I've had my share of one-night stands ... not a huge fan of them for the most part. I do see a lot my friends doing the kind where they go out to the bar, get wasted, and end up having terrible, drunken sex with whatever guy happened to be standing beside her when the bar closed down. One friend actually walked out of a bar, and randomly picked a guy who was standing in line trying to get into the club and took him home... LOL.. luckiest guy ever, I'm sure. Didn't even have to buy her a drink!
I'm not a huge fan of one-niters UNLESS I'm feeling some serious chemistry and sexual attraction to the person. I don't like the accidental drunken-fucks where its less about wanting to have sex with THAT particular person, and more about just wanting to have sex.
When I'm not in a relationship, then I would rather call a fuck-buddy or just use my toys.
A one-niter does take on a more exciting dynamic when it's a threesome though...
Something just has to be out of the ordinary for me to want to do it.. whether its an usual circumstance, or when you meet someone where there's just a kind of chemical lust that makes you just have to have them that night!
One-nite stands do tend to be more fun and acceptable when you're on vacation though! Who doesn't like hot vacation-sex?!
As a related question, how often do people end up making a relationship out of something that began as a one-night stand?
The 'urban legend' is that it doesn't happen, but we all know that it does sometimes.
Is it always at least somewhat on the table, or are there people out there who take the old-fashioned view that no matter what happens that night, they'd never seriously consider dating someone they randomly hooked up with just a few hours after meeting.
I think women are almost trained to assume a one-night-stand isn't going to lead anywhere, so we almost back off instinctively immediately after it happens....
This might even give the guy the impression that we aren't interested in taking things further into a dating relationship. But women want to play being the "cool girl" and not put any pressure on things, and more often than not, we'll just walk away and assume it was a no-strings moment in time.
Damon, after reading what you said, I almost wonder how many missed opportunities there are out there because both people had their wires crossed: the girl assuming the guy wouldn't respect her or want to date her after sleeping with her on the first night and therefore backing off completely and not leaving her number behind, and the guy just assuming she wasn't interested and not wanting to push things.
Hmmm...
Using AFF was, for the most part...a series of agreed upon one-nighters - for me and whomever I met.
One woman and I continued to see one another for four months...in the mean time, I would meet and enjoy sex (and sometimes not enjoy sex) with other women...and 'she' too was seeing other men.
On what would be our last Saturday afternoon together, she remarked, "What started out as just a pure carnal attraction with you has turned into nearly 60 great fucks and I think we need to part ways, before one of us gets too serious..."
"Or perhaps we need to quit seeing other people and concentrate on extending the streak to 6000 great fucks?"
"I just can't figure out why you've never been married.."
"It takes two, to tango, Babe."
"Let's end it at 65 then."
I think tried to extend it to 70 that weekend...but that's how that ended - me at 46 and her at 42 (thrice divorced) and her moving on to quit her AFF days and search for soulmate #4.
I don't believe in soulmates...but sole-mates, yeah. And I think she and I could've been quite happy together to this day.
I've found myself in two short term relationships which started out of one-night stands - (pre online days). I'm always open to that possibility. I've also endured too many coyote-mornings when doing the one night thing, too.
Alcohol was usually involved.
I think it's generally better to not drink and fuck.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
One night stands, have I had one, or two or three or many? Surely it is somewhere beyond three.
I do not drink when I am out and I do everything possible not to exhange names or phone numbers. If the attraction is there why not. But I am more than willing to go home alone when the right man or woman is not insight.
The excitement is unusual sometimes unusually good and sometime unusually bad, mostly something in between. Nothing is expected from either and the next day we can each go back to whatever our life is. Hotels are best, but have been to some peoples places.
The question is what if you want a second or third matchup? Darn
I'd rather a solo play than a one-night stand. At least it never feels so empty as the result of a one-time fuck unless it's a one-night stand that goes over the entire weekend and the room service is stellar!
Van
I am monogamous by heart and I don't like relationships, so what I do have is regular sex partners.
Between them a usually play with my toys and when I need a live dildo then I have a one night stand.
I do not know why some people assume that one night stand means only teenage (or older) drunk fuck.
I don't pick up guys when I drink, because I need to feel a chemistry between us (if there is any),
and lack of it for me means the sex is usually no good.
After sex he must leave, but if we like each other we can become regular lovers.
This works for me now and I asume that I haven't fall in love yet and when I am going to,
knowing myself I will just let him be free.
Here's an addendum.
Some people tend to be more conservative during a one night stand since they aren't as comfortable with the person...and some tend to be a little bit more wild and kinky if they know that they will never see the person again.
Which one are you?
Me neither, not a big fan of one night stands. I can recall two of them now. The first one was a talker in bed and at that moment he wanted me to scream his name asking me 'so who is the best lover?' (or something similarly stupid) but I happened to forget his name so I just said 'you' It was funny and embarassing. I had to nick his pullover in the morning and as he knew where I worked I prayed every day, he won't show up there to collect it. Thanks heavens he never did.
