Been divorced nearly 6 years. I've had a couple of shortish relationships during this time, but for a variety or reasons it never seems to work out. I've just dumped the latest guy as there was not trust in our relationship. I did not trust him. I don't think I have trust issues just not met the right guy. I do wonder though am I destined to be single forever. I've got my own business, have a fairly good social life. My best mates are actually guys. Should I just accepted that I am going to be on my own now?
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Destined to be single?
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Active Ink Slinger
I can empathize with your position, I have been divorced 10 yrs. next month. I too can't seem to find a suitable mate either. I on the other hand am totally aware I have trust issues. However I have become comfortable with my being alone. So that's no longer an issue for me. There is always A chance you may find someone you can trust & establish A relationship with. So don't give up all hope. It has been my experience you often find things after you stop looking for them. A weird sort of Karma if you will. So just let it go & continue to socialize, Perhaps things will fall into place for you. Remember worry causes wrinkles.L.O.L. 
Best of luck to us in the future. 
Best of luck to us in the future. I've been divorced for over thirty years now. As to "trust issues" only you know the answer to that question. For me, I SHOULD have had them but didn't. Luckily for me my SERIOUS relationships ended BEFORE I made a second serious mistake. (At least of THAT nature. Along the way I DID let a couple of sweetie's get away. My own fault.) All I can say in the way of advice is that the WORST mistake you can make is to allow yourself to feel desperate. The wrong kind of people can sense that. Just relax and let life bring you what it will!
no I am sorry having been married and several failed things..one I am working through now
that is life ok
life is about failures sometimes
you pick yourself up
you try again until the day YOU die
maybe yes marriage is not YOUR thing
but to say you will not date or love again
is just not true
don't let life make you bitter
life is a glorious ride
up and down
but the downs...make the UP so much better
that is life ok
life is about failures sometimes
you pick yourself up
you try again until the day YOU die
maybe yes marriage is not YOUR thing
but to say you will not date or love again
is just not true
don't let life make you bitter
life is a glorious ride
up and down
but the downs...make the UP so much better
Active Ink Slinger
We should have a special section, just for the 'Lush Tragics'.
Gingerbread Lover
Quote by silveranode
We should have a special section, just for the 'Lush Tragics'.
And one for the "Lush Knobheads".
To the original poster, just because you're single now, it doesn't mean you always will be. I suggest you enjoy the freedom and socialising whilst single, because it does have good points, honest. If and when somebody comes along that you might have a future with, you can decide what to do then.
Accept the here and now, and live it well. Yes, feel the loneliness, but discover the freedom, too! Good luck!
Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.
*** 
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Mazztastic
Quote by silveranode
We should have a special section, just for the 'Lush Tragics'.
That's a pretty dickish thing to say...
I think the advice you've been given is very good - concentrate on being you for a while longer, ease yourself back into the dating scene as and when you feel comfortable to do so...
Having just come out of a long marriage myself, I'm looking forward to some "me" time.
Who knows where I'll end up, but I'm kind of okay with not knowing, for now...
Alpha Blonde
If everyone who was in an unhappy marriage or relationship was authentic to their feelings and needs and dissolved those unions, there would be a lot more single people in the world and it wouldn't feel like you're the only one on a lonely street.
Since you were brave enough to start over again yourself, and were able to end a relationship where you didn't feel you could trust him, I'd actually say that you're a lot more emotionally healthy than many others who torture themselves in miserable relationships or keep holding onto that shred of belief that Mr Untrustworthy will change his ways. And let's face it - how many unhappy couples do we all know.
Try not to stress too much about it. I know that's easy to say and there are certain times of the year (holidays, V-day etc) where it feels a lot worse. I've had stretches of time of being single or just casually dating - there are plenty of upsides to that if you have a good social group. If your friends are all in the marriage bubble, try to branch out and meet some new people. Do some traveling - either on your own or with girlfriends or even a tour group if you're into that kind of thing.
It's important to be optimistic and hopeful of meeting someone that's good for you and falling in love and coupling up, but equally as important to be prepared to have a good time with life even if it doesn't happen. I think the pressure is what causes many to make bad decisions or hook up with the wrong person and then cling to the idea of 'maybe it's better to be in a couple and miserable than go at it alone'.
In my honest opinion, I believe there is more value in the *possibilities* of what's ahead vs being trapped in a situation that doesn't fulfill you. You may have many wonderful relationships that rise and fall naturally, interspersed with periods of being single and alone for a while. I'd still rather pick that, with shorter bursts of excitement and giddyness and love vs a lifetime of monotony or nothing special with the wrong partner.
The whole 'happily ever after' dream is a reality only for the minority of human beings. I just think society hasn't fully embraced the truth of that, despite climbing divorce and infidelity rates and the boom of the marriage counselling industry. Being single and independent doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Somewhere along the way of enjoying life, you will probably find someone you click with again anyway. Enjoy the connections as they come. But don't forget to enjoy your freedom too.
