My wife and I have been together for 14 years. Over the last year her sex drive has gone completely away. We have had sex a handful of times over the last year and it hasn't been all that great. Mostly wam bam thank you mam... She used to be very active and loved to do kinkier things. We had a lot of great sex when we first got together but it is no longer happening. I have tried to initiate play and intimacy but am always turned away. Needless to say I am getting sick of taking care of myself knowing she is right next to me. She is a sexy attractive woman that I love very much but I can't go on like this anymore. I have discussed this with her many times and she says she is going to seek some help but it is taking forever for her to move forward. This morning she got angry at me for bringing it up again after she was gone all weekend. My question is what to to next? I have looked up sex therapists and Doctors the specialize in this area but here I sit waiting. HELP!!!
I hate to say this but there are elements in your statement that are ringing alarm bells with me . I think you perhaps need to find evidence of her playing away .
I am a wife who has lost their libido.
Let me give you an insight into how i think.
OK SO. i get up, shit i look awful, got so much to do today, don't have 2 minutes to myself, wish i had time to shower, what shall i cook for dinner, need to do some housework,
Then it reaches 8am. I barely have time to think everyday let alone make sure i am freshly shaved, and ready at all times for sex.
I used to do kinky things for my husband as well but it got old. I got fed up with doing the same thing in the same order everytime.
My husband brought it up a while back and i HATED having my failings highlighted to me when i was already painfully aware of them
We have since made an effort to try and improve our relationship by going out once a month just for a pub lunch or cinema.
Instead of blaming her maybe look at yourself and see how you can help her.
What do you think the marital vow of "to HAVE and to HOLD" really mean? You think they're talking about hugging? She's breaking her vows by not letting you have her and hold her.
I would emphasize that you're done with this shot by moving yourself into the spare bedroom if you have one. If she gets unsettled by that action, tell her the next step is you moving out, followed by divorce.
She's obviously a lesbian. that's the only explanation.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Sassy Red-haired Beach Kat/Dune Goddess
Clearly she's just not that into him....
Tukeefuck is obviously not the voice to listen to here. Also, Sprite is joking, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Goodness.
You've got some good advice here. I'd take it. This stuff happens, especially in long term relationships. It can be tough, but I think most people who work together to find a way to happiness will tell you it's worth it. Good luck, my friend. ?
Tukeefuck, there is two sides to every story. I am just thankful I have a understanding husband that on many occasions I don’t feel like having sex, he don't threaten me with a divorce. Get a grip, and like Vannessa said your vows do say for better or worse, maybe for yours should say, for sex or not..
Harddesires ... I hear this from many people who have been married as long as you. I understand more than just missing the sex, you are feeling rejected by your wife. And that hurts. I also understand women have hormone changes at certain ages that mess with our libido. Also, many of us (myself!!!) have our emotional connections closely tied to our physical connections. Maybe you have not met her emotional needs in some way? She will NOT respond the way you want with you pressuring her. I suggest the two of you go somewhere alone together away from ALL daily life stresses. Then, listen to her. L I S T E N! Ask her how she feels about sex. Ask her how she feels about you. Try very very hard not to get defensive and make her feel safe to share her feelings. I don't think she feels safe right now to fully disclose what is going on. Go back to kissing. Kissing is in my opinion the #1 physical interaction to building and sustaining intimacy. Tell her you just want no-pressure kissing ... no sex ... just kissing. Give her a massage ... again NO EXPECTATIONS FOR SEX!!! Start there ... and best wishes to you both.
Maybe she's just tired, she needs a little more time on herself. When was the last time you asked how she's doing, how does she feel? When did you show concern and not just want sex?
Ask her out on a date. Make it a rule to meet several times a month. Re-discovering a friend of a friend
