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The Gentleman's Guide to Sending Dick Pictures to Random Women on the Internet.

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1) Consider the wisdom of sending a dick picture. If the relationship she is seeking could be construed as a "dating" or "friendly" one, sending your dick at all is mega creepy. And even in the context of casual sex and cybersex, women aren't necessarily aroused by penis JPGs. You might want to wait for her to ask for a dick picture, rather than using it to introduce yourself.

2) Make sure your equipment is suitable. The proper condition for dick photos is clean and dry (seriously, ewww), fully erect, and with well-groomed pubes. If it can stay fully erect without you death-gripping it around the base, so much the better.

(I admit here I don't know exactly how these things work. Is it uncomfortable to let an erect dick flop around freely? Or is the grip necessary to keep it at full hardness? Or does the grip just keep it pointed at a more impressive angle?)

3) Make sure your other equipment is suitable. Take your dick pics with a real camera; a low-end cellphone photo or webcam stillshot always has that "surveillance footage" look to it, especially in low light. Even with a proper camera, all photos look creepy when there isn't enough light (and flash makes skin look unappealingly flat and pallid), so try to get it in as much light as possible. Natural light is really nice if you have a way to get it without scandalizing the neighbors.

4) Use a self-timer or a (clean!) mirror. The top-down perspective never flatters, and frankly, women aren't used to seeing dicks from that angle.

5) Put the penis in context. In my experience, the more of your body in the shot, the better--even if you don't have an amazing body, seeing a naked man is more fun than seeing a free-floating cock in space. Whether you're comfortable putting your face in the photo is up to you, but cropping out everything but genitals is going way too far unless you have a very distinctive lower-stomach tattoo.

6) Don't forget the background. Make sure there isn't weird clutter in the shot that makes you look like a slob or reminds the viewer of an unsexy part of your life. And remember that photos taken while you're in the computer chair, then uploaded onto that selfsame computer, tend to imply that maybe you never get up. Your bed generally makes a nice suggestive setting, if it's tidy.

7) If your camera takes enormous photos, scale it down to something moderate in size so it doesn't display on her monitor as MONITOR FULL OF COCK WHAM. This also hides minor imperfections. And while you've got it in the image-editing program, you might try to get the skin tones to resemble skin--dicks seem prone to photographing in horrible colors like "fishbelly yellow-white" and "roast beef gray-brown," and that's never pretty.

8) Look at the photo you've just taken. Think, seriously, if you were a woman, would you want to see this? Seriously. You can always back out now and tell her about your personality instead.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.



Noted. I'm still unsure about some points though...

Sprite, I just sent you 9 dick-pics, can you analyze them and tell me which one you prefer?

One of them seems rather nice, but you can see my American bulldog licking his balls in the background.

PS: Seriously, this is actually quite a nice guide. I've never sent any dick-pics (and luckily I don't receive any), but yeah, some of the pictures I encounter on random guys' profiles are quite... distasteful.
Quote by SereneProdigy


Noted. I'm still unsure about some points though...

Sprite, I just sent you 9 dick-pics, can you analyze them and tell me which one you prefer?

One of them seems rather nice, but you can see my American bulldog licking his balls in the background.

PS: Seriously, this is actually quite a nice guide. I've never sent any dick-pics (and luckily I don't receive any), but yeah, some of the pictures I encounter on random guys' profiles are quite... distasteful.

What? That wasn't your dick? Lol.
I wouldn't dream of sending one to a random anyone. Why do that?
I've never even sent one to a person that I know. I do have an album but it's restricted to gay and bi friends, plus one that got included by accident.
Confession, I have sent a handful of these to my girlfriend, but I never thought of all that stuff. I'd never just send one to a random woman. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure any woman that got turned on by that would only be interested in having sex with no strings attached. Another thing, wouldn't you be worried about women talking to each other and poisoning your chances with other women? One last point, this is kind of like Jerry Seinfeld's perspective on guys honking their horns at women as they drive by. A little different, but it's still the same concept. WTF, really?
Jerry Seinfeld
Quote by dpw
I do have an album but it's restricted to gay and bi friends, plus one that got included by accident.


