Lush Limericks

I was gladdened by her invitation

To try out backdoor penetration

She said it feels fine

Where the sun don't shine

But you can't use too much lubrication.

Scissoring requires some agility

Ensuring vulvae meet with reliability

Slipping and sliding

Orgasms providing

With nary a hint of docility

Awakening this morning with finger

Some wonderful feelings do linger

Round and round

Moaning abound

And now am here for a tinker

Dangerous time, first thing in the morning

A soft touch desire can stir without warning

Then desire to abate

For work maybe late

But with beatific smiles both adorning

Writing his thoughts in the night,

Designed for a smile, not a fright,

He's happy to please,

With the odd cheeky tease

Coaxing plenty of fun

Out of sight

( Autobiography box ticked!

There's this big chick I lust for. Don't smirk.

Amazon babes is my quirk.

But when the object of my affection

Espied my erection

She said "Yeaah, that's not gonna work."

Whilst riding the big roller-coasters,

She played with her vibes she called 'Toasters'

With so much more planned,

Alas, she was banned,

But the fair put the pics on their posters.

A girl from the far Philippines

Liked to drink beer out of canteens

She put several away

And started to sway

As on her way home she careens

Checking his story's a pain,

The process may soon fry his brain

Commas, full stops,

Tiny dots, his face drops,

If only her guard would again.

Onto the deck I strolled in the nude

Appropriate for my quite randy mood

I took a quick ride

With my fingers inside

And returned completely renewed

In the midst of him playing alone,

His dog thought she'd found her lost bone,

When she clamped with her jaws,

He collapsed on all fours

Then fitted his pet with a cone.

A lady I know in Mumbai

Likes sex in abundant supply

But with just other girls

With orgasms in whirls

Her talents one cannot deny

A lady I know in New Delhi

Likes putting all sorts on her belly,

From toys that are faulty

and sticky and salty

To worn underwear that is smelly.

"Red Flag"

(When I'm seeing red )

You know when a person is toxic

And probably slightly demonic

He puts up a flag

It's hardly a gag

Then red is no longer erotic

All characters and events in this poem - even those based on 'real' people - are entirely fictional 😎

Her hand slipped between my thighs

As I gazed into her eyes

Fingers curled

The world whirled

I came quickly, no surprise

Lynn's quickness is no surprise at all

She's eager to rise up, then fall

For an eager young slitch

Who can scratch Lynn's strong itch

At home, or anywhere at all!

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

The earliest known use of the noun slitch is in the Middle English period (1150—1500).

OED's earliest evidence for slitch is from before 1475, in R. Higden's Polychronicon.

Quote by lynnwitt

The earliest known use of the noun slitch is in the Middle English period (1150—1500).

OED's earliest evidence for slitch is from before 1475, in R. Higden's Polychronicon.

A little before my time…

Quote by JamesLlewellyn

A little before my time…

It's fun to know the origins of some of these little-used words.

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A girl in the Philippines

Was a bit too tight in her jeans

Left little to guess

But much to impress

As over the railing she leans

I have the hots for a nurse

Whose habits are rather perverse

She puts a shower cap on

And uses a strapon

And I can't decide which is worse.

The nurse gave explicit direction

To Rob as he bent for inspection

"This will slide in deep

Don't want to hear a peep

And don't dare to get an erection"