A few days after my birthday, a guy added me on some website. I accepted, he sent me a message and we hit it off. It said he was single. 2 weeks ago I had to cancel a date but then I changed my mind about going on the date so I sent him a text to meet me where we were going to go. He told me never mind because he was having dinner delivered to his house (because I had canceled.) This past Wednesday, we met up at my college and he helped me with an assignment I needed to get done. Right before I left he kissed me. I was pretty happy.
Well today I searched for him on Facebook (I tend to do that sometimes just so I don't get hurt). On his Facebook page it said he is in a relationship with some girl named Katie and it started on Feb. 19th. I have sent him a text waiting to see if he responds (which I am going to highly doubt with my luck). Should I back off?
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Is this a sign that I should back off?
Internet Philosopher
Quote by smoothwetkitty
A few days after my birthday, a guy added me on some website. I accepted, he sent me a message and we hit it off. It said he was single. 2 weeks ago I had to cancel a date but then I changed my mind about going on the date so I sent him a text to meet me where we were going to go. He told me never mind because he was having dinner delivered to his house (because I had canceled.) This past Wednesday, we met up at my college and he helped me with an assignment I needed to get done. Right before I left he kissed me. I was pretty happy.
Well today I searched for him on Facebook (I tend to do that sometimes just so I don't get hurt). On his Facebook page it said he is in a relationship with some girl named Katie and it started on Feb. 19th. I have sent him a text waiting to see if he responds (which I am going to highly doubt with my luck). Should I back off?
I would think your main concern is this Katie. It's possible I suppose he hasn't updated his Facebook page in ages but I somehow doubt it.
Most likely he has the intention of having you on the side and I doubt that's what you want. I'd ask him about this Katie and see if he changes his status to say he is seeing you. If not, he's basically using you as a side dish.
I'm sorry to put it in those terms, but really you should be aware of what's he's really thinking.
Good luck to you.
Active Ink Slinger
Trolling cheaty dicksmack, in my opinion
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Milik_The_Red
I would think your main concern is this Katie. It's possible I suppose he hasn't updated his Facebook page in ages but I somehow doubt it.
Most likely he has the intention of having you on the side and I doubt that's what you want. I'd ask him about this Katie and see if he changes his status to say he is seeing you. If not, he's basically using you as a side dish.
I'm sorry to put it in those terms, but really you should be aware of what's he's really thinking.
Good luck to you.
It was only 3 weeks ago, are young guys that concerned about rushing to fb to change status.
He might only have put Kate on at her insistence. Depends on how he uses fb.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
To piggyback off of what Milik has said, if he and Katie have broken up but he hasn't changed his status, he may just not be over her...and is on the rebound.
As Milik said, find out Katie's significance in his life and go from there. Proceed with caution, and good luck!
As Milik said, find out Katie's significance in his life and go from there. Proceed with caution, and good luck!
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Mazztastic
It's very early in a relationship to be so worried...
I guess that the main thing is that you are able to feel comfortable and confident in it. Now, while it's true that he may not have updated his relationship status on FB, it does seem unlikely - I mean, you're much more likely to update it if you've finished a relationship, aren't you?
I would say you need to back off, detach, just a wee bit - it sounds like you're quite emotionally involved already?
He might well still be in a relationship with this girl but it doesn't sound like much has happened between the two of you?
Speak to him, just ask if he's with this other girl... If he is, then back away gracefully, with your dignity still intact. If he's not, well, see how you feel about that and what you want to do then...
However it all pans out, I wish you the best of luck xx
I guess that the main thing is that you are able to feel comfortable and confident in it. Now, while it's true that he may not have updated his relationship status on FB, it does seem unlikely - I mean, you're much more likely to update it if you've finished a relationship, aren't you?
I would say you need to back off, detach, just a wee bit - it sounds like you're quite emotionally involved already?
He might well still be in a relationship with this girl but it doesn't sound like much has happened between the two of you?
Speak to him, just ask if he's with this other girl... If he is, then back away gracefully, with your dignity still intact. If he's not, well, see how you feel about that and what you want to do then...
