Recently I was asked how did I learn about sex.
That stopped me for a few minutes.
After thinking about it I was amazed how I did learn.
My knowledge was sparse and trial and error, and learning from experience played a major role.
Hearsay was a major but extremely confusing, and inaccurate source.
I used a library to expand my knowledge and answer many of my own concerns. Later my teacher helped me enormously.
The internet could not help in the ways it can now.
Have you ever thought about the early days and how much you DID know. It frightens me now to realise how naive I was then.
Fortunately I was introduced to oral contraception early in my sexual life and probably this contributed in some way to my extremely promiscuous experiences. I knew I was safe in one way. I also learned how to identify STI indications and I was always extremely cautious there. I have never had any infection of that type fortunately.
I have enjoyed many books about position play such as Karma Sutra and have enjoyed the experiences they can describe.
I remember finding the book "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex*" in my brother's closet. That was the first formal information I got. Before that, it was just experimentation.
Mom was a nurse and had her medical books from school with pictures of nud men and women and I looked at them when she was at work. Where I went to school as a young boy it was 1st grade to 9th. I smoked (or puffed mostly) as a young kid and the school let kids smoke in those days if they went into the woods. So I went down there to hang out and smoke and got a lot of education (some right - other was bullshit, I found out later). They also brought Dad's girlie books they snuck out to show and we all looked at them. And WOW what we did learn then.
Also was an avid reader as a kid and had library card from 3rd grade on and found books to check out that were very expicit and also had illustrations. That advanced my knowledge tremendously and then came jr-high and high school and dating girls. Parking in the woods out in the country.
Had one girl let me play with her tits, then another whose folks worked and we would make out at her house in the afternoons after school and on Saturdays. We finally went to my house one afternoon after school and we both lost or virginity.
And then I found porn shops and fuck movies when I moved to the big city that was an eye opener on things my wife and I had never done or thought about doing.
A determined person with perseverance can overcome many obstacles. They can, many times, perform better than those who are more intelligent, stronger and with better finances by determination and perseverance
A combination of "trial and error" and what I first learned in a book I found by Helen Gurley Brown (what she taught me all those many years ago and I practiced to become proficient at, has kept a LOT of ladies VERY happy and gotten me a reputation for having some EXTREMELY talented hands. ;)
From a mature woman, she was a secretary in the office I worked at... that was a WONDERFUL few months and she taught me SO many things. Happy happy memories.
I had very liberal parents, so I don't really remember 'learning' about sex: it's always been very natural for me.
My parents told me about sex fairly early on (eg. men have a penis; women have a vagina; the two get naked, have fun and make babies). I knew about the general aspect of intercourse from around 5-year-old; I even knew it was supposedly fun to perform and not just a boring chore that parents do just to make babies.
Then when I was around 7-year-old and my parents broke-up, my mother bought 2 books about sexual education dedicated for kids; it was full of pictures so I learned about proper penetration, ejaculation, puberty, and I also received a basic knowledge about STDs. And soon after that, my father bought a series of graphic novels also dedicated for kids; that was much more raunchy (and hilarious). There was plenty of stereotypical characters in these books, like the desperate married man who kept jerking off to the hot blonde; and there was also the guy who always got STDs, he kept parading around with a syringe in his dick, haha. That might sound weird, but these books were actually recommended by psychologists: it showed kids that sex wasn't just about 'mommy and daddy solemnly procreating'. And my father also allowed me to read porn magazines. One time one of my friends lent me a magazine and I hid it under my bed; my father got mad at me when he found out, not because I was reading a porn magazine, but because I didn't show it to him, haha.
Then it was my teenage years and I mostly learned about sex from school (eg. contraceptives, STDs, pregnancy, etc.). And I also learned about all the common practices from conversations with friends (blowjobs notably), although very few of them were sexually active.
I only became sexually active myself at 18-year-old, so I had quite a profound theoretical knowledge before having sex. I've always been very aware and cautious that way: always wearing a condom, always being careful with oral sex, etc. The first year was pretty much about experimenting with many different girls, though I'm not sure that I really improved my skills much during that period: a lot of these situations turned out to be awkward as fuck in fact (eg. cumming too fast, engaging in anal sex with an ill-mannered girl, not being able to get a hard-on because I popped ecstasy and thus feeling forced to lick the pussy of an unsavory girl, etc.). I didn't care about my reputation however, as these girls weren't part of my usual acquaintances. I had a few nice experiences too, but nothing overly magnificent.
Then I got my first girlfriend and that's pretty much when I learned what 'good sex' was. We were both fairly open-minded and communicated a lot, so that was great for learning about how to satisfy a girl, testing many different techniques and improving my skills. And that's also when I learned that a minimal level of affection was important to me during sex.
Then I kept experimenting with different hook-ups, fuckbuddies, friends-with-benefits and girlfriends, up until today...
Early on trail an error, later I learned to ask open ended questions and got answers that way and finally an older married lover painted a picture that made it all clear.
