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How do you keep that spark??

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cherryrebel
Active Ink Slinger
Hello my lovely lushies-

I've been with my other half for three years now and we have a very solid and honest partnership.

But after three wonderful years- I must admit we are stuck in a routine!!

we love eachother very much but desperately need an injection of passion and romance!

How do you keep the spark??

and please no "wear sexy lingerie" or "Cook romantic meals" bollocks

origional answers only smile

thanks

Cherry xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Have you tried making some videos together? That's fun.

Also this is going to sound weird but I don't care ;)

It's fun to go somewhere like the bar. Sit apart and let guys hit on you and try to pick you up while your boyfriend just takes it in. Then after a while just excuse yourself and leave together. I know it's a huge turn on for me when I see other men trying to get with my girlfriend and knowing they can't.
Guest
Lurker
go on datesheart have romantic eveningssmile
cuddle watch a movie and let the love fill the air<3
suprise's are always nice<3
just do things that make you happy and make you feel comfortable:)
SweetPenny
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by cherryrebel

and please no "wear sexy lingerie" or "Cook romantic meals" bollocks

origional answers only smile



Don't touch each other at all for an entire week. You'll find that you crave each other after that.
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
OK, I'm going to leave traditional romance out of my answer and go straight for the good stuff...

Have you considered trying a threesome or going to a swingers party or fetish club. You don't have to do anything at the latter two suggestions but just being in a heightened sexual environment might stir things up between you. At the very least, getting dressed for something that like together and talking about what "might" happen or what you might see could be exciting.

You could also try sharing fantasies. Maybe you each choose a sex story that particularly turns you on (and might surprise your lover with its content) and on a Friday night, you have some wine together and reach the story aloud to each other. Or trade the stories and have each other read it aloud. Or just read it in silence... whatever level of comfort you're at. You can do the same with porn... each pick a favourite porn movie and then watch it together, and then act it out.

You can talk about involving other people in your sex life without even going to that level in reality through dirty talk with each other, or even cybering or flirting with another person as a couple. You can put on a wig and dress up as though you are a different person and even have him call you by another name (role play a whole different persona). Maybe he comes home and on that friday night you are "Candy the Slut" in a blonde wig and a tight red dress. Have him seduce you and fuck you as though you are a different woman and he is "cheating" on his wife. You can even start a scenario like this in a public place, like a bar. Or you can have him pick you up somewhere dressed up like this and you can role-play that you are an escort/prostitute.

You can also try sex in public. Maybe in the backseat of your car again when the mood strikes or during a moment where you might 'get caught'. Or perhaps a public bathroom at a bar (look for the hand-capped stalls), or the dressing room at a store.

How about trying some new sex toys together? Go to the sex shop together and buy some new things. Maybe a sex-swing, some body butter, numbing balm, or heated oils. You could buy a vibrator (The WE-Vibe is a great new couples vibrator on the market that is meant to be worn and enjoyed during sex). Or maybe get some toys for him. Have you explored ass play or anal sex? Maybe buy something to stimulate his prostate with a small anal vibe. Try some creative "Better Sex" videos to maybe explore new positions or new sex techniques.

Anyway, those are just a few ideas to get your started... I'm not sure what your sexual interests are, or what you're comfortable with, but there is always lots to explore within the sexual realm as long as you're open to re-creating that spark. Good luck!
WellMadeMale
Constant Gardener
Quote by cherryrebel
origional answers only smile


It sucks major rocks when you both realize you've reached this plateau. Especially if you're both still rather youthful. In my case I was 34 and she was 26. You may find yourself doing as she and I did.

We cast our glances around the fishbowl. We removed our blinders and began to notice that other men and women were scoping us both out (still).

We started going out more often (apart from one another) and we had already conversed about this...The rules were simple. Use protection (if you do) and don't bring anyone to our home.

After a few months, we reconciled. I couldn't go through with it myself. She told me that she could not do so either. I believed her. That Saturday evening which came when we both realized neither were going out carousing, was a pretty intense rekindling of our passion towards each other. This little detour in our relationship probably bought us some more time together, but...only another 16 or so months...before I had to admit that I had become more of an older friend/brother/guidance counselor figure to her...than a lover.

Maybe the age difference was too much for her and I to overcome. It did not seem like a hurdle for the first few years. I still don't really know what caused us to split apart, only that we did. And I was not eally adept at keeping things 'fresh' (at least with her)...so, this might not be the advice you seek to adhere to.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
cherryrebel
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by SweetPenny
Quote by cherryrebel

and please no "wear sexy lingerie" or "Cook romantic meals" bollocks

origional answers only smile



Don't touch each other at all for an entire week. You'll find that you crave each other after that.


I love love love this idea. Origional and fun. Once I wore simple but sexy nightwear to bed for a while instead of sleeping naked. (seeing someone naked everyday makes u take for granted what they got i think) The fact that the mystery came back got me a lot of attention- why is it u always want what u can't get?
thank you hun xxxx
mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
I liked Doll's answer, it most closely reminded me of my own solution.

Obviously your concerns will be predicated by two things:
1. what are the bounds you have already pushed;
2. is it you or him that is looking to keep the spark alive (and this is the big one)

I've been married 21 tumultuous years but still shag the wife at least 5 time a week. For me it is visual, so do NOT insult the effect of sexy attire (its not always lingerie), for her its emotional almost spiritual. I've told my wife what keeps me interested and, bless her, she tries. What I do is along the lines of what Doll said, for example, after a formal dinner one night a few years back I dragged the wife out into the car park and we 'dogged' - the memory of that night lasted for months. On another occasion during an intense thunder & lightening storm I pulled over in the car and gave her a seeing to - totally unexpected.

