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Have you come out to family/parents?
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Active Ink Slinger
Hell yes !!! My mom all dress me in my sisters old hand me down. My dad pet name for me went I was young his little princess. My mom was great teacher how to dress, cook , sew. I was so lucky to have my sister and my baby sister danni69. say hi to her she having a hard time.
I haven't, but they all know that I'm bisexual. I told my friend and she said "so, what's new?" Really, it isn't a big deal to me or to my family or friends. If it was a big deal to my friends, they just wouldn't be my friends, or I would educate them. I actually don't get what the big deal is about 'coming out'. You love who you love and that should be it. No reason the world and his dog should know. No reason anyone should get all tied up in knots about it. The ones who do object, they're the stupid ones, they're the ones who make people feel like they have to prove something just because they fancy people of their own gender. Kick my face in for this, I don't care, it is my opinion. I'll just say this: If you treat me with respect, I'll treat you with respect, regardless of gender, sexuality, religion, race or whatever else you could be discriminated against for. Love me and I will love you back.
Quote by GingerKitty
I haven't, but they all know that I'm bisexual. I told my friend and she said "so, what's new?" Really, it isn't a big deal to me or to my family or friends. If it was a big deal to my friends, they just wouldn't be my friends, or I would educate them. I actually don't get what the big deal is about 'coming out'. You love who you love and that should be it. No reason the world and his dog should know. No reason anyone should get all tied up in knots about it. The ones who do object, they're the stupid ones, they're the ones who make people feel like they have to prove something just because they fancy people of their own gender. Kick my face in for this, I don't care, it is my opinion. I'll just say this: If you treat me with respect, I'll treat you with respect, regardless of gender, sexuality, religion, race or whatever else you could be discriminated against for. Love me and I will love you back.
Totally agree with everything you said.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by NickiC
I have not. I think it is easier for me because I am bisexual and married to a man so there is no reason to go back into my past. But I have had friends who were disowned and I have friends whose parents were very cool with it. They already knew anyway.
I had a shit time mostly with my dad, although he offered to get me help (I didn't need help, I was very good at being gay). My love life was never a subject that was discussed in my family, only with 1 niece and 1 nephew.
my sister is a lesbian..and I am very open about her with my kids and have been since they were little
and if either of my kids came out to me I would hug them and tell them I love them
it breaks my heart that any parent or family would judge a loved one on their sexuality
you are born gay...
gay straight bisexual asexual...we are all one in love's eyes
and if either of my kids came out to me I would hug them and tell them I love them
it breaks my heart that any parent or family would judge a loved one on their sexuality
you are born gay...
gay straight bisexual asexual...we are all one in love's eyes
Quote by dpw
I had a shit time mostly with my dad, although he offered to get me help (I didn't need help, I was very good at being gay). My love life was never a subject that was discussed in my family, only with 1 niece and 1 nephew.
You know I have found in experiences with my gay male friends that it is usually the father that has the most problems accepting it. I know someone who has come out to everyone BUT their father. He is so afraid of losing his love and that is so sad to me. I am not hiding who I am because they wouldn't accept me but being bisexual I think is different. I should clarify, my closest friends do but I did not feel the need to make an announcement.
However, if I had met a woman and wanted to settle with her, I would have told everyone because I wouldn't want her to feel like she was some dirty little secret.
I have never understood the whole "coming out" thing. And frankly it outright annoys me. I could understand it back when homosexuality or bisexuality was HIDDEN and it could cause serious issues for people. But from what I can see, that time is LONG gone and most of the problems I see concerning it are caused by gay/les/bi people themselves (not all, only a very vocal minority) as opposed to the general public or even families. Most people just don't care. Be YOURSELF and just do what you do. People will know, if it is important to them. If not, so what?
The simple truth is, there are bigoted people out there, and bigoted for all sorts of reasons... not just sexual orientation. We have some of them in our families, and we run into them in the general public. But homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. are pretty much as common as pepsi and coke now days. It does not have the shock factor or impact it did 30 or more years ago. You see it on TV, in movies, on the street, you name it. There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.
