trust after affairs

30 Apr 2013

Quote by Lisa

That's kind of what I'm getting at. My point is that people are capable of change, whether it's in a negative way or a positive way. Just because a person has been monogamous at one point doesn't mean they'll always be monogamous. Just because a person has cheated once doesn't mean they'll cheat in every relationship from then on. People are capable of growth and change. Not always in a good way.

Regaining the trust that is lost when one partner cheats on the other in a relationship is harder for some people than others. I'm not sure that total trust can ever be regained. I've known couples who split up the first time one of them cheated, and I've known others who have stayed together and worked it out. It's hard to just give up on a relationship because of one incident of cheating. There is always the thought that maybe we can work it out.

For the people who are talking about mate swapping and threesomes, etc., I don't think that is quite the same thing as cheating. If both partners in a relationship want the same thing and agree on it, then there is no trust issue involved. What I mean by cheating is to betray the trust of the person you love. If you really love them, then you shouldn't even think about betraying them. It hurts to be the one being cheated on.
It's not just the sex, it's the deception and lying that go along with it. If cheating was just a sexual act, like masturbating, it wouldn't be nearly as painful. It's the emotional damage that's hard to overcome.

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30 Apr 2013

I guess it depends on the circumstances surrounding both parties cheating but I wouldn't hold out much hope of full trust returning.

If they both cheated independently, ie without knowledge of the other's infidelity, then maybe they deserve each other - it's up to them to decide whether or not they can bear being with someone who is just as bad as they are but maybe they can carry on together in an open relationship. If one partner cheated as a revenge fuck for the other's infidelity, I'd say there's little or no hope for them long term.

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30 Apr 2013

Quote by DandR4ever
can a couple rekindle after both were caught cheating???

I don't believe one would ever rekindle the same charge. And after loving with a certain frame of mind and soul...it will be difficult to love the same person with a jaded mind and soul. If it did survive, it would take years, I'd imagine, to return anywhere close to the love you once had. Good luck.

30 Apr 2013

No hope in hell of it returning to what it once was.... IMO an open relationship is the only type of relationship that could work.

1 May 2013

Quote by slipperywhenwet2012

You can't get caught doing something if you DON'T do it. Duh. I can only speak for myself. And I know for a fact without a doubt that cheating is something I'm not capable of. If something is powerful enough to draw me away from my commitment to the person in my life, then it's time to sever that tie instead of just stringing them along. That's so selfish. What's the point of being in a relationship if you want to be with someone else? There's way more to cheating than the act itself. Cheating requires a conscious decision/effort. You have to plan to do it. How to do it. When to do it. Who to do it with. Where to do it. How to conceal it. If someone can actually think it through, know what's at stake, and then take all of those steps, and STILL be able to go through with it, then no. They aren't capable of change. Because the change of heart would have taken place during the decision process of cheating....BEFORE the act occurred. And when I say someone, I include myself. Would I be capable of change? Sure...for a while. The remorse would kick in..as would the overcompensation for what I've done. But it'll get tiresome, and it's only a matter of time before my eyes would wander again. And the process repeats itself. So would I or anyone else who cheated DESERVE a second chance? Absolutely not. I applaud those who have the ability to extend second, third, or more chances...but I am definitely not strong enough. I've been cheated on once, and once was enough. He didn't deserve a second chance, so he didn't get one...and if the situation were reversed, neither would I.

I speak from experience, so I'll throw all the stones I want.

Comprende slippery,

I'm not starting an argument, I find this to be an interesting subject.
I still like to see people forgive though. It all starts with the small things.

1 May 2013

Quote by Magical_felix

I will throw all the stones I want, I will juggle those motherfuckers and toss in some tricks n shit before I throw them too.

I am capable of change. Like quitting smoking or trying to not interrupt people while they are speaking, for example. Normal things.

A cheater... I imagine you, stud, must have cheated before and now you're all good and reformed. Or there might be a lack of women willing to cheat or whatever... or sheep or whatever. I don't want to think about the possibilities....... So now you are reformed.

Cheating.. Getting hard, sexually excited, performing while having in your mind that you are hurting the woman you vowed to love more than life itself... You want to know what that is? Psychopathy. A total disconnect with empathy for other people. There is a reason why adultery is in the Ten Commandments right there with thou shalt not murder and thou shalt not dishonor thy mother and father. It takes a psychopath to do things like that. It really does and guess what.. Psychopathy isn't a trait that can just be changed. The brain is wired that way and no amount of bullshit smooth talk can change that. That is why I say that you are just cheating yourself for whatever reason for trusting a cheater. You are allowing them to use you. A scorpion can't just decide to be a ladybug when caught stinging and vise versa.

