My boyfriend is a lot younger than me, and I would like to know what you guys think..
what age difference do you think would be too much?
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Does age really matter?
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ML, for me that would depend on what ages they were.... and how serious the relationship was. 20M 40F... good for fucking but you will have issues in 10 years or so. And in MOST cases the same if it was reversed.... unless the man kept himself in great shape. I, for instance, look younger than I am. But MOST guys and gals don't. So that all has to factor into it. And yes it DOES matter. Some would like to think it doesn't, but it does. There is a lot to factor into it. So any definitive answer is kid of difficult.
Active Ink Slinger
Depends on what each of you are looking for - is it just about sex or are you wanting something more. If it's a good time and hot monkey sex for as long as you can have it, age may not be a huge issue. If you're looking to build a long-term relationship that may or may not include children, age may indeed play a huge factor in the long haul. Cougar/cub and sugar daddy/princess relationships are what they are because of the sex more than anything else and usually have a short shelf life despite some best intentions - not impossible as I know a few that have worked out fine, but they aren't common and do come with their own set of problems and concerns to consider and work through.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by BelleduJour
Depends on what each of you are looking for - is it just about sex or are you wanting something more. If it's a good time and hot monkey sex for as long as you can have it, age may not be a huge issue. If you're looking to build a long-term relationship that may or may not include children, age may indeed play a huge factor in the long haul. Cougar/cub and sugar daddy/princess relationships are what they are because of the sex more than anything else and usually have a short shelf life despite some best intentions - not impossible as I know a few that have worked out fine, but they aren't common and do come with their own set of problems and concerns to consider and work through.
There's been a few threads like this in various parts of the forum and they usually end up being full of examples of how couples have made it work. However, I'd agree with BdJ, these relationships are the exceptions not the rule. There's usually unresolved Oedipus/Electra shit involved from the younger party and some kind mid-life crisis involved from the older party - neither of which bode well for a long term relationship.
Having said that, in the moment, they can be amazing, so have fun. The mere fact that you've asked says to me that you already got a good understanding of the issues involved.
In answer to you specific question I have seen a mathematical formula for working out the age at which a relationship starts to get "creepy"
Minimum age = (Age of older partner / 2) + 7
So for someone like me at 43, anyone under 28.5 falls into "the creepy range"
[the formula can be swapped around: Maximum age = (Age of younger partner - 7) * 2]
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Active Ink Slinger
I think thats for you to decide, so no....
And just because the stereotypes say that women prefer older men, why should it not also work in reverse? Im 24 (and actually most of this happened when i was younger), and i've had sex with several women in their mid 30's (got an older woman thing see ;)). Ok, i've never actually had a serious relationship with one, however, its been some of the best sex of my life, even better than, i have to say, than with girls my own age. And I always think, if the sex is great, then the other stuff is natural progression and should follow, if you want it too. Emotions aren't reliant on age imo...
And just because the stereotypes say that women prefer older men, why should it not also work in reverse? Im 24 (and actually most of this happened when i was younger), and i've had sex with several women in their mid 30's (got an older woman thing see ;)). Ok, i've never actually had a serious relationship with one, however, its been some of the best sex of my life, even better than, i have to say, than with girls my own age. And I always think, if the sex is great, then the other stuff is natural progression and should follow, if you want it too. Emotions aren't reliant on age imo...
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to me there is no minimum or maximum age.. as long as you two can successfully communicate with eachother and there is no awkwardness (on your part) when you are both seen in public then you should be fine
Clever Gem
Quote by loveslegs
to me there is no minimum or maximum age.. as long as you two can successfully communicate with eachother and there is no awkwardness (on your part) when you are both seen in public then you should be fine
No minimum??? Really
Active Ink Slinger
If the love in the relationship is strong enough and it's legal, I don't see a problem really, as long as it's not extreme! Like a 20 year old with a 70 year old it's cool...
Active Ink Slinger
I don't think it should matter for you just becuase he is younger. If you love him, that should suffice. If its a lark, then you should not string him along. Guys do have feelings too. There has been so much ink used on this topic both for and against, Both for older and younger. It should only be a matter between the two involved. IMHO
Good luck
Good luck
Princess Popsicle
My relationship is the opposite way round, I am 23 and my boyfriend is 37. A 14 year age gap would be too much for some people but it works for us and that's what matters.
Do you feel like it's a problem? Does the way that people look at you when you're together bother you? Are you apprehensive/ embarrassed/ reluctant to introduce him to your friends and family?
I don't think you can say 'x amount of years age difference would be too much'- everyone is different, you've just gotta go by what's right for you. If you're enjoying the relationship then have fun and screw what everyone else thinks.
Do you feel like it's a problem? Does the way that people look at you when you're together bother you? Are you apprehensive/ embarrassed/ reluctant to introduce him to your friends and family?
I don't think you can say 'x amount of years age difference would be too much'- everyone is different, you've just gotta go by what's right for you. If you're enjoying the relationship then have fun and screw what everyone else thinks.
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Quote by JamieW
If the love in the relationship is strong enough and it's legal, I don't see a problem really, as long as it's not extreme! Like a 20 year old with a 70 year old it's cool...
If the love is true, a 28-year-old gal surely can marry a 82-year-old man. (Actually this is a real story, an 82-year-old Chinese mathematician married his 28-year-old student recently after years of his previous wife's death, and made quite a bit of news.)
Alpha Blonde
Age matters to some people, age doesn't matter to other people.
