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During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations - even though the job will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.
Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.
All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie.
When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Having a job of any kind will make father's forget their son's eighth birthday.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.
The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
Any person driving can tell by a single glance in the rearview mirror that (s)he is being followed, as opposed to the car behind them just "going their way".
The lovable family dog is always able to leap tremendous distances at the last second to avoid a fireball/explosion/earthquake and is therefore saved.
The hero never gets the flu or a cold or any illness that would force him to "take a day off".
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Things You'd Never Know Without The Movies
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I liked them!
They forgot the one where the hero takes on a group of ten men in a fight and they all stand around waiting for their turn rather than jumping on him all at once.
Smiley Guru
The hero can make it through the opposing traffic at a red light unscathed. If there are multiple pursuers, at least one will be taken out.
A dumpster full of garbage/truck/pile of cardboard will cushion any fall.
A dumpster full of garbage/truck/pile of cardboard will cushion any fall.
Scientists have one machine that does everything, and the results come up within a couple of hours or less.
They can synthesise a remedy to the deadliest disease within micro-seconds, saving the heroine from certain death.
You know it is a science lab because as well as the one machine that does everything, there are bunson burners bubbling away on the benches.
Scientists can be identified because they are cute old duffers who are out of touch with reality, and really are kind of endearing. Besides, you need them to run that one machine for you. They can also repair it, but can't drive a car safely.
They can synthesise a remedy to the deadliest disease within micro-seconds, saving the heroine from certain death.
You know it is a science lab because as well as the one machine that does everything, there are bunson burners bubbling away on the benches.
Scientists can be identified because they are cute old duffers who are out of touch with reality, and really are kind of endearing. Besides, you need them to run that one machine for you. They can also repair it, but can't drive a car safely.
Active Ink Slinger
that whole bullet thing is true though, 50 cal bullets are the worst they only reach 2 or 3 feet into the water, and most other bullets cap at 8
Even when you're blindfolded, Hindsite is 20/20
Advanced Wordsmith
while on the subject of bullets. . . .
Did you know that if you get shot with a bullet (of any caliber) that you will do a back-flip or get thrown ten to twenty feet backward?
Shrapnel from exploding bombs, grenades, cars, tanks, etc. never causes any damage or injury to the hero.
Alien computers have no defense against human designed computer viruses. (They should know that they need to be running MacCafee or Norton's)
Travelling through a ventalation system is ALWAYS silent.
When disarming a very powerful bomb, always wait until the timer reaches "2" to cut the red wire (or is it the blue one?)
If you are a villian, ALWAYS tell the hero what your plans are before trying to kill the hero.
If you are a villian, ALWAYS use some kind of complicated device to try and kill the hero instead of a single, and very effective, gunshot to the head.
Being a blond slut in a horror movie is a GOOD thing.
EVERYONE knows how to hotwire a car.
EVERYONE older than 35 knows Morse Code.
Did you know that if you get shot with a bullet (of any caliber) that you will do a back-flip or get thrown ten to twenty feet backward?
Shrapnel from exploding bombs, grenades, cars, tanks, etc. never causes any damage or injury to the hero.
Alien computers have no defense against human designed computer viruses. (They should know that they need to be running MacCafee or Norton's)
Travelling through a ventalation system is ALWAYS silent.
When disarming a very powerful bomb, always wait until the timer reaches "2" to cut the red wire (or is it the blue one?)
If you are a villian, ALWAYS tell the hero what your plans are before trying to kill the hero.
If you are a villian, ALWAYS use some kind of complicated device to try and kill the hero instead of a single, and very effective, gunshot to the head.
Being a blond slut in a horror movie is a GOOD thing.
EVERYONE knows how to hotwire a car.
EVERYONE older than 35 knows Morse Code.
Active Ink Slinger
In a horror movie, no matter how fast you run, you will trip; and the bad guy who is walking behind you all nonchalantly will still get you!
In an action movie, the “good guys” can have a car that is falling apart, and it will run like a Ferrari. But, the “bad guys” who ARE driving a Ferrari, will do minor damage to their call and it will stop working completely.
In an action movie, the “good guys” can have a car that is falling apart, and it will run like a Ferrari. But, the “bad guys” who ARE driving a Ferrari, will do minor damage to their call and it will stop working completely.