Project Semi Colon: Lush Style

Quote by kiera
I think this is a beautiful thing this Project Semi Colon.

Maybe I will get that tat and it will hide the scars on my wrist.

Whether or not you like or dislike being told you are brave or not..You are and far stronger than me because I can't talk about why I did that to myself...I just know that at the time hurting on the outside felt better than hurting on the inside...If that makes any sense?

I have not done it in a long while but lately I often feel like it...but I don't I promised myself I wont...No matter the nightmares and the shit that is my life.

I find a focus..I don't know if this helps? My focus is my kids and they dont need to see their mum doing that stuff..So even when I want to pop every pill in the cupboard and hurt myself so badly just to stop the inner pain..I won't...and I don't.

Quote by Poppet


I don't have PTSD, nothing that I am aware of is why I am the way that I am. I just always have been from as young as I can remember. The one thing I do know is that I have a deep seeded fear of peopto le and they scare the living crap out of me. I can feel it with even family. Outside of my mum and sister and of course my young nieces. Anyone could come and hurt me and it terrifies me. So, I too, keep myself locked away in my apartment all alone. I want to get out, I want to do thing, I want to be normal and I even try, but if I feel trapped or feel like I'm suffocating, I have to leave ASAP.

One of the biggest things I don't like people asking me is "what's new?" Because with me... It's usually nothing. I do the same things basically every day, within a routine, to help keep my stress levels down.

You do what you need to, to feel safe. Don't let anyone make you feel badly about it either. Hugs

Quote by honeydipped
THIS!!! i've actually had to tell ppl to not inquire about what i've done. if i do something that i'd like to share, know that i WILL tell you. it's not that i'm being secretive, it's just that i don't like having to tell you the same thing repeatedly. routine DOES make me feel good. i'm a "lister" and being able to check things off of my list gives me a sense of order. i need that when i feel myself starting to get anxious.

Quote by kiera
I think this is a beautiful thing this Project Semi Colon.

Maybe I will get that tat and it will hide the scars on my wrist.

Whether or not you like or dislike being told you are brave or not..You are and far stronger than me because I can't talk about why I did that to myself...I just know that at the time hurting on the outside felt better than hurting on the inside...If that makes any sense?

I have not done it in a long while but lately I often feel like it...but I don't I promised myself I wont...No matter the nightmares and the shit that is my life.

I find a focus..I don't know if this helps? My focus is my kids and they dont need to see their mum doing that stuff..So even when I want to pop every pill in the cupboard and hurt myself so badly just to stop the inner pain..I won't...and I don't.

Quote by sprite


Hey, sweetie. i know i can be a bitch at times, but seriously, i'm glad you're still on this earth. and you don't need to talk about why you did anything. just be aware that it doesn't make you weak and it's nothing to be ashamed of. sometimes we just get too much, more then we can handle, and it all spirals out of control. just know, you're not alone, you're not the only one with those impulses, and it doesn't make you a bad person. *hugs* i did the same thing - i went to school - that was my focus, and then, winter break came along, and i had nothing to focus on after all that intense focus, and... well, you know the rest.

Quote by HeraTeleia
R., thank you for sharing this. I know that when I volunteered (many years ago) at Lambert House, the "haven" for LGBT teens and young adults that existed on Capitol Hill back in the day, this semi-colon thing wasn't a thing yet, but it sure would've been useful for some of those who used Lambert House's services.

I was an anomaly among the volunteers, being quite hetero, but I had my own history and my own scars, so I could listen without judgment.

Kiera, sweetness, please reach out--further, because you're intelligent and not a victim but rather a survivor, and I'm sure you've reached out already--for more help. In the U.S., you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE. Feel free to PM me, as well--never suffered at the hands of a partner, but rather at the hands of a parent.

Quote by kiera


Hera Thank you.

I was having a total melt down Friday night...But you are right.

I bet you 10 quid of SJ's money I will beat him bowling. Then he has to pay for dinner

Seriously, Thank you...I was a mess Friday and I apologise to all.

Sadly SJ has to deal with me lol...He lives near me and i have his no. Mwa ha ha.

He gives good hugs though..

Quote by simplyjohn



ok so I just put the house up for sale and I have asked BT for an urgent telephone number change. I have also called an ambulance because my right ear caught fire whilst someone called me a short time ago.

Seriously I respect this thread so whilst I have posted above some light humour thats enough. The majority of people here are caring and we have time for friends and their challenges in life.

Quote by kiera
I was a mess Friday and I apologise to all

Quote by sprite
I wrote this up, recently, in the mod thread. Nicola suggested I share it with a larger audience, so here it is - there was a lot of incredibly personal stuff, beyond what follows, btw, that i felt wise to edit out, but the meat, as they say, is still here.

