not the answer you want to hear, i know, but no. there's no good way to do it without hurting her. that's what you have to remember, this isn't about you dodging the bullet - this is about you telling the woman you promised not to hurt something that is going to hurt her to the core. understand that and don't go looking for sympathy or finding a way to get away scott-free. make sure that, when you tell her, accept the blame, don't try to put in on her, don't try to be defensive - just simply accept that you are an asshole and you deserve everything she throws at you.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Send her a short text with a frowny face.
No. There are no "tips". Do you not remember your wedding vows, the whole "love and honour" part? Well, you tossed at least the latter and probably the former right out the window when you began the affair. Now you have to step up and accept whatever anger, vitriol, and unpleasantness (and yes, there will be all three) your wife throws at you, as Sprite said. She will blame herself, she will blame you, and then she will blame herself again. Your only job at this point is to make it crystal clear that nothing she did, or could have done, led to your very mistaken decision.
My question is, how long did you think you could go on like this, had you not been caught out with your lover? Years? What of the other woman's feelings? Did you just not care?
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
You could also have your mistress break it to her and avoid all the ugliness yourself.
Dancing_Doll, Possibly and Porgy, thanks for your thoughtful replies. I agree with what you write and hope I am feeling brave on Tuesday. Suspect I may drop off this site for a while.
Not even wearing a suit of armour when telling her is going to help you. Now that you know you're caught and you have to hurt the person you're supposed to love above all else, do you think the affair was worth it? Not judging, just curious. You've got a long hard road ahead of you buddy. If you love her, you will have to gain her trust again. sometimes that can be impossible to do. Oh, that's if she even WANTS you, or can forgive you. Some women can't.
My 2 cents is just a penny a word. Don't Lie.
The explanation of that is longer... not lying means knowing yourself thoroughly, which I'll wager you do not since you're uncomfortable with the situation.
You should sit down and write out the top 50 questions you think she'll ask you, and really explore both the facts and your feelings about all of them. That way, when she asks you, you won't be caught having to think through them fresh and talk to her about them at the same time. You've spent a long time living deceptions, and the only way you'll be able to come out of it feeling even remotely OK is to understand what you did, why you did it, what you did or didn't get out of it, and what you want from the future. If you know and are comfortable with all of that, and if you have the fortitude to be honest now, when the chips are down, then whether things go "well" or "nuclear," you'll at least come out having been true to yourself.
This is going to take some strength; you've been a real a-hole, and that's always hard to admit. But it will be worth it, because after a thorough and unflinching time of self-examination, you'll either be comfortable with your a-hole-ness or you'll know what specifically you need to work on changing.
No offense, but I think that, even without the comments above, the answer is obvious. Unless your spouse is so in love with you she'll forgive anything and everything (or just doesn't care that much about you), you destroyed her trust in you forever. And without trust and faith based on complete honesty, there is no marriage/relationship, even if you do continue to live together
Sadly there is no easy way to tell your wife that you've been having an affair. You'll need to do some soul searching and decide on whether you want to salvage your marriage or make a clean break. Either way your wife is going to react with shock, disbelief, hurt and anger, betrayal is hard to accept and your wife will never look at you in the same way ever again. If you decide to fight for your marriage, then you will have to ditch the other woman and block all contact and you will have to regain your wife's trust ( if you can, she may never trust you again) or you may choose to end your marriage and make a go off things with her. Good luck with whatever you decide
No... get a fallout plan ready first!
What's your real name? You know, so we'll know when we see you on an episode of 20/20 or Snapped.
The attorneys are going to love this. Do you have one on retainer? You better do that.
Dude, I think you are SOL. Suck it up, buttercup.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
So, this thread started over 3 moths ago. What happened?
Honestly your wife doesn't wan't you to logically tell her your cheating. She respects you as a man for cheating and probally the times you have cheated she has been a better wife to you. She also does not want to know or hear about. That's when you break her heart.
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I wonder what happened. .clearly. .he left the site right
Huge difference between a one night and an affair
But cheating is cheating
You wish it was nuclear because then you would be annilated to bits
It still goes on..six years later every argument you have..what you did..will be flung in your face
Even if your spouse cut off sex from you and you warned them u didnt want a sexless marriage
You cheated..you will pay the rest of your life...and you will deserve it
Pull the band aid off now..deal with the pain and never do it again
It won't be worth it...ever
