The scenario is as follows:
You are on your first date with someone. It was mutually decided to meet at _____ for a drink. Who pays?
Alternatively:
You ask someone out on a date for drinks - is it your obligation to pick up the bill for drinks?
Tell me what you would do, or what has happened in the past and how you feel about it.
Are there rules, or have those rules changed over the generations?o
What is the consensus on Dutch - splitting the bill in half (not I drank this - so it's this amount)
Or do you ask for separate bills just for convenience sake?
* * * * *
Dating has become a bit confusing over the last 1o years, especially in my fair village of Vancouver ... so help me out! Tell me what you do/have done ... and what is acceptable.
Thanks!!
Van
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Who Pays?
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Alpha Blonde
Whoever asked the other person out for drinks should pay for the bill on the first date.
If you continue dating from there, I'm more in favour of one person picking up the bill one time, and the other person picking it up the next time, rather than getting separate cheques or trying to sort out going 'dutch'. It always feels kind of cheap and embarrassing trying to split a bill and/or tally how much each person owes. Even with close girlfriends, one person will buy a round one time, and the other person will buy the next round.
As far as how much a guy should be paying versus a woman... I think it's somewhat contingent on how much money a person makes, in my opinion. If you are a waitress and you're dating an executive banker, then he should pick up the bill a lot more often.
As well, if one of you has invited the person to a specific "special restaurant" or "event", then that person should pay.
Regardless of who I'm dating I will always pick up the tab for something quite early on. Even if you don't have a lot of cash, you can make him dinner, buy breakfast, or lunch, or pick up a round of drinks. I just think it's the classy thing to do.
If you continue dating from there, I'm more in favour of one person picking up the bill one time, and the other person picking it up the next time, rather than getting separate cheques or trying to sort out going 'dutch'. It always feels kind of cheap and embarrassing trying to split a bill and/or tally how much each person owes. Even with close girlfriends, one person will buy a round one time, and the other person will buy the next round.
As far as how much a guy should be paying versus a woman... I think it's somewhat contingent on how much money a person makes, in my opinion. If you are a waitress and you're dating an executive banker, then he should pick up the bill a lot more often.
As well, if one of you has invited the person to a specific "special restaurant" or "event", then that person should pay.
Regardless of who I'm dating I will always pick up the tab for something quite early on. Even if you don't have a lot of cash, you can make him dinner, buy breakfast, or lunch, or pick up a round of drinks. I just think it's the classy thing to do.
I've seen some mighty tussles over picking up the tab. I know a couple who have a system. He starts to get his money out at the table, and since they are well known for picking up the tab, the other peple at the table start to argue with him and insist that this time, the others will pay. In the meantime, his wife quietly gets up, goes to the counter, and pays the tab.
If you're making the date, can't you make it clear before hand, by saying "I'd like to invite you out for a drink", or "I'd like to invite (or take) you out for dinner", or whatever?
I'm not in the dating scene, so I don't know how it happens now, but even with inviting friends to get together for lunch or something, I'll specify that I'm inviting them beforehand, if that's what I intend.
If you're making the date, can't you make it clear before hand, by saying "I'd like to invite you out for a drink", or "I'd like to invite (or take) you out for dinner", or whatever?
I'm not in the dating scene, so I don't know how it happens now, but even with inviting friends to get together for lunch or something, I'll specify that I'm inviting them beforehand, if that's what I intend.
I would assume whomever asked would pay. Though I have to say I'd pay tip if we were out to dinner or I'd pay half if I knew that was going to be the only date. Mutually agreeing, I say that I would assume we were going Dutch/splitting.
If he didn't ask, and I did, I would pay since it was my decision.
If he didn't ask, and I did, I would pay since it was my decision.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dancing_Doll
Whoever asked the other person out for drinks should pay for the bill on the first date.
That's it. End of dicussion (in my day). If the date offers to pay/ "go dutch" etiquette requires that I decline on the first date, but accept their offer for future dates - hence setting the 'rules of engagement'.
