Funny Profanities/sayings

3 Aug 2013

Share some of your funny profanities/sayings or ones you have heard others use.

Here's some examples:

Mr. Bond n. A particularly buoyant turd that returns to the surface of the water even after flushing. 'Ah, so we meet again, Mr. Bond.'

Pie Curious adj. Descriptive of a person who, whilst not a full blown Duke of Giblets, is nevertheless not averse to a spot of sly salad-dodging from time to time.

Coconut Minge-mat n. Pubic hair you could wipe your feet on.

Penis Fly Trap n. A precariously balanced toilet seat which stays vertical for a few moments before dropping upon unsuspecting helmets in its path. A knob chopper.

Chinese firework n. The cock of a one pump chump, ie. one that goes off almost instantaneously.

3 Aug 2013

I like to call people arsepieces when I'm pissed off at them.

I was playing an old Playstation game called Bloodlines and one of the insults in that was "fanny magnet".

Anything that Blackadder says in an insulting way to Baldrick is instantly funny.

4 Aug 2013

You are just too muckin fuch!!

5 Aug 2013

Well fuck me running, I shit you not, and are you fuckin kidding

5 Aug 2013

I like Fuck you, the reason often that's the last thing that they want to do.

20 Aug 2013

The late George Carlin's extended list of dirty words (including a reference to the elusive Bearded Clam)..Hilarious...

Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or - aren't you the kind that tells?

21 Aug 2013

I have a friend that used:

1) Fuck my nutsack.
2) Son of a fuck
3) Son of a whore.

Son of a fuck always makes me laugh.

21 Aug 2013

When I was 10 I said my first cuss words.. Not sure where I learned it. Goes like sumthin like this..

Muthafuckintittysuckintwoballbitch

That was the beginning of my career as a professional cusser evil4

p

I should mention, I was busted by my dad and got some of this .. beat_deadhorse

6 Dec 2013

"Toaster sex". Polite expression for anal sex. Like a slice of bread, the longer leave keep it in, the browner it gets.

6 Dec 2013

"Granny's flannel": A very dry pussy.

"How did you get on fucking that little sort last night, Ricky?"

"I did my best, mate, but her pussy was like a granny's flannel and couldn't get me cock in."

6 Dec 2013

"Butler's cuff": A very tight pussy, the opposite of a "wizard's sleeve".

31 Dec 2013

My best friend called someone a "twatwaffle"!! Now I can't stop laughing laughing6

31 Dec 2013

This is a snappy comeback if someone says "Fuck you" -- Say "I'd be bored, and you'd fall in love."

31 Dec 2013

I have to ask because that is a new expression to me.

What is a "Twatwaffle"?

I am always a gentleman.

31 Dec 2013

I have to ask because that is a new expression to me.

What is a "Twatwaffle"?

I am always a gentleman.

1 Jan 2014

I like this one: That is "too mucking fuch!"

1 Jan 2014

One that my brother says a lot: "Blow Balls"

One I like to write in my stories: "Coochie". . .I smile every time it comes up.

2 Jan 2014

Quote by BluOrchd
My best friend called someone a "twatwaffle"!! Now I can't stop laughing

That's been one of my favorite insults for years, alongside "shittits" "cum-guzzling ninnyhammer" and "son of a fucK"

2 Jan 2014

Guy I knew used to say, "Well fuck my old boots!" Which always got the rejoinder, "After you with your old boots".

And sometimes I get in a muckin' fuddle.

12 Jan 2014

'No shit, Sherlock.' comes to mind

12 Jan 2014

Quote by 1lush
Well fuck me running, I shit you not, and are you fuckin kidding

All of these are in my daily vocab.

12 Jan 2014

Twat did you say? I cunt hear you, I must have an ear infucktion... Can you help me finger it out?? ... smile

12 Jan 2014

i have a Scottish friend [male] who, when he loses it, invites people to take "a flying f*** at a rolling doughnut" ... is this an all guys party game? dontknow

i have seen it in mixed company....

12 Jan 2014

I swear like a trooper, so there aren't many swear words that haven't crossed my lips. I tend to use Shit the Bed! If I do something I really wish I hadn't. My latest favourite seems to Fucking Cock Munch! Which I've been using fair amount recently.

12 Jan 2014

I love 'You are a smelly pirate hooker', from Anchorman, and try to use it daily.

31 Jan 2016

when my dad got angry he always said i'm going to put the cooker to that so and so i always wondered what the cooker was and how could you get someone that big in it

what's up sunshine

28 Apr 2016

in most company I can use Fandamntastic, either sarcastically or elated. I never understood using the word fuck to insult someone, considering its origin.

14 Jul 2016

Twatwaffle is still my favorite.

Cum guzzling thundercunt

20 Jul 2016

craptaculor. i find it fits a variety of occasions.

Say. Her. Name.

20 Jul 2016

Asshat always makes me laugh.

"It's all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits!" ??