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Is cybersex cheating?

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Quote by Mysteria27
I believe it is not cheating. Cheating is when you physically cheat.

My husband is at his job all day long. I don't know what he does on the internet. Nor do I care.

I don't feel like it is a sin. I may be the only person here who thinks that but I really just don't believe it is cheating.

I guess you just do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Its your business. In my honest opinion.

xo



Couldn't say it better myself!
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I use to always believe because we were not touching ,it was words on a screen, it wasn't cheating.But when you have feelings for this person you are cybering with Yes its cheating,touching or not.
Leesi
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Quote by Mysteria27
I believe it is not cheating. Cheating is when you physically cheat.

My husband is at his job all day long. I don't know what he does on the internet. Nor do I care.

I don't feel like it is a sin. I may be the only person here who thinks that but I really just don't believe it is cheating.

I guess you just do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Its your business. In my honest opinion.

xo



Well said. I honestly don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I have my reasons and it's no one's business.
ChuckEPoo
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If you are sneaking around and chatting or cybering with someone else, why wouldn't it be cheating? I don't think you are going to tell your spouse about it are you?

"Hey hun, I'm going up and cyber with someone."

If you gotta hide it, then it obviously is cheating.
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Quote by Leesi


Well said. I honestly don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I have my reasons and it's no one's business.


Your totally right it is your business and no one else' s. You do what makes you feel right. whether I think it is or isnt is not the question,I do believe it is up to the individual, There is different circumstances for everyone one.No one is in the same situation. Also I think it has alot to do with how you feel about your spouse and the situation there.
VanGogh
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Quote by AudriNichols
You stated: I'm having a rich sexual fantasy in writing with someone, and I keep that from my partner. This says it all.

Any time you are giving of yourself in any sexual way, physically, mentally, emotionally, to anyone other than your partner you are cheating. Instead of sharing this rich sexual fantasy life with your partner, you are giving it to someone else. The fact that you are keeping secrets from your partner indicates you know you are doing something you shouldn't be, and feel the need to hide it from them. There should be no secrets between an intimate couple.

If you want to know if you are really cheating or not, tell your partner what you have been up to, and ask them if they feel cheated on. The opinions of strangers doesn't matter. What matters is how your actions make your partner feel.


This!

For those that state "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore, I do what I want" should really re-think their "real life" relationships and their online relationships. I would never get involved with anyone that has that type of mentality. It's more than selfish, it's damaging to all of the other people they are involved with ... because let me assure you, more than the cheater will feel the hurt .... eventually.

good luck to you all that think it's just online ... especially those that take it away from Lush .... chat on the phone, , , .... that is real life. I feel badly for your spouse/significant other.

Van
Leesi
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Audri noted the following:

Instead of sharing this rich sexual fantasy life with your partner, you are giving it to someone else.

What if you did all the rights things? What if you shared your rich sexual fantasy with your partner? What if you made your partner feel desirable, and wanted, and needed, etc., and your partner completely disregarded your emotional/sexual needs because he is completely selfish and doesn't care? What if you've tried everything and this person just doesn't give a damn? Isn't that unfair?

You meet someone here (and you did not come to Lush to get involved with anyone), you click, you are both in a similar situation, you like each other, you get into a relationship, without your Lush relationship interfering with your private life, despite the phone calls/text messages/long emails. As long as your family is not missing out on your attention, love, and care, I don't see how my Lush relationship is going to impact them. I am extremely careful, and my family always comes first, so I don't feel that I'm taking anything away from them. On paper, we have the perfect marriage, we love and care for each other, we are friends, we like each other, we are able to communicate without fighting, our life is nice, minus sex and intimacy.

Who is being unfair here? Who is being uncaring and not taking into account their partner's needs? I think it is unfair to judge based on a statement made out of frustration because you don't understand the entire situation.

There are many people here who see no problem in striking up a sexual conversation with a Lush member, who happens to be involved with another Lush member. They are not considering that person's partner, so isn't that cheating because they know that person is involved, but they do it anyway? If you're going behind someone's back, that's cheating, right? I think that's cheating, but are people not considering it cheating because it's just a "Lush" relationship?