However it all pans out, I wish you the best of luck xx
Internet Philosopher
Quote by gunshopgirl
Trolling cheaty dicksmack, in my opinion
I'm sorry you feel that way. That was certainly not my intention
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Milik_The_Red
I'm sorry you feel that way. That was certainly not my intention
==
NOT YOU. LOL The guy who is seeing "Katie"! LOL
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Mazza
It's very early in a relationship to be so worried...
I guess that the main thing is that you are able to feel comfortable and confident in it. Now, while it's true that he may not have updated his relationship status on FB, it does seem unlikely - I mean, you're much more likely to update it if you've finished a relationship, aren't you?
I would say you need to back off, detach, just a wee bit - it sounds like you're quite emotionally involved already?
He might well still be in a relationship with this girl but it doesn't sound like much has happened between the two of you?
Speak to him, just ask if he's with this other girl... If he is, then back away gracefully, with your dignity still intact. If he's not, well, see how you feel about that and what you want to do then...
However it all pans out, I wish you the best of luck xx
Do guys do that, change their status straight away?
Do guys use fb in the same way as girls?
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Dani
To piggyback off of what Milik has said, if he and Katie have broken up but he hasn't changed his status, he may just not be over her...and is on the rebound.
As Milik said, find out Katie's significance in his life and go from there. Proceed with caution, and good luck!
Do you think it would be on the rebound after less than a month? Do guys get that involved so quickly? I never have.
Mazztastic
Quote by Milik_The_Red
I'm sorry you feel that way. That was certainly not my intention
I don't think she meant you, my dear Milik!! I think she was referring to the object of the OP's affections?
Mazztastic
Quote by dpw
Do guys do that, change their status straight away?
Do guys use fb in the same way as girls?
Some do, for sure... Same as here on lush?
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by smoothwetkitty
The only reason I checked his Facebook page was so that I didn't get hurt again. I haven't faired well in the dating pool because guys ended up lying to me. I want to make sure that I'm not going into something where I will already be screwed over from the beginning.
Does he use facebook a lot?
Internet Philosopher
Quote by gunshopgirl
==
NOT YOU. LOL The guy who is seeing "Katie"! LOL
Just being careful. I don't usually get cheeky in these but this time I just wanted her to be aware of how guys can think of a girl.
Thanks for clarifying this.
Alpha Blonde
Yes, the first thing you do when you're single is chance your FB status. Provided a relationship was important enough for you to change your status in the first place, the dissolution of this relationship should likely impact someone enough to change it back to single.
Unless... they're on 'a break' or in the final stages of the relationship - and in both cases, I would suggest proceeding with caution.
Quite honesty, some guys who are looking for some fun don't think twice about publicly being viewed as in a relationship or married. I met a guy in an upscale bar a few years ago, he gave me his card, we had a fun night (non-sexual, although he was pushing to drive me home and come to my place for 'one last drink'). He wanted to take me out, asked if he could call. He was good looking and fun, so I thought sure, why not. Then the next day, in my hangover haze, I pulled out his card and did a little googling. I found his Facebook page and not only was he married, but his profile pic was of him and his lovely wife. lol. He called me later that day wanting to take me out for dinner - I asked him about being married without mentioning Facebook - he admitted that he was and then asked if I thought that was a problem. Uhmm... ya think? This kind of thing has happened to me a few times - Google and Facebook are a girl's best friend. Use them. Anyway - moral of the story - don't put it past people. Many cheat, many don't care, and many will assume you won't care either.
Since you started online, I don't think it's a big deal to say that you were going to add him on Facebook but then noticed his status. Do it in a casual way - just say that it's cool, but you don't want to be 'that girl' so you wanted to know. If he spins an unrealistic tale, take it with a grain of salt. You can continue, but if you notice he's secretive with his phone, always needs to text when you're out late with him, won't introduce you to his friends or isn't available on Friday/Saturday nights, I would assume Katie is still around.
Unless... they're on 'a break' or in the final stages of the relationship - and in both cases, I would suggest proceeding with caution.
