But the term "Internet Enabled Personal Massager" just smacks of being a red flag for a sub-standard product. It seems like the main options are the vibrating bullet/egg (which is the most basic toy one can get) for women and the "Comfort Sleeve" (ie. plastic-pussy) for men.
Nah... I'm more in favour of diverse self-controlled toys and hot phone sex, and save yourself the membership plan fees of gadget-clubs like this.
Let us not forget... 'tis a slippery slope to becoming one of those creepy internet people we all like to make fun of.