Saying that I don't care what anyone thinks is not being flippant or dismissive, you are going to judge me no matter what I do. We need to step away and look at our actions before passing judgement on everyone else. If you've never done anything you should be ashamed of, I think that's amazing. I absolutely cannot say that, and I am capable of owning my mistakes, and feeling shame.

We don't know why a person is seeking love and affection outside their marriage/relationship. There are many people who cheat because they can, and because they like it, but not everyone is the same. Not everything is black and white, and I will deal with God when my times comes.

Peace.

p.s. (using one of my favorite things V and I always do when we tack on something to our emails) Why do I stay? Because my daughter is a happy and well adjusted kid, who is being raised in a happy home. I will not be selfish and leave my husband because I need affection.

nyth
Quote by AudriNichols
You stated: I'm having a rich sexual fantasy in writing with someone, and I keep that from my partner. This says it all.

Any time you are giving of yourself in any sexual way, physically, mentally, emotionally, to anyone other than your partner you are cheating. Instead of sharing this rich sexual fantasy life with your partner, you are giving it to someone else.



Quote by VanGogh


For those that state "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore, I do what I want" should really re-think their "real life" relationships and their online relationships. I would never get involved with anyone that has that type of mentality. It's more than selfish, it's damaging to all of the other people they are involved with ... because let me assure you, more than the cheater will feel the hurt .... eventually.

good luck to you all that think it's just online ... especially those that take it away from Lush .... chat on the phone, , , .... that is real life. I feel badly for your spouse/significant other.

Van
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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if you're doing it on the sly, and you know she would object if she knew, than yes, it is cheating.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Mysteria27
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What maybe cheating for one person is not cheating for another person.

In my situation, my husband is an introvert. There are times he doesn't even talk to me. We get on just fine and our marriage is fine.

However, there are times that I feel totally isolated and very sad. My cyber lover makes me feel wonderful and I feel all his love. I give him love and I care for him.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with it. In fact, I have told my family about it. Why should I always feel miserable when I have found somebody online who makes me happy.

You all might find it as cheating....I feel that it is just something that makes me very happy and wanted.

It really sucks sometimes to be with an introvert. They really don't ever share their feelings with you.

So, in my case.....I really feel that I'm not cheating. In fact, it might be a wake up call to my spouse.

One can't live in a glass house......

Hugs,
Mysteria
xo
VanGogh
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Quote by Leesi

Saying that I don't care what anyone thinks is not being flippant or dismissive, you are going to judge me no matter what I do. We need to step away and look at our actions before passing judgement on everyone else. If you've never done anything you should be ashamed of, I think that's amazing. I absolutely cannot say that, and I am capable of owning my mistakes, and feeling shame.

We don't know why a person is seeking love and affection outside their marriage/relationship. There are many people who cheat because they can, and because they like it, but not everyone is the same. Not everything is black and white, and I will deal with God when my times comes.

Peace.

p.s. (using one of my favorite things V and I always do when we tack on something to our emails) Why do I stay? Because my daughter is a happy and well adjusted kid, who is being raised in a happy home. I will not be selfish and leave my husband because I need affection.

nyth


Before all hell breaks loose here, please let me comment that I am not judgmental about these types of things. Somewhere in the mess of these forum threads, way back, there was a thread about "have you had relations or fuck a married person" or something like that. I answered that I had been a mistress for over 3 years. Did I regret it? AFTER the fact I did. Mostly because I had the thinking at the time, I'm single and it's all his problem if he wants to carry on a relationship with someone other than his wife. What I learned was, after 4 years of therapy: I fell in love with a man I could never have, the real losers in the whole thing was his wife and myself, and I wasted over 3 years of my life with someone that I lost (time and love). Time is so precious. If you've ever had a harrowing life-or-death situation, you know this is a fact.

