I have a long distance relationship with a girl who is, at the same time, 8 years older than me(im 22 shes 30). We dont even live in the same city and i currently study abroad. Our relationship is mostly based on facebook chatting and . Last couple of months she got a job so we cant chat as much as i want anymore due to working hours. Even less when she comes home and says she is tired..we barely talk to . And when she has free time she goes out with friends and doesnt want to talk with me because and i quote 'i cant be with a cell texting all the time in front of my friends'(they dont know we are together btw).
Each time i visit she says shes tired and wants to go home early. How come she doesnt do that when shes out with friends but stays as long as they do?
Im afraid to tell her that i might visit cause of that..i cant hear the 'im tired' excuse anymore. Am i unreasonable? She told me when she got the job that things might change..she wont be able to give as much as she wants. Thing is, i dont ask for much nor something else than i did before. I want to be treated equally. I feel like she doesnt want me there when i visit or she meets me just so i wont complain. I know its not true for sure, i can see that shine in her eyes everytime she looks at me, but this is how i feel.
I still have a year studying in this country and then im thinking of getting a job in her town. I feel like distance is killing us..if i were able to see her everyday i bet i wouldnt be that pushy, she would be more comfortable with our situation and things would get the right way.
You're not overreacting. As harsh as this is gonna sound, she's probably just not that into you anymore and hasn't figured out how to communicate that to you, so she chooses to avoid you instead.
I say cut your losses (easier said than done, I know), and move on. There are some big warning signs going on here. Cutting your visits short, not even doing the minimal meet-ups on . There are just so many, and if you put all the puzzle pieces together, you'll see the big picture.
I have overacted before and that is a trait brought on by people who over inflate their self importance, lie or plainly don't care about anyone but themselves. I'm sure that I have misjudged at times...at same time look at what one is dealing with in a chat room. I need to be a better listener and hold back my opinions until I take a deep breath, then let common sense and pure logic rule.
She's simply grown bored of you or there is someone else she talks to long distance too, or someone she is interested in near her. The fact her friends don't know about you should tell you that you are just a time killer for her. Sorry if that's harsh but it's the truth. You're a time killer for her.
First of all, you're not overreacting. I've done the long distance thing before, and it's hard.
I want to know, how long have you been together? And why don’t her friends know she is dating you?
Any relationship takes work, everyone knows this. It’s even harder when it’s long distance and takes the work of both people to make it work. It can’t be up to just one person. It’s impossible.
Yes, a new job can make things harder. She’ll be working, and depending on the time zones that can count in. I’m not sure if it does in your case, but it can be a pain, if it is. But, if she can make the time to go out with her friends, why then can’t she make the time to spend time with you on ? Or when you go to visit her? You’d think she’d want to spend time with you, if you’re actually there, to touch, hold and be naughty with.
You’re 22 years old, in another country going to school and hoping to find a job. I’d cut your losses (again, easier said than done) either focus on your studies, or find someone local there where you are. This current girl isn’t giving her 100%. If you like her enough and want to make it work, than you need to suck it up and talk to her. Tell her how you feel, because that is what you do when you’re in an adult relationship. You need to learn to talk with one another.
If she is just stringing you along, too afraid to be grown and tell you she’s over you, then she needs to grow up. If she isn’t feeling that way, and isn’t telling you how she feels, she needs to grow up. You need to sit down and talk to her, be it on or better yet, face to face when you go and visit. It’s easier to read someone when you’re looking at them person to person, rather than cam to cam. (I would know.)
But, as I said, you’re not overreacting; I’d feel the same way.
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Quote by slipperywhenwet2012 You're not overreacting. As harsh as this is gonna sound, she's probably just not that into you anymore and hasn't figured out how to communicate that to you, so she chooses to avoid you instead.
I say cut your losses (easier said than done, I know), and move on. There are some big warning signs going on here. Cutting your visits short, not even doing the minimal meet-ups on . There are just so many, and if you put all the puzzle pieces together, you'll see the big picture.
From a guys prospective I have to agree with most here... Slippery said it best... I think she has moved on in her head and doesnt know how to say so... I am sure she cares for you and doesnt want to hurt you, so she feels avoiding the conversation she needs to have is better, which it is not... (Hardest lessons are the ones we teach ourselves)..
I think the idea of working in her town and being closer will only result in more pain for you as that would force her to come to terms with what she is feeling...To tell you the truth you already know... I know you can feel it already, part of the reason you came here to ask...
I ask you this... Of all those times you were with her, did the thought of going home early ever enter your mind? When it came time to leave, did you feel like you had enough time together? Would you rather spend time with your friends over her? I would venture to say the answer is No... The painful answer is it is time for you to make the choice to move on... One thing is certain... distance is not the problem... Her communicating her feelings is...
Good luck to you!!
We are together for almost 6 months. Our brothers are good friends, met in uni and still visit one another. I suppose we dont want to risk that friendship in case we break up or something. For me?i dont care..they shouldnt have a say in our relationship neither stop talking or whatever if we break up. But i cant force things as i might have the opposite result. I agreed to tell them when she is ready(god knows when). Probably thats the reason her friends dont know, they know her brother as well as mine and shes afraid they might tell them(its so sad that i realize myself how poor this excuse is).
