Rookie Scribe
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my boyfriend wants me to delete my lush profile because he feels that i have to may friends and he might be insecure...should i or shouldn't i???
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worth it or not?
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Moderator
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If it was me I'd say no, but that's mainly because I'm stubborn. 
If you feed his need to control, this could be the first of many requests/demands he expects you to comply with in the future.
If you feed his need to control, this could be the first of many requests/demands he expects you to comply with in the future.
Lurker
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I wouldnt delete it but i would take into account his feelings and try and make him feel less insecure, and see that this isnt a dating site, and is in no way different than you say going out to a club or bar
Lurker
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I agree with Ms Munroe and Lisa, firstly on ther grounds that you shouldn't be letting him make your decisions for you. Remember, they refer to people in a relationship as partner's for a reason.
Also, just reassure him he has nothing to be worried about.
Hope you reach an informed decision hon
XX
BB
Also, just reassure him he has nothing to be worried about.
Hope you reach an informed decision hon
XX
BB
Active Ink Slinger
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I'd be concerned about that insecurity thing. That sounds like a basis for unpleasant jealousy issues down the road.
Active Ink Slinger
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I say show him that the site can be fun for both of you.. share the sexy stories. Write your own together. Hell, act your favourites out. Turn the threat he feels into something exciting.
If he can't get past it, he has some other underlying issue.
If he can't get past it, he has some other underlying issue.
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Active Ink Slinger
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Coming from a background which was not as open when it comes to sex, I see this situation a little different than the people above. Some people believe that talk of a sexual nature just increases temptation. My mother takes that belief one step further, and thinks that someone in a relationship should not have friends of the opposite sex. If the couple hangs out with that person together its fine, but alone is not.
Now, I don't agree with her at all, but I mention this as a way of illustrating that people have a variety of perspectives on issues, especially when it comes to sex.
I think when it comes down to it, you have to decide whether lush is more important to you than he is. I'm not saying give up and give him control on everything, but if you care about him you do have to be willing to compromise a little.
Edit:
To add to it a little, I compare it to a bar. Some people are ok with their partner going to a bar alone or with friends, and flirting the night away. Others feel that is a betrayal to the relationship, an act that is ok for a single person to do, but not someone in a relationship. In any relationship you have to learn what your partner considers the boundaries to be, and whether you can live with them. If you can't live with them, move on. Lush is a great website, but in the end, it's just a website. Isn't someone in real life more important?
Now, I don't agree with her at all, but I mention this as a way of illustrating that people have a variety of perspectives on issues, especially when it comes to sex.
I think when it comes down to it, you have to decide whether lush is more important to you than he is. I'm not saying give up and give him control on everything, but if you care about him you do have to be willing to compromise a little.
Edit:
To add to it a little, I compare it to a bar. Some people are ok with their partner going to a bar alone or with friends, and flirting the night away. Others feel that is a betrayal to the relationship, an act that is ok for a single person to do, but not someone in a relationship. In any relationship you have to learn what your partner considers the boundaries to be, and whether you can live with them. If you can't live with them, move on. Lush is a great website, but in the end, it's just a website. Isn't someone in real life more important?
Lurker
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Its not always like the other person has some big problem if they don't like their partner being on a sex website on their own. Would any one really say that nobody here cheats on their spouse or partner with cyber or other flirting online? Of course they do so its not like its not a real threat or problem. What is whole story and do we have it all?
Besides some would get nothing out of reading sex stories to their partner. Especially if the site involved a bunch of flirty strangers. Its just my two cents. Me, I love the site. I am just saying that I totally get where the other person might be coming from here.
Besides some would get nothing out of reading sex stories to their partner. Especially if the site involved a bunch of flirty strangers. Its just my two cents. Me, I love the site. I am just saying that I totally get where the other person might be coming from here.
Moderator
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Quote by shi_squared
Would any one really say that nobody here cheats on their spouse or partner with cyber or other flirting online?