Since you were brave enough to start over again yourself, and were able to end a relationship where you didn't feel you could trust him, I'd actually say that you're a lot more emotionally healthy than many others who torture themselves in miserable relationships or keep holding onto that shred of belief that Mr Untrustworthy will change his ways. And let's face it - how many unhappy couples do we all know.
Try not to stress too much about it. I know that's easy to say and there are certain times of the year (holidays, V-day etc) where it feels a lot worse. I've had stretches of time of being single or just casually dating - there are plenty of upsides to that if you have a good social group. If your friends are all in the marriage bubble, try to branch out and meet some new people. Do some traveling - either on your own or with girlfriends or even a tour group if you're into that kind of thing.
It's important to be optimistic and hopeful of meeting someone that's good for you and falling in love and coupling up, but equally as important to be prepared to have a good time with life even if it doesn't happen. I think the pressure is what causes many to make bad decisions or hook up with the wrong person and then cling to the idea of 'maybe it's better to be in a couple and miserable than go at it alone'.
In my honest opinion, I believe there is more value in the *possibilities* of what's ahead vs being trapped in a situation that doesn't fulfill you. You may have many wonderful relationships that rise and fall naturally, interspersed with periods of being single and alone for a while. I'd still rather pick that, with shorter bursts of excitement and giddyness and love vs a lifetime of monotony or nothing special with the wrong partner.
The whole 'happily ever after' dream is a reality only for the minority of human beings. I just think society hasn't fully embraced the truth of that, despite climbing divorce and infidelity rates and the boom of the marriage counselling industry. Being single and independent doesn't always have to be a bad thing. Somewhere along the way of enjoying life, you will probably find someone you click with again anyway. Enjoy the connections as they come. But don't forget to enjoy your freedom too.
Thanks for all your comments.
I have always been able to see quiet early on when a relationship is working or not and know when it's pointless trying to get something to work when it's a hopeless situation. With the last relationship, it became very apparent they we were very different people and wanted different things. The trust element only came to light recently and that was the nail in the coffin.
I actually do like being with myself, I was more questioning my choice in men recently. I seem to be fine when guys are just friends but when it's going to be more than friends I seem to make the wrong decisions.
I really enjoy my independents and would love to be able to travel but that is not possible due to my business. As I have been on my own essentially for a few years, I don't let holidays etc get me down.
A year ago I could have called myself desperate but that certainly is not the case, in my business I get to meet loads of different people from a variety of backgrounds and so I'm sure the right man will appear at some stage, and until then I will enjoy being me, not having to answer to anyone or worry about the toilet seat being left up.
I have always been able to see quiet early on when a relationship is working or not and know when it's pointless trying to get something to work when it's a hopeless situation. With the last relationship, it became very apparent they we were very different people and wanted different things. The trust element only came to light recently and that was the nail in the coffin.
I actually do like being with myself, I was more questioning my choice in men recently. I seem to be fine when guys are just friends but when it's going to be more than friends I seem to make the wrong decisions.
I really enjoy my independents and would love to be able to travel but that is not possible due to my business. As I have been on my own essentially for a few years, I don't let holidays etc get me down.
A year ago I could have called myself desperate but that certainly is not the case, in my business I get to meet loads of different people from a variety of backgrounds and so I'm sure the right man will appear at some stage, and until then I will enjoy being me, not having to answer to anyone or worry about the toilet seat being left up.
Cock Connoisseur
Quote by silveranode
We should have a special section, just for the 'Lush Tragics'.
If you have nothing constructive to input keep your fingers off the keyboard and stay out of threads you have no interest in contributing to.
To the OP, you may feel alone now while being on your own, you will find someone that is the right fit for you the key is to not close yourself off to the possibility of what you might find.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by sunshine2112
I will enjoy being me, not having to answer to anyone or worry about the toilet seat being left up.
There's a thread in another room about guys being a woman for a day, the only thing I mentioned was not having to remember to pull the seat down!
Advanced Wordsmith
I think the happier you can become as a single person, the more desirable you become to others around you. Go out with friends, be comfortable in your single-ness, and if someone deserving of you comes along, great. I hate cliches, but if it is meant to be, the circumstances will present themselves.
I've only been officially single for a week and already it's been fantastic. I've been going out with my true friends. These are the same friends who are making sure I am not feeling left out and have included me in their plans.
The freedom of not having to answer to anyone and to be able to be yourself is something I did not realise how much I missed.
The freedom of not having to answer to anyone and to be able to be yourself is something I did not realise how much I missed.
You sound like the female version of me, lol... Having been divorced for 5 years, I also have had a few relationships, all that have not worked out for one reason or another...