The other huge point, spelled out fully to me, via the wife was this: physical fucking is one thing, and it can be forgiven but the intimacy - the talks, the wishes, the dreams, the connection that is deep and like an umbilical cord, changes the loyalty and respect in the "marriage" (for lack of a better word). Nothing is ever the same. She told me that many times, during the normal family stuff, she'd look at Winston and notice that his mind had gone somewhere else. She wondered where he went, and that hurt her greatly.

so now that I have provided my own history on this subject , the original posters question was:

Quote by Porgy87

QUESTION: If I'm having a rich sexual fantasy in writing with someone, and I keep that from my partner, am I cheating? There's no physical sex; there's no interest from either side in meeting IRL; each of us is wearing a persona that may be 99% real, or 1% real (including a misrepresentation of gender). Am I cheating?


It appears that many people believe that if your spouse or significant other does not know about the relationship, the intimacy between the two people, it is cheating.

Many people seeking relationships outside of their marriage are missing something in their marriage (obviously). There's always justification for seeking and finding what one is missing.

Lush is a blessing for many. Sometimes it helps clarifies what's missing or helps one figure out how to make things better .... and the route is entirely subjective.

So ... have at it. Absolutely no judgment on my part. It matters zero to me. I just wanted to clarify my initial post.

Best of luck,

Van
Leesi
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Van

Your statement:

"Time is so precious. If you've ever had a harrowing life-or-death situation, you know this is a fact".

Yes, I have, and I understand all too well that time is precious, and sometimes you have to grab whatever little bit of happiness you can, and enjoy it without regret. I wrote in the We Go Together Forum, "scars and no regrets" because I've decided to live my life without regret. Right now, this works for me, and I am happy.

Please note, when I wrote my response last night it was late, and I had been bashed by someone for almost 2 hours, and my response came off a bit harsh. I forgot a lesson my mentor taught me a long time ago, "never respond to anything when you are angry"! I'm sorry I let you down, Mr. D, but you also know I'm a bit of a firecracker. I swear I can see him laughing out loud, shaking his head, and throwing his hands up in the air. smile

No offense taken, but I'm glad I understand your situation and was able to speak my peace on where I am.

Regards,


L

and p.s. Lush is a blessing in many ways and a bit of hell sometimes. xo


Quote by VanGogh


It appears that many people believe that if your spouse or significant other does not know about the relationship, the intimacy between the two people, it is cheating.

Many people seeking relationships outside of their marriage are missing something in their marriage (obviously). There's always justification for seeking and finding what one is missing.

Lush is a blessing for many. Sometimes it helps clarifies what's missing or helps one figure out how to make things better .... and the route is entirely subjective.

So ... have at it. Absolutely no judgment on my part. It matters zero to me. I just wanted to clarify my initial post.

Best of luck,

Van
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Quote by sprite
if you're doing it on the sly, and you know she would object if she knew, than yes, it is cheating.


Before you make that call i think that you have to take it a step further. For Example; If Cousins, distant Cousins, Siblings , family members , etc......were to hook up and indulge in cyber sex with one another?

Would that be considered ? If the answer is no, then how could you make a case that cyber sex is cheating/ infidelity?
Magical_felix
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Quote by Ajax


Before you make that call i think that you have to take it a step further. For Example; If Cousins, distant Cousins, Siblings , family members , etc......were to hook up and indulge in cyber sex with one another?

Would that be considered ? If the answer is no, then how could you make a case that cyber sex is cheating/ infidelity?


You're a creepy little turd.
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Quote by Magical_felix


You're a creepy little turd.



You're so jugemental . But i used to feel the same way about those who who read/wrote in that category before it was removed.
Yes, people come here and do that creepy shit . Want names?




If' the interaction is only carried out online, then it's just virtual fantasy . I think if most married people found out that thier spouse was having an online affair? They would suggest counseling before they'd accuse them of cheating .
Magical_felix
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Quote by Ajax



You're so jugemental . But i used to feel the same way about those who who read/wrote in that category before it was removed.
Yes, people come here and do that creepy shit . Want names?




I judged thee, a creepy little turd. Guilty.


Quote by Ajax

Want names?


Yes.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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Quote by Ajax


Before you make that call i think that you have to take it a step further. For Example; If Cousins, distant Cousins, Siblings , family members , etc......were to hook up and indulge in cyber sex with one another?

