Have you come out to family/parents?

Quote by JohnC
I have never understood the whole "coming out" thing. And frankly it outright annoys me. I could understand it back when homosexuality or bisexuality was HIDDEN and it could cause serious issues for people. But from what I can see, that time is LONG gone and most of the problems I see concerning it are caused by gay/les/bi people themselves (not all, only a very vocal minority) as opposed to the general public or even families. Most people just don't care. Be YOURSELF and just do what you do. People will know, if it is important to them. If not, so what?

The simple truth is, there are bigoted people out there, and bigoted for all sorts of reasons... not just sexual orientation. We have some of them in our families, and we run into them in the general public. But homosexuality/bisexuality/etc. are pretty much as common as pepsi and coke now days. It does not have the shock factor or impact it did 30 or more years ago. You see it on TV, in movies, on the street, you name it. There is no need for coming out, imo, any more. I find that the reality is that gay/les/bi folks tend to make more of their sexual preference than anyone else does.

But I guess it also depends on where you live too. What country, and even what part of the country. So what I said applies to where I have lived and what I see... it may not apply to everyone else.

Quote by naughtynurse

All of these people took incredible courage to stand up for themselves and admit to everyone who they were. For you to belittle their efforts and say its "annoying" is very small minded and bigoted.

Quote by naughtynurse


This comment contradicts itself. First you say it's annoying because its no big deal, then you say it depends where you live.

I can tell you for sure that in many areas it is still a big deal. While I have never made it a "secret" that I enjoy girls, I don't discuss it around my family and I don't bring girls home.

When my cousin came out, his parents, my grandmother, and my parents(ie everyone in the extended family) stopping talking to or about him. It was as if he was no longer a member of the family. My brother in laws family has reacted the same to his now open uncle. They (all of his siblings and parents) will refuse to have him in the house. One of my best friends was so upset by the potential complications coming out would bring that she tried to kill herself rather than shame the family.

I feel so much for my friend. She is a staunch Christian and feels she is committing a sin whenever she touches a girl. But, in her words, she feels that if she touches a boy she is "being gay" (she identifies herself most closely as a man) and this committing a sin then as well. It might be "no big deal to us, thinking that we "knew" already, but to her it was admitting that she is willfully endangering her immortal self.

All of these people took incredible courage to stand up for themselves and admit to everyone who they were. For you to belittle their efforts and say its "annoying" is very small minded and bigoted.

Quote by dpw

I was with you all the way up to the last line.
John is not a bigot or a homophobe, that's not fair.
You are aware of what is around you and he may live in a tolerant area. Just because he doesn't seek out news of gay injustices in other areas it doesn't mean he's a bigot.
I also think he means coming out with a bang, announcing it to the world and to people that didn't care in the first place.
He also talks about gays that shove their homosexuality down your throat at every opportunity, I don't like that either. People don't need to know about my bedroom habits, if they do they can ask me or join Lush

Quote by JohnC

Thank you. That is indeed what I was talking about.

Quote by JohnC

Thank you. That is indeed what I was talking about.

Quote by naughtynurse

For you to belittle their efforts and say its "annoying" is very small minded and bigoted.

Quote by naughtynurse


To John c and dpw, please go back and read that last sentence. Note I didn't call John himself bigoted. I said his statement was. Even openminded people make bigoted statements. There can be a difference between some statements and the person themself.

Quote by naughtynurse


To John c and dpw, please go back and read that last sentence. Note I didn't call John himself bigoted. I said his statement was. Even openminded people make bigoted statements. There can be a difference between some statements and the person themself.

Quote by little_kitty
*avoiding the landmine of discussion*

As far as the OP goes, I'm not one to broadcast my sexual habits to all and sundry. I'm not "honestly" bisexual, I can't see myself settling down into forever with another woman, but as far as possible playtime goes, I don't mind it.

If my parents even knew that I liked "playing with other girls", I'm pretty sure it'd be that final straw, you know? My brother is openly and obviously gay (He's not a gigantic, neon "flamer", but one can tell watching him that he's homosexual.) and I love him beyond measure. Our father took it the hardest when his only son came out of the closet.

