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Danny's Guide to the European Soccer Championships

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DanielleX
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Me and soccer have a bit of a love hate relationship. So, as the Euros start today in France, here's a survival guide to the tournament.

1. France.

France is Europe's largest country. Her biggest export is wine and cheese. The images below mark the position of France and a typical French person.








2. Soccer.

Contrary to popular belief, soccer is an English word and was coined in the late 19th century to distinguish between Association football and Rugby football


3. Being pulled off at half time.

Not as pleasurable as it sounds. This means when a player is substituted during the 'interval.'


4. Goal line technology

A fancy name for an action replay.


5. Stockings

Okay, calm down. These aren't the sexy hold ups that we all love. In fact, soccer players don't wear socks, they wear stockings!


6. Off side rule.

This is when more than one player is between the goal keeper and the deepest defender, when the ball was last played.. on a Thursday, when there's an R in the month. Or something like that.


7. Iceland

The first Supermarket to appear in a major soccer tournament!



8. The centre circle

No one knows what this is for


9. vuvuzela

A very annoying musical instrument, favoured by soccer fans. Also sounds vaguely like a country in South America



10. The group of Death

A rule, which goes back to 1855. If after extra time and penalties, the two teams in group G are level on goal difference, pistols at dawn are used to decide who goes through to the next round.


Danny

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Cymru am byth!
Gil_Renard
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Hmm, this was for Danny.
DanielleX
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Update: England play their first game today, against Russia!

If you're a soccer fan, England is actually pronounced ENG-GER-LAND. This is a traditional pronunciation that can be traced back to the Neanderthals.


D x

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DanielleX
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Quote by Varrick
Cymru am byth!


Wales play today against Slovakia

Some facts about Wales:

Wales is a country of the United Kingdom

Wales' main export is Leeks

The biggest Welsh speaking population outside of Wales is in Argentina (no really it is)

Famous Welsh people include Sir Tom Jones, Dame Shirley Bassey and Gareth Bale

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rushman1uk
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Just a pity we're seeing the disgusting scene's from France 2016 involving the so called ENG-GER-LAND fans! They should be booted out.
rushman1uk
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Quote by DanielleX


Wales play today against Slovakia

Some facts about Wales:

Wales is a country of the United Kingdom

Wales' main export is Leeks

The biggest Welsh speaking population outside of Wales is in Argentina (no really it is)

Famous Welsh people include Sir Tom Jones, Dame Shirley Bassey and Gareth Bale



And Gareth Bale has helped Wales beat Slovakia 2-1. Bale's English grandmother meant he was qualified to play for the Three Lions, but he did not pursue that option.

Luckily he chose to play for Wales, his country of birth
DanielleX
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Quote by rushman1uk


And Gareth Bale has helped Wales beat Slovakia 2-1. Bale's English grandmother meant he was qualified to play for the Three Lions, but he did not pursue that option.

Luckily he chose to play for Wales, his country of birth


Good for him! I am half Czech, so I have two teams to cheer!

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NOLAHotGal
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Soccer is not my cup of tea. I don't follow it at all.

Brandie
Magical_felix
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Quote by NOLAHotGal
Soccer is not my cup of tea. I don't follow it at all.

Brandie


Thank you for letting everyone know. Do you have any other super interesting facts like that to share?

Jack
DanielleX
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Quote by NOLAHotGal
Soccer is not my cup of tea. I don't follow it at all.

Brandie


Probably not your thread then, really. Nice shoe btw

D x

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Crapbag123
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Not a great day as an England fan, but don't mind Wales winning as my adopted home.
DanielleX
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Today, it's the turn of Northern Ireland, who 'open their campaign' against Poland.

Some facts about Northern Ireland:

Northern Ireland is a country of the United Kingdom

Northern Ireland's main exports are tourism and James Nesbitt

Fact: Southern Ireland goes further north than Northern Ireland (Eire)


Northern Irish joke:

Two ducks flying over Belfast.

1st Duck: "Quack"

2nd Duck: "I'm going as quack as I can!"

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Jen
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England, check. Wales, check. Northern Ireland, check. Must mean Scotland is next.

*sits and waits... and waits... and waits* lol.

Oh yeah, that's right. We suck at football. Back to the pub we go.

Forza Italia!
Buz
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Some questions about the concessions at European Soccer matches...

1. Can an American get a cold beer at a European soccer match?

2. What beverages and foods are available at the concessions at European soccer matches? (I am presuming this varies by country.)

