I hate it when people give arguments that basically sound like "hey, I'm doing her a favour by staying with her."
It's rarely the case.
Have some respect for what you used to have and for the children you created together, and let her go.
It's one thing to not have the attraction anymore, it's another thing to deceive, lie and manipulate so that you can have your sex-cake on the side and stay with a woman you aren't attracted to, don't love and don't have compassion for. Not placing blame there - just calling it like it is.
The kids will be better off with two separate parental units that have chosen to respectfully end the marriage but still be there for them as any parent would.
You having an affair, trying to hide it, her low self-esteem probably getting lower, suspicions, resentment, anger... yeah, it's not a pic-nic for any kid to have to deal with.
Imagine this has fast-forwarded to the the future and this is your daughter in the same situation. Would you think it in her best interests to stick it out with a guy that was completely disinterested in her and enduring the situation while cheating on her.
Or if it were you - and you were ill, on meds that caused major weight gain, impotent, disabled or whatever and you knew you had become physically repulsive to her, would you rather that she just find another guy(s) on the side to make her happy while enduring her marriage vows with you?
I don't get why people think 'staying in the marriage' is the better option when things trainwreck like this. Both people will be happier outside of the emotional egg-shells they're likely living on while cohabiting in the same residence. Talk it out, end things respectfully, and move on.
affairs are for cowards. if you're really that unhappy, leave. as if, you're making both yourselves miserable - why stay in a marriage that you obviously want out of?
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
To the OP. You may be a really shitty guy, but maybe not. It's a little easy to paint this guy as an awful person, but he's not a murderer. There is a slight double standard here. If a wife came onto Lush talking about how her husband has gotten big and fat and has horribly foul smelling farts and he wasn't satisfying her needs... no one would be calling her a names like: dick, selfish, nasty, dickhead, jerk. Everyone would be "there there, it's ok. if he's not fulfilling your every need and desire as a woman you should definitely go out and find some young big dicked stud to fuck your lights out. You go girl!" Give me a break.
As he said, leaving isn't an option because of the kids. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't love his wife. But he clearly loves his kids. People always talk about deadbeat dads and men that leave the wives and children, talk about how we wish men would "think of the kids". Well, here's a guy that's doing that. We're going to shit on the guy because he wants to be around to raise his kids? Nah, I'm not buying that. Nor do I buy the concept that kids are "better off" when their parents divorce and all the stress of home life goes away. If there's daily yelling, screaming, arguing, fighting or constant verbal/physical confrontations, yes. Otherwise, sticking around for the kids isn't such a bad thing. As mentioned earlier, he never said he loves his wife. Never said he doesn't either. Maybe he loves her but isn't "IN" love with her.
Leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. As the father of children it's hard to just up and leave knowing that in our society you'll only get partial custody and your relationship with your kids will be limited. How many wives would leave their husbands if they knew that after leaving, they'd only see their kids every other weekend? And that the person you were unable to live with is the person raising your kids without your input. Not many, I promise you.
Dude, if you want to have an affair do it. But know that it's not good for your own personal soul. From one cheater to a potential cheater, don't go down that road unless you're certain you can live with it. And know that if you get caught, you will lose in divorce. You'll lose the kids and doing all those things you mentioned. No band practice, doctor's appointments, all that stuff will be done by the primary custodian. Your wife. You may "get" to do it on occassion, but it won't be your choice when you can or can't. After you cheat, you'll see a different man in the mirror. It's not all pussy and cum, it will weigh on your mind.
edit.... A quick search of Lush stories with the tag "cheating" opens 28 pages totaling 693 stories
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates oh, and one other thing. kids are way smarter and intuitive then you give them credit for. they pick up on stuff like 'daddy hates mommy, but he likes that blonde lady' or 'mommy really like 'uncle' John'. if you have kids, and you're cheating, think of the lessons you are teaching them. kids learn by example.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Well, the only thing I need to add here is, "Successful troll is successful."
While I don't condone cheating, I'm beginning to understand it a bit more from personal experience.
Sometimes you have to be a bit selfish or you're doomed to be unhappy.
i am too sweet to really say the things i think but let me see if i understand.
your wife had surgery because she was fat and you did not want her. a sad side-affect was that she has gas because her body does not digest fats correctly anymore... since you still don't want her she started eating to get her emotional needs met and is right back where she started before she risked her life on the operating table... fat and unloved....
go to counseling... please.... for everyone's sake...