Second one was quite a macho type, and although I didn't understand why he wanted me, miss little grey mouse, the chemistry was there and we had great sex at mine's. I knew some of his friends and I knew where he used to hang out but I never looked for him. Dancing Doll is right, we are kinda trained not to...
But one day, weeks, maybe a month later I bumped into him at a clubs entrance. He saw me and then he turned his head. That really hurt me. It made me think he only did it as a sick bet or something. I didn't want a relationship, only wanted a stupid 'hello' and maybe a kinky smile...
And as for whether I am more kinky in a one night stand...hm...let's just say I tend to go with the flow more.
I believe that I am a lover and not a fucker.
Quantity means more than quantity to me. And quality is above all else important.
Carress and enjoy the love. Spread it as you would spread all else. Why have one night when you might have many?
Define for us, what boring sex, is...to you?
I don't believe I have ever endured boring sex. I've been with women whom I was too bored to be around, let alone have sex with. But I do not recall being in the middle of a sexual act with anyone and thinking.
"Okay, I'm officially bored now."
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
One night stands are a mixed bag. I haven't had one since my late teens and early 20s, when they were a regular feature on my sexual landscape. I think I would put one night stands in the category of recreational sex. The mixed bag feature of one night stands means there is a lot of uncertainty in the outcome.
The ugly side of one night stands.
A few times I would be really disgusted with myself, walking away with the kind of memories that you cringe at and take a long time to go away. Like that night at a party and feeling horny knowing that chick will go to bed with me, she is the wrong chick and I know it but do it any way. She will be fucked by me tonight and someone else tomorrow never finding a way out of her lonelinesses because no cares much about her except fucking her. Fucking gives her the pretense of living. It is ugly, there is no other way to explain it. Life is good, but it is not a movie, sometimes it can be painful.
If that wasn't depressing enough, how about waking up in a motel on the out skirts of Fayetteville NC, in bed with some woman you don't know who she is. You vaguely remember a country and western bar, being rowdy as hell, doing the and vaguely remember checking in. You get up quietly, hoping you don't wake her up because you are not ready to deal with reality. You look outside and are relieved to see your car in one piece. You sit in a chair thinking this kind of life needs to stop now. You hear early risers driving by on their way to pieces of their life. You can only feel a road to nowhere becoming you.
The starlight side of one night stands.
She came in with someone else. She has the look I like, I sense her positive energy directed at me. It is not foolish male pride, I know the difference by this time in life. Calmly, I approach her, connect and we disappear out onto Santa Monica Boulevard. She suggests the Huntley, a room with an ocean view. In the morning sipping lattes looking out on the Pacific letting the pleasure of the night linger before each leaves to follow a different path.
It is a loft party in Jamaica Plain, there is a rock band playing, the atmosphere is full of intellect but the energy is not right. I head out to the street, she is setting on the steps smoking a cigarette. She is artistically dressed. I can tell she is engaged in her own thoughts, I am attracted by her energy. I respect a woman's space but this time I flip a mental coin, it comes up heads and I approach her. I ask her if she would like to go for a walk. She looks at me, silent for a while, I wait. She asks why. I said it will be interesting. She trusts me. We take to the trolley to the Massachusetts Ave. We talk about what is, we walk down Commonwealth Avenue, through the Public Garden, across the Boston Common, through down town, over Beacon Hill, across the Salt and Pepper Bridge, along the Cambridge side of the river, back across the Mass Ave Bridge, then along the Boston side of the river and fuck under a tree at 3:30 AM. We knew, we kissed and went our own way.
I think there is definitely a double standard when it comes to women who are empowered to choose their own sexual destinies. Many women are conflicted (or at least at some point in their lives they probably were) about the primal sexual desires that they have, which sometimes veer closer to the kind of urges men are expected (and loudly applauded) to have.
If a woman dresses provocatively, walks into any kind of situation and feels the urge/desire to have a night of crazy, no-strings sex, she is immediately looked upon negatively by many people... not only by men, but by other women.
She is branded as 'having issues', slutty, no self-esteem, disrespecting her body, or giving her power over to men who just want to fuck and use her.
The truth is... sometimes women also want to fuck and use men. But somehow we end up feeling like we should apologize for it, or keep it on the down-low.
The myth that women can't have sex without feeling emotion is largely just a myth.
Besides that, there are emotions to be felt during a one-night-stand. There's heat, passion, and it wakes up a carnal vitality deep in the core that sometimes just needs to be satisfied. Attraction to another person can be just that... heat and attraction. It does't have to mean love, and white-picket fences.
It brings back the whole concept that most women lie about how many sexual partners they've had. Why does this happen? Because we are afraid of being judged. What other reason could there be?
I find this to be a shame. For as much as the feminist movement has brought women forward, it has arguably been at the expense of the power we have over our own sexuality.
Now, I do agree with Kyle, that there ARE many occasions where women have one-niters for the wrong reason or seek out toxic situations that lead to self-sabotage and serious self-esteem issues. I certainly know my fair share of girls like this. If they are not in right mindset, one-niters can lead to a hollow, empty, regretful experience to be sure.
But there is a whole subset of other women that just like to fuck and are tired of having to apologize for it all the time.