But I guess it also depends on where you live too. What country, and even what part of the country. So what I said applies to where I have lived and what I see... it may not apply to everyone else.
The simple truth is, there are bigoted people out there, and bigoted for all sorts of reasons... not just sexual orientation. We have some of them in our families, and we run into them in the general public. But homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. are pretty much as common as pepsi and coke now days. It does not have the shock factor or impact it did 30 or more years ago. You see it on TV, in movies, on the street, you name it. There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.
But I guess it also depends on where you live too. What country, and even what part of the country. So what I said applies to where I have lived and what I see... it may not apply to everyone else.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by JohnC
I have never understood the whole "coming out" thing. And frankly it outright annoys me. I could understand it back when homosexuality or bisexuality was HIDDEN and it could cause serious issues for people. But from what I can see, that time is LONG gone and most of the problems I see concerning it are caused by gay/les/bi people themselves (not all, only a very vocal minority) as opposed to the general public or even families. Most people just don't care. Be YOURSELF and just do what you do. People will know, if it is important to them. If not, so what?
The simple truth is, there are bigoted people out there, and bigoted for all sorts of reasons... not just sexual orientation. We have some of them in our families, and we run into them in the general public. But homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. are pretty much as common as pepsi and coke now days. It does not have the shock factor or impact it did 30 or more years ago. You see it on TV, in movies, on the street, you name it. There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.
But I guess it also depends on where you live too. What country, and even what part of the country. So what I said applies to where I have lived and what I see... it may not apply to everyone else.
I agree, some milestones have been made. But the LGBT community as a whole still has a long way to go. Legally, they're going in a positive direction. But there's still family, friends, co-workers, etc. to worry about.
And not to mention those that don't have the option of coming out and are instead outed by others.
It does suck that coming out is a necessary thing...but coming out is still a necessary thing.
░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░
I've behaved like a guy since I was a kid so I thought coming out to my parents at the age of fourteen wouldn't shock them too much. Boy, was I wrong! My father had a fit and so did my uncles (his brothers) and my aunt (his sister) and my grandparents (dad's dad and mom). The men were always hitting me especially when drunk so there were always fistfights and the women threw snide remarks and gave me the cold shoulder. My mom was the only one nice to me but she disapproved, always told me to renew my faith in God and everything would be okay. Eventually after three months or so stuff calmed down. My dad and me are okay but I shun his side of the family and they shun me, which is perfectly fine to me. Now my parents are used to it and there aren't anymore fights. ^_^
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by JohnC
I have never understood the whole "coming out" thing. And frankly it outright annoys me. I could understand it back when homosexuality or bisexuality was HIDDEN and it could cause serious issues for people. But from what I can see, that time is LONG gone and most of the problems I see concerning it are caused by gay/les/bi people themselves (not all, only a very vocal minority) as opposed to the general public or even families. Most people just don't care. Be YOURSELF and just do what you do. People will know, if it is important to them. If not, so what?
The simple truth is, there are bigoted people out there, and bigoted for all sorts of reasons... not just sexual orientation. We have some of them in our families, and we run into them in the general public. But homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. are pretty much as common as pepsi and coke now days. It does not have the shock factor or impact it did 30 or more years ago. You see it on TV, in movies, on the street, you name it. There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.
But I guess it also depends on where you live too. What country, and even what part of the country. So what I said applies to where I have lived and what I see... it may not apply to everyone else.
