Not your normal relationship advice but here goes.
Out of all my friends I am the first in many things. Unfortunetly it means I was the first to lose a parent. Now today I find out my Step-father has a 5 inch tumor in his lung. Inoperable. So How do you say goodbye? When I lost my father I was there giving him CPR and trying to revive him but it was over and gone so fast I didn't even have time to think and say goodbye and I love you. But now I am lost and when I talk to my friends about it they look at me like I am speaking Wookie or something so if anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.
I want him to know I love him and will miss him but I don't want it to be like I am giving up on him and already putting him in the ground before he is gone.
thanks again all.
The best way to deal with that is just to be there. I lost my mom four years ago to cancer. She was the best friend I ever had. I couldnt say goodbye to her...and when the time came, I didnt get a chance. But from day one I was right there when she needed me. Taking care of her with the same patience and love that she showed me while I was growing up. I cant even count the number of nights I sat up with her chatting about our lives and all the fun we had....and also the nights when she was sick and needed someone there just to help her go to the bathroom.
That is the best thing you can do...treat every day like you have forever with that person and at the same time, treat it like it is your last day to have them.
Yup, I'd definately agree.
I lost my brother 3 years ago, he was 19, and he'd be 22 now. Whilst he was at home and ill, i was there with him and looked after him, but once he got moved into hospital, i think i visited him only a handful of times in a few months. I definately regret it now. We didnt know we were going to lose him, although we had our doubts. That didnt matter though because we were still there for him.
My advice would definately be to just spend time with him and make the most of it while you can.
Death is always the hardest thing in life to deal with. So if you truly love someone don't let it happen before you have made peace with that person. It hurts more and takes a lifetime to deal with if you don't.
Just words of wisdom from someone who knows.
Perhaps you could go to lunch, or dinner alone with him. And then say something like, "you know bob, I've always respected and loved you. I'd like to be here to help you with this in any way I can if you'll let me." Not real intense like it's his last meal or anything, just matter of fact. Or if you or he are not the type for talking, write him a letter. And mail it. Then when the time comes be there if you can. Hold his hand, give him some ice chips, put a cool cloth on his forehead. Then if he's able, talk about that time when.... good things not bad ones. He'll feel the love. And remember, some circle of scientists believe that the hearing is the last thing to go when people die. So if he's slipping away and can't talk, that doesn't mean he can't hear you.
Do you need to actually say "goodbye"? What I'm saying is that it's not really necessary to say those words. Spend time with him, hang out, do something together, catch a game. Let him know you care. The exact words aren't that important. Somehow, If I knew I didn't have long, I'd be creeped out by people saying goodbye. Hang with him, he'll make the connection.
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." - Groucho Marx
Good bye is so final.
I know some people think death is final.
I don't.
My dad got killed when I was 6 years old.
He moved to the moon... noone told me that I decided it myself.
One year later my dad died agan, by edjucating adults. telling me that even if I built a rocketship I couldn't go see my dad.
Cause nothing lives on the moon.
"Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know"
By showing your affection, as with your father, trying to get him back, that alone showed him how much you love him.
By spending time, showing interest for your stepfather and his past and future dreams.
There's a great song written by a swedsh artist when he was about to die.
In it he tells everyone who's got something to say to him, to say it to him now, cause soon enough it'll be too late. If anyone has any regrets, to show it now.
Ofc it's in swedish or I'd link it.
So... all in all... what the others said.
If you want to say I Love You, you should be able to say it aloud without any guilty feelings inside. Just say it. I have lost my grandad when i was 18 who i lived with with my mum till i was 6 and when he was near to dying everybody told me to be brave and don't cry. You do what you want to do, write it in a letter if the words can't come out from your lips. show your love to him in differant ways. but above all that be brave to say what you feel in your heart. good luck it won't be easy to decide what to do, but you will know when you feel it inside. I wish you well. HB xxx take care
Sassy Red-haired Beach Kat/Dune Goddess
It would make perfect sense to express how much you love him now. You can explain that you feel badly that you never had the chance to say goodbye to your father and that you don't want that to happen again. It doesn't need to include the word goodbye out loud if you think that would be hurtful in any way. But you can have the conversation that you need to have by expressing your feelings for him and not missing the chance again.
My thoughts are with you. I lost my mother a year and a half ago. I still miss her so damn much. But I was the one who held her hand and gave her permission to go when she felt she needed to. She was ill for so long. It was hard, but it was what she needed to hear, even though she couldn't speak.
Please know that you are not alone. This group of friends has seen me through so many hardships. Who would have thought that some of my greatest support would come from my online friends on an erotic story site?
Kat
Dirty Talk Competition story: His Voice
Newest story: The Last Dance - Part 4 & Part 5
The Last Dance is a love story, but not your ordinary love story. I’d love for people to check it out. Thanks! 🥰
o tat,
in my line of business i have had the opportunity and the priviledge to be with serval people at the end of life. many who were faced with terminal cancer. a few of the things i have learned are these.
first, we all, of course, will die. your step-father, in my humble opinion, is in the fortunate position of certainity. certainty in knowing what it is that will end his life and the certainty in knowing approximately when. certainty in life is hard to come by, certainty in death, as in the case of your father-in-law, can actually bring him (and, if allowed, his family and friends as well) some comfort and peace.
second, learn. for you, learn from your past experience with your father and now from this very different experience with your step-father.
third, find time to enjoy some of the simple pleaseres that your step-dad can still enjoy. and remember the difference between quality time vs. quantity of time and strive for quality.
finally, be open to and don't be surprised if you find yourself learning more about life from your terminally ill step-dad than you have from healthier people not facing a certain death.
that was one of my singular eye opening moments. while spending quality time with a young man dying from stomach cancer i found myself learning so much about life. for instance, i had never thought much about being relatively pain free. for him those moments when he was just not in excruciating pain were gifts of clairity of mind and peace. or how an amazing afternoon for him was being able to watch a massive thunderstorm move in and then descend on the area where his house was and then to finally, after the fury passed, see the sun set below the dissipating clouds on the distant horizon.
in closing, don't worry about the words you say, perfect ones will never be found. instead let your quiet presence, your unspoken love, and your silent strength say what volumes of words never could.
may the peace and presence of whatever god you and your step-father hold dear be with you.
g
I nominate Groucho's post as the Post Of The Year. =d>
Just be there for him. Talk to him and be there for him. I know how it feels, I watched my uncle die slowly from Hepatitis C. It wasn't pretty. To this day I am not sure if he knew I care or not because the last time I had the chance to see him, I had to work or something. That was thanksgiving and he dies December 20th. So all I can say is really not to sound sappy or anything but Treasure the moments you spend with him and he'll know that you care.
I can't handle death. One of my very best friends was murdered, he was stabbed to death over 60 times and 7 years later I still can't wrap my mind around it. A couple of my grandparents died, one from cancer when they discovered it they told us he had two weeks left and 3 days later he died. I have never been to a funeral for any of them, I just can't go there. I can't think about their deaths, it makes me shut down mentally and emotionally. I had a relative once accuse me of being wrong because I didn't shed any tears. I deal with death by not dealing with it, I guess. I don't know what else to say about it.
Spend lots of time with him now and make sure he knows how much you love him.
In order to know virtue, you must first become acquainted with vice.
- Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade
-------
En vis mann slår aldri en hund i klubben med en stokk, fordi hunden vil vende rundt og biter mannens ballene av. 
