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Poems by Sprite's Cat

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sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
I'd Fuck Milk

I'd fuck milk
creamy lovely swirly stuff
that lingers on my whiskers
all nice and creamy warm

I'd fuck milk
if they'd put it in a serving bowl
or left in on the counter
when no one was around

Mice are nice
to toss about and chase
and have a little taste
but they never last
that's a mouse's fate

but milk I'd fuck
I dream of it all night and day
and even when i'm at play
I can never get away
so can you blame me when I say
that i'd fuck milk?

Cleo el Gato

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by sprite
I'd fuck milk
creamy lovely swirly stuff
that lingers on my whiskers
all nice and creamy warm

I'd fuck milk
if they'd put it in a serving bowl
or left in on the counter
when no one was around

Mice are nice
to toss about and chase
and have a little taste
but they never last
that's a mouse's fate

but milk I'd fuck
I dream of it all night and day
and even when i'm at play
I can never get away
so can you blame me when I say
that i'd fuck milk?

Cleo el Gato


THIS SHIT IS BETTER THAN MY POEMS??? It's A FUCKING CAT!!!

xx SF

Sprite: "It's better than "LITTER"..."

Me: "NO IT ISN'T!!!"

Sprite: "Cleo says your poems are CAT LITTER!!! Hee-Hee!"

Magical Felix: "I THINK you'll find THAT was MY LINE!!!"

Me: "FELIX IS THE NAME OF A FUCKING CAT YOU BASTARD!!! I KNOW what side you're on!!!"

MAN IN WHITE COAT: "Stephen is going to be away for a while..."

Me: "A FUCKING CAT WROTE A POEM!!! LOOK!!"

Man In White Coat" "This will STING..."

Me: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"




(BIZZARELY my CAT was called CLEO!!! Really... (ASK NARCISSUS!) Ugliest thing... HOW I LOVED HER!!!)
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Tuna Makes Me Tingle

Tuna makes me tingle
And makes my tummy rumble
It smells so nice and fishy
And makes me really happy

Once I dreamed of tuna
falling from the sky
and covering the land
and filling up the sea

Such a lovely dream
And such a happy smell
Tuna makes me tingle
And gives me fishy joy

Cleo el Gato

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Unknown User
As one who is quite fond of kitties, I think these poems are wonderful.

How much for the rights? I want to set these to music and put it on stage. Hey, it worked for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by stephanie


Man In White Coat: "This will STING..."

Me: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"


Several hours later...

MAN IN WHITE COAT: "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey Mr. Stephanie.

sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
That's Mine

That thing you call a bed?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a couch?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a chair?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a sweater?
That's mine, it belongs to me.

That thing you call a sandwich?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a pillow?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a sock?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a girlfriend?
That's mine, it belongs to me.

Cleo el Gato

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Evie
Blackbird Supernova
I love these. Very talented, this Cleo.

She writes all your stuff, doesn't she?

Guest
Lurker
Quote by sprite
That's Mine

That thing you call a bed?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a couch?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a chair?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a sweater?
That's mine, it belongs to me.

That thing you call a sandwich?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a pillow?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a sock?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a girlfriend?
That's mine, it belongs to me.

Cleo el Gato


Actually, she's GOOD... My DOG writes SHIT poems...

"I love bones...
And licking my balls...
You'd do it if you could...
After all...

I love ALPO...
And chasing cars...
Being fed under the table
When that BASTARD Steve isn't watching...

My favorite film is "THE LADY AND THE TRAMP..."
I'd so fuck the bitch in that...
Doggy Style...
With a DOGGY smile...

Bow Wow... Growl... GRRRRRRRR!
(What do you expect I'm a fucking dog??????"

(BTW, Scooby Doo was GAY... No honest... Lived with LASSIE for years... Then left him for SNOOPY... Because they had more in common...)


By BENJI (Steve's Collie-Cross)
NymphWriter
Unicorn Wrangler
Reading these cute poems make me miss having a cat. Sadly, the pet deposit at my apartment is just too damn high... not to mention the extra in my monthly rent. So... I will enjoy the Poems by Sprite's Cat and share this pic I found.
Liz
Scarlet Seductress
Bone No More

I would hump your leg at breakfast
When you'd eat your piece of toast
The table would be shaking
As if haunted by a ghost

I'd hump the postman next
Although he always tried to run
He never made it to the gate
Before I bit his bum

I humped the local vicar once
When he came round for tea
"Good Lord!" he shrieked in horror
As I made it with his knee

I've humped a British Gas man
And got fruity with a nun
I even humped a circus clown
But that was just for fun

I've humped the sofa ragged
And the coat stand in the hall
But I don't hump things anymore
'cause now I've got no balls.

- Alfie
(My mum's Labrador)
Narcissus
Rookie Scribe
"My name is Gerry, I'm a Hamster.

I was bought for Dani's Daughter...

I have a cage and a wheel. Living the dream...

It's a pretty good deal.

I can't do a lot because I'm just a Hamster.

Though I try.

They love me and I'm pampered.

And they'll be shattered when I die."

By Gerry O'Guinness. (Hamster)

Is this really a SEX site?
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
The slave girl

The slave girl who feeds me dinner is lazy
And makes me bite her ankles
Then scolds me like a dog
It would make me sad if I cared

The slave girl who brushes my fur is lazy
And she makes me claw her socks
Then carries me like a baby
Which is incredibly undignified

I hate the lazy slave girl
I hate her with all my heart
And only cuddle with her at night
‘Cause she’s nice and warm

The slave girl who scratches my belly is lazy
And makes the weirdest sounds
I think she thinks she’s talking
She’s sometimes not too bright.

