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Falling for a friend.

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An establish friendship that changes emotionally by one person, is a disaster waiting to happen.

Of course, if the emotions are mutual, maybe there is a chance. (highly unrealistic)

Tis better to still have a friend than a void where they once stood.

Van
MrNudiePants
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Quote by VanGogh



Tis better to still have a friend than a void where they once stood.

Van


Yeah. (sigh)
lonelyforgood
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Quote by VanGogh

An establish friendship that changes emotionally by one person, is a disaster waiting to happen.

Of course, if the emotions are mutual, maybe there is a chance. (highly unrealistic)

Tis better to still have a friend than a void where they once stood.

Van


Oh so true and the void can be enormous!


Alone is not always a bad place to be
thepainter
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"Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."
Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
LadyX
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Quote by thepainter
"Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."


is it, really?



As for the question- find out which is more torture- being friends and never finding out if there could be more, or blowing the friendship up on the off chance he/she feels the same way- and act accordingly. I think there are plenty who land on either side of that one.
lonelyforgood
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Quote by LadyX
I think there are plenty who land on either side of that one.


But how many who go for it end up successful. If not many, is it worth losing the friendship?


Alone is not always a bad place to be
LadyX
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Quote by lonelyforgood
Quote by LadyX
I think there are plenty who land on either side of that one.


But how many who go for it end up successful. If not many, is it worth losing the friendship?


Sorry, I wasn't clear...no I don't think many end up 'successfully' making something romantic out of friendship. All I was saying is there's probably an equal number of people that have to take their shot and find out- good or bad, as there are people who treasure their friendship too much to risk it by 'making a move.'
lonelyforgood
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I am sure you are right.


Alone is not always a bad place to be
Rembacher
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Since this thread still seems to be drawing the attention of people, I figured it was time for me to update my situation. At least as much as I can. After I posted the question, my friend read it, told me the advice was good and that I should listen to it. My friendship with her got a lot closer than before, maybe partly due to the thread, and just partly due to issues in her life where she needed my support. It got to the point where she said she was coming to see me. And then it ended. She disappeared and I haven't heard from her in over 4 months. No explanation, just gone.

I made the choice that her friendship mattered most to me. And now with her gone, I question everything I did. If I was going to lose her anyway, should I have taken my best shot? In the end, I don't really know what I did to lose her, if I did anything at all, so I don't know whether I would change what I did. I know that I would still tell her how I felt. It helped our communication. Knowing that I was in love with her made her trust me more. She knew I didn't hide anything from her. After my admission, she was more open with me than ever. She asked me for advice with her relationships, and life in general. She was aware that some times she had to take in to mind that my advice was biased, but it worked for us. She knew I always put her needs first, and my desires second.

It's tough to lose someone so important to you. I know that I would do anything to have her friendship back. I guess that's the answer. Despite the fact I still think she was perfect for me, her friendship is what I valued most.
thepainter
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Sucks for you Jebru but I'm sure you'll find someone else who does like you more than just as a friend.

@LadyX: I'd say it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. The latter could have you second guessing until your death bed, "what if...".
Basically people get hurt no matter what, even if there's no mal-intent.
I'd use tact, common sense and straighforward honesty. I pretty much always do. Sure it has cost me friendships. Sure it sometimes hurt. Do I regret any of it? Nope.
Insert typical super smart ass comment courtesy of thepainter here.
MrNudiePants
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Quote by thepainter
"Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."


The man who originally stated this could never have loved deeply - so deeply that it's loss made him feel death would be a less-painful alternative.
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this may help out a little - #917014
principessa
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Quote by LadyX


Sorry, I wasn't clear...no I don't think many end up 'successfully' making something romantic out of friendship. All I was saying is there's probably an equal number of people that have to take their shot and find out- good or bad, as there are people who treasure their friendship too much to risk it by 'making a move.'



Always the contrarian, I can report that it did work in my case. My SO and I had a long friendship before it was transformed into what it is now. Our understanding provided a solid basis for the romantic relationship. I must also confess that it was he who took the risk and admitted his feelings. My epiphany happened after that first real kiss.
Milik_the_Red
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Quote by LadyX


Sorry, I wasn't clear...no I don't think many end up 'successfully' making something romantic out of friendship. All I was saying is there's probably an equal number of people that have to take their shot and find out- good or bad, as there are people who treasure their friendship too much to risk it by 'making a move.'