I'm not here for flirting, cyber, swapping pics etc. It's the writing and socialising side of things that interests me. Anything else I'm just not comfortable with and have no interest in.
I don't think I'm the only one either!
Alpha Blonde
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I guess it depends on how you have your profile set up. If it implies that you're only here to read/write and enjoy a bit of light online socializing, then I don't see anything wrong with it. I can see how he might have an issue with a more sexually suggestive profile. I think the thing S.O.'s tend to fear is more of the emotional connections and ties that can develop (more so than the cybering itself). I can somewhat understand his fears, although in actuality you're just as likely to connect with someone on facebook or myspace if we're talking about the online environment. The key is understanding how strong/secure your relationship is. If it's a new, or loosely committed relationship or you're going through some rough patches, then he's probably a little wary of what you're doing. Then again, do you really want to feed the insecurity by caving to his demands, because I'm sure this won't be the only factor he tries to control. The next thing you know he's telling you that you aren't allowed to go out on girl's nights or is checking your cell phone for evidence of betrayal. A secure relationship should be able to withstand a little Lushing provided that you're transparent about why you're here and what you're looking for.
Matriarch
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D_D has said everything I was going to =d>
Lurker
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Quote by LisaQuote by shi_squared
Would any one really say that nobody here cheats on their spouse or partner with cyber or other flirting online?
I'm not here for flirting, cyber, swapping pics etc. It's the writing and socialising side of things that interests me. Anything else I'm just not comfortable with and have no interest in.
I don't think I'm the only one either!
Yeah same here actually. I am just saying, its not like there aren't lots doing it for other reasons and who knows what their situation is besides that. I can see why somebody might be nervous.
Active Ink Slinger
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The chances of people actually hooking up irl after meeting on lush is VERY slim. If the bf gets nervous about you cybering with others then simply don't cyber.
Like others have said, it might be a signal that he's too antsy altogether. If that's the case then it's your call whether or not you want to abide by his wishes.
Like others have said, it might be a signal that he's too antsy altogether. If that's the case then it's your call whether or not you want to abide by his wishes.
Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
Constant Gardener
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Quote by anna202
my boyfriend wants me to delete my lush profile because he feels that i have to may friends and he might be insecure...should i or shouldn't i???
Delete your profile here, and get pregnant asap. Then call or text him 24x7 with suggested names for the twins. That'll teach him.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Artistic Tart
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Quote by sherryswthrt
He's insecure and I understand where he's coming from but I think the best thing to do if you want to stay on Lush is reassure him. Everyone needs the reassurance (I know I do) and make him feel like there no need to feel insecure because this is just a ONLINE kind of life in my opinion.
I agree with this. Hopefully the reassurances are rooted in honesty, too.
Without knowing the whole story and your history together, its hard to know where to come down on this. Only you will know what you owe the other person vs. what you're willing to put up with.
Lurker
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It depends on the energy that YOU are giving Lush. Is Lush standing as a substitute for intimacy between the two of you? If you're getting stuff from Lush that you don't get in your relationship, I suggest that you look at that -- there's work you two need to do and if Lush is a distraction, that's not likely very smart. If you're making Lush a priority, ask yourself why and if it's because something is lacking in your relationship, you might consider doing that work FIRST. Then, come back here when and if it makes sense. Just figure out your priority and keep whatever that is front and center.
Cogent Sensualist
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Good points all around.
I see two main issues here. All relationships have some degree of give and take. You have to decide if the cost of being with him worth what you get from the relationship. He has to do the same with you. You just have to negotiate it, and, if you can't come to compromise, well, you'll each have to decide if it's worth it. That sounds harsh, but it's true of many things in a relationship.
The second issue is that it sounds as if your bf has a little insecurity. Knowing you're hanging around a site where people talk about and act out sexual encounters can certainly be threatening. Reassurance and openness will go a long way. The idea of bringing him on with you to show you what happens might help. It could be something you do together sometimes and become a benefit. But you might need to keep an eye on the jealousy/insecurity thing.