Would that be considered ? If the answer is no, then how could you make a case that cyber sex is cheating/ infidelity?


*shrugs* if a father and daughter were having cyber sex, sorry, that's , damn straight it is. so yeah, my answer is Yes, which means... cybersex = cheating.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

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Quote by sprite


*shrugs* if a father and daughter were having cyber sex, sorry, that's , damn straight it is. so yeah, my answer is Yes, which means... cybersex = cheating.


Agree 100%. I did think of a Twilight Zone-like possibility. What if two people married to each other were, unbeknownst to each other, online using a false name. They meet online and have cybersex. Is that cheating?
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Quote by sprite


*shrugs* if a father and daughter were having cyber sex, sorry, that's , damn straight it is. so yeah, my answer is Yes, which means... cybersex = cheating.


PSSST!!! just so you know. Mysteria is having a fanatsy relationship. Mysteria's husband is fuckin some hot tight chick in real life . Big difference there. Just sayin .
MorePleasin
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A and B are a couple. A does C, without B knowing. Possibly A is cheating.

Would B be upset if B found out A has done C? Depends... If B is upset, then B probably considers A was "cheating"

But should B be upset? If A and B together have a solid relationship, and A doing a relatively minor thing with C actually somehow enhances more intense interactions between A and B, where's the harm?

If B is not fulfilling A's needs, despite all reasonable efforts to correct the situation, interaction between A and C to fill a gap may be reasonable, if not inevitable. Where is the greater harm in this case? B denying A completion can be pretty harsh, especially if B does not care to try to fix the situation. in that case, the lesser harm overall may result from A seeing C.

If only A and B could get together with C, everyone would be happy!! smile
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
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no, it is not cheating, it is fantasy expression only.
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I don't care what anyone says. To me, it is cheating.
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Yes. I think all that is a secret and we don't say it tou our partner is cheating.
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If it didn't turned out as anything "severe" out of lush, like offline meetings and dates,phonecalls, or some Love confession(s) etc. I don't think I would call it a "cheating" , it will be more like some casual fling.
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Quote by VanGogh
It appears that many people believe that if your spouse or significant other does not know about the relationship, the intimacy between the two people, it is cheating.

Many people seeking relationships outside of their marriage are missing something in their marriage (obviously). There's always justification for seeking and finding what one is missing.

Lush is a blessing for many. Sometimes it helps clarifies what's missing or helps one figure out how to make things better .... and the route is entirely subjective.


Quote by Leesi
Yes, I have, and I understand all too well that time is precious, and sometimes you have to grab whatever little bit of happiness you can, and enjoy it without regret. I wrote in the We Go Together Forum, "scars and no regrets" because I've decided to live my life without regret. Right now, this works for me, and I am happy.


Agreed 200%. It is cheating (sorry!), but like it or not we sometimes have to find our own happiness. If my partner does the same? Yeah I'd be jealous but I'd have to accept it if that makes her/him happy, but then again... if that would make our relationship or marriage happy even with some 'helps' from outside. So why not. After all, nobody's perfect.
alliet14
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I believe its a very fine line. Being a preachers daughter, the Bible says if you do something in your mind, its the same as doing it. So in that sense, yes it is. However the gospel according to Allie says that cybersex is just assisted masturbation and I do not thing it is cheating.
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i would say it is cheating
cordite74
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Quote by Porgy87
Am I cheating?

We are not who you need to ask. You need to ask your partner. If you have to ask/justify/skirt the lines then it probably is. However, each couple has its own idea of where the lines are drawn. Where I see the line doesn't really matter unless you're in a relationship with me.
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Nope! It will not consider to be on cheat not unless involves only the other party either the husband or wife could be.
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Good luck and God Bless to those have their partners abroad.
GrayGhost
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Quote by Mysteria27
I believe it is not cheating. Cheating is when you physically cheat.

My husband is at his job all day long. I don't know what he does on the internet. Nor do I care.

I don't feel like it is a sin. I may be the only person here who thinks that but I really just don't believe it is cheating.

I guess you just do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Its your business. In my honest opinion.

xo

[/quote She always speaks the truth--Great Philosopher
]