Project Semi Colon: Lush Style

Quote by sprite
I wrote this up, recently, in the mod thread. Nicola suggested I share it with a larger audience, so here it is - there was a lot of incredibly personal stuff, beyond what follows, btw, that i felt wise to edit out, but the meat, as they say, is still here.

First off, Project semi colon can be found here:

http://www.projectsemicolon.com/

A few things, that some of you, myself included, might take pause at - it's faith based, meaning it has close ties to Christianity. That said, I like the idea enough to share the link - it might not be for everyone, but the idea of it is worthy. here goes...

Among other things, i am employed as a part time volunteer at an LGBT center. One of the kids today - yes, I am old enough to call them kids now - time to start drinking - one of the teens I work with had a semi-colon tattoo on his wrist. What's that, i wondered out loud. are you a writer?

Project semi-colon. I think I'd heard the name once. A semi colon is a pause. Apparently it was taken up by some people and became a thing - a pause, a story not finished. He showed me his scars, too. one on each wrist. We are all writers, even those who don't write. We all have a story to tell. Sometimes, though, people get to the point where they put down the pen and try to end it too early. It's a reminder, he tells me, that there's more to his story. I like the idea. I am planning on doing a little research into the project when time permits. I may even get my own tat. For now, I've drawn one on my left wrist. It's blue. I like blue. The dot bit and the comma are separated by a scar...

You can learn from anyone if you keep an open mind and just listen. Listening, is key, btw. Most of us just need to know that someone is listening. That's something else I get here. I know that I can find someone to listen when I really need it, whether in the forums, or one on one. I asked him about his story. He shared it. It's his though, and not mine. He asked me about mine, and I shared as well and he just listened. Simple as that. It felt good. It went something like this;

Shortly before New Years last year, I tried to kill myself. I have suffered from insomnia peppered by nightmares since I was 21. The last couple of years have been particularly bad. PTSD isn't fun to deal with. I just wanted to close my eyes and know that I could sleep in peace for one night. Figured the only way to do that, really, was to off myself. It wasn't one of the smartest things I've ever done. It almost wrecked my marriage. It almost destroyed a very precious friendship, and it derailed my new found career as a student. I am, currently, struggling again, and may very well go back on meds until I feel I can deal with it on my own. I don't like having to do that, but we have to do lots of things we don't like to keep ourselves healthy. Like eating broccoli... yuck. :)

I still have those thoughts from time to time. I still feel alone, even knowing I am surrounded by people who love me. We all have those moments. I am sharing my story here, but really, this is not about me. This is about all of you; of us. You are not alone. Ever. You all have beautiful stories that need to be finished. You all have people who care about you. Anytime any of you need someone to just listen, just say so. Sometimes it's hard to start talking - this wasn't easy, trust me, but once you do, you forget about it. You need to talk, talk. We all have shit that we go through, have gone through, will go through. None of it is trivial and it's never a contest. Even the "little things" that get to you can still loom large in your life.

This was hard, btw, coming out. I have only told a couple of people here my story. But I am glad I finally got the courage to do it. And, if you don't feel comfy doing it here, remember, people who love you are surround you, if you just open your eyes. reach out to them, to friends and family. Reach out to the community. You'd be surprised at the stories people here have beyond what we publish.

And, when someone reaches out to you, take a moment, a pause, if you will, to listen, to nod, to tell them that yeah, you get it, that you understand. Just listen. It's so very easy, it takes so little time and effort, and yet, it means so much.

xo
rachel

Quote by honeydipped
wow... all of the courage displayed here ASTOUNDS me. like those of you who posted, sprite, chicamala and poppet to be specific, i too fight a daily battle with anxiety and depression. this past year and a half has been the most traumatic. very recently i found the strength to open up to my closest friends about it. opening up to them was emotionally exhausting, but very well worth it. i don't know how you have managed to bare your souls here...

i know how it feels to long for the person you used to be and dread what the future holds. i've learned to take things one day at a time; it's all i can do. SO often i've felt as though my story has ended, that the next chapter is far too ahead. but i WON'T let it end here -i can't. there's TOO much living to do. thank you for reminding me that there are others who share my struggle. because of this post i've found a new symbol of strength -the semicolon. who knew?! inspiration can TRULY be found anywhere.

nia?

Quote by chicamala


I fear the for some of us, life will never, ever return to how you where before, to regain whom you thought you where; life just keeps on moving...
I have learned to talk to some, and I guess opening up here online is easier, as it is behind a screen. However small it seems it is a huge thing for many to really open up.
I feel as if some of the struggles just keep on going on, no matter how balanced the rest of someones life is, for me this came about from an incident in the Military, and however horrific that was, I will never ever regret my time in the Military.

I now lead a support group, and got my Peer to Peer training completed for me to be available for other veterans such as myself to contact me, no matter the situation of the time.
It is the way we are, we are there for one another, as we might of gone thru the same thing.

I truly commend you for opening up to your closest friends, I can tell you that many of us never do... some always keep it hidden from friends and family, as we fear rejection from those closest to us.
In one of the groups I lead, the comments where, "no one believed me when I finally said something; the just said I was too strong to let anything like that ever happen to me." That in itself stops many of us, from really opening up. So I truly do commend you for that...