Yeah right... accident.
But ass hole pics are good, right?
Quote by BadDog9
But ass hole pics are good, right?

You can send me one anytime you like!
The things that are true make you laugh the hardest
Quote by Milly
The things that are true make you laugh the hardest


I have to agree.


That is how you do it
Have lots of fun
Quote by sprite

1) Consider the wisdom of sending a dick picture. If the relationship she is seeking could be construed as a "dating" or "friendly" one, sending your dick at all is mega creepy. And even in the context of casual sex and cybersex, women aren't necessarily aroused by penis JPGs. You might want to wait for her to ask for a dick picture, rather than using it to introduce yourself.

2) Make sure your equipment is suitable. The proper condition for dick photos is clean and dry (seriously, ewww), fully erect, and with well-groomed pubes. If it can stay fully erect without you death-gripping it around the base, so much the better.

(I admit here I don't know exactly how these things work. Is it uncomfortable to let an erect dick flop around freely? Or is the grip necessary to keep it at full hardness? Or does the grip just keep it pointed at a more impressive angle?)

3) Make sure your other equipment is suitable. Take your dick pics with a real camera; a low-end cellphone photo or webcam stillshot always has that "surveillance footage" look to it, especially in low light. Even with a proper camera, all photos look creepy when there isn't enough light (and flash makes skin look unappealingly flat and pallid), so try to get it in as much light as possible. Natural light is really nice if you have a way to get it without scandalizing the neighbors.

4) Use a self-timer or a (clean!) mirror. The top-down perspective never flatters, and frankly, women aren't used to seeing dicks from that angle.

5) Put the penis in context. In my experience, the more of your body in the shot, the better--even if you don't have an amazing body, seeing a naked man is more fun than seeing a free-floating cock in space. Whether you're comfortable putting your face in the photo is up to you, but cropping out everything but genitals is going way too far unless you have a very distinctive lower-stomach tattoo.

6) Don't forget the background. Make sure there isn't weird clutter in the shot that makes you look like a slob or reminds the viewer of an unsexy part of your life. And remember that photos taken while you're in the computer chair, then uploaded onto that selfsame computer, tend to imply that maybe you never get up. Your bed generally makes a nice suggestive setting, if it's tidy.

7) If your camera takes enormous photos, scale it down to something moderate in size so it doesn't display on her monitor as MONITOR FULL OF COCK WHAM. This also hides minor imperfections. And while you've got it in the image-editing program, you might try to get the skin tones to resemble skin--dicks seem prone to photographing in horrible colors like "fishbelly yellow-white" and "roast beef gray-brown," and that's never pretty.

8) Look at the photo you've just taken. Think, seriously, if you were a woman, would you want to see this? Seriously. You can always back out now and tell her about your personality instead.



I see we're doing Stand-Up now...

xx SF

WHO THE JAYZUS would send a PIC of their cock to a woman they were not "intimate" with... (And even THEN only when REQUESTED??????) I LOVE CYBERWORLD but there HAS to be Fucking Rules!!!!!!

Actually, THINKING ABOUT IT... I can do a SLIGHT Pref Edit on this and give you Five Mins of perfect Open-Mic... xx SF (Try me!!!)
Quote by sprite

2) Make sure your equipment is suitable. The proper condition for dick photos is clean and dry (seriously, ewww), fully erect, and with well-groomed pubes. If it can stay fully erect without you death-gripping it around the base, so much the better.

(I admit here I don't know exactly how these things work. Is it uncomfortable to let an erect dick flop around freely? Or is the grip necessary to keep it at full hardness? Or does the grip just keep it pointed at a more impressive angle?)


This is actually one of many tactics used to make ones dick look longer - make it look like you've got your whole fist wrapped around it when in reality it's just your thumb.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

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I always thought it might be a nice touch to dress your goober in a little tuxedo and draw a smily face on the head of it for making dick pics. A little red rose on the lapel would be a nice finishing touch. A classy goober!

