Ok let's say it has been 8 years since I've been masturbating
So 8 x 365 days = 2920 days, as of today
And I think on average minimum 2 masturbations per day
So 2 x 2920 days = 5840 masturbations in the life time !
And a $ for every time I masturbated brings it to 5840 dollars....
OMG that's even less then the money I spent on my recent holidays in British Columbia
I've not been performing well I guess lol....
What you need to do is reinvest that jerk-off income by branding and franchising your masturbation project, so that others can jack it under your logo, using your recipe in return for a percentage of their profits. As revenue increases, expand wanking outlets until you've saturated a region with a high consumer demand for stroking, driving out all lesser meat-beatery competition. At that point you might consider diversifying your flogging menu by offering more specialized methods of spanking it (for instance, some may prefer a 'diet' version of your choked chicken, while others may want to super-size the jerked gerkin, and also tap into female markets by offering a fine flicked bean or tickled clam).
Me: "I'm a box-of-Kleenex-every-two-days kinda wanker..."
Sprite: "Would you pay cash or cheque?"
Me: "You don't take plastic?"
Sprite: "I don't take debit cards, Rockefeller..."
Me: "Cash then..."
Sprite: "How would I get it home?"
Me: "I'll bring it, I'll put it in your transport, you'll fucking drive the money home!"
Sprite: "But I'd need, like, a fucking MACK TRUCK to get that sort of cash home and I can't drive an articulated heavy vehicle and even if I could the driveway to our house isn't big enough to let me back it up to the garage and there's no way I'm carrying 47 trash bags full of $100 bills across the lawn and anyway..."
Me: "Forget it. I'll buy a WEEK with Dancing_Doll..."
Dancing_Doll: "Fuck you, Irish..."
Note:
"This attempt at a humorous post could be seen as sexist in that a cynic might think that I'm implying that beautiful women might sleep with odious men for money. An awful lot of fucking money, in fairness..."