Even though im quite sure there is no other guy in the middle, Felix's answer gave me the chills..
I told her how i feel..and the answer is always the same, she loves me, wants to be with me but she cant be that committed cause of her work..She cant give her 100% and i knew that from the beginning.
Quote by Memsasnon1000 We are together for almost 6 months. Our brothers are good friends, met in uni and still visit one another. I suppose we dont want to risk that friendship in case we break up or something. For me?i dont care..they shouldnt have a say in our relationship neither stop talking or whatever if we break up. But i cant force things as i might have the opposite result. I agreed to tell them when she is ready(god knows when). Probably thats the reason her friends dont know, they know her brother as well as mine and shes afraid they might tell them(its so sad that i realize myself how poor this excuse is).
Even though im quite sure there is no other guy in the middle, Felix's answer gave me the chills..
I told her how i feel..and the answer is always the same, she loves me, wants to be with me but she cant be that committed cause of her work..She cant give her 100% and i knew that from the beginning.
It sounds like she's just stringing you along, and she's gonna continue to do so for as long as you let her. If she cared about you like she says, she would make more of an effort to spend time with you. Period. Your brothers being friends has nothing to do with this situation. Probably just another excuse you both are holding on to.
I think deep down you know what to do, which is why you're asking for advice in the first place. You're desperate to hold on and you wanna be talked into working things out. Things did sound like they were great for a while. But it's important to know and recognize when it's time to let go.
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Quote by Memsasnon1000 We are together for almost 6 months. Our brothers are good friends, met in uni and still visit one another. I suppose we dont want to risk that friendship in case we break up or something. For me?i dont care..they shouldnt have a say in our relationship neither stop talking or whatever if we break up. But i cant force things as i might have the opposite result. I agreed to tell them when she is ready(god knows when). Probably thats the reason her friends dont know, they know her brother as well as mine and shes afraid they might tell them(its so sad that i realize myself how poor this excuse is).
Even though im quite sure there is no other guy in the middle, Felix's answer gave me the chills..
I told her how i feel..and the answer is always the same, she loves me, wants to be with me but she cant be that committed cause of her work..She cant give her 100% and i knew that from the beginning.
Sounds to me like she made it semi apparent that it was a casual relationship, or one of convenience (for her, not you)... It also seems she is afraid of anyone in her family or her friends finding out for fear of being judged about the whole age difference thing or anything else that is in her mind...
Ultimately it comes down to are you willing to accept things the way they are now and ready to deal with the fact that even if you move back home that they will probably stay the same?
Even though im quite sure there is no other guy in the middle, Felix's answer gave me the chills..
Yeah, he needs to polish up his bedside manner a little bit. Look it's not the end of the world, unless you force it to be. Relax, chill out... Be cool, fool and all that jazz.
Ain't nothing but a thang. In the mean time... start banging some hottie local to where you're located now. I'm sure the new girl will help you forget about the older one in a very short time.
Your mutual connections can keep you both current with each other until she pulls that stick out of her ass and decides to either tell you to go pack sand or begs your forgiveness and wishes to be your one & only for reelz.
In the meantime.... make her come to you (if she doesn't) you haven't lost a thing, Chief.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
In the mean time... start banging some hottie local to where you're located now. I'm sure the new girl will help you forget about the older one in a very short time.
You mean something like ignore her in order to really find out whats happening or suggest to visit me here, where my uni is?
P.s. Laughed my ass off with 'start banging a local hottie'.
Yes & yes...
Ignore her as she is ignoring you. It will be difficult for you to do so at first, as you are bordering on obsessing over her now.
For your own self esteem and dignity however, you must do so. Nobody enjoys being obsessed over when they are attempting to put space between themselves and whichever person they wish to separate from.
Think of this situation as if the roles were reversed. What could she do which would upset you more.
Stalking someone you claim you care a great deal for, electronically or actually, is not how you 'prove' your affection for them.
Sometimes you need to institute the 'time-out' card. Ignore is a strong word, but in this case, it is the appropriate one. She's avoiding you, ignoring you, etc...
Return her volley, in kind.
If it is meant to be, it will be...If not, it won't be.
Relax and concentrate on the other important elements in your life to prepare for the days when she (OR SOMEONE ELSE) will find you attractive enough to pay you full attention.
good luck
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
She's using you. Plain and simple, she probably does care about you, which is why she won't just break it off, but instead she's just being aloof and unavailable. She's keeping you around to use when she wants, but wants her freedom the rest of the time. I would just tell her you see her game, and you're ending it. She'll either be relieved you're doing the breaking up for her (speaking from experience), or she'll realize what she lost when you're gone (let her realize it for a while if you consider getting back with her at all!). Good luck dude, tough break.
Sorry about that dude... The truth is that when someone wants to be with someone they make it happen no matter what. Everything else is bullshit.
BINGO! It really is THIS simple.
I too am in a long distance relationship for the first time in my life. Trying to make a relationship work when you're in the same house is hard enough at the best of times never mind adding distance and a border between you.
If you really want it to work, you make the effort and work together to figure out how to navigate your way around obstacles. If either of you don't, it's doomed ESPECIALLY in long distance relationships.
Keep your dignity and shut this one down. The writing is on the wall with this woman unfortunately.