Does it bother me? Not really... Does it sadden me to be alone? Nope... I like who I am (though there could be some improvements) and refuse to change... I know there is a woman out there for me, its just a matter of waiting...
So I say this... No one can predict the future or we all would be lottery winners! ... I have met too many people who are divorced and when asked where they see themselves in 5 years... They all say they will be remarried and happy... I get what they want in life, but I also feel they would sell themselves short for someone "good enough"... I dont want good enough... I want perfect... I will continue to live life and enjoy all the beauty of this world alone until destiny determines to let our paths cross...
My answer to your question... PATIENCE... What will be, will be... Live life and wait to see what the next amazing thing to happen is... ... Oh and always be yourself, let the man fall for the woman he would wake up to everyday :)
Does it bother me? Not really... Does it sadden me to be alone? Nope... I like who I am (though there could be some improvements) and refuse to change... I know there is a woman out there for me, its just a matter of waiting...
So I say this... No one can predict the future or we all would be lottery winners! ... I have met too many people who are divorced and when asked where they see themselves in 5 years... They all say they will be remarried and happy... I get what they want in life, but I also feel they would sell themselves short for someone "good enough"... I dont want good enough... I want perfect... I will continue to live life and enjoy all the beauty of this world alone until destiny determines to let our paths cross...
My answer to your question... PATIENCE... What will be, will be... Live life and wait to see what the next amazing thing to happen is...
... Oh and always be yourself, let the man fall for the woman he would wake up to everyday :) Quote by Mazza
That's a pretty dickish thing to say...
I think the advice you've been given is very good - concentrate on being you for a while longer, ease yourself back into the dating scene as and when you feel comfortable to do so...
Having just come out of a long marriage myself, I'm looking forward to some "me" time.
Who knows where I'll end up, but I'm kind of okay with not knowing, for now...
Yep, desperation breeds MISTAKES! Try to remember, happiness ISN'T a destination, it's a CHOICE!
I always remember the old adage 'Tis better to of loved and lost, than to of never have loved at all'.
Although I'm still young, I've haven't had a serious relationship since my first year of University, which was 3 years ago. I had a very bad break up with my last girlfriend and have spent time thinking like you, that I'm not going to find anyone else. However I realised, (with some help from a good friend) that you cannot let past experiences rule you. There comes a time when you have to let them go, pick yourself up and try again.
'Things are always darkest before the dawn'. No matter how bad things seem they will get better eventually as long as you are willing to try.
Good luck hope I didn't depress you too much lol
Although I'm still young, I've haven't had a serious relationship since my first year of University, which was 3 years ago. I had a very bad break up with my last girlfriend and have spent time thinking like you, that I'm not going to find anyone else. However I realised, (with some help from a good friend) that you cannot let past experiences rule you. There comes a time when you have to let them go, pick yourself up and try again.
'Things are always darkest before the dawn'. No matter how bad things seem they will get better eventually as long as you are willing to try.
Good luck
hope I didn't depress you too much lol Active Ink Slinger
Quote by JoeBem
I always remember the old adage 'Tis better to of loved and lost, than to of never have loved at all'.
Although I'm still young, I've haven't had a serious relationship since my first year of University, which was 3 years ago. I had a very bad break up with my last girlfriend and have spent time thinking like you, that I'm not going to find anyone else. However I realised, (with some help from a good friend) that you cannot let past experiences rule you. There comes a time when you have to let them go, pick yourself up and try again.
'Things are always darkest before the dawn'. No matter how bad things seem they will get better eventually as long as you are willing to try.
Good luck
That was a really touching post.
Quote by secretspice
I'm on my second marriage and its as bad as the first one, I truly believe that I'm meant to be single, which would be fine with me...
Sorry to hear that things aren't working out for you a second time around. All too often people subconsciously pick the same TYPE of person to become involved with over and over again, so that although they might not LOOK the same or even like the same things, they are; both mentally and emotionally that same as the one before. Good luck getting things turned around.
Bonnet Flaunter
I'm so sorry that things have not been easy for you. Take your time and I'm sure that the person who deserves you will come into your life xx
I actually don't mind be single because a relationship requires a lot of attention and I don't have the time for it. As for being single forever, that's a whole another issue. I rather not be single for life >.<! that's too lonely. I guess when the right guy comes around, I will know that it is time to settle down. :P
Rookie Scribe
31 been alone for just that 31 years not always fun
Rookie Scribe
Quote by sunshine2112
Been divorced nearly 6 years. I've had a couple of shortish relationships during this time, but for a variety or reasons it never seems to work out. I've just dumped the latest guy as there was not trust in our relationship. I did not trust him. I don't think I have trust issues just not met the right guy. I do wonder though am I destined to be single forever. I've got my own business, have a fairly good social life. My best mates are actually guys. Should I just accepted that I am going to be on my own now?