Quite honesty, some guys who are looking for some fun don't think twice about publicly being viewed as in a relationship or married. I met a guy in an upscale bar a few years ago, he gave me his card, we had a fun night (non-sexual, although he was pushing to drive me home and come to my place for 'one last drink'). He wanted to take me out, asked if he could call. He was good looking and fun, so I thought sure, why not. Then the next day, in my hangover haze, I pulled out his card and did a little googling. I found his Facebook page and not only was he married, but his profile pic was of him and his lovely wife. lol. He called me later that day wanting to take me out for dinner - I asked him about being married without mentioning Facebook - he admitted that he was and then asked if I thought that was a problem. Uhmm... ya think? This kind of thing has happened to me a few times - Google and Facebook are a girl's best friend. Use them. Anyway - moral of the story - don't put it past people. Many cheat, many don't care, and many will assume you won't care either.
Since you started online, I don't think it's a big deal to say that you were going to add him on Facebook but then noticed his status. Do it in a casual way - just say that it's cool, but you don't want to be 'that girl' so you wanted to know. If he spins an unrealistic tale, take it with a grain of salt. You can continue, but if you notice he's secretive with his phone, always needs to text when you're out late with him, won't introduce you to his friends or isn't available on Friday/Saturday nights, I would assume Katie is still around.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by dpw
Do you think it would be on the rebound after less than a month? Do guys get that involved so quickly? I never have.
Being on the rebound has nothing to do with levels of involvement. The person you choose as a rebound doesn't necessarily have to be long-term. Most people use rebounds as a distraction from the pain of ending a relationship. Some use rebounds to make the ex jealous. Others rebound quickly because they don't know how to not be in a relationship or just can't be alone even in between relationships.
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The Linebacker
Quote by Dani
Being on the rebound has nothing to do with levels of involvement. The person you choose as a rebound doesn't necessarily have to be long-term. Most people use rebounds as a distraction from the pain of ending a relationship. Some use rebounds to make the ex jealous. Others rebound quickly because they don't know how to not be in a relationship or just can't be alone even in between relationships.
I remember dealing with the rebounds and using them myself. A rather nasty situation. Rebound bf's used by the ex to hurt me, and me returning the not so kind favor. Silly immature games. I was guilty,
So be wary of that situation, play it careful, try not to get hurt.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Buz
I remember dealing with the rebounds and using them myself. A rather nasty situation. Rebound bf's used by the ex to hurt me, and me returning the not so kind favor. Silly immature games. I was guilty,
So be wary of that situation, play it careful, try not to get hurt.
Do me a favour Buz, read my posts and tell me if I've got it wrong.
Did you ever go out on the "rebound" after a 3 week relationship finished or did you just go out to find another girl?
Alpha Blonde
Just wanted to say - just because he changed his FB status on Feb. 19th doesn't mean he met Katie on the 19th. It takes *a lot* for many people to change their FB status to 'in a relationship' - it assumes there was obviously some dating intensity leading up to that moment where you are calling each other BF/GF and changing statuses. People seem to do it pretty fast on Lush but on FB where family and real life friends view things, it can take months of dating and getting to know each other before going 'public' as a committed couple. At least that's how it was for me and probably most of the people I know. Might be different with others though - I tend to run in commitment phobic circles. 
The Linebacker
Quote by dpw
Do me a favour Buz, read my posts and tell me if I've got it wrong.
Did you ever go out on the "rebound" after a 3 week relationship finished or did you just go out to find another girl?
After only a three week relationship, it wouldn't have been a rebound, more of just 'who's next?' Yes, just to find another girl.
If I had been in a serious relationship, within 3 weeks of breaking up, I was still reeling, but probably rebounding with someone and probably in a state of confusion. So not capable of developing a new serious relationship.
Hope that makes sense.
For many guys rebounding is just having as much sex as possible to keep the hurt off your mind or of she's already fucking someone else, that you can do that too. Whoa be to the new people involved.
Damn, I'm sure glad I'm married and not playing those single-relationship dating games. Marriage is work as well as fulfillment, but the focus is different and really its more simple. Going on 3 years and its pretty damn good.
