So I recently had a posting asking for help with my BF. He had changed his passwords and was acting very odd. To all of those who read and commented on that post...... I WAS RIGHT!!!!
He had been watching porn, going on dating sites, and even posting on CL for another man to suck him off...... I have not been able to trust him for sometime now and this only makes it worse. I have had very recent talks with him about him needing to prove himself to me again; which he has promised to do. However, there has been almost no improvement (sure he is more 'lovey dovey' but that does nothing for earning trust). He still refuses to share his passwords with me and avoids the topic at all cost, even knowing how hurt I still am. We have been together for over two years but I dont think he is really trying for me.... I catch him oogling other women regularly (anytime we are out in public).
Guys, can you please help a heartbroken girl? I need some insight as to why he doesnt seem like he cares about my pain or that he is facing losing me.....
This is so urgent you needed to put it on three separate forums.
First thing you have to do is take a deep breath and calm down. Ever wondered if he's fed up of your mistrust and ultimatums? It sounds like neither of you are making each other happy - there's no shame in making a judgement call on the relationship and saying that it doesn't work and probably never will.
Yes, it hurts. But it happens, a hell of a lot. You'll heal, you'll find someone better.
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.
Why not read some stories instead
NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber I remember your first post. Sorry to hear your suspesions were right. I agree the what overmykneenow said. First take a deep breath... If it doesn't work it doesn't work. I've been there and somtimes it easier to live with the misery you know then let go and face the unknown, alone! I also checked your profile and I am going to quote you, "a 22 year old female living to please my man." That sounds like a very one sided relationship. I know you list yourself as a Sub but a true Dom still would have respect for thir Sub. It sounds to me like he is only thinking of him. That leaves you with "Its not you its him", which is the last thing you want to hear. You are wanting desperatly to fix this but it takes two to do that and if he doesn't put in the effort you just end up hurting yourself. I know that your hurting right know, but take it from someone who has had his heart broken too many times. You will survive. You will be stronger then before. Give youself time to heal. Take that breath again, you deserve better. When the pain subsides and you are ready spread your wings and fly... your young, not like this old bastard. You have a long, adventerous life ahead of you. There will be good times and bad. For the moment its bad, it will get better. Peace and love from this old hippie!
sorry honey that i am posting here
but you need to move on!
and this is from a sister who has been cheated on....period
come on have more self respect for yourself
so many men will want to be FAITHFUL and treat you as the goddess that you are
believe in yourself
and again am sorry for posting but women who stay with cheaters just cheat THEMSELVES out of life...
kick him to the curb...and find a man who want to MAKE all your dreams..come true
Set some clear boundaries and consider that indulging his interests in porn and other thing may need to be included as in bounds if you want a trusting relationship. I'd guess that he would rather share these things with you but feels that it would hurt your feelings if you knew. Make it clear though that going outside the boundaries means termination of the relationship.
I hope I can be of some help, but who knows. Things to keep in mind about me: I am bio-male, and live much of my life as a man, but am also Pansexual, Transsexual, and Poly. I may have a fairly unique perspective, but that isn't necessarily bad.
At first, I was pretty taken aback by your post, but then I went back and read all your background posts and understand a little better. Ordinarily I would have immediately thought you were kind of crazy for insisting he give you his passwords. In my world (and the world of everybody I know), even the simple act of asking for a password to an active or even former account to e-mail, lush, grinder, etc. would be wildly inappropriate, let alone demanding it. In my world my partner would be able to ask me to show her anything and I her, but we have separate passwords, and I make sure to change mine on a regular basis.
Next things to keep in mind. It sounds like you guys agreed on password sharing and whatnot beforehand. If you did, I'm much more behind you than I was before. If you didn't formally agree on it though, you have not much of a leg to stand on. Maybe a peg-leg, if he really is doing anything inappropriate, but still, not too much. I don't think you have any real right to tell him not to look at porn. Watching porn and masturbating is NOT cheating. Dating sites are sketchier territory, but it does sound like you're choking his personal style a little. I'm not defending that style mind you, but it may not be changeable.
I'm also curious about your username. Not only does it denote a d/s sort of scenario, but you say 'sub in training', which leads me to believe that he's the dom, obviously; and less obviously (especially to the sub, in most circumstances) he might be taking advantage of your lack of experience in the D/S community by insisting that you be okay with his life-choices, while he refuses to make compromises for you. That's not a healthy relationship of any kind, even for a dom and a sub.
Regardless of anything, you have every right to be pissed about him looking for guys to bang- unless you're open, but I assume you'd have mentioned- but maybe that means he needs to be able to explore some male-on-male action in order to be properly sexually fulfilled. It could also just mean he's a jerk, unfortunately. Sometimes they are.
All guys look at porn. Give him his space or he will leave you. I hope that is plain and to the point. If I had caught a girlfriend sneaking and getting my passwords I'd have dumped her in a heartbeat and felt no guilt or regret.
My wife enjoys porn with me. Sometimes we make our own porn.
If you distrusted him enough to go through all his password protected stuff, then you should have dumped him before you stooped to that level.
If he planned to cheat on you and still ogles chicks in front of you, you either need to be open and okay with that (swinging, three way, whatever) or you need to break it off. Two years or two months, incompatibility is incompatibility. Pouring gasoline on a fire without something substantial to burn will do nothing but leave you on empty.
Enjoy your life. Don't be trapped in it.
If you know he is being secretive and doesn't want to share with you then get rid of the asshole. He isn't worth it. You deserve so much better and your happiness will not start until YOU do something about it.
I wish you only happiness hon..........
I don't know if you're the crazy, psycho, stalker kinda girlfriend that has to know every little thing there is to know about her boyfriend because she's needs to control him and he's slowly realizing that you're super possessive... OR... Your boyfriend is a douche bag through and through.
Either way... One of you needs to quit that shit.
*My money's on the boyfriend getting a clue.
You already know how you feel nobody else does everything is now your decision.
I'm female, but I'm going to share my opinion.
It sounds like he doesn't give two shits anymore. And to be frank if anyone demanded to know any of my passwords I'd tell them to go take a hike.
It sounds like your being too controlling of him and so he doesn't know how to get out of the relationship with you without causing you to go insane and so is trying to make the most of it.
And if he is your Dom then to be quite frank you need to take his opinion into account, and if this is his limit then you need to back off and accept you'll never get his passwords.
I am curious of one thing - why did you want his passwords in the first place?
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