Probably why I was always broke as a young lad - the 'up side?' With money saved the gals always looked Hot, HOT, HOT!!! **sighs**
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Artistic Tart
Quote by VanGogh
The scenario is as follows:
You are on your first date with someone. It was mutually decided to meet at _____ for a drink. Who pays?
He does.
Quote by VanGogh
Alternatively:
You ask someone out on a date for drinks - is it your obligation to pick up the bill for drinks?
I've never done this, but if I did, yes I guess I would at least offer, but I'd let him pay if/when he offered.
Quote by VanGogh
What is the consensus on Dutch - splitting the bill in half (not I drank this - so it's this amount)
Or do you ask for separate bills just for convenience sake?
With a guy, I've never done this, he's always paid. I can go be friends with friends, and we can pay our own way as friends. But if a guy is interested in me, it's not a good sign if the bill comes and he's wanting to split it up, like it's a business lunch or something. Just pay the bill, playboy. If you can't handle picking up a dinner or drink tab, I don't think I'm interested in whatever else your act consists of down the road.
On to the next one.
Quote by LadyX
I can go be friends with friends, and we can pay our own way as friends. But if a guy is interested in me, it's not a good sign if the bill comes and he's wanting to split it up, like it's a business lunch or something. Just pay the bill, playboy. If you can't handle picking up a dinner or drink tab, I don't think I'm interested in whatever else your act consists of down the road.
On to the next one.
I so hear you LadyX ... thanks!!!
I believe that things have changed quite a bit since many women make decent coin - and a number of men figure we should "share" on a date. Most of the men I date (ok - 75%) are at least 10 years younger than me. With this being said, it is surprising the number of "older: men that feel slighted at having to pay. The last guy I went out with called paying for a woman's drink/dinner/date was that she was being "sponsored" and that all the woman has brought to the table was her looks.
(yeah, and then offended at not getting laid because he bought a $14.00 glass of wine .... like, really??)
so, I am stumped. A few times, I have been sucked into buying, with the "I'll pick up the next one" to which he bails, and I get ticked off and hit delete. I just don't understand the dance anymore. Maybe next time, just arrive with my cell phone and my transit pass???
lol
Van
Artistic Tart
Quote by VanGogh
Maybe next time, just arrive with my cell phone and my transit pass???
Oh, most definitely, Van! I never bring my wallet on a date, and he never, ever, is made aware of the secret c-note I keep hidden on me just in case I need it. If he's a d-bag AND a cheapskate, I'll let him wash dishes in the kitchen before I pull out the secret stash just to save his tightwad butt.
Quote by LadyXQuote by VanGogh
Maybe next time, just arrive with my cell phone and my transit pass???
Oh, most definitely, Van! I never bring my wallet on a date, and he never, ever, is made aware of the secret c-note I keep hidden on me just in case I need it. If he's a d-bag AND a cheapskate, I'll let him wash dishes in the kitchen before I pull out the secret stash just to save his tightwad butt.
Ah, great to know someone has the Art figured out... (god, I can use all the help I can get!)
So wanna go out for drinks to celebrate learning a great tip?? I'll pay!
Van
Artistic Tart
You're on, baby!
Active Ink Slinger
Damn - I guess I'm a little late to this party but my general rules are: In my world, it doesn't matter really who invited whom. I pay, unless she has insisted beforehand that she wants to treat me. This has happened before - but unless she actually SAYS, "C'mon, Mister - I'm gonna buy you drinks and have my way with you," then I just assume I'm paying. I've even rescheduled a date or two because I had an unexpected expense come up that left me a little short that week. I never tell her WHY I need to reschedule, just that "Something really urgent has come up, but I still want to see you - how about next Thursday?"
Wild at Heart
If you're a man courting a woman you should pay every time, forget all the PC bullshit. No matter how much a woman wants to split the bill or pay because she thinks she's modern and equal (which they are) they still like being taken care of and it's just part of the human mating ritual. They guy shows he's not a loser by paying. Not until they've been seriously dating for a few months should the guy let the woman pay.