Yea I hear you dude,

I never said I cheated.

1 May 2013

Quote by scooter

Comprende slippery,

I'm not starting an argument, I find this to be an interesting subject.
I still like to see people forgive though. It all starts with the small things.

Cheating is no small thing.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░

1 May 2013

Quote by scooter

Yea I hear you dude,

I never said I cheated.

I think you should stick to less serious topics scooter. You have proven time and time again that you don't have the mental capacity for serious discussion. You throw a stone then you prove that you are out of your element when its thrown back at you. Go kick some shit, simpleton.

1 May 2013

Quote by DandR4ever
can a couple rekindle after both were caught cheating???

I believe, not only by the responses here, but with people we all know who have had the situation of someone cheating .... no one is "cool" with it. Open relationships are an entirely different kettle than monogamous relationships.

I wholeheartedly agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. I have seen "reformed" cheaters, but you know, they are just looking for the opportunity to pounce again. Then they say, my bad. Forgive me.

People that I know that have not divorced in the cheating situation are those that put up with it because of financial or family obligations. I believe they never get that same spark back - so therefore the relationship is flawed yet may be long term.

It's one of the ultimate disrespectful and disloyal things a person can do in a marriage/relationship.

1 May 2013

Quote by slipperywhenwet2012

So she's justifying her cheating by making it your fault somehow? As if it's your fault you were born with a penis? As if she didn't know you had a penis going into the relationship? As if she weren't aware of the limited (no offense) abilities of said penis? Seems like she's just trying to get into your head and make you blame yourself, which is one of the most vile forms of manipulation. If she can feel justified in her cheating, then you should know where you stand. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Know your worth, and do what you need to do in order for you to be happy, because it seems as if her only concern is herself.

My thoughts exactly. I know from experience. Having been one who was "blamed" for their lovers cheating.
The lowest blow someone can take is to have the person they trusted in the most, say something like "well it really wasn't my fault because, you wern't there for me". or ie... "they can do something for me you can't do".

I can tell you this truthfully. Had my cheating lover come to me before her forray and expressed her desire for something different, I'd been far more willing to accept it, and perhaps even took the lead in making her fantasy an awesome reality!

Just my opinion. It's like an asshole (everybody's got one).

A~

1 May 2013

Quote by CoopsRuthie

Regaining the trust that is lost when one partner cheats on the other in a relationship is harder for some people than others. I'm not sure that total trust can ever be regained. I've known couples who split up the first time one of them cheated, and I've known others who have stayed together and worked it out. It's hard to just give up on a relationship because of one incident of cheating. There is always the thought that maybe we can work it out.

For the people who are talking about mate swapping and threesomes, etc., I don't think that is quite the same thing as cheating. If both partners in a relationship want the same thing and agree on it, then there is no trust issue involved. What I mean by cheating is to betray the trust of the person you love. If you really love them, then you shouldn't even think about betraying them. It hurts to be the one being cheated on.
It's not just the sex, it's the deception and lying that go along with it. If cheating was just a sexual act, like masturbating, it wouldn't be nearly as painful. It's the emotional damage that's hard to overcome.

Well Said Ruthie. Well said.
It is all about the deception, lying & betrayal, not the sex.

A~

1 May 2013

Quote by scooter

Yea I hear you dude,

I never said I cheated.

I think you are out of your element in these weightier topics. You come in and pass judgment without expressing a single thought. Not one thought. Simple bastard.

1 May 2013

Yes, a couple can rekindle after both, or just one was caught cheating. They can rekindle the relationship if they weren't caught, and actually just opened up about it. Hey, they can rekindle without either one knowing cheating has taken place.

The answer is Yes.

It takes genuine forgiveness and want.

2 May 2013

oquote=Magical_felix]

I think you are out of your element in these weightier topics. You come in and pass judgment without expressing a single thought. Not one thought. Simple bastard.

You seem to be an expert on weightier conversations felix, and apparently since these conversations are out of my league i don't have any rights posting here?
I posted a positive statement on a subject that had nothing but negative responses by
the whole Lush community, except for 1 Lush member.

I never passed judgment on anyone. You did, Sir felix.

