This poem is the second part of one that was published to the site on 7/17/15 called Enigmatic Shadow
enjoy, and comment if you would like. Personally I think it should have been allowed to be published....
Enigma Resolved
Not quite content
To wait anymore
I gathered my things
Followed you out the door
Down the road you went
Strolled at a leisurely pace
If noticed following
I’d have had a red face!
Around the corner
Just up ahead you stopped
If I’d noticed a minute later
I would have been caught
Following just a bit slower
My heart still beating quick
I wonder where you are going
Will knowing do the trick?
Waiting for you to tell me
Where this ‘friendship’ will go
Is driving me absolutely crazy
I really must needs know
Up ahead you finally stop
At a house in the middle of a row
You fumble a bit with a key
Then in the door you go
The windowpanes are shuttered
The curtains are all drawn
I am out of luck to see in
A fence around the neat lawn
Huffing out an exasperated sigh
I sit down upon the curb
I followed you for nothing
Because I don’t dare disturb
I failed to notice
The door opening again
Suddenly there is a shadow
Damn! Its caught I’ve been!
What are you doing here?
Did you actually follow me?
All that I could do
Was nod my head yes in honesty
I asked you to be patient
For just a little while more
Why did you have to follow me
To my mother’s door
I really wish you hadn’t
Gone and followed me here
Lovers or Friends
The answer is now clear
If had you been patient
Its lovers it would have been
But without the most basic trust
I can’t even consider you a friend
Please take your leave now
Don’t contact me anymore
Lose my telephone number
Do not darken my mother’s door
I stood up, looked you in the eye
Desperately trying to apologize
You shook your head and turned away
I had actually ruined things I realized
With no chance I turned and left
Returning from whence I came
Neither lover nor friend now
I’ve only myself to blame
In trying to solve the mystery
That was the enigmatic shadow man
I missed a chance at true love
Now, always alone I am doing the best I can
I am a little surprised it was rejected - it seems to qualify as a love poem to me, but I don't make the rules. If I am correct, I believe you have a presence on the "blue" site where I am sure it would be accepted.
It is a little creepy, stalkery (I almost thought it was about a dog following a kid home), but overall, I think it is well-written.
Did you ask the moderator/verifier who rejected your piece exactly why it was rejected, and how to change it to better conform to Lush standards? Rejections generally come with an explanation of the reason behind the rejection, and sometimes suggestions on how to change it to meet Lush standards. The mods/verifiers are generally very willing to help out.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
I would have passed it...
xx SF
Liz: "YOU were FIRED!!!"
Me: "yeah....."
I'm afraid I have to agree with Liz. I am a moderator on here as well as the Blue Site and it reads more like it belongs on the other site. I understand that it may be influenced by/connected to another poem already published here, but it is a separate submission and stands alone.
Of course you could do what so many make the mistake of doing, sex it up and over dramatize passion in an effort to make it fit for the sake of just having it published. When it is forced and breaks the fluidity of thought, it is painfully obvious. You will lose out on quality. It depends on what is of importance to you.
Many of the same readers here are located on the Blue Site as well. This poem could be what increases your views. I often write poems myself that just lack that Lush edge and belong there as well. I'll want it to be here, but it just simply doesn't belong here. It is not because the poem lacks quality, it's just an adjustment in placement.
Sprite, stop hogging the bottle. It's been a long day.joJkhsvSH6Tt3h8d
Back in my father's day stalking WAS romance. He had to do it. He wasn't gonna get anything off my mother.
Most of these CORRESPONDENTS are CLOSE FRIENDS of mine...
I VALUE their opinions, I RESPECT them, while feeling free to offer A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW...
The thing that makes LUSH STORIES as a RESOURCE so special is that we can HAVE this kind of discussion, discourse and debate with consideration and regard for each other, ALL OF US wishing to SIMPLY make it BETTER!!!
xx Stephen
(We TRY!!!)