I had very repressed parents, and sex was not mentioned in our house, except as something which had the direst consequences and social shame. So any knowledge was all garbled hearsay, and as I got older then it was the first (often unpleasant and even traumatic) sexual experiences of my friends talked about with added drama. It all seemed so perplexing and terrifying in retrospect that I'm amazed I actually got round to having sex at all!!!
Quote by MarinaC I remember finding the book "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex*" in my brother's closet. That was the first formal information I got. Before that, it was just experimentation.
That mirrors my initial experience. I recognize that book title, and it just happened to be left lying around by my parents. Of course, I had already discovered masturbation by that time, and it was pretty much a daily event. I did some more reading after that, but it was not easy to find abundant or good sources before the internet.
As for actual experience, that took quite some time. Being more geek than party animal, I did not seem to have too many opportunities in high school. But in time, I learned, and soon opportunities arose as I got to my senior year. I think it really helped me a lot to not be so focused on losing my virginity, and instead concentrating on enjoying simple pleasures like kissing, touching, etc, and letting things flow naturally. I was performing oral at 17, and loved it right from the very start (a first for us both, after I had to talk her into it for quite a while).
And when I finally "lost it" at 19, it was no big deal - just part of a total loving relationship, and with someone I still see intimately to this day! Do I regret not experiencing more? Not really. I am not one to dwell on the past, except to think of a better future based on past lessons learned.
So, thanks to those few women that have given me the knowledge and the experience. Being somewhat of a teacher outside of the bedroom, I am always looking out for ways to pass on "the knowledge" to this day. I am glad to see that some people coming here to Lush find this a credible source.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt" - Mark Twain (or Lincoln, or Confucius, or...)
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My parents tossed us a sex ed book. That gave a bit of theory. Main sexual education came later, reading through the stack of Playboys in the basement of the family I babysat for (right out there in the open, in fact) and sex scenes in novels I was reading. Practical sex ed, beyond masturbation, waited until grad school.
I just kinda figured it out on my own. Sexual education in the US is a joke. The information taught in schools doesn't even have to be medically accurate in a great number of the states.
My parents unfortunately left it up to the school system up until I needed birth control in my teens because of severe menstrual complications. My mom had an in-depth discussion with me as far as how sex works and everything (by then I had figured just about everything out from my friends, movies, and books). This was because she knew that if I really wanted to do it, there wouldn't be anything she could do to stop me, and she didn't want me to fall into the pattern of thinking birth control made me sexually invincible, and I told her quite honestly that I had no interest in sex at that particular point in my life. But it was a really good talk...it just took a while, and I know it only happened because of such severe circumstances.
My parents' whole approach to sex back then is pretty hilarious to me now, because they're so open about it now. My mom calls asking me questions about something she's heard of or the safest way to try something, and my dad loves raunchy jokes, usually involving my mom. It's pretty gross.
I'd like to think that I'd be pretty open with my kids (if/when I have them) when it comes to discussing sex when the time comes. I really can't see anyone else I'd trust with that responsibility.
I guess "learn" is the key word in the question. We all talked among friends giggling about sex so everyone had an idea but I really "learnt" about it from my first lover who was thankfully much older and experienced.
I learned about sex from talking and experimenting with my best friend, asking her older sister questions and looking at pics and stories in her older brother's Penthouse magazines. Also from talking with other friends too.
My mom gave me a pretty descriptive sex talk too. Mom was pretty open regarding sex and told me and my sisters we could ask her anything we needed to but I always felt embarrassed to ask especially if it was something that may be considered a little kinky or by most.
**Content removed by moderator. Violates Lush TOS.**. We went over it in school, in groups separated by girls and boys, and I remember thinking something along the lines of 'so THAT's what's underneath all those clothes they wear'. Out of a curiosity to know what a real woman looked like naked, I saw porn for the first time **Content removed by moderator. Violates Lush TOS.**. I was largely self-taught from that point on, using the internet for 90% of my 'research,' until many years later when I lost my virginity. After that, my real education began.
I can’t think of a good tagline so this will have to do. Suggest a better one for me?
I learned a little about sex when a classmate of mine invited me to join him for a hike into the woods near his home. He sucked my cock for a while, then announced it was my turn to suck his. I didn't learn what the purpose of sex was, at that time, nor what would happen if it were to continue for a long time (longer than a minute, that is). Apparently he didn't know, either, but I think we both learned that we liked to suck cock.
I agree with Derek, it's a lifelong education but the homework is lots of fun.
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Growing up in a church was somewhat limiting as my parents taught sex is only for growing families, so unlike many of you they were absolutely no help at all. Today, there is so much knowledge available with the Internet and myriad books... I'm still learning things.
I started reading romance novels when I was **Content removed by moderator. Violates Lush TOS.**, because kids books were too easy for me. When I was **Content removed by moderator. Violates Lush TOS.** my mom got a