If you're such an established know it all, and all, why can't you just leave folks opinions lie

I actually used to like you Magical dick - head,
I'd feed you to the sharks, after calling me a simple bastard, plus, a big stud that fucks sheep, and Lords knows what other creatures that walk this planet?

Fuck you

2 May 2013

Quote by scooter
oquote=Magical_felix]

I think you are out of your element in these weightier topics. You come in and pass judgment without expressing a single thought. Not one thought. Simple bastard.

You seem to be an expert on weightier conversations felix, and apparently since these conversations are out of my league i don't have any rights posting here?
I posted a positive statement on a subject that had nothing but negative responses by
the whole Lush community, except for 1 Lush member.

I never passed judgment on anyone, you did, sir felix.

If you're such an established know it all, and all, why can't you just leave folks opinions lie

First of all, I find it funny that you have been a member for years and you still can't figure out how to quote someone. How do you fuck that up every time...

Secondly. You posted a positive thing? Do you even know what the colloquialism "throwing stones" means? To throw stones while living in a glass house is an accusation that I am being a hypocrite. I was talking about how you are cheating yourself by trusting a cheater. By you saying that how is it positive? I thought you were a man, I guess I was wrong since you are pulling this boohoo Felix hurt my feelings routine instead of explaining yourself.

Thirdly. Let opinions lie? You're the one that came in to hurl your throwing stones accusation on me... Odd...

negative responses by
the whole Lush community, except for 1 Lush member.

Your ass kissery is amusing. But telling people to not be suckers is hardly negative. I guess that is an eye of the beholder type of thing.

3 May 2013

Flix,
the reason I used to like you is because you used to remind me of myself when I was just a a kid.

I've read you wife swapping, ass fucking stories. Your a sick little punk, in your fantasy world.

Come out and judge me you little bitch.

You asked for my opinion. my opinion is: your a sore little punk, that can't really stand to hear the truth.
You apparently have never had true love. Therefor you'll never understand.

Felix, do you even understand what a person that assumes is?
It's a person just like you. You assumed from what I said, that I was a cheater.

Assuming is like telling a lie.
Pretty close to what we are talking about here. At least; pretty similar.

You assumed I cheated on my wife by what I said.
Hence, you called me a Stud, that likes to fuck sheep, and lord knows what else.
Other Words, your assumption was stated by you MajicalFelix, in front of over 2,500 members that may or may not believe you.
you tried your best to hurt me.
It's the same thing as lying.

You said: I despise liars.

Hows that for an opinion?

3 May 2013

Quote by scooter
Flix,
the reason I used to like you is because you used to remind me of myself when I was just a a kid.

I've read you wife swapping, ass fucking stories. Your a sick little punk, in your fantasy world.

Come out and judge me you little bitch.

You asked for my opinion. my opinion is: your a sore little punk, that can't really stand to hear the truth.
You apparently have never had true love. Therefor you'll never understand.

Felix, do you even understand what a person that assumes is?
It's a person just like you. You assumed from what I said, that I was a cheater.

Assuming is like telling a lie.
Pretty close to what we are talking about here. At least; pretty similar.

You assumed I cheated on my wife by what I said.
Hence, you called me a Stud, that likes to fuck sheep, and lord knows what else.
Other Words, your assumption was stated by you MajicalFelix, in front of over 2,500 members that may or may not believe you.
you tried your best to hurt me.
It's the same thing as lying.

You said: I despise liars.

Hows that for an opinion?

You're either really stupid or really funny. I think it's the former... You make assumptions based on my erotic fiction then go on to say why assumptions are bad? What?

Judging by your lack of an ability to spell correctly, even though English is your first language, and also your inability to have noncontradictory thoughts I am going to assume you are a slow adult. I mean, you literally do all the things you are saying I do.

So you think the kids out there should give cheaters a chance. Good for you. Great advice. I am telling the kids not to listen to suckers like you. I think that is better advice.

Try not to hurt yourself when you go kick some shit.

Edit: I saw how you added a few things about feeding me to sharks? Are you telling someone over the internet you would kick their ass? haha..

3 May 2013

Quote by Magical_felix

You're either really stupid or really funny. I think it's the former... You make assumptions based on my erotic fiction then go on to say why assumptions are bad? What?

Judging by your lack of an ability to spell correctly, even though English is your first language, and also your inability to have noncontradictory thoughts I am going to assume you are a slow adult. I mean, you literally do all the things you are saying I do.