Just shake things up once in a while. Feed his interest with elements of your fantasies and you should both see the spark stay very much alive.
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
cherryrebel
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by mercianknight
I liked Doll's answer, it most closely reminded me of my own solution.

Obviously your concerns will be predicated by two things:
1. what are the bounds you have already pushed;
2. is it you or him that is looking to keep the spark alive (and this is the big one)

I've been married 21 tumultuous years but still shag the wife at least 5 time a week. For me it is visual, so do NOT insult the effect of sexy attire (its not always lingerie), for her its emotional almost spiritual. I've told my wife what keeps me interested and, bless her, she tries. What I do is along the lines of what Doll said, for example, after a formal dinner one night a few years back I dragged the wife out into the car park and we 'dogged' - the memory of that night lasted for months. On another occasion during an intense thunder & lightening storm I pulled over in the car and gave her a seeing to - totally unexpected.

Just shake things up once in a while. Feed his interest with elements of your fantasies and you should both see the spark stay very much alive.


errr, i'm not insulting the effect of sexy attire, I always dress well and make special effort with my hair and make up, I am afterall 23 (it's what girls do!) it's nice to look good for someone.

I think people mis inturprate what I'm saying. Just because I say 'spark' i don't just mean sex. I mean romance and excitement. that pitter patter in your stomach when your loved one kisses you.

I don't know what you mean by your second point here.

Everyone's advice has been really helpful. thanks.
mercianknight
Active Ink Slinger
Oops, sorry Cherry. You're right, my answer was a tad one dimensional...mostly because this is a 'sex' site so I presume the advice re 'keeping the spark' was strictly for between the sheets! Let me try again from a non-sexual perspective.

If it's the "butterflies" in the tummy feeling you want I can only share with you what my missus told me. Short version: Humour.

The more you get to know someone the more 'comfortable' things get and the butterflies settle down (mostly), however, if your partner knows how to make you laugh AND can laugh at himself then it seems highly likely the butterflies will remain. I'm not talking slap-stick comedy here, just an ability to find humour in a situation when it is needed, and not get all bent out of shape if the joke is on him........this, apparently, is quite endearing and adds a soft touch to the 'macho' image. That should keep your spark bright.

If it is 'his' spark you are concerned about....well, that's a toughie. There is a saying (oft discussed amongst men) that "A woman marries a man hoping he will change, whilst a man marries a woman hoping that she will NOT." Whatever it was that attracted him to you is probably what will keep that spark alive....it has for me.
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Teaser
Active Ink Slinger
If you are talking about keeping things alive in bedroom, this is what i would do:
Firstly, i would go shopping. Just for different and many kinds of lingerie and probably stop by a sex shop and pick up some toys. I would apply those in the bedroom in any matter that pleased the both of us.
I would also try surprising him. Stuff like teasing him in public places, you know making him want you when he can't have you. If you're comfortable with your body, i would strip for him, maybe tit him up. Maybe take a pole dancing class.
If you mean keeping the spark in general:
Over the years couples tend not to feel the need to do the things they did in the beginning. Things like kissing before leaving for work, or saying a love you more often. Just try getting back into these patterns, and just change things up.
Hope this helps!
I'm the kind of girl you want in your bed ;)
Guest
Lurker
What my wife and I do. Is she will surprise me with a sexy dance and routine.. I like to surprise her with a secret weekend away some place romantic. We also try to act out each other fantasy. The truth is you have to be creative and responceive to each other needs. We have been together for 12 years. She is the woman for me with out any question... One other thing us men like is you ladies dressing real sexy and going out. We love to see all the other men starring at you, it gets hot and you will be rewarded tenfold later that night or any place we can get you to ourselves...
myself
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by cherryrebel
Hello my lovely lushies-

I've been with my other half for three years now and we have a very solid and honest partnership.

But after three wonderful years- I must admit we are stuck in a routine!!

we love eachother very much but desperately need an injection of passion and romance!

How do you keep the spark??

and please no "wear sexy lingerie" or "Cook romantic meals" bollocks

origional answers only smile

thanks

Cherry xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Life is routine. If I take pleasure in the details and reasons for this, I find all kinds of hidden passion that leads me and him to places we've never been. Without routine, we wouldn't have this path and the simple easy things which makes us so happy. : ) I truly love the easy things and live for them everyday.

You don't necessarily have to change what you are doing but maybe change how you do it. The pleasure you'll get from this will give him pleasure too and will automatically take the relationship to a passionate romantic place.
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
ashleymneil
Rookie Scribe
Hey! There is one solution. Why don't you both spend some quality time with each other. If you realize the need of each other, then you can give your relationship that necessary spark.

Think you were and are a perfect match making couple and thus have to live up to those expectations.

Also, go for a romantic movie together. If not the least, keep aside your egos and tell your loved one "I love you" both in the morning and while going to bed. That does make a difference. Believe me.
Guest
Lurker
Try to grow together, and not apart.
Guest
Lurker
Keep the spark? I would like to know how to reignite a spark where the embers have been cold for well over a year.
myself
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Zina_xdresser
Keep the spark? I would like to know how to reignite a spark where the embers have been cold for well over a year.


the fix is not only in the motions but in (oh no) the emotions -example, when you suck his cock act like you like it and like it -nurse it -gather from it what you need which will turn him on immensely -he will love you for this and please you in turn -we have to make our own happiness and we know what all men and women want -the progression started can't even stop its self it's a natural process -use it and heal if you can : )
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.