If you want to make a sporting statement with your dick pic, try getting a little football jersey for it. But you might want to stay clear of something like the Cardinals or any other birds. Probably make a statement with the Giants, or the Rams, you know something a cock would be proud to be called. You might avoid the Browns, unless your sending it to a guy.

Happy dick picturing!
Quote by Buz
I always thought it might be a nice touch to dress your goober in a little tuxedo and draw a smily face on the head of it for making dick pics. A little red rose on the lapel would be a nice finishing touch. A classy goober!

If you want to make a sporting statement with your dick pic, try getting a little football jersey for it. But you might want to stay clear of something like the Cardinals or any other birds. Probably make a statement with the Giants, or the Rams, you know something a cock would be proud to be called. You might avoid the Browns, unless your sending it to a guy.

Happy dick picturing!

LMFAO
Quote by trinket
Personally I find the random cockshot thing distasteful. I can honestly say I've never sent one.


What... Does this mean you have a dick? Lol
Quote by trinket


No I don't have a cock but I hear you don't either lol.



Whoa, good one trinket.

Anyway... I think the picture of your face counts in this instance.
Quote by Magical_felix


Whoa, good one trinket.

Anyway... I think the picture of your face counts in this instance.




You're saying I look like a dick? OUCH! LMAO. It would be better than being a little pussy, picture or not...

To carry on with the topic at hand... Guys... just trust me when I say, most of the girls on Lush don't like getting a random, unsolicited pic of a big or small wrinkly wiener. I wonder if they are called wieners for a reason?

On the other hand, I know a lot of girls on Lush who have sent unsolicited pics or videos of their kitties. I'm not one of them so don't be going sending me messages askng for one.

Aziz Ansari talked about this on The Jesselnik Offensive a few months ago. On his latest stand-up tour, he would conduct an informal poll along the lines of "Clap if you're a woman. Now clap if you've ever been sent a dick pick." And the results were always, in his estimation somewhere above the 2/3 mark or something. Way higher than one would expect.

Of course, Anthony then made it even funnier by adding, "Now clap if it was Aziz who sent you the dick pick."

Anyway, I've never sent one (seriously - nobody wants to see that), but I can only guess that guys send them because they want reciprocation. And any picture of a nude woman is about as desirable as a picture of a cock is undesirable.
My novel, The Society, is available now in the Kindle Store: http://www.amazon.com/The-Society-ebook/dp/B00BPF9U2I
Hallelujah!! Thank you for this posting Sprite! Not only did you have me howling with laughter but it really struck a chord with me!! Yes, I am that woman (well one of them) who on occasion when starting to chat with a guy, suddenly and without warning receives That Cock Photo. I think some chaps genuinely think it fast tracks the seduction process and that a picture of a stranger's disembodied cock will reduce me to a puddle of lust. Rather the reality of either sending me into fits of giggles or momentary appalled bemusement. My response is usually a rather lame, "that's very nice dear" before swiftly changing the subject.

It is gratifying that the guys posting here find the habit of some men sending unsolicited cock pics as bewildering as I do. Not just a girl thing then...
Omg im tired of random guys sending me cock pics lol but sometimes its funny when their trying to make their member look bigger by taking a close up...LMFAO straight comedy!!
Quote by trinket




You're saying I look like a dick?





I'm just saying your picture had the same effect when you sprung it out. That's all trinket. Relax.
Great thread Sprite.

Quote by Buz
I always thought it might be a nice touch to dress your goober ....
Happy dick picturing!


Of all our inventions for mass communication,
pictures still speak the most universally understood language.

Walt Disney
Do any of y'all have the problem of getting vagina pictures? I can't believe it, nearly every day I open my messages and my folder is full of vag pics. Some are shaved, or trimmed, and some hairy as an Amazon jungle. I have to put on a pith helmet, khakis and use a machete just to weed through those. It's a real safari.