charlie-Kelly-conspiracy-reaction gif.
...and then probably two-thirds of the books I was ever assigned to read in school.
Ender’s Game was on this list for over a decade but then I finally managed to finish around five years ago. People have suggested that I read the others in the series but I can’t bring myself to do it as the one already took me long enough.
I can’t think of a good tagline so this will have to do. Suggest a better one for me?
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. A complete turd.
Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkein. Everyone in my class was reading this so I had to as well. Made it through about 50 pages, found it boring and beyond tedious but had to pretend it was brilliant so as not to lose face with my friends.
Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger. After Chapman had shot Lennon I thought if I could see what the message was. I couldn't and gave up half way through. My money would have been better spent on a copy of Four Four Two and a packet of licorice allsorts.
The Gulag Archipelago - Alexander Solzheinitsyn. Tried reading this during a short stay in hospltal, thinking it would impress the nurses. It didn't. But I kept it on my bookshelf for a while still hoping it might impress any houseguests.
Green eggs and ham by Dr. Suess
I couldn't finish the book "Barack Obama In His Own Words".
After reading more than half of it, und researching much of it,
I realized it was full of untruth, even blatant lies, that was not how things really happened, or turned out to be.
Lesser Example: Mr. Obama did what to deserve a Noble Peace Prize?
Such dishonor to those who did deserve und achieved this honored award I think.
...So I traded the paperback for something I found more worthy to read.
"The Last Jeffersonian: Ronald Reagan's Dreams of America"
Moby Dick
and stop laughing
1776 by David McCullough.
It felt like a school text book.
Admittedly, i didn't give it more than 3 chapters of a try.
The Idiot, Fyodor Dostoevsky.