3. Is there halftime entertainment at these matches? (I presume it's not a marching band.)
DanielleX
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Quote by Buz
Some questions about the concessions at European Soccer matches...

1. Can an American get a cold beer at a European soccer match? Definitely, the French authorities have ordered several tankers of beer from Denmark specially. At the England Russia game, they had 500,000 pints of Carlsberg lager allocated. *

2. What beverages and foods are available at the concessions at European soccer matches? (I am presuming this varies by country.) I'm not sure about the food, but I imagine it will be typical French fayre, including croissants, tasty baguettes, Camembert and wine from local vineyards.

3. Is there halftime entertainment at these matches? (I presume it's not a marching band.) Yes, there will be a massive punch up with fire crackers and topless sun-baked yobs at the England matches.



* This one is true

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Crapbag123
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Quote by Buz
Some questions about the concessions at European Soccer matches...

1. Can an American get a cold beer at a European soccer match?

2. What beverages and foods are available at the concessions at European soccer matches? (I am presuming this varies by country.)

3. Is there halftime entertainment at these matches? (I presume it's not a marching band.)


1. Most of the time yes. However, depending on the reputation of the nation/club, it could be that alcohol is banned in the ground for fear that the fans might start fights under the influence.

2. Hotdogs, burgers, pies (as in the meat variety), chips (fries). Pretty standard fast food.

3. Not usually. At club level occasionally there is a competition where a fan might come on and embarrass themselves by being rubbish at kicking a football. However most of the time not a lot happens. It's only 15 minutes so there isn't really any need for anything else.
DanielleX
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Christiano Ronaldo is a very beautiful man, but he looks at himself on the big screen every five minutes! So vain it's not true! I'd probably give him a full body massage though!





D x

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MollyDoll
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Quote by DanielleX
Christiano Ronaldo is a very beautiful man, but he looks at himself on the big screen every five minutes! So vain it's not true! I'd probably give him a full body massage though!

D x


I do not find him attractive at all. I think it's the constant douchebag look he has. wrinkling my nose

Manuel Neuer on the other hand...

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DanielleX
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So everyone's excited because Wales are through to the semi-finals of the Euros.

A few facts about Wales:

Welsh is one of the oldest languages in Europe

Statistically, Wales is more likely to be compared with a random area than any other country, e.g. a forest fire in Australia is the size of Wales

The national vegetable of Wales is the leek

St. David's in Pembrokeshire is the smallest city in Britain

Famous Welsh people include Catherine Zeta Jones, Shirley Bassey and Gareth Bale

A typical Welsh woman:

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noll
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France is Europe's largest country.


Either one measures only the parts that are within the European continent for all the countries or one doesn't, again for all the countries. If parts outside of Europe are counted then France is fourth after Russia, Kazakhstan and Turkey. If one measures only the parts within Europe than France is third behind Russia and Ukraine.


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DanielleX
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Quote by noll


Either one measures only the parts that are within the European continent for all the countries or one doesn't, again for all the countries. If parts outside of Europe are counted then France is fourth after Russia, Kazakhstan and Turkey. If one measures only the parts within Europe than France is third behind Russia and Ukraine.


A good point. However, I would like to draw your attention to the following:

By Europe I meant the European Union - sorry I should have said.

Section 2, paragraph 3 of the Danny Handbook: 'Danny is always right.'

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noll
"insensitive prick!" – Danielle Algo
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Quote by DanielleX
By Europe I meant the European Union - sorry I should have said.


But that would make little sense in the context of this tournament. You might as well say that France is the biggest country in France ;)


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DanielleX
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Quote by noll


But that would make little sense in the context of this tournament. You might as well say that France is the biggest country in France ;)


Again true, but I didn't actually do any research into this stuff. It's meant to be funny!

D x

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noll
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Quote by DanielleX
It's meant to be funny!


A thread about football?

Well, alright then, carry on...


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guinness103
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I am a keen football fan. I am Scots and my wife is English. Despite Scotland NOT reaching THE FINALS, AND England doing so poorly, I supported Wales (RIP). I think Renaldo is the beast player in the world..on his game! But I upredict 3-1 to France ( in normal time).
I love the Soth of France and spent many happy weeks there (including our Honeymoon in Nice!).
I hope France win by a two-goal margin ,,,the more goals the better,
If Portugal win, by a similar margin, and Ronaldo has a great, exciting game, I will be equally satisfied - our next holiday is in the Algarve next month!
Good luck to everyone!
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