And, in my opinion, one never knows truly how another's life is. Especially concerning sexual orientation. My best friend and I grew up from grade school together, and I'm totally fine when it comes to homosexuals, whereas Bek can't fathom same-sex relationships at all. It's not just regional, or an issue of publicity. It's individual. Am I saying prejudice can't be taught? No. But we all also reach a point in our lives where some lessons we've learned can be challenged, and we choose whether or not to believe the same way we always have, or change our way of thinking.

So to have a flame-war over something that will most likely always be an issue in some way or another ... Well, that's just silly.

Put on your grown-up panties already, and move on.

Quote by dpw


I understood exactly what he meant and if I'd responded earlier and cleared it up then all the unpleasantness would have been avoided.

Quote by SummerKiss

I am new here but I do READ and it seems there's a pattern of a select few who target others and turns a good topic into their own vindictive openings to bash on someone they don't like. That makes it very hard for new people to feel comfortable in making posts or threads.
Hopefully the few "bullies" will be told to calm it down so others can enjoy LUSH.


*And no I am not pointing fingers or talking about one person I mean in a whole, I saw in other threads that this has happen before.

Quote by Magical_felix


In only a little bit over a week you have deciphered the patterns of a select few and are also aware that lush would tell them to calm down? How much time have you spent reading the forums in the last week to figure that out? I mean to figure out the patterns and all. I find it hard to believe. Maybe I'm slow but it took me longer than a week when I first joined here to even look at the forum.

Quote by SummerKiss


Hello Magical_Felix

Can you believe on the second day here I had people warning me and giving me examples of how you have to be careful about what you post and who you talk too
I tend to make my own opinions of course just like in real life :) I am sure there's A LOT I haven't seen but the links that was shared with me showed bullies and people being attacked.

Quote by SummerKiss


I figured it should be a fun place and relaxing for all ...don't you agree? Shouldn't lush be fun and informative? Or do you think this is a place for people to be scared to share their opinions or curiosity?
I just think its silly for adults to thrive on negativity and rude manners or childish drama :) hopefully you will agree and be someone who can make lush fun too for us newbies:)

Quote by Magical_felix


I take it these people that filled you in on your second day didn't tell you that the whole "scaring the newbies" angle of discussion isn't really effective. You're not the first one to respond to things by calling someone a bully or saying newbies are scared off. You're supposedly new and here you are posting anyway.

I mean if there is bullying on lush and newbies are so scared and other members feel the need to prime new members on this (assuming I believe you, which I don't) Then why in the few years I have been a member here has Lush grown from 30,000 members to over 200,000? Doesn't make sense if new members don't find it fun or informative, does it?

Quote by Magical_felix


Not really. What exactly did he mean when he said it annoys him when gay people come out of the closet? How is that them shoving their gayness down his throat? What did he mean when he said that it is not necessary for gay people to come out of the closet anymore (or around him I guess)?

Sounds like people who think my white girlfriend is shoving her interracial relationship down their throats when she kisses me in front of them or when we tell them that we are officially dating now.

Quote by SummerKiss


Ok mister informative I will do my best to do a link :) BUT I can tell you now one was a thread made recently about a butterface fetish ...think I said it right but it left an impression that's for sure :)
http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst34404_Anyone-else-have-a-butterface-fetish.aspx

Quote by dpw

What is this, have you got that Monday feeling? Pull your claws in or find another scratch pole!

The fact that I'm gay isn't what defines me, it is incidental. There's a lot more to me than what sex I sleep with.
I don't understand the need to put gayness at the top of the agenda, it's as though they want a negative reaction.
As I said there are some gay guys, I don't pretend to know about lesbians, who feel the need to push the fact that they're gay into every conversation. So what we're gay! what makes you think that everybody cares?
Coming out is a very personal thing, he wasn't refering to when you tell family and friends.

The colour of your girlfriend holds as much interest to me as who I have in the sack interests you. If you want to start a thread on that this is not the correct forum.

Quote by sprite
straight people have no need to come out. it's assumed that you're straight unless you make a point of coming out. i mean, seriously, how many of you grew up with your parent's thinking that you're gay and then, one day, surprised them at the dinner table with "mom? dad? i'm seeing someone of the opposite sex?"

like anything else, you may empathize with gay people, but you'll never quite know what it feels like to be gay just like i have a good idea of what it is like to be black, but i will never experience it and so can only empathize. there are things that hurt, that prick, that remind us that we are a minority that you just don't see or hear or feel in the same way. that's understandable, but please, don't tell me that it's not a big thing to come out to family and friends, because you're dead wrong.

