I am married for over 20 years, but have secretly within the last few years had cravings for cock and have sucked a few and really enjoy it. How do I bring the subject up with my wife, I want to tell her I just do not know how she would react. I do not want to change our situation just do not want to hide it from her anymore.
Some more background. We have a couple of dildo's and we have gotten to the point of her fuckin herself with the dildo and when she pulls it out, she would lick and suck it and I sometimes she would rub the dildo on my lips and I have opened my mouth and she would have me sucking it. She seems to really get turned on when I suck it. She has also fingered my ass on numerous occasions and a few times have tried to fuck me with her dildo.
I do not know if she is just caught up in the heat of sex, does cause I seem to like it or if she really gets turned on by it.
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How do I tell my wife of 20 years that I am interested in sucking cock and more with men and that I have already done it.
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You've been married 20 years... that's quite a long time. I assume you are both really comfortable with one another, familiar. By now yeah? You share fantasies? You could just tell her you have a fantasy, and you'd like to explore it by trying it as a role play first perhaps. With your roles being reversed... it seems you've already done that a little with her so it shouldn't be too out there for her. And then see how she responds to that. Just kind of ease her into the idea first. Unless you trust that she's going to love you and not judge you, then you can just tell her outright. Also - if you want to be with other people... that's an issue you have to be careful about. Marriage is generally monogamous - SOME couples are ok with open relationships, some aren't. You'll have to talk it over I suppose. Good luck.
Quote by Pat278
I am married for over 20 years, but have secretly within the last few years had cravings for cock and have sucked a few and really enjoy it. How do I bring the subject up with my wife, I want to tell her I just do not know how she would react. I do not want to change our situation just do not want to hide it from her anymore.
Some more background. We have a couple of dildo's and we have gotten to the point of her fuckin herself with the dildo and when she pulls it out, she would lick and suck it and I sometimes she would rub the dildo on my lips and I have opened my mouth and she would have me sucking it. She seems to really get turned on when I suck it. She has also fingered my ass on numerous occasions and a few times have tried to fuck me with her dildo.
I do not know if she is just caught up in the heat of sex, does cause I seem to like it or if she really gets turned on by it.
wow, if I had been married 20 years and my husband told me that, I have no idea what I would do or say but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be good. I think Stelmaria gave you some great advice, but if you decide to tell your wife keep in mind it might very well change your situation and not in a good way.
Internet Philosopher
I've never been married but I have had several straight relationships. To date I have only managed to get past this same issue by being upfront about my bisexuality in the beginning. This isn't something that you can hide for 20 years and easily divulge. My sympathies are with you but if I were you I'd say nothing unless you cannot resist doing it again. If that were the case then you really need to decide where you want your future to go. My guess is you can't have it both ways.
Active Ink Slinger
I've been with my husband for 20 years. I can honestly say that I think your deluding yourself if you think that fantasy transcends into real life. My husband and I have a rich fantasy life, but that's just it, fantasy. I'm not sure her enjoying you sucking her juices off of a toy will transfer to her watching you with another man, or allowing you to be with man. I hope for your sake that this isn't the case but I suggest you tread carefully with this one. You risk a lot by opening up this particular subject.
On a side note, if I found out that my husband had been experimenting with anyone, male or female, outside of our marriage without my knowledge, I'd be furious, hurt and it would likely be the end of our marriage. You need to think very carefully before you proceed.
On a side note, if I found out that my husband had been experimenting with anyone, male or female, outside of our marriage without my knowledge, I'd be furious, hurt and it would likely be the end of our marriage. You need to think very carefully before you proceed.
Active Ink Slinger
I am afraid I am with everyone else. I think it is a long shot that she could accept it although I think your one chance might be the next time she rubs the dildo over your mouth ask her if it turns her on and then pursue the conversation. I must warn you though I was in your shoes along time ago and my husband was aware I am bisexual and it didn't go well when I told him I missed being with another woman. I ended up divorcing me over it. So think about what really is important to you.
Active Ink Slinger
My wife of many years, was really pissed at me when I had sex with another woman. But when she had sex with another man didn't think it was so bad. Then when we started a threesome with a friend of mine, was great until I sucked his cock one night, she didn't like it. I did tho and sucked him several times. Now she's isn't much on sex, but I would never tell her about my friend who has sex with me. I like the taste of cock, I see why woman want to suck cock. But being big is not good if you want a blow job.