Bonnet Flaunter
You're very wise to be wary! Especially as you've been hurt by lies before. By all means give him a fair hearing but trust your instincts on whether his story rings true or not.
If he doesn't get back to you then that says it all really...
If he doesn't get back to you then that says it all really...
Advanced Wordsmith
if you are sure that he is really in relationship with someone then you should stay away from him, but if u are not sure about it then u should try and meet him and clarify the things. Try not to get involved with person who is in any relationship it can be painful .
Move on and get over it - why keep wasting time to figure him out. Why fight for something? If it doesn't flow then let it go!
Don't over-analyse your relationships.
Stop playing games with yourself.
A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.
Frtiz Perls, father of Gestalt therapy said, (and I live by these words) I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”
However, if your're into mental self flagellation then go for it - nothing like emotionally self induced pain to prevent you from finding people that really care for you.
Don't over-analyse your relationships.
Stop playing games with yourself.
A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.
Frtiz Perls, father of Gestalt therapy said, (and I live by these words) I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”
However, if your're into mental self flagellation then go for it - nothing like emotionally self induced pain to prevent you from finding people that really care for you.
Active Ink Slinger
Play it Cool. If you try hard, you die hard.
I don't see the reason why you're particularly attracted to this person any more than other eligable bachelors in the pool. So you chatted and got on, but thats trivial information at this stage. You're giving yourself a hard time unnecessarly, but we've all done it. I can't count the amount of times I've been missed around, or received the 'hot cold hot cold' treatment. It's frustating, but it sounds like you're veering more towards obession, that has been strengthened because of rejection, than actual attraction. Even if he was interested, obsession is likely to drive him away and be intimidated.
Remember that you live in your own reality, so in matters like this, you need to flip script. You be the confident one, you be the non-needy one, you show how much fun you are, and love of life you have, without actually trying to direct too much attention to yourself. Theres a huge difference between showing off, and people knowing that you're showing off. One of the Paradoxes of dating and courtship behaviour, is that that it takes alot of effort, to look effortless (Thank you for that Neil Strauss).
One scenario that I suspect, is that he has been dating or courting this Katie, and they've hit a rough spot, pahaps not talking to each other or on the rocks. Often when this happens, people don't change their facebook status, because they are not sure if this situation is dead, or if it will flower again. However during this period they are more open to interest for others, and will make considerations for other potential partners as rebound or backup. Thats my guess on this, it could be entirely false, he may just be a player, on the other hand, she may just be his half-sisters best friend, that he didn't mention.
Checking his facebook is a natural reaction, but The fact that (at least you made it sound like) you are not friends on facebook, tells me you didn't get that close, nor do you really know that much about him. You're getting into territory where you're gonna destroy your own self-esteem, for no good reason.
Relax about the whole thing.
I don't see the reason why you're particularly attracted to this person any more than other eligable bachelors in the pool. So you chatted and got on, but thats trivial information at this stage. You're giving yourself a hard time unnecessarly, but we've all done it. I can't count the amount of times I've been missed around, or received the 'hot cold hot cold' treatment. It's frustating, but it sounds like you're veering more towards obession, that has been strengthened because of rejection, than actual attraction. Even if he was interested, obsession is likely to drive him away and be intimidated.
Remember that you live in your own reality, so in matters like this, you need to flip script. You be the confident one, you be the non-needy one, you show how much fun you are, and love of life you have, without actually trying to direct too much attention to yourself. Theres a huge difference between showing off, and people knowing that you're showing off. One of the Paradoxes of dating and courtship behaviour, is that that it takes alot of effort, to look effortless (Thank you for that Neil Strauss).
One scenario that I suspect, is that he has been dating or courting this Katie, and they've hit a rough spot, pahaps not talking to each other or on the rocks. Often when this happens, people don't change their facebook status, because they are not sure if this situation is dead, or if it will flower again. However during this period they are more open to interest for others, and will make considerations for other potential partners as rebound or backup. Thats my guess on this, it could be entirely false, he may just be a player, on the other hand, she may just be his half-sisters best friend, that he didn't mention.
