As a slightly sillier counterpoint to the haiku thread, how about one for dirty limericks? Why not write a limerick about one of your friends here on Lush? Or about anyone at all?
Here's my starter for ten...
A naughty young lady named Abi
Once had a fine fuck with a cabby.
In lieu of her fare,
She screwed him with flair
By the entrance to Westminster Abbey.
[Forgive me if there's already a limerick thread lurking somewhere - I searched in Poet's Corner and couldn't find one.]
22 February 2024 - How about a quick plug for one of my filthiest recent stories? It's all in the title - Naked Pool Party Swingers | Lush Stories Please read, comment and maybe give it a ❤️ - or even a⭐ if you really enjoy it! Thank you! Annie xxx
I know a few Lush guys from London,
they give me quite a conumdrum.
Which one to pick? The biggest dick?
But there's not much difference between 'em!
Some folks don't know their ass from a hole
As are dug in the ground by a mole.
I wish they'd get smart
Cuz a thought ain't a fart
And a pileup of poop ain't a knoll.
A young woman exploring her split
Came across a most curious "it"
She explored at her leisure
And much to her pleasure
Discovered her "it" was her clit!
There was a young man from Muzzy End,
to him many pictures I did send.
We had a big fight,
now everything's alright,
And once again he is my best friend.
"All your fucking does is perturb.
Your technique is clearly absurd.
I want more orgasms
That make me have spasms.
So I'm kicking your ass to the curb!"
OK, I wrote this in response to something in another thread, but it fits here as well.
There once was a wellmademale
Who read many a tale
But in an odd twist of fate
Only considered them great
If his name was mentioned for sale.
There are those who develop a crush
On some member or other at Lush.
They might often suck 'em,
Lick 'em, or fuck 'em
And hope that their lush crush will gush!
Think they know BDSM, there are some
Who reckon it's just an easy way to cum,
But they don't have a clue
What real DOMs and subs do;
They think it's the dumber leading the dumb.
There was a hot sexy cowboy,
Would use me like I was his toy,
My clit he would lick
Then I'd suck his dick
Bringing us both a lot of joy.
My name is Katie or Kat,
I don't really think I'm all that...,
But sometimes I'm flirty,
Occasionally dirty,
And always fun in a chat.
A horny old lady who fucked me,
rimmed me and righteously sucked me.
She gave me swallow
and I quickly did follow
in drinking till her pussy ducked me
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU'
First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination - Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that they thought.
The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited;
Me and Tim ahuntin' went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They were three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and timbuktu.
There was a young lady from Prague,
Who turned up to Lush in a Saab,
Her real name was Danny,
She had a cute fanny,
or so Buz said when he was hard!
There was a blonde babe in Liverpool,
So gorgeous she made me drool,
I wanted her to remove my bra,
Instead I got an RR,
Which was also completely cool!
There was a sweet girl named Candy
Whose sex life was far from dandy
She met Sydneysider
Stuck his cock inside her
And made her extremely randy
There was a Madame called Molly,
Whose friendship was nearly a folly,
Her pics were so hot,
Like it or not,
I had to lie down on a trolley!
There was a young man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
A clump of grass
Grew out of his arse...
And out of his cock, grew the weeds
My Karma just ran over your Dogma
There was a beautiful girl,
She had the most amazing curls.
She liked to suck cock,
She liked them like rocks,
While she played with her pearls.
I'm unemployed and life is a bore
And am masturbating myself tender and sore
I'm seeking distraction
And wet story action
So friend me and I'll amuse for sure
There was a young lad named Shawn
Who wished he'd never been born
And he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn
There was a young girl
From Calcutta
Who peeped through a hole in a shutter
And all she could see Was a young maiden's knee
And the balls of the bloke who was up her
There was once a young man from down under
Whose orgasm was louder than thunder
The bed shook as he groaned
And bounced as he moaned
The neighbours soon named him boy-wonder!
A man loved to suck cock
He was always hard as a rock
He never went to work
Because he was a jerk
Oh Fuck there goes the alarm clock
A couple love to masturbate
They do this on their date
They love for people to watch
They both rub at their crotch
They do this until eight
There are those who think they're a poet
But whether or or not they know it
A bunch of words in a line
With no rhythm or rhyme
Is just prose with a new way to show it!
There was a man with a big dick
How he loved to stroke his prick
He loved to have fun
When he would come
But he wished he had a chick