Ultimately if it's someone else's relationship, I'll admit I do raise an eyebrow when there's a significant difference (eg. 20+ yrs) because I wonder if there are other factors at play (ie. psychological or monetary).
Yes, there are obviously exceptions to this rule and they can work for all the right reasons. It doesn't mean there's condemnation involved, but just that age-differences start to get 'noticed' when one partner is old enough to be the other partner's parent. But hey, whatever works. It might not be for me, but if the right connection is there and both people are happy, I don't see an issue with it.
The thing I do take exception with is when a significantly older person is constantly on the look-out for a much younger partner at the exclusion of others. Like 50+ yr old guys only preying on 20 yr old girls and discounting women in all other age ranges because they're too 'old' for him. That just seems predatory and has nothing to do with the 'age doesn't matter' ideal of love. If age really doesn't matter then why do they refuse to consider someone closer to their own age?
If it's a Hugh Hefner marrying his 20-something newest bride and it's understood that he just wants a pretty young thing around even if she secretly detests him, and she just wants the cash, power and fame, then more power to them. At least everyone knows what they're getting into. But let's not say it's 'love' or use the lofty and highly idealistic 'age doesn't matter' reasoning for these lopsided unions. Call it like it is.
Ultimately if it's someone else's relationship, I'll admit I do raise an eyebrow when there's a significant difference (eg. 20+ yrs) because I wonder if there are other factors at play (ie. psychological or monetary).
Yes, there are obviously exceptions to this rule and they can work for all the right reasons. It doesn't mean there's condemnation involved, but just that age-differences start to get 'noticed' when one partner is old enough to be the other partner's parent. But hey, whatever works. It might not be for me, but if the right connection is there and both people are happy, I don't see an issue with it.
The thing I do take exception with is when a significantly older person is constantly on the look-out for a much younger partner at the exclusion of others. Like 50+ yr old guys only preying on 20 yr old girls and discounting women in all other age ranges because they're too 'old' for him. That just seems predatory and has nothing to do with the 'age doesn't matter' ideal of love. If age really doesn't matter then why do they refuse to consider someone closer to their own age?
If it's a Hugh Hefner marrying his 20-something newest bride and it's understood that he just wants a pretty young thing around even if she secretly detests him, and she just wants the cash, power and fame, then more power to them. At least everyone knows what they're getting into. But let's not say it's 'love' or use the lofty and highly idealistic 'age doesn't matter' reasoning for these lopsided unions. Call it like it is.
Active Ink Slinger
for sex no...for a realtionship...yes..
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When i was about 30 my ex mother-in-law and me had some of the greatest sex I ever had, she was in her 50's and boy was she hot should of stayed with her longer then i did, she was better then her daughter, we screwed any time i wanted.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by kinky_girl
My relationship is the opposite way round, I am 23 and my boyfriend is 37. A 14 year age gap would be too much for some people but it works for us and that's what matters.
Same age gap between my parents and they are coming up to their 20th anniversary
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Age differences like racial and ethnic differences can bring energy and stimulation to a relationship. Celebrate the differences....especially by writing Lush stories about them.
Princess Popsicle
Quote by Phaypi
Same age gap between my parents and they are coming up to their 20th anniversary
Yay. Nice to know it works out in the long term too! :)
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My issue with this topic is this. TrueLove should see no color, age, or even gender. If any of it matters.. You aren't truly in love. And yes this is coming from someone who only likes older guys, and has a girlfriend too. But cmon, limiting yourself by age is like saying you can only fall in love with 6'2 guys with blue eyes.. Really?
Active Ink Slinger
In my opinion by definition a relationship is a specific interaction between people therefore each has its own uniqueness and a generalisation can't be applied. All of the problems and scenarios mentioned so far can all be negotiated and compromises reached. This does make me wonder why non-religious people get married as a public declaration of intent to me always sounds phoney the important thing is not the public promise but the private reality.
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FOR ME 4-5 YEAR OLDER IS RIGHT I DID DATE A JUNIOR IN COLLEGE IT WAS A BAD NEWS JUST NOT FOR ME
Quote by Hotmama
My issue with this topic is this. TrueLove should see no color, age, or even gender. If any of it matters.. You aren't truly in love. And yes this is coming from someone who only likes older guys, and has a girlfriend too. But cmon, limiting yourself by age is like saying you can only fall in love with 6'2 guys with blue eyes.. Really?
Exactly!
I'm 12 years older then my wife. My first sexual experiences were with a woman 10 years older then me (she taught me so much!). As long as it legal it shouldn't matter.
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Constant Gardener
Age probably only really matters - if, as a couple...you wish to procreate. Providing the financial resources are present to allow & encourage that to occur.
Hell, go for it.
I'm 52 and while at one time I thought about trying to have a child or three, the thought of fathering a brood has not been a priority nor actual desire of mine since I turned about 42-43.
I'm not opposed to dating a woman who has one or two children, even now - with an eye towards long term with her and her child(ren).
But... maturity means much more than someones actual age. There are a good many very mature women under the age of 23 (even younger). We all know a few here at Lush, for instance.
And we suspect a few over the age of 50, who have yet to grow the fuck up.
Hell, go for it.
I'm 52 and while at one time I thought about trying to have a child or three, the thought of fathering a brood has not been a priority nor actual desire of mine since I turned about 42-43.
I'm not opposed to dating a woman who has one or two children, even now - with an eye towards long term with her and her child(ren).
But... maturity means much more than someones actual age. There are a good many very mature women under the age of 23 (even younger). We all know a few here at Lush, for instance.
And we suspect a few over the age of 50, who have yet to grow the fuck up.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.