If there's any story mods

19 Jun 2016

If there is any story moderators on or other writers which would sound better, in your opinion? This Karly mentally stated; angrily and irritated. " or " Karly mentally stated in angered,irritated tone."

(the second part one i mentioned wanted to capture the readers mind of how the character feels and how she expresses herself?)

(every little bit helps me out big time.)

19 Jun 2016

Quote by InnocentBliss87

If there is any story moderators on or other writers which would sound better, in your opinion? This Karly mentally stated; angrily and irritated. " or " Karly mentally stated in angered,irritated tone."

(the second part one i mentioned wanted to capture the readers mind of how the character feels and how she expresses herself?)

(every little bit helps me out big time.)

I think they're both a little awkward. The problem is with "mentally stating". Stating implies that it's something you say and, therefore, something you hear (as does "tone"). Since it's a thought, the word choices threw me a little.

What about just simply, "Karly thought" and make sure her thought reads as angry and irritated? If you write "You stupid asshole, Karly thought." the tone of the thought is self-explanatory.

I hope this is helpful.

19 Jun 2016

Why say "mentally state" when you could say "think". That way, no one has to work out what you mean.

Personally, internal dialogue is lazy writing. Show readers what your characters are thinking, don't tell them. There are some great articles online that can give you some great examples of how to write in a more "show, don't tell" style.

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Why not read some stories instead

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19 Jun 2016

Quote by Burquette

I think they're both a little awkward. The problem is with "mentally stating". Stating implies that it's something you say and, therefore, something you hear (as does "tone"). Since it's a thought, the word choices threw me a little.

What about just simply, "Karly thought" and make sure her thought reads as angry and irritated? If you write "You stupid asshole, Karly thought." the tone of the thought is self-explanatory.

I hope this is helpful.

What she said smile

19 Jun 2016

Quote by Jen

What she said

what she said she said. (no, i haven't been drinking. much. okay, maybe a little. a lot. nevermind Embarassed

)

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

19 Jun 2016

Quote by InnocentBliss87

If there is any story moderators on or other writers which would sound better, in your opinion? This Karly mentally stated; angrily and irritated. " or " Karly mentally stated in angered,irritated tone."

(the second part one i mentioned wanted to capture the readers mind of how the character feels and how she expresses herself?)

(every little bit helps me out big time.)

You know, drawing and painting is also a great way to express yourself.

21 Jun 2016

Also there is one other thing I wanted to ask, the story mods was I know some a very particular. When it comes to grammar and puncation, and some spelling. Would I be able to get away with certain words like? Ok and Tho even tho you know their meanings put spelt different.

21 Jun 2016

Quote by InnocentBliss87
Also there is one other thing I wanted to ask, the story mods was I know some a very particular. When it comes to grammar and puncation, and some spelling. Would I be able to get away with certain words like? Ok and Tho even tho you know their meanings put spelt different.

It's not "different". It's wrong (and lazy).

Here, Clum tells you about the first of your examples: https://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst44882_Public-Service-Announcement-Okay.aspx

"Ok" and "Tho" are not words unless used in a quote of a badly or hurriedly written text or email within a story.

Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

***

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21 Jun 2016

Quote by InnocentBliss87
Also there is one other thing I wanted to ask, the story mods was I know some a very particular. When it comes to grammar and puncation, and some spelling. Would I be able to get away with certain words like? Ok and Tho even tho you know their meanings put spelt different.

Grammar, punctuation, and spelling are important all of the time and all of the Story Mods will agree on that. If you wish to submit a story written in, shall we say, text speak, by all means do so. On some other site.

"I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." Nikos Kazantzakis

21 Jun 2016

Quote by InnocentBliss87

If there is any story moderators on or other writers which would sound better, in your opinion? This Karly mentally stated; angrily and irritated. " or " Karly mentally stated in angered,irritated tone."

(the second part one i mentioned wanted to capture the readers mind of how the character feels and how she expresses herself?)

(every little bit helps me out big time.)

Both are clunky. Use the dialogue to show the emotion. karly thought, "What a fucking asshole."

21 Jun 2016

Quote by HotWife4U

Both are clunky. Use the dialogue to show the emotion. karly thought, "What a fucking asshole."

I like action.

Karly spun on a heel and punched ferociously upward, both her middle fingers stiffly extended toward his receding back.

Now that's art!

Alden Bradley

The zenith of sensuality occurs in sensitivity.
Caring matters more than achieving gratification.

23 Jun 2016

Quote by aldenbradley

I like action.

Karly spun on a heel and punched ferociously upward, both her middle fingers stiffly extended toward his receding back.

Now that's art!

Or... While he was passed out in a drunken stupor, Karly wacked off his dick and threw it in the dog dish. She thought to herself, "What a fucking ass hole."

23 Jun 2016

Quote by HotWife4U

Or... While he was passed out in a drunken stupor, Karly wacked off his dick and threw it in the dog dish. She thought to herself, "What a fucking ass hole."

Holy Carp! That's harsh. Artistic, but harsh.

Alden Bradley

The zenith of sensuality occurs in sensitivity.
Caring matters more than achieving gratification.

1 Jul 2016

There also was one other thing, I wanted to know about. When you write a story in chapter form, Can I break a chapter into parts? Okay, I'll give you an example: If you read a book that has chapters in them chapter has, maybe 1 or 2 or 3 parts to it, and then It goes to a new chapter. can I include the second part of a chapter in my story? cause I fear of going over the word limit sometimes . I don't want it to be too short, too long. I never was told on lush I could do it just wanted confirmation on that. By the way, I thought this was ok the ask, someone told me once, No question is a stupid question.

28 Aug 2016

I think long sentences are better than short ones also lots of adjectives. what people are thinking and lots of dialogue are also entertaining. any action before the deed is as important as the act itself. and no repetitive words

28 Aug 2016

Quote by HotWife4U

Or... While he was passed out in a drunken stupor, Karly wacked off his dick and threw it in the dog dish. She thought to herself, "What a fucking ass hole."

Yes. Or...While watching the dog eat her stupid fucking boyfriend's dick out of the dog dish, Karly found herself inexplicably aroused, playing with her rapidly hardening nipples as she realized how that man-baby's dick would never be inside her, or anyone else, again.

To the OP - just write. The mods are good here, they will tell you what works and what doesn't. The best way to learn how to write is to just keep writing. And be open to friendly criticism. And finish every story you start, even if it sucks.