Arlene

Quote by BethanyFrasier
I'm glad Nicola encouraged you to share this beyond the mod thread, Rachel. I've been seeing this project around a lot lately, and I'm hoping it endures, and doesn't simply become a fad, like the ALS icebucket challenge. It's a very worthy endeavor, faith-based or not, and it has the potential to help a lot of people who are in a similar state of mind (and there are a lot of them, especially in this age of increased bullying in schools and online!).

Thanks for your bravery and openness, as well. Maybe it will encourage others to open up and seek a listening ear when they really need it. The alternative can result in the unfortunate finality of a period.

Quote by sprite
It's very easy to feel isolated when you're in the middle of it. that's the enemy, you know. feeling alone, like no one cares, or gets it, or even knows. of course, sometimes they don't, cause we get so good at hiding it until the lid blows off. i've had a lot of conversations in the past 6 months where i've been on the edge of wanting to talk about this, and never found the right words, so i just pushed it away and pretended things were fine. i think that's the important thing, that we find ways to open up and trust that someone will listen. that's what this thread is all about, just a good way to start a dialogue. thank you everyone who has been, or will, able to push past the fear and the shame and remind the rest of us that, hey, we're in good company, or at least in the company of good, wonderful, beautiful people.

Quote by Poppet


You're right, people do feel like no one can relate or understand what that person is going through. That's because no two people go through something the same. Even if they have the same events happen to them, it's going to have a different impact on them different. Yes, it helps when you can talk to someone who can at least relate to it in some sense. For me, it is always hardest trying to explain how and why I am wired the way I am to someone who has never suffered from depression or anxiety. It becomes frustrating. Hugs you

Quote by sprite
Sometimes, people try to find a cure, a way to cheer you up, they try to fix you. it's a beautiful intention that leaves me feeling worse many times. it reminds me that i'm broken, that there is something wrong with me. my wife has become very good at just listening. she doesn't pass judgement, she doesn't offer solutions, she simply allows me to open up and after, often, it's enough to push me out of that place.

Quote by sprite


Sometimes, people try to find a cure, a way to cheer you up, they try to fix you. it's a beautiful intention that leaves me feeling worse many times. it reminds me that i'm broken, that there is something wrong with me. my wife has become very good at just listening. she doesn't pass judgement, she doesn't offer solutions, she simply allows me to open up and after, often, it's enough to push me out of that place.

Quote by sprite
It's very easy to feel isolated when you're in the middle of it. that's the enemy, you know. feeling alone, like no one cares, or gets it, or even knows. of course, sometimes they don't, cause we get so good at hiding it until the lid blows off. i've had a lot of conversations in the past 6 months where i've been on the edge of wanting to talk about this, and never found the right words, so i just pushed it away and pretended things were fine. i think that's the important thing, that we find ways to open up and trust that someone will listen. that's what this thread is all about, just a good way to start a dialogue. thank you everyone who has been, or will, able to push past the fear and the shame and remind the rest of us that, hey, we're in good company, or at least in the company of good, wonderful, beautiful people.

Quote by Simplicity
I know when I meet some one and they ask ,"what are your hobbies" and my answer is always the same" My computer" why .. because I to suffer with this ..I have had PTSD for a long time, but seems to get worse instead of better.. I have come to the point over the last 2 years if I don't HAVE to go out of my house I DON"T. I am much more comfortable here in my room by my self. I don't like being around people any more. When I do go out it is to one place, To get my hair done, and I can go there only because there is 2 ppl that work there ,they both know my problem and I get in when no one else is there. My family doesn't under stand and gets upset because I wont go out. Then if you do decide and try to explain, they aren't really listening because they tell you, just make your self,. There is NO making yourself. I have tried many different meds. talking to head Drs. ,But what works best for me is to be home in my "Safe zone". I know life will never be the same for me again. I am learning to deal with the life I have now,the isolation. But it is much better than going out and going into a panic attack. With out this thread I would have never told anyone about this. But when ppl ask you what you do alll day ,they just don't understand,So you say why bother to try and explain. I find myself even here staying to myself. Hiding behind a screen is much easier..... Simplicity xo

Quote by curvygalore


Rachel, thank you so much for this thread. Not only for your honesty at some incredibly difficult parts of your life that you have just hinted at before now, or for raising awareness about project semi-colon but also for encouraging others here to share their stories too.

Its a reminder that we really are a community here, and having the courage to speak out means that you will receive unstinting love, understanding and support here. Sending all that to everyone and anyone who is struggling right now xxx

Quote by Simplicity
I know when I meet some one and they ask ,"what are your hobbies" and my answer is always the same" My computer" why .. because I to suffer with this ..I have had PTSD for a long time, but seems to get worse instead of better.. I have come to the point over the last 2 years if I don't HAVE to go out of my house I DON"T. I am much more comfortable here in my room by my self. I don't like being around people any more. When I do go out it is to one place, To get my hair done, and I can go there only because there is 2 ppl that work there ,they both know my problem and I get in when no one else is there. My family doesn't under stand and gets upset because I wont go out. Then if you do decide and try to explain, they aren't really listening because they tell you, just make your self,. There is NO making yourself. I have tried many different meds. talking to head Drs. ,But what works best for me is to be home in my "Safe zone". I know life will never be the same for me again. I am learning to deal with the life I have now,the isolation. But it is much better than going out and going into a panic attack. With out this thread I would have never told anyone about this. But when ppl ask you what you do alll day ,they just don't understand,So you say why bother to try and explain. I find myself even here staying to myself. Hiding behind a screen is much easier..... Simplicity xo