In my practice, people seem to suffer the same fate simply because they lack the true understanding of what they really want.
Let me paint you a little picture. You know how you like to dress, down to the little detail. You know what you want out of your job, again, down to the littlest detail.
Why then, if I were to ask you "What are you really looking for in a partner?" do you pause and stumble?
When you have outlined everything you could ever want and have in the person in front of you, then, you will find the one that makes you amazingly perfectly happy.
Sincerely,
Al, the Relationship Chef.
[code]RelationshipChef.net[/code]
Active Ink Slinger
Being single can be great.
I loved it.
I could go where I wanted when I wanted and was not answerable to anybody. I got used to living alone and enjoyed that immensely for the same reasons - could do what I liked.
So enjoy it while you can because once you commit to someone this changes and that can be great also.
Enjoy the moment. What happens happens.y0xHjanqM3q6W2JZ
I loved it.
I could go where I wanted when I wanted and was not answerable to anybody. I got used to living alone and enjoyed that immensely for the same reasons - could do what I liked.
So enjoy it while you can because once you commit to someone this changes and that can be great also.
Enjoy the moment. What happens happens.y0xHjanqM3q6W2JZ
Advanced Wordsmith
It is not the worst thing in life it has its own advantages enjoy being single
Active Ink Slinger
Came across this post which I originally started under a different username. Interesting that three years have gone past since I initially posted it an nothing has changed. I have since had another relationship with a guy I actually met on Lush. Once again it was fantastic to begin with but he and I were very different. I never thought age different could play such a big part in a relationship but in this case it did. Looking back there were so many obstacles that made it really hard work and I knew within six months that he would never truly just accept me for who I am. 2015 I decided that I would not join any dating sites and not even try and seek a man and let things happen naturally if it was meant to be, the fact that I am still single shows that does not work for me. Within the business environment I did meet a new bunch of people but not of them love interests or even remotely interesting. I once again at the beginning of this year went back on the dating sites and have had a couple of dates nothing really that amazing. I think I have forgotten how to flirt or even become attractive to anyone. When the dating site subscription comes to an end in august I will probably just forgotten about it again, and accepted once again that I will be single for the foreseeable future. My mom was windowed in her 40's and she never met anyone else and so was on her own for 30 odd years until she passed away. My biological mother has also been on her own for number of years from what I have found out so far, so maybe it's just something that simple happens in my family, that the ladies remain single. My question is do I give up now or carry on trying? I don't really want to be on my own as I do get lonely and it will be even harder when my children leave the nest in a years time.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by ms_vicky
My question is do I give up now or carry on trying? I don't really want to be on my own as I do get lonely and it will be even harder when my children leave the nest in a years time.
It sounds really good in sayings "Stop looking, let things happen naturally" - Men aren't gonna drop naked from the blue sky into your lap if you've tied a blindfold on your eyes!!
You've to keep trying ..but not with desperation.. Project your interest but keep a wise eye on things.
You're a woman - my god ..women never forget how to flirt or be sexy!!! - Nauh! Never.
Maybe you've just lost your inspiration and you need to rekindle it. I mean to me..from what I've read so far..you should be more confident about yourself ..you have your own business, and a good social circle and you sound like a good human being as well (Rare combination). Don't let the bitter experience fade you inner shine..And for the sake of all good men with sexy butt ..stop following your family tree of relationships!! That probably is one of reasons why you're more afraid that maybe you'll end up like them.
Everybody is different.. And they make different choices ..which leads to different kind of lives. You're to decide which way to mould your life. Although it's great to have love in your life but there are plenty of other things that matters.
My best wishes for you & your beautiful life! xo
Quote by ms_vicky
I never thought age different could play such a big part in a relationship but in this case it did. Looking back there were so many obstacles that made it really hard work and I knew within six months that he would never truly just accept me for who I am..
This is another mistake many people make, I've faced it too. A too big gap in age difference can be a really hard obstacle to tackle in a relationship.. It's obvious people have different thinking and hope and plans & expectations in different phases of their life..of course there will be a clash of thoughts and emotions and a whole lot of other things when two people of different age group try being in a relationship.
Fancy Schmancy
I'll toss my hat in the ring here, without anything that is actually new to say -- however, here goes: do you have other aspects of your life that are fulfilling? Do you have your own interests that you pursue, or is your main focus your children and the fact that you don't have a life partner? With Meet-Ups, it is not always necessary to go to dating sites -- you can find things you are interested in doing -- or even think you might be interested in, and give them a try. Even if you have a defeatist attitude, do not show that to the outside world. A combination of finding/pursing your own interests and acting the way you wish you felt can make a huge difference in your life.
May things turn around for you, and bring you happiness, in whatsoever form it may be!
May things turn around for you, and bring you happiness, in whatsoever form it may be!