It's probably worth exploring the "why" a little more. Does he think you're cheating (can be defined as anywhere from cheating to look at other men to being in a full-swap swinging or polyamorous relationship so check your definitions) or is he upset at how much time and energy you spend in here and feels he's getting shorted? This will help the negotiations on this and future issues. For example, the "too much time and energy" problem can come up with anything--Lush, friends, family, TV, knitting, etc.
I hope you work it out in a way that make you happy.
I see two main issues here. All relationships have some degree of give and take. You have to decide if the cost of being with him worth what you get from the relationship. He has to do the same with you. You just have to negotiate it, and, if you can't come to compromise, well, you'll each have to decide if it's worth it. That sounds harsh, but it's true of many things in a relationship.
The second issue is that it sounds as if your bf has a little insecurity. Knowing you're hanging around a site where people talk about and act out sexual encounters can certainly be threatening. Reassurance and openness will go a long way. The idea of bringing him on with you to show you what happens might help. It could be something you do together sometimes and become a benefit. But you might need to keep an eye on the jealousy/insecurity thing.
It's probably worth exploring the "why" a little more. Does he think you're cheating (can be defined as anywhere from cheating to look at other men to being in a full-swap swinging or polyamorous relationship so check your definitions) or is he upset at how much time and energy you spend in here and feels he's getting shorted? This will help the negotiations on this and future issues. For example, the "too much time and energy" problem can come up with anything--Lush, friends, family, TV, knitting, etc.
I hope you work it out in a way that make you happy.
Rookie Scribe
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Well if you are the sub in the relationship then that's one thing but if your not then I say have fun 
Lurker
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no.
Active Ink Slinger
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Hell No! D_D and the Penguin are right!
Stand up for yourself and your rights but take the time to understand his feelings and needs.
Most guys would love this site. If they have not evolved enough or if this is just a control issue, run!
Stand up for yourself and your rights but take the time to understand his feelings and needs.
Most guys would love this site. If they have not evolved enough or if this is just a control issue, run!
Lurker
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Sounds to me that there are other issues here., Unless you are going to meet your Lush friends where is the harm?
What other control factors will be needed in the future? Maybe not notice that that hot guy at the club or maybe he would be upset, that you noticed Dancing Doll, Sweet Penny or Nikki 703 as they walk past you.
Is he really that insecure? But then some woman like to give her man all the controll.
A View fro the West Coast
What other control factors will be needed in the future? Maybe not notice that that hot guy at the club or maybe he would be upset, that you noticed Dancing Doll, Sweet Penny or Nikki 703 as they walk past you.
Is he really that insecure? But then some woman like to give her man all the controll.
A View fro the West Coast
Active Ink Slinger
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Sounds like he has control issues. It also sounds like you didnt hide the fact that you were on Lush. If you did, then maybe I would understand his fears Have you communicated to him why you are here, what your intentions are? If you are only here to read stories and some harmless flirting, make sure he knows that. If you are here looking ot really "hook up", then that is a whole nother story!
Not knowing your entire situaltion makes it hard to comment here. Is there any history here? Has he been controling or insecure about you flirting or straying in past? Have you given him a legitimate reason to worry? These are all questions that need you need to take into consideraton.
I love Lush, but in the end it is just a website. Is it worth losing someone you love over? Or is this just the tip of the iceberg?
I hope you can figure it all out and be happy.
Maybe he can join Lush too and see what it is all about for himself.
Not knowing your entire situaltion makes it hard to comment here. Is there any history here? Has he been controling or insecure about you flirting or straying in past? Have you given him a legitimate reason to worry? These are all questions that need you need to take into consideraton.
I love Lush, but in the end it is just a website. Is it worth losing someone you love over? Or is this just the tip of the iceberg?
I hope you can figure it all out and be happy.
Maybe he can join Lush too and see what it is all about for himself.