Cleo el Gato

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Narcissus



Is this really a SEX site?


shush, you, or the others will catch on.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by Narcissus


Is this really a SEX site?


It's getting really close to becoming a site.
Guest
Lurker
Quote by Magical_felix


It's getting really close to becoming a site.


Jack I'VE SEEN that tape... (THAT LLAMA wanted it...)

xx SF
Guest
Lurker
You have people's PET'S posting writing here, Rae...

It's not proper.

Or correct.

Or Right.

And those of us who don't write as good as the pets are pissed off...

(I have a PARAKEET (Juliana) who has not spoken in two years and is now spouting verse...)

I HOPE you are proud of your FUCKING self.

You are making A NONSENSE of our site.

xx SF
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by stephanie


Jack I'VE SEEN that tape... (THAT LLAMA wanted it...)

xx SF


Let that be a lesson to all you kids out there. Once something is on the Internet...it's there for-ev-er.
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
Quote by sprite
I'd Fuck Milk

I'd fuck milk
creamy lovely swirly stuff
that lingers on my whiskers
all nice and creamy warm

I'd fuck milk
if they'd put it in a serving bowl
or left in on the counter
when no one was around

Mice are nice
to toss about and chase
and have a little taste
but they never last
that's a mouse's fate

but milk I'd fuck
I dream of it all night and day
and even when i'm at play
I can never get away
so can you blame me when I say
that i'd fuck milk?

Cleo el Gato


Great! Now your damn cat will get more views than me sad
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
Quote by sprite
Tuna Makes Me Tingle

Tuna makes me tingle
And makes my tummy rumble
It smells so nice and fishy
And makes me really happy

Once I dreamed of tuna
falling from the sky
and covering the land
and filling up the sea

Such a lovely dream
And such a happy smell
Tuna makes me tingle
And gives me fishy joy

Cleo el Gato

Cleo,
This is your best to date. I love the way you bring out the nuances of this poem. Definitely well constructed and surpurb the way you captured the aroma of the poem. RR worthy maybe and EP.
ChuckEPoo
Chuckanator
Quote by sprite
The slave girl

The slave girl who feeds me dinner is lazy
And makes me bite her ankles
Then scolds me like a dog
It would make me sad if I cared

The slave girl who brushes my fur is lazy
And make makes me claw her socks
Then carries me like a baby
Which is incredibly undignified

I hate the lazy slave girl
I hate her with all my heart
And only cuddle with her at night
‘Cause she’s nice and warm

The slave girl who scratches my belly is lazy
And makes the weirdest sounds
I think she thinks she’s talking
She’s sometimes not too bright.

Cleo el Gato


I'm sorry, you are in violation of our strict political correctness code. Even if you are a cat.
Guest
Lurker
I love all of these poems! Freaking brilliant!!
HeraTeleia
Top Shot
Hank would post, but he's too busy running the household with an iron paw to be bothered. Takes a lot of effort to keep two Great Pyrenees and all of his humans in line.

Seriously, if Hank walks up to either dog's bowl when they are eating, the dog will back up and sit down and allow Hank to eat at his leisure. 15 pounds of cat backing up 150 pounds (at least--Norman is 165 pounds) of dog. With a stare. Same for the dog's beds, same for any place they happen to be that Hank wants to be. No hissing, no paw swipes, just a stare.
Want to spend some time wallowing in a Recommended Read? Pick one! Or two! Or seven!
Liz
Scarlet Seductress
Quote by Magical_felix
It's getting really close to becoming a site.


In my defence, I was epic stoned when I let Alfie post that poem using my Lush account.
Milik_the_Red
Internet Philosopher
Quote by sprite
That's Mine

That thing you call a bed?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a couch?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a chair?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a sweater?
That's mine, it belongs to me.

That thing you call a sandwich?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a pillow?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a sock?
That's mine, it belongs to me.
That thing you call a girlfriend?
That's mine, it belongs to me.

Cleo el Gato


EP. Our katnip, whichever Cleo prefers.
Magical_felix
Wild at Heart
Quote by Liz


In my defence, I was epic stoned when I let Alfie post that poem using my Lush account.


Shit, you think you were stoned? I was so stoned when that llama video was shot I thought I was balloon Rambo riding a balloon velociraptor in the Macy's day parade.

When I sobered up...only then did I realize what I had done to Gonzales the llama.
Guest
Lurker
Your Cat is awesome
NymphWriter
Unicorn Wrangler
Sprite... I saw this pic on Facebook and thought of your cat. Hope it makes you smile.
SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
My Sole Fuckin' Rule

I look like a panther
But I'm a big black cat
Please call me 'mister'
But don't call me fat

When I'm parading
I don't aim to be good
Just want to be king
Of the whole fuckin' hood

Constraints and captivity
Are for those lesser
I leave that stupidity
To my lil' black sister

I strive to be free
Arrogant and cruel
Feed me when need be
Is my sole fuckin' rule

- Bobby, aka SereneProdigy's badass cat
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
Ode to Bobby

Whimpy cat, whimpy cat
Whimpy whimpy whimpy cat
You look fatty fatty fat
You think you're king
but you're not king of anything
as long as I wear this crown
I own everything upon the ground
and everything that swims or flies
All you do is tell your lies
So, no food for you, it belongs to me
And stay away, you're ridden with flea

Cleo el Gato.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.