spoken like a heterosexual. no, that's not a snide remark. the simply fact is, you have never had to walk in the shoes of a gay man or woman. yes, culture and society are slowly adapting, but it's generational, the older generations are still not as accepting, and religion plays a big part of it. i grew up in the bay area, and even there, i saw bigotry. while Seattle has a feel similiar to SF, as a lesbian couple, we often gauge our affection levels based on our surroundings and, while my family has accepted us, i get a very cold reception from my wife's for being the woman who 'turned their daughter gay'. *shrugs*
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Quote by sprite
spoken like a heterosexual. no, that's not a snide remark. the simply fact is, you have never had to walk in the shoes of a gay man or woman. yes, culture and society are slowly adapting, but it's generational, the older generations are still not as accepting, and religion plays a big part of it. i grew up in the bay area, and even there, i saw bigotry. while Seattle has a feel similiar to SF, as a lesbian couple, we often gauge our affection levels based on our surroundings and, while my family has accepted us, i get a very cold reception from my wife's for being the woman who 'turned their daughter gay'. *shrugs*
You are right, only GAY people can POSSIBLY understand anything to do with being gay. Maybe then homosexuals should take a note and realize that they too simply do not understand heterosexuals either and what they may or may NOT be thinking? Just a thought.... yeah, I think many issues seen by the homosexual community are self inflicted.
I am sorry if this came off as a bit brash, but I too have gay friends and you know what? They AGREE with me. There is simply no one "gay view" and "gay experience", the same as there is no one "man" or "woman" point of view or experience. And the classic "you are not one so you would not know" tends to rub me the wrong way. People in general are not stupid. We do have eyes. And we can see and even empathize with others who are not exactly like ourselves.
Truly NO offense is intended.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by JohnC
You are right, only GAY people can POSSIBLY understand anything to do with being gay. Maybe then homosexuals should take a note and realize that they too simply do not understand heterosexuals either and what they may or may NOT be thinking? Just a thought.... yeah, I think many issues seen by the homosexual community are self inflicted.
I am sorry if this came off as a bit brash, but I too have gay friends and you know what? They AGREE with me. There is simply no one "gay view" and "gay experience", the same as there is no one "man" or "woman" point of view or experience. And the classic "you are not one so you would not know" tends to rub me the wrong way. People in general are not stupid. We do have eyes. And we can see and even empathize with others who are not exactly like ourselves.
Truly NO offense is intended.
Ok, firstly I know you're not meaning any offence, you've never come across as anti gay.
Gay people only really understand themselves they may empathize or there may be similarities with other gays but we don't fully understand everything because we're all different. On the other hand we understand heterosexuals because they surround us, they brought us up, taught us, they're our friends.
You'll have to explain the self inflicted issues as I'm not sure what they are.
As for your first post I didn't comment because I figured that you had more important issues to deal with.
I suppose it depends on what coming out is, to me it was letting family and friends know that you aren't like them. I don't know why that annoys you, it's a scary time for young gays and they need support. They are often lonely and don't know why they feel the way they do.
Unfortunately there are plenty of people that do care whether you're gay, they may not say it publicly, but they are uneasy.
As far as long gone goes, it was only 10 yrs ago that The Supreme Court ruled in favour of gay sex being covered by the 14th Amendment. 10 States still have sodomy as a crime but it can't be enforced.
Coming out is a rite of passage to gays, you don't really feel free to be yourself until you've taken that step. Think about it, "Mom, Dad Ive met someone and I've invited then over", then someone of the same sex turns up, or you catch them making out in the car! Don't the parents deserve to know.
Quote by dpw
Ok, firstly I know you're not meaning any offence, you've never come across as anti gay.
Gay people only really understand themselves they may empathize or there may be similarities with other gays but we don't fully understand everything because we're all different. On the other hand we understand heterosexuals because they surround us, they brought us up, taught us, they're our friends.
You'll have to explain the self inflicted issues as I'm not sure what they are.
As for your first post I didn't comment because I figured that you had more important issues to deal with.
I suppose it depends on what coming out is, to me it was letting family and friends know that you aren't like them. I don't know why that annoys you, it's a scary time for young gays and they need support. They are often lonely and don't know why they feel the way they do.
Unfortunately there are plenty of people that do care whether you're gay, they may not say it publicly, but they are uneasy.
As far as long gone goes, it was only 10 yrs ago that The Supreme Court ruled in favour of gay sex being covered by the 14th Amendment. 10 States still have sodomy as a crime but it can't be enforced.