Active Ink Slinger
I haven't been on a date in 10 years, but unless things have changed since then, the guy always paid on a first date.
When presented with a bill, I had always offered to pay my share, but the guy always turned down my offer. And to be honest, if he had accepted my money, I would have thought something was wrong with him.
When presented with a bill, I had always offered to pay my share, but the guy always turned down my offer. And to be honest, if he had accepted my money, I would have thought something was wrong with him.
Quote by Magical_felix
If you're a man courting a woman you should pay every time, forget all the PC bullshit. No matter how much a woman wants to split the bill or pay because she thinks she's modern and equal (which they are) they still like being taken care of and it's just part of the human mating ritual. They guy shows he's not a loser by paying. Not until they've been seriously dating for a few months should the guy let the woman pay.
yes, sir ... this is what I had thought ...
(As Van tosses out / deletes a lot of Losers ....)
now ... where are all the good guys hiding?? (St Louis? Boston? Cabo? Istanbul? London? Montreal? any hints?)
Van
kisses for all your help everyone!!
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by VanGogh
now ... where are all the good guys hiding??
In the over 40 line!
Alone is not always a bad place to be
Quote by lonelyforgoodQuote by VanGogh
now ... where are all the good guys hiding??
In the over 40 line!
is that the 40th parallel north line or the 40th parallel south line?
in the US that 40th parallel north passes thru;
California
Nevada
Utah
Colorado
Nebraska / Kansas border
Missouri
Illinois
Indiana
Ohio
West Virginia
Pennsylvania
New Jersey
and you know, that's a long bloody line regardless of north or south ... sigh ... what is a fabulous Canadian lady to do? Maybe buy a great EClass Mercedes and go for a long leisurely drive??
Van
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by VanGoghQuote by lonelyforgoodQuote by VanGogh
now ... where are all the good guys hiding??
In the over 40 line!
is that the 40th parallel north line or the 40th parallel south line?
in the US that 40th parallel north passes thru;
California
Nevada
Utah
Colorado
Nebraska / Kansas border
Missouri
Illinois
Indiana
Ohio
West Virginia
Pennsylvania
New Jersey
and you know, that's a long bloody line regardless of north or south ... sigh ... what is a fabulous Canadian lady to do? Maybe buy a great EClass Mercedes and go for a long leisurely drive??
Van
Cheeky! But instead of a Mercedes, maybe this vehicle instead:
Truth in advertising!
Alone is not always a bad place to be
Constant Gardener
Quote by VanGogh
The scenario is as follows:
You are on your first date with someone. It was mutually decided to meet at _____ for a drink. Who pays?
Alternatively:
You ask someone out on a date for drinks - is it your obligation to pick up the bill for drinks?
Thanks!!
Van
Scenario #1 sounds to me like a mutually agreed upon blind date (or internet date) or a casual date between friends or perhaps mutually sexually attracted people.
I would offer to pay for the cocktail(s). *Unless...the woman who showed up was not in anyway the same woman who had revealed herself to me, via the internet - if that was the case and I'd arrived first, I would have already paid for my drink to be enjoyed while waiting, and upon seeing the truth-in-advertising flaw...I wouldn't even stick around to waste my time or possibly hurt 'her' feelings with a barbed remark.
Yes..I have been there, far too many times to even recall.
However, providing everything else is socially normal and even if there is no chemistry...I will pick up the tab (unless the woman insists otherwise). After all...some women (and men) don't care to feel obligated at all.
Me buying the drinks does not mean that I expect a blowjob later or even a handshake/hug upon departing.
Scenario #2 states that I initiated the date, so I believe I should be footing the bill. Again, unless she strenuously objects to the point of her being affronted lest I allow her to exhibit her dominance and self-sufficiency.
Yes, I've been 'here', also.
It can sometimes be a tricky navigation, Van. But with a little chivalry and civility...it should not be drama at all.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
I been to Vancouver. I LIKE Vancouver. I may need a new identity soon. I'm just sayin'...