I have tried this too many times. Fot me anyway, the pattern is the same. Things go well for the short time, but once the heat of passion cools finding that comfort of friendship again proves somewhat difficult. Still, I've never been one to resist temptation. I don't supposes I'd suddenly be able to now
sprite
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sometimes it works out... most of you who know me know how much i love my girl - we've been friends since i was a teen, been thru relationships with others, and i've always been a little ( a lot) in love with her, and she's known it - one night , it just sort of became more - she was in a place where she wanted more, i guess, and i was very vulnerable that might - we spend the night together (not uncommon - we'd been 'fuck buddies' in and out for years) and then, she spent the weekend, we talked, we took a chance... it worked. it was scary - we've broken up a few times, but we've always broken up as friends - we've agreed that we'd rather lose each other as lovers (as painful as it would be) than see our friendship dissolve and so, we take each day at a time, remain friends, lovers, partners, wives (hopefully legally so after November's ballots), and we make it work - sometimes we are more friends then lovers - sometimes we just sort of hang out together, and that's ok too - we're comfortable like that. it works. it CAN work. and then, i've seen it NOT work and end in fiery disaster - you never know unless you try, but trying is a huge risk, and one it took me years before i was brave enough to take...

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

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Falling for a friend, I've been there done that and it always ends the same. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work out.
Paysin
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My friend and I had known each other for about 11 years. One day we decided to give it a try and see how everything worked out. Obviously I had stronger feelings towards him than he did me. We dated for about 6 months before he eventually decided it was working for him. To this day we are still friends. Maybe not the best of friends but we still talk and hang out. You won't know until you risk it and try to make it work(:
1ball
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I just saw this old thread resurface and found this old response by D_D. It bears review.

Quote by Dancing_Doll
Then there is that whole debate: can men and women ever just be friends?

Sometimes I think yes, other times no.
I LOVE having guy friends (I feel like I think more like a guy a lot of the time anyway), and am always trying to find more guy friends, but I find that inevitably, they end up wanting to have sex with me at some point. And then I find out they were playing the friendship card the whole time in the hopes that I would "fall for them", and when I don't, there is the possibility of losing that 'friend' altogether. Which is actually really frustrating for me!

I feel like guys use the friendship card in a more strategic way.
And women are just more genuine in wanting to hang out with the guys in a platonic way, and enjoy a bit of the male perspective.
Being surrounded by too much estrogen in your social circles can get pretty tedious at times...


I've known women who have few women friends. They just don't get along with many other members of their gender. Usually the reason is that those friendships aren't rewarding for them. Of course, the same is true for some guys. Most friendships with men are not rewarding for me. I don't enjoy the camaraderie of fellowship, mainly because I don't like jock sports or drinking to excess.

So I found friends in the same pool I found sex partners, the women's pool. They found friendship with me to be rewarding and vice versa. My experience with platonic friendships was that some women held up their end of a mutually rewarding friendship and others became perceived as users. The rewards just dried up, so they seemed more parasite than symbiote. Maybe their opinions of the rewards of their friendship were just highly inflated or maybe the value I offered was too low, but that is always a two sided story, so I place no blame on women in general. It didn't happen with all my platonic friendships and it may just have been the few who initially appealed as friends partially because they were also attractive.

But what wouldn't be tolerated in a same-gender friendship because it is abusive, was mysteriously not considered abusive by the women in the platonic m-f context. When the friendship broke up from the lack of benefit, I sometimes let the woman think it was because she wouldn't return my affection, when the reality is that she had stopped doing enough to make the burden of her friendship worthwhile and being friends with her hindered the finding of sex partners. These women wouldn't help in my search and when all the benefit flowed in one direction, it was time for Charles to skate. I usually tried to leave the bridge for future friendship, but one or the other of us usually blew it to smithereens. I'm not saying this is what D_D experienced, but this was my experience. A pretty face or a friendly smile just couldn't buy car maintenance or even a shoulder to cry on when yet another guy who met her standards broke her heart.

So I offer that perspective. Having experienced a different kind of abuse, I may be guilty of being a little too quick to exit an unhappy situation, but better that than too late.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
adele
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Not sure about RL at this point, but on here, I have both male and female friends. a few of the guys started out more sexual, but are pretty much platonic at this point. With one, if it goes any further now, it is more a FWB kind of thing. as for women, I have far more I just talk to as friends than those that I do more with
1ball
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Quote by adele
Not sure about RL at this point, but on here, I have both male and female friends. a few of the guys started out more sexual, but are pretty much platonic at this point. With one, if it goes any further now, it is more a FWB kind of thing. as for women, I have far more I just talk to as friends than those that I do more with


On here, it's easy to have platonic friends. You're not getting other senses involved. You're not seeing them move or hearing their voices or smelling them or touching them. You don't even really know that they're anything like they claim to be. It's all mental. So falling for them is less likely, but still possible. In RL, like in a coworker situation, falling for friends can be impossible to avoid.
My latest story is too hot to publish. My most recent story before that is Even Stranger In Lust
blazestcyr
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ask to meet her

if she says yes..she feels the same...if not...well....

but ask yourself this...are u ready for her to be out of your life forever?

i fell for my best friend....not sure if i would do that again....

friends are forever...lovers...sometimes...fleeting...
musicluver
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Nothing worth having comes easy. I think you should give her a little breathing space and just hold off on the upping the relationship stakes right now, if you truly want something more than what you have and shes not ready you risk alot so just be her friend and have patience