Coming out is a rite of passage to gays, you don't really feel free to be yourself until you've taken that step. Think about it, "Mom, Dad Ive met someone and I've invited then over", then someone of the same sex turns up, or you catch them making out in the car! Don't the parents deserve to know.
Thank you, no I am not anti-gay at all.
I will not make this into a debate between myself and anyone who wants to jump on in. I stated my views pretty simply and stand by them. I truly mean NO disrespect by this. And like I said, I have gay friends and know that many would disagree with certain things you yourself have posted. Such is the way of things. And I still find it insulting (or naive in the least) to think that homosexuals KNOW heterosexuals but heterosexuals simply can NOT know homosexuals. That is categorically incorrect.
Cheers all, I have answered all I am going to on this matter. I was simply trying to lend views and thoughts to a thread about the topic it presents. I didn't want to make it into a "let's debate JonhC" or "let's pick apart what JohnC said" thing. I think it would be best if folks simply state THEIR views and address the OP as opposed to focusing on what any other single member may have said. Then everyone can read the responses and agree, disagree, or be indifferent.
Wild at Heart
Quote by JohnC
I have never understood the whole "coming out" thing. And frankly it outright annoys me. I could understand it back when homosexuality or bisexuality was HIDDEN and it could cause serious issues for people. But from what I can see, that time is LONG gone and most of the problems I see concerning it are caused by gay/les/bi people themselves (not all, only a very vocal minority) as opposed to the general public or even families. Most people just don't care. Be YOURSELF and just do what you do. People will know, if it is important to them. If not, so what?
The simple truth is, there are bigoted people out there, and bigoted for all sorts of reasons... not just sexual orientation. We have some of them in our families, and we run into them in the general public. But homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. are pretty much as common as pepsi and coke now days. It does not have the shock factor or impact it did 30 or more years ago. You see it on TV, in movies, on the street, you name it. There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.
But I guess it also depends on where you live too. What country, and even what part of the country. So what I said applies to where I have lived and what I see... it may not apply to everyone else.
This kind of answer doesn't surprise me coming form someone who is also a slut shamer...
There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.
Why is that? Why isn't there a need to come out? Because all gays are flaming as fuck and it's obvious?
But from what I can see, that time is LONG gone and most of the problems I see concerning it are caused by gay/les/bi people themselves (not all, only a very vocal minority) as opposed to the general public or even families. Most people just don't care.
Really? Try this experiment. Come out as gay to everyone you know and then let me know 6 months later if no one really cared. What an idiot.
This is like saying racism doesn't exist and it's just black/muslims/hispanics/asians making shit up and dwelling on shit. How fucking ignorant. I hope to live long enough to see this kind of stupidity die off eventually and if I have a gay son or daughter one day, they wont have to deal with people like this saying that it's gays themselves causing problems for other gays. How stupid.
Quote by JohnC
I stated my views pretty simply and stand by them. I truly mean NO disrespect by this. And like I said, I have gay friends and know that many would disagree with certain things you yourself have posted. Such is the way of things.
I have stupid friends so I'm cool with stupid people. No disrespect meant. Don't go crying and tattling on me now. Be a big boy.
Quote by Magical_felix
I have stupid friends so I'm cool with stupid people. No disrespect meant. Don't go crying and tattling on me now. Be a big boy.
Ok one thing there is divisiveness within the LGBT community. There is divisiveness within the minority communities. Calling people names is not cool at all. Discuss, debate and be respectful. Someone who is not gay came here to discuss and we should do that with respect. I wonder why you would call names and be somewhat abusive to another person? I am bisexual and I get all sorts of ugly treatment, not from straight people but from my own supposed LGBT community. Why do you act like this? Ask yourself why you behave online like this? Offline I bet you don't because you can't.
Wild at Heart
Quote by NickiC
Ok one thing there is divisiveness within the LGBT community. There is divisiveness within the minority communities. Calling people names is not cool at all. Discuss, debate and be respectful. Someone who is not gay came here to discuss and we should do that with respect. I wonder why you would call names and be somewhat abusive to another person? I am bisexual and I get all sorts of ugly treatment, not from straight people but from my own supposed LGBT community. Why do you act like this? Ask yourself why you behave online like this? Offline I bet you don't because you can't.