First off, Project semi colon can be found here:



A few things, that some of you, myself included, might take pause at - it's faith based, meaning it has close ties to Christianity. That said, I like the idea enough to share the link - it might not be for everyone, but the idea of it is worthy. here goes...

Among other things, i am employed as a part time volunteer at an LGBT center. One of the kids today - yes, I am old enough to call them kids now - time to start drinking - one of the teens I work with had a semi-colon tattoo on his wrist. What's that, i wondered out loud. are you a writer?

Project semi-colon. I think I'd heard the name once. A semi colon is a pause. Apparently it was taken up by some people and became a thing - a pause, a story not finished. He showed me his scars, too. one on each wrist. We are all writers, even those who don't write. We all have a story to tell. Sometimes, though, people get to the point where they put down the pen and try to end it too early. It's a reminder, he tells me, that there's more to his story. I like the idea. I am planning on doing a little research into the project when time permits. I may even get my own tat. For now, I've drawn one on my left wrist. It's blue. I like blue. The dot bit and the comma are separated by a scar...

You can learn from anyone if you keep an open mind and just listen. Listening, is key, btw. Most of us just need to know that someone is listening. That's something else I get here. I know that I can find someone to listen when I really need it, whether in the forums, or one on one. I asked him about his story. He shared it. It's his though, and not mine. He asked me about mine, and I shared as well and he just listened. Simple as that. It felt good. It went something like this;

Shortly before New Years last year, I tried to kill myself. I have suffered from insomnia peppered by nightmares since I was 21. The last couple of years have been particularly bad. PTSD isn't fun to deal with. I just wanted to close my eyes and know that I could sleep in peace for one night. Figured the only way to do that, really, was to off myself. It wasn't one of the smartest things I've ever done. It almost wrecked my marriage. It almost destroyed a very precious friendship, and it derailed my new found career as a student. I am, currently, struggling again, and may very well go back on meds until I feel I can deal with it on my own. I don't like having to do that, but we have to do lots of things we don't like to keep ourselves healthy. Like eating broccoli... yuck. :)

I still have those thoughts from time to time. I still feel alone, even knowing I am surrounded by people who love me. We all have those moments. I am sharing my story here, but really, this is not about me. This is about all of you; of us. You are not alone. Ever. You all have beautiful stories that need to be finished. You all have people who care about you. Anytime any of you need someone to just listen, just say so. Sometimes it's hard to start talking - this wasn't easy, trust me, but once you do, you forget about it. You need to talk, talk. We all have shit that we go through, have gone through, will go through. None of it is trivial and it's never a contest. Even the "little things" that get to you can still loom large in your life.

This was hard, btw, coming out. I have only told a couple of people here my story. But I am glad I finally got the courage to do it. And, if you don't feel comfy doing it here, remember, people who love you are surround you, if you just open your eyes. reach out to them, to friends and family. Reach out to the community. You'd be surprised at the stories people here have beyond what we publish.

And, when someone reaches out to you, take a moment, a pause, if you will, to listen, to nod, to tell them that yeah, you get it, that you understand. Just listen. It's so very easy, it takes so little time and effort, and yet, it means so much.

xo
rachel

Quote by kiera
I was having a total melt down Friday night..

Quote by Poppet
I’m just going to put this here, because I think I can be safe to do so.

Today I had a really bad day. It was one of the worst I’ve had in a long time. Panic attacks that lasted for hours and hours. Paranoia to the point of hiding in a corner, sobbing. I don’t know what triggered it, but it really was so hard to cope through.

For hours, (about seven hour’s total) I was in a constant state of worry. I don’t know what triggered it and I don’t know what finally helped it subside. What I do know is, I felt scared. I was alone and no one to really reach out to. Days like this, when I’m alone, are days that make me want to end things.

Seeing this thread resurface reminds me how much I know I’m not alone and so many others suffer like I suffer. It also reminds me how much I deeply want to get my tattoo, so it is literally written upon my flesh as a reminder.

Thank you for making this forum Sprite and I hope it was okay to post this here.

; I'm not alone, even when I feel all alone.

Quote by Nerdy_Castle
Hugs to all, who have been through depression. If you don't want a hug from me. I will hug you anyway.

Quote by sprite


consider yourself hugged in return. Thanks, NC.

Quote by Nerdy_Castle
I hate what I had put my little Sister through.

Quote by honeydipped
hugs to you who have had bad days recently there must be something in the air. i had a bad day that began early monday morning. it was triggered by an innocent question. i had NO idea it would morph into what it did. that's what i HATE about this. it has no rhyme or reason and strikes at anytime. i've been working myself through it and i hope you all are feeling better too?

nia?