Checking his facebook is a natural reaction, but The fact that (at least you made it sound like) you are not friends on facebook, tells me you didn't get that close, nor do you really know that much about him. You're getting into territory where you're gonna destroy your own self-esteem, for no good reason.
Relax about the whole thing.
Active Ink Slinger
Just Chill, if it's meant for you, you'll get it. He sounds like a playah.
Just be the beautiful, confident person you are.
Just be the beautiful, confident person you are.
Active Ink Slinger
To those saying he may not be over this Katie girl, or hasn't had time to change is Facebook status, if I'm correct if they had broken up and he hasn't changed the status but she has which would be likely, his status would not say 'In a Relationships with Katie' It would just say 'In a Relationship' as she's taken it down. I say try to confront him about it, but not in a harsh way. If he acts dodgy about it or makes up an excuse then leave him. If he actively uses Facebook and hasn't changed his status if he's apparently single then he's lying to your face. I'd hate for you to get caught up in drama like this, and get into trouble with his girlfriend. So I say leave while you can, before you get too deep.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by dpw
Do you think it would be on the rebound after less than a month? Do guys get that involved so quickly? I never have.
I don't tend to do that either.
Let's be honest, we all fancy someone in our past and in our present. We are all "has beens" and "wannabes."
But how do we play this game called "love?" Do we play it to win, or do we play it not to lose?
I personally would keep seeing the other person and judge them by how they treat you, by what your sense is for how they feel about you, etc.
I say that because a lot of times we feel very close to someone and may even think they are "the one."(if there is such a thing...) But then someone else comes along and everyone else is very quickly past history. I am not saying this to be mean or suggest abusive behavior, but the mind is a very complex thing....that is especially so when we get the heart involved.
So yes, there are a lot of bad people out there who can hurt us, but we have to look
for just that one person who is really good for us.....
If I personally went on the number of times I have been hurt, I would never love another person again for the rest of my life. Well I do NOT want that to happen. I have had to stop licking my wounds, and have had to just move on and try my best to give everyone I meet a chance to know me and love me.....it is the only way I know of, in spite of the odds, to win! We didn't make life what it is....but we can make the best of the hand we are dealt.....the key is to never stop wanting to play the game.....when that day comes, we will never win.....
Wild at Heart
Quote by smoothwetkitty
A few days after my birthday, a guy added me on some website. I accepted, he sent me a message and we hit it off. It said he was single. 2 weeks ago I had to cancel a date but then I changed my mind about going on the date so I sent him a text to meet me where we were going to go. He told me never mind because he was having dinner delivered to his house (because I had canceled.) This past Wednesday, we met up at my college and he helped me with an assignment I needed to get done. Right before I left he kissed me. I was pretty happy.
Well today I searched for him on Facebook (I tend to do that sometimes just so I don't get hurt). On his Facebook page it said he is in a relationship with some girl named Katie and it started on Feb. 19th. I have sent him a text waiting to see if he responds (which I am going to highly doubt with my luck). Should I back off?
I am not too sure what his status means. Like others said, he could be someone that rarely checks and just hasn't realized to change it or he could have met someone right after your date and just had some instant connection and they banged that night and have been together since. That's happened to me before and some women will just be like, "we fucked, and I'm not going anywhere". It happens.
What I replied to this thread to say though is this. A lot of girls don't realize this because they do it so much that they think it's just like whatever... When a guy meets a girl and you set up a first date (or an early second or third date) and she cancels on you only to later change her mind and say she can go it is a red flag to us. Or maybe I should say for me... But when girls do this it makes me wonder if they aren't just playing around and seeing which dude offers up the best date on a saturday night. I'd be thinking, how is someone not sure if they can or can't go out saturday? It's not like she's working... So I think, she's either got another date possibly in the works or she has annoying ass friends that guilt trip her when she can't go out with the girls. Both are pretty annoying and makes me not take a girl seriously. I will still go out with her when she finally is able to figure out when she's free but she has to be pretty awesome for me to then feel I am going to be competing for this chick. So I just wanted to say that this type of thing really early on will hurt your chances of getting with a dude you really like.