You seem too dense to understand what I was saying. It's over your head and that is fine.
And to be honest... I do tell people they are stupid offline as well. Not because I can, because I need to. I like to too though, don't get me wrong. It feels good to not stay silent.
I fear for all of you if you are this sensitive online. Makes me think you are doormats in person.
Quote by Magical_felix
I fear for all of you if you are this sensitive online. Makes me think you are doormats in person.
Jack,
Being civil online or off, does not make a person a doormat. It shows class. And not every disagreement needs to be met with personal attacks and insults. As people mature they learn that you can discuss and even disagree on issues without making it personal or flinging crap. It is not about being overly sensitive, it is about being an adult and acting like one. I hope your day brightens up, for your sake and those around you.
Quote by Magical_felix
You seem too dense to understand what I was saying. It's over your head and that is fine.
And to be honest... I do tell people they are stupid offline as well. Not because I can, because I need to. I like to too though, don't get me wrong. It feels good to not stay silent.
I fear for all of you if you are this sensitive online. Makes me think you are doormats in person.
You are funny. We can go rounds if you want but you mean so little to me I don't have the inclination. Yes Narcissist tell us all how to live. LOL. We all bow to the imaginary chapel of felix. Keep it coming I am not intimidated. In fact you amuse me. I am filing my nails while you whine. Go on give it. I have to put on some classical music because this needs a soundtrack.
Wild at Heart
Quote by JohnC
Jack,
Being civil online or off, does not make a person a doormat. It shows class. And not every disagreement needs to be met with personal attacks and insults. As people mature they learn that you can discuss and even disagree on issues without making it personal or flinging crap. It is not about being overly sensitive, it is about being an adult and acting like one. I hope your day brightens up, for your sake and those around you.
You avoided everything I said by saying I am immature. Do you see the irony in that?
What you said in your previous posts is ignorant and stupid. Those are the proper words to use. Why would I say something else than what your thoughts are? You would rather me say they are lacking understanding? What is the difference except being disingenuous and cowardly by choosing different words? It means the same thing no matter how I say it.
Why don't you explain some of the shit you said. Like when you said there is no need for coming out and that gays tend to make more of their sexual preference than others. You know why it seems that way to you? because you are prejudiced. You sound like someone that would say "I hate when gays throw their gayness in your face" when you see two girls holding hands or two boys kissing. Your excuse for your way of thinking being okay because of what part of the country you are from is ridiculous as well. There are bigots were I am from a too but I am not one... Gee how did that happen. People choose to be bigots.
Wild at Heart
Quote by NickiC
You are funny. We can go rounds if you want but you mean so little to me I don't have the inclination. Yes Narcissist tell us all how to live. LOL. We all bow to the imaginary chapel of felix. Keep it coming I am not intimidated. In fact you amuse me. I am filing my nails while you whine. Go on give it. I have to put on some classical music because this needs a soundtrack.
Then why are you answering me and going out of your way to tell me you don't care... That makes no sense. You and the other bigot above you answer nothing to do with the topic. You are just focusing on me. Not anything else. That is funny since you don't care what I think.
The image of you filing your nails and listening to classical music while pretending to not get upset on the internet is funny by the way. What a scene.
Quote by Magical_felix
You avoided everything I said by saying I am immature. Do you see the irony in that?
What you said in your previous posts is ignorant and stupid. Those are the proper words to use. Why would I say something else than what your thoughts are? You would rather me say they are lacking understanding? What is the difference except being disingenuous and cowardly by choosing different words? It means the same thing no matter how I say it.
Why don't you explain some of the shit you said. Like when you said there is no need for coming out and that gays tend to make more of their sexual preference than others. You know why it seems that way to you? because you are prejudiced. You sound like someone that would say "I hate when gays throw their gayness in your face" when you see two girls holding hands or two boys kissing. Your excuse for your way of thinking being okay because of what part of the country you are from is ridiculous as well. There are bigots were I am from a too but I am not one... Gee how did that happen. People choose to be bigots.
