What obstacles will someone who's in a relationship with you face? It can be mental, physical, emotional, or any combination of the above.
I'll go first: During hardship*, my flight response kicks in and I become detached and I withdraw emotionally. It's really hard to pull me back and it sometimes (read: usually) makes the conflict much worse. I slip into preservation mode without even realizing it. It's definitely a defense mechanism.
*By hardship, I mean the typical difficulties that couples go through on a regular basis. Not the random things like a death in the family or something like that where one partner needs the other for emotional support.
Me: I'm headstrong and opinionated but thats just me.
I also run away from things that distress me. It might be physical (I fled 1500 miles from a bad situation once) or mentally, growing distant. I use books to put space between myself and things I don't want to face.
Personally I'd say my independence, by far. I can be pretty intense romantically at very specific times, but then I need my solitary moments where I'm very aloof and distant. As well, it kind of creeps me out when my relationships start to become too 'routinely' and 'mundane'; I like to keep a great deal of romance and fascination in the way me and my lover perceive each other. Hence why keeping a certain distance is important to me.
Usually, I'm an excellent lover on the weekends, but a terrible one during the week. I even find eating together inconvenient at times during the week, and I seldom enjoy sharing activities (eg. TV, random conversations, etc.). I prefer to just do my own things (training/eating mostly), have sex and go to bed. Often times, the only reason I need a partner on weekdays is sex; I'm still readily available to my lovers when misfortunes happen to them though.
As to why I'm such an independent asshole in the first place, that would be a very long discussion.
Quote by Dirty_D Me: I'm headstrong and opinionated but thats just me.
I also run away from things that distress me. It might be physical (I fled 1500 miles from a bad situation once) or mentally, growing distant. I use books to put space between myself and things I don't want to face.
What Dirty D has said pretty well fits me perfectly.
When people ask me to do things, I don't tend to say no. I find myself getting involved in all sorts of things. As a result, my life becomes very busy and sometimes I have a lot less free time than others. I can imagine that becoming quite irritating for someone I'm involved with.
One problem I had with my ex, although I probably had more of a problem with it than her, was that she was really extrovert and I really wasn't. Anywhere we went she would either meet people she knew (because she knew EVERYONE) or she'd make new friends, and I'm not a very sociable guy so I probably seemed a bit awkward in those situations. Like I say, I think it bothered me that I was like that more than it did her.
I am extremely independent and cynical.
It is also hard to gain my trust. I am once bitten twice shy at this point. So it is difficult just hooking up with me from the very start.
I have a memory like a steel trap.
So do not even think of telling me something that sounds good but is not at the core the truth. I will bust you every time.
Trust, I don't trust many people. Once you have your heart broken, trust is a hard thing to give to someone.
I am independent. I do every thing for myself. Asking or accepting help or a shoulder to lean on is not something I do. If I don't ask then they can't let me down.
I like my alone time. Some guys don't get that. They think because we are dating that we should spend all our free time together. I am a big girl I do not need you glued to my side 24/7. Apparently this line of thinking makes me a huge bitch.
Quote by Dani What obstacles will someone who's in a relationship with you face? It can be mental, physical, emotional, or any combination of the above.
I'll go first: During hardship*, my flight response kicks in and I become detached and I withdraw emotionally. It's really hard to pull me back and it sometimes (read: usually) makes the conflict much worse. I slip into preservation mode without even realizing it. It's definitely a defense mechanism.
*By hardship, I mean the typical difficulties that couples go through on a regular basis. Not the random things like a death in the family or something like that where one partner needs the other for emotional support.
Wow - what an awesome freaking question, Dani.
Apparently I always want to know why. What happened. How did things turn this way? I also don't like to let things go until they're resolved these days - I've slowly become more determined to see issues through which is on my husband's last nerve.
Quote by firefly9973 Trust, I don't trust many people. Once you have your heart broken, trust is a hard thing to give to someone.
I am independent. I do every thing for myself. Asking or accepting help or a shoulder to lean on is not something I do. If I don't ask then they can't let me down.
I like my alone time. Some guys don't get that. They think because we are dating that we should spend all our free time together. I am a big girl I do not need you glued to my side 24/7. Apparently this line of thinking makes me a huge bitch.
This would be a very good description of myself as well.
Quote by firefly9973 Trust, I don't trust many people. Once you have your heart broken, trust is a hard thing to give to someone.
I am independent. I do every thing for myself. Asking or accepting help or a shoulder to lean on is not something I do. If I don't ask then they can't let me down.
I like my alone time. Some guys don't get that. They think because we are dating that we should spend all our free time together. I am a big girl I do not need you glued to my side 24/7. Apparently this line of thinking makes me a huge bitch.
Minus the trust issues, this is 100% me.
As far as trust goes, I don't do so easily, but once I do it's a done deal. It doesn't waver until something drastic happens.
I probably am bad at expressing in words the depth of my true feelings. I too can be opinionated and I become quite protective of those I really care about and that usually surprises people . It's not a side of me that fortunately is often displayed lol but it's shocked some .
Quote by clum When people ask me to do things, I don't tend to say no. I find myself getting involved in all sorts of things. As a result, my life becomes very busy and sometimes I have a lot less free time than others. I can imagine that becoming quite irritating for someone I'm involved with.
One problem I had with my ex, although I probably had more of a problem with it than her, was that she was really extrovert and I really wasn't. Anywhere we went she would either meet people she knew (because she knew EVERYONE) or she'd make new friends, and I'm not a very sociable guy so I probably seemed a bit awkward in those situations. Like I say, I think it bothered me that I was like that more than it did her.
This is kinda me a T, too.
My own problems? I can sometimes go missing. I'm still there and I'll always be there for my friends, but occasionally I'll just go into 'downtime' and disappear for a while before coming back. It's nothing against anyone I'm with, it's just that I sometimes need my own time and space, which obviously isn't good for some people.
Oh and I've had issues in the past with knowing the other a little too well. That might sound strange, but I have a great memory (for the most part) and I pay attention to things people do and say, so it doesn't take long to get into their head. Sometimes it's been an issue for others, with me knowing how they'll react or what they'll do. I guess they like the mystery.
My own problems? I can sometimes go missing. I'm still there and I'll always be there for my friends, but occasionally I'll just go into 'downtime' and disappear for a while before coming back. It's nothing against anyone I'm with, it's just that I sometimes need my own time and space, which obviously isn't good for some people.
Oh and I've had issues in the past with knowing the other a little too well. That might sound strange, but I have a great memory (for the most part) and I pay attention to things people do and say, so it doesn't take long to get into their head. Sometimes it's been an issue for others, with me knowing how they'll react or what they'll do. I guess they like the mystery.
*Whispers* Mystery's scary.
That's kinda freaky. I could say those exact same things.
It is sometimes hard to tell when I am being serious or just being a smartass. I tend to use humor to cover things up or make them lighter. Things like certain feelings that I might be having a hard time dealing with or understanding. It can often confuse the other person and I really need to stop that.
i overreact and become excited (whehter good or bad) very easily. I definitely need and have someone who calms me down and reminds me to relax. I can be slightly off the walls sometimes.
At a very early age, I learnt a charity obligation that has served me well for many years.
As one lady commented about me 'You're too nice to people'.
Just don't do the dirty on me or you will cop a 'Ton of Bricks', like a 'Top-Fueler' when the 'Tree Turns Green'.
ps. Vamps, you're human being and we all have our little moments.
I'm rather ambitious and competitive in a lot of my real life endeavours. Which scares some people...but, apparently not enough to stop them from telling me that!
This is actually not a problem when I'm in a relationship of 'equals', but any overt imbalance in character, drive or sheer skill would be destructive. It would destroy me, the other person, the relationship...
Also, it may appear that I sometimes let work take precedence over him/her (I've only ever had 'him's) because I'm that much in love with my academic life.
But when I'm with folks who are wired the same way, it's a non-issue. There'd just be some sort of non-committal thing going on, which'd work great for the both of us
Ah, and that infamous problem with trust... Quite honestly, I still don't know what to make of it, ie. I'm not sure if it's a real problem for me. I don't think I've ever disappointed, or been disappointed too badly before. And it's only logical to be careful when letting your guard down.
Everyone has their difficult bits, but I don't think they should be viewed as stumbling blocks in making a relationship happen. They just help you know whether a person is meant to be yours. And you, theirs.x
Quote by firefly9973 Trust, I don't trust many people. Once you have your heart broken, trust is a hard thing to give to someone.
I am independent. I do every thing for myself. Asking or accepting help or a shoulder to lean on is not something I do. If I don't ask then they can't let me down.
I like my alone time. Some guys don't get that. They think because we are dating that we should spend all our free time together. I am a big girl I do not need you glued to my side 24/7. Apparently this line of thinking makes me a huge bitch.
Being with me it would definitely be the trust issue! I have to know a man really well before i would even try and get with him and i put up a wall sometimes that you have to get through to get to me! I am like an onion you have to peel back my many layers before you find me! To a lot of guy's it isn't worth the effort but i have had my heart broken too many times and that wall is something i put up for protection! But as i get older i am trying more to put the wall down!
Being with me it would definitely be the trust issue! I have to know a man really well before i would even try and get with him and i put up a wall sometimes that you have to get through to get to me! I am like an onion you have to peel back my many layers before you find me! To a lot of guy's it isn't worth the effort but i have had my heart broken too many times and that wall is something i put up for protection! But as i get older i am trying more to put the wall down!
WOW. Where to begin. I drink too much, I curse too much, I flirt too much and so on.
But the biggest problem is that I find it really hard to open up to the people closest to me especially when something is bothering me. I tend to keep it all bottled up inside and deal with it myself. My therapist believes it is a trust issue stemming from an abusive husband although I am not sure if that is the case. But whatever the reason, this almost ruined my current relationship and my life!