Alpha Blonde
There's more to it than her getting over you being bisexual. It also involves you telling her that you want to have sex with another person. If you've always been monogamous and she sees that as an important part of marriage, this is the bit that has the potential to be more hurtful and upsetting than you saying that you crave cock.
Imagine telling her that lately you have the strong desire to sample new pussy. It has the potential to evoke that same knee-jerk reaction that spirals into insecurity, doubt and suspicion as she now starts wondering what you're doing on the side and whether you're pursuing extra-marital activities.
Yes, the bisexual aspect of it is huge, but don't discount the impact of her potentially feeling that she's no 'enough' for you sexually and that you want other sexual partners. I know it's not exactly the same as hetero-cheating since she doesn't have the sex parts you are interested in but if she views sex as intimacy and fidelity as a key part of your commitment, then it's going to have an effect on her.
As some others have mentioned, you might want to start with just the fantasy of it or the idea of you both being involved in a MMF threesome but initially state that you're not planning on acting on it - you just like the kinky idea of it as a fantasy. You might also want to bring this up during the heat of the moment so that if she doesn't react favourably you can just blame it on you getting carried away while having been extremely turned on. Sitting her down in a serious way and confessing it will probably be more apt to freak her out. Feel out the situation first before you jump.
Imagine telling her that lately you have the strong desire to sample new pussy. It has the potential to evoke that same knee-jerk reaction that spirals into insecurity, doubt and suspicion as she now starts wondering what you're doing on the side and whether you're pursuing extra-marital activities.
Yes, the bisexual aspect of it is huge, but don't discount the impact of her potentially feeling that she's no 'enough' for you sexually and that you want other sexual partners. I know it's not exactly the same as hetero-cheating since she doesn't have the sex parts you are interested in but if she views sex as intimacy and fidelity as a key part of your commitment, then it's going to have an effect on her.
As some others have mentioned, you might want to start with just the fantasy of it or the idea of you both being involved in a MMF threesome but initially state that you're not planning on acting on it - you just like the kinky idea of it as a fantasy. You might also want to bring this up during the heat of the moment so that if she doesn't react favourably you can just blame it on you getting carried away while having been extremely turned on. Sitting her down in a serious way and confessing it will probably be more apt to freak her out. Feel out the situation first before you jump.
Cock Connoisseur
Quote by Dancing_Doll
There's more to it than her getting over you being bisexual. It also involves you telling her that you want to have sex with another person. If you've always been monogamous and she sees that as an important part of marriage, this is the bit that has the potential to be more hurtful and upsetting than you saying that you crave cock.
Imagine telling her that lately you have the strong desire to sample new pussy. It has the potential to evoke that same knee-jerk reaction that spirals into insecurity, doubt and suspicion as she now starts wondering what you're doing on the side and whether you're pursuing extra-marital activities.
Yes, the bisexual aspect of it is huge, but don't discount the impact of her potentially feeling that she's no 'enough' for you sexually and that you want other sexual partners. I know it's not exactly the same as hetero-cheating since she doesn't have the sex parts you are interested in but if she views sex as intimacy and fidelity as a key part of your commitment, then it's going to have an effect on her.
As some others have mentioned, you might want to start with just the fantasy of it or the idea of you both being involved in a MMF threesome but initially state that you're not planning on acting on it - you just like the kinky idea of it as a fantasy. You might also want to bring this up during the heat of the moment so that if she doesn't react favourably you can just blame it on you getting carried away while having been extremely turned on. Sitting her down in a serious way and confessing it will probably be more apt to freak her out. Feel out the situation first before you jump.
I agree with DD 100%. No woman wants to feel inadequate or not enough. Doesn't matter if the man is after another woman or man, the feelings are the same, "why aren't I enough". Think very hard before you broach this subject with her as it may turn your world upside down. If you are prepared for that change, then talk to her about it, otherwise I would test the waters somehow as DD suggested.
So, if, as you say, during the 20 years of marriage, you've "already sucked a few", then you've cheated on her and THAT is way different from just a developing fantasy in your head or an "exploration/experiment". What will be very difficult is you hiding this from her for so long. Cravings don't just pop up out of nowhere, so you must have been harboring these "cravings" for longer than you admit or somehow putting yourself in a mode of wanting to do it. Acting on the cravings, as you say you've done a few times already is evidence of 1) bi-sexuality or 2) you're gay but have been hiding/denying it all along. Neither is a bad thing necessarily, but the cheating and hiding it instead of communicating with your wife about is. Come clean with her. Why exactly, do you want to keep it from her? Because you don't want to lose the relationship with her? You can't always have your cock and eat it, too. Commit to one or the other and have the balls to stay committed to one or the other.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by Ravyn
I agree with DD 100%. No woman wants to feel inadequate or not enough. Doesn't matter if the man is after another woman or man, the feelings are the same, "why aren't I enough". Think very hard before you broach this subject with her as it may turn your world upside down. If you are prepared for that change, then talk to her about it, otherwise I would test the waters somehow as DD suggested.
I also agree with this. Bring it up as fantasy and feel her out. If she is turned on by it than maybe you can talk about really doing it. If she isn't into the idea at all, then my friend you have some big decisions to make!!
Good Luck
Active Ink Slinger
I think I'd just keep living a lie ...unless u want a full time boyfriend!
Mazztastic
I echo what the gals have said above, I would doubt that this would be something that would be easy for your wife to accept...
Do you suppose that perhaps the introduction of role play including the use of a strap on might be something that would sate you to some degree whilst not disempowering your wife?
Just a thought, but it might make for some middle ground?
I do have friends who've utilised this with some success...
Do you suppose that perhaps the introduction of role play including the use of a strap on might be something that would sate you to some degree whilst not disempowering your wife?
Just a thought, but it might make for some middle ground?
I do have friends who've utilised this with some success...
Active Ink Slinger
The more I think about it and read the other comments I agree with Mazza. In my case, with my husband knowing I was bi upfront at least I hadn't cheated on him and that was hard enough for him to deal with. In your case you have been lying and cheating on your wife for 20 years and that will be very difficult to her to get beyond that and accept. Testing the waters should have happened 21 years ago. It's a shame we can't trust the one person in the world we should be most honest with. In any case, I think you should try role playing as Mazza suggested. She's a very smart lady.
Quote by yourmisterdark
So, if, as you say, during the 20 years of marriage, you've "already sucked a few", then you've cheated on her and THAT is way different from just a developing fantasy in your head or an "exploration/experiment". What will be very difficult is you hiding this from her for so long. Cravings don't just pop up out of nowhere, so you must have been harboring these "cravings" for longer than you admit or somehow putting yourself in a mode of wanting to do it. Acting on the cravings, as you say you've done a few times already is evidence of 1) bi-sexuality or 2) you're gay but have been hiding/denying it all along. Neither is a bad thing necessarily, but the cheating and hiding it instead of communicating with your wife about is. Come clean with her. Why exactly, do you want to keep it from her? Because you don't want to lose the relationship with her? You can't always have your cock and eat it, too. Commit to one or the other and have the balls to stay committed to one or the other.
Good advice from most here, living with the guilt of not being honest with your wife and yourself will eventually destroy both of you.
Being filled with the fear of loosing what you have in your relationship with your wife is not worth it to either of you.
Be open and honest, but gentle, real relationships are built on friendships first and committing to each other.
Good luck, hope everything works out for you both.
Active Ink Slinger
I've never been in this situation so I can't honestly imagine what you are going through. I can offer a bit of advice, and the above contributors have all in my opinion given great advice. I can only say this to you, it may be a tad bit harsh. Your her husband, her protector, her confidant, her life's partner, her lover, and her friend. It's your responsibility no matter how severe the burden to shield her from harm: be it physical, or emotional. As most of the women have stated, the announcement should you go that route - is going to be devastating to her. I suggest you sincerely think of the pain, that the knowledge of twenty years of betrayal and lies, will inflict on her. Is it worth your feeling emotionally better about your deception?
I don't envy you in the slightest and truly wish you the ultimate in life.
I don't envy you in the slightest and truly wish you the ultimate in life.
Chivalry is the only "wingman" you need.
Please read and comment on my story http://www.lushstories.com/stories/oral-sex/a-night-to-remember.aspx
Please read and comment on my story http://www.lushstories.com/stories/oral-sex/a-night-to-remember.aspx
Advanced Wordsmith
Want to get a divorce quick? Tell her.....I did and am now.....
Active Ink Slinger
Yot didn't mention if you had children. If you have, they are your primary concern, think of the impact on them, even by mentioning it to your wife. You appear to be happily married and love your wife. Keep it that way.
Rookie Scribe
My ex wife found out that I liked sucking cock, she pretty much knew, since I was always dressed as a woman, I don't regret a single thing even tho she showed all of my family & friends pictures of me dressed as a woman sucking a few guys off