Quote by SummerKiss


Hey there
Not sure if I was misunderstood about my family and friend statement. I was just saying I felt coming out should be done/share with family and friends ...because hopefully that's where you can find love and support. Not saying every family member or friend will. My sister DID come out at the dinner table and her girlfriend at the time was there and we already loved her girlfriend. Any one with eyes could see it was more than a friendship and she did date a couple guys but there was never any real love there it was plain to see. All I wanted to do was say its best to come out to those who love you, no I am not gay and I will never know what its like to come out. All I know is how my sister explained it " excitement with dread, excitement to finally be her and dread at losing love and respect" So yes my sister is brave and I love her dearly and shes my best friend so I hope this clears your opinion on my statement but if it wasn't toward me then I guess you learned more anyhow lol

Quote by SummerKiss
I have an uncle who is gay and a sister who is, Not to mention friends, ALL came out different and at different times in their life. Some negatively some positive. The negative came from one being defensive because all he heard was how no one would understand and would judge him and bash him in the head with religion and start calling him every negative name in the book , truth was we ALREADY knew, it was obvious to family more than anyone else but my point is he FEARED negative reaction so he already made things worse for himself. I think coming out should be a positive situation with family and friends NOT a big show for the world because there will be a bad nut somewhere and you should never judge all based on one judgemental nutcase. This is a small town in the South and you'd think it'd have been more negative but its the new age and things are changing and there's more understandings now. OR maybe in my life and family I was just lucky to be surrounded by love and understanding.
In my opinion I don't think Johnc said anything out of place at all and everyone here has a right to express their opinions. Its very easy to make a sentence look bad if you take it out of the paragraph and dissect it enough.
I am new here but I do READ and it seems there's a pattern of a select few who target others and turns a good topic into their own vindictive openings to bash on someone they don't like. That makes it very hard for new people to feel comfortable in making posts or threads.
Hopefully the few "bullies" will be told to calm it down so others can enjoy LUSH.


*And no I am not pointing fingers or talking about one person I mean in a whole, I saw in other threads that this has happen before.

Quote by sprite
straight people have no need to come out. it's assumed that you're straight unless you make a point of coming out. i mean, seriously, how many of you grew up with your parent's thinking that you're gay and then, one day, surprised them at the dinner table with "mom? dad? i'm seeing someone of the opposite sex?"

like anything else, you may empathize with gay people, but you'll never quite know what it feels like to be gay just like i have a good idea of what it is like to be black, but i will never experience it and so can only empathize. there are things that hurt, that prick, that remind us that we are a minority that you just don't see or hear or feel in the same way. that's understandable, but please, don't tell me that it's not a big thing to come out to family and friends, because you're dead wrong.

Quote by NightMan
Boy you sure opened A can of worms up this time. The pages are going to fill up now. I agree with your thoughts though. I don't find it annoying though just senseless. I think ( & this is just my opinion which I'M entitled to despite your objections ) that most of the coming out is just due to lack of attention. Most(but not all) are obviously gay & when people try to ignore it they become insulted. IE;I want some attention & I'M not getting it.With others it's guilt I'M not happy lying to people. I want to get it out & over with. As for myself I find no need to tell people I'M Bisexual My personal life is none of there business. and I really don't care what they think. I have plenty of obvious faults that they can belittle I don't need my sex life to fuel for their folly. If you would like to know what I find annoying it's people that have the nerve to come out & ask you about your sex life. Are you Gay? Just the term is annoying. It's supposed to mean happy.look at my picture you can see I'M not A person that smiles a lot. I reply to that question. No why did you ask, Do I look happy to you? The last thing I'M going to interject is, No I'M bisexual. A statement that will get you rejection from both Homosexuals & Heterosexuals. That's rite straits are not the only one's who are bigoted,their just more likely to admit it.I just can't wait to hear all the shit I'M going to hear about this statement.fuTrPdhRfdljSVzC Let me just say this in advance

Quote by Magical_felix


Oh I see, I just read that thread. One could say Trinket does bully people a lot in that thread. Or you can say that it's funny how she attacks everyone. I think it's funny for sure. Without trinket's bullying, that thread would have gotten like 7 generic replies and it would have just been another boring thread. I really don't think any new members will feel they can't post because trinket is such a battle axe, I think they will just find it amusing and more interesting.