No, not at all Jack. I also didn't say you were immature, but did elude that your posting style and constant attacks ARE. But so there is no misunderstanding, yes, I believe you are very immature. That does not, however, mean that I was "avoiding" anything. I made it quite clear in my posts that I am not going to become the center of debate or have to justify or defend every view I state. Folks can take them for what they are and that is that. And I am sure many folks who have had this discussion with LGBT friends have heard THEM say the same things, or very similar.
You have a beef with me, fine. And I think it is clear that it is the only real reason you jumped into this thread. You now make statements to try to twist what I said or brand me something that I am not. That is fine too. Those who know me, know you are not correct. And I will not be baited into turning yet ANOTHER thread you post in, into a pile of steaming "virtual crap". You may enjoy this, but I am sure not many do. So with that, just know that I will not respond to you on this matter again. Have a wonderful day.
Wild at Heart
Quote by JohnC
No, not at all Jack. I also didn't say you were immature, but did elude that your posting style and constant attacks ARE. But so there is no misunderstanding, yes, I believe you are very immature. That does not, however, mean that I was "avoiding" anything.
Yes it does actually, because by doing this you avoid explaining the dumbass things you said by focusing on me. (in an indirect and cowardly way)
Quote by JohnC
I made it quite clear in my posts that I am not going to become the center of debate or have to justify or defend every view I state.
Because you knew that what you were saying was stupid and you anticipated people saying so.
Quote by JohnC
And I am sure many folks who have had this discussion with LGBT friends have heard THEM say the same things, or very similar.
What similar thing did they say? Elaborate. That is discussion. What you are doing is clamming up after being questioned. Maybe you lack confidence in your beliefs. That's understandable I suppose. Not surprising.
Quote by JohnC
Those who know me, know you are not correct.
Hitler's friends thought he wasn't a bad guy either... It's an irrelevant statement.
Quote by JohnC
I will not be baited into turning yet ANOTHER thread you post in, into a pile of steaming "virtual crap".
....In what other thread did that happen? Where you were baited? I honestly don't recall. I haven't posted on lush in weeks.
It may seem like I "bait" you because my replies to you question the ridiculous things you say. It makes you embarrassed and it stays in your mind making it seem like it happens more often than it does.
Just by admitting I have "baited" you before is like comparing yourself to a dumb animal by the way, just saying.
Wild at Heart
Quote by NickiC
imaginary chapel
I can't believe I overlooked you actually saying "imaginary chapel".
Active Ink Slinger
Now now guys, I leave a thread for a while and WW3 breaks out. At least let the token gay get a word in!
No more fighting because you lose the whole premise of the thread. Any more and you're on the naughty step!
No more fighting because you lose the whole premise of the thread. Any more and you're on the naughty step!
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by JohnC
Thank you, no I am not anti-gay at all.
I have gay friends and know that many would disagree with certain things you yourself have posted.
And I still find it insulting (or naive in the least) to think that homosexuals KNOW heterosexuals but heterosexuals simply can NOT know homosexuals. That is categorically incorrect.
First off I never thought that you were anti gay.
However, let me explain my reasoning to the second point and let me know if I'm naive or insulting.
Almost every gay have heterosexual parents, teachers, siblings and friends. That is how we know, we learn from them. None of these can know what it's like to realise that they are gay. They have no idea how isolated and angry you can be or how hard it is to constantly deny it to both yourself and others. People around are very open about their feelings and their emotions because they are normal, they have nothing to hide nothing to be ashamed of. That's how we know how and what straight people think.
I know that in many places homosexuality is becoming more accepted, although the sharp rise in gay hate crimes makes me wonder, but young gay teenagers don't always know that. They aren't wise in the ways of the world and often haven't even accepted themselves, you would be shocked at the number of suicides by gay youngsters.
So I don't think I'm being naive and certainly didn't intend to insult and I also don't think that I'm wrong.