So you think the kids out there should give cheaters a chance. Good for you. Great advice. I am telling the kids not to listen to suckers like you. I think that is better advice.

Try not to hurt yourself when you go kick some shit.

Edit: I saw how you added a few things about feeding me to sharks? Are you telling someone over the internet you would kick their ass? haha..

3 May 2013

At what point does this become thread Jacking Jack?

Your pretty clever, I've been drinking, smoking marijuana, and cheating on my wife, all day ( because she's so naive)

Who gives a fuck about spelling you little pussy

3 May 2013

3 May 2013

Quote by nicola

Yeah, what you said....

Getting back to the OP's question...

I've cheated on a woman ( when I was in a monogamous relationship with her ) - I didn't come back and then have sex with her again afterwards. I didn't apologize in hopes that I could salvage the relationship. I took the easy way out. I knew she probably couldn't trust me going forward and I wasn't going to continue being a major dickwad.

I've had a few women cheat on me (while 'we' were supposedly in monogamous relationships) and I was never able to trust any of those women again, so I either ended the relationship during the conversational confrontation - or, a few told me to pack sand and that we were fucking over - effectively dumping my ignorant ass on the curb - then & there. I probably deserved to be cheated on, to be honest.

No biggie. It happens.

I've also fucked women I knew were married and I knew they were cheating on their husbands. I fucked a few girls who were screwing around on their boyfriends too -

And I've been involved in long term relationships with women (and neither of us cheated on each other with someone else).

So...

In the scenario posed by the OP - I don't think that once that page has been turned - either party can forget & forgive. There are reasons (or a good reason) why the physical cheating occurred to begin with...and just saying "I'm sorry, so sorry, please forgive me - isn't going to fix whatever was broken so badly that the cheating occurred.

So within a monogamous relationship - if trust breaking and emotional or physical cheating occurs... I think it's 'Stick a fork in it fucking doner then done'

Time to move on with each other's lives and find that person who won't cheat on you or you won't cheat on her/him. They are out there.

(incidentally - if you're screwing a woman or man who is already all hitched up to someone else - you are a fucking cheater, buddy...don't think you're not).

The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.

3 May 2013

why does everyone have problems with cheetahs? i think they're beautiful. smile

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

3 May 2013

Quote by sprite
why does everyone have problems with cheetahs? i think they're beautiful.

It's because they can't change their spots... no wait, that's leopards.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

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3 May 2013

No way in hell, they do it once they will do it again, thats why i divorced my ex husbands arse. One point tho for any other women who get scorned, remember that after being with someone for a while u know how to please them sexually, certainly alot better than some skank. When i found out my ex had cheated, (and after the yelling at him had stopped) i took his arse to bed (made him wear a rubber of course) and rocked his world. pmsl while he lay there gasping for breath i asked him if he had enjoyed it, he could only really nod, pratt thought id forgiven him. I told him gd cause he was never ever going to get to touch me again. I filed for divorce the next day and he never saw the skank he had slept with on a one night stand again smile

I moved on, he was alone for years after :)

The Duchess of Tart

Please check out my new story, co-written with the amazing Wilful.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/long-time-coming.aspx

And my latest poem, The Temptation.

https://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/the-temptation.aspx

3 May 2013

Quote by scooter
At what point does this become thread Jacking Jack?

When I post things and you respond with nothing to do with the subject.. Why do you think they named it after me?

5 May 2013

Were you just fooling around with me again Jack?

Com-er you little bastard Big Hugs

scooter

5 May 2013

Thank u, I hear where u all r cumin from! I belive some 1 can change, when. They relize how much they really do love the 1 they hurt, Regaeman Man

5 May 2013

still, the closeness we had b4 is not their !

5 May 2013

Very difficult question to answer and one that in my opinion can't be generalized about. We are all human and situations can be unique there is no formula really or - morality we can all be hypocrites about everything. Look how many people go to a Christian church regularly yet have no problem having a war which contradicts everything Christ stood for (not that I'm a believer). From the standpoint of the cheated on it's really hard to live with the feelings of inadequacy whereas from the cheaters viewpoint it can be just a compulsive moment or it can be more complicated; these things are never one extreme or the other and I can feel a degree of understanding and sympathy for all parties.

5 May 2013

I dont think the relationship would ever be the same. I want to know if you actually caught her in the act or if she told you about the affair and does the make a difference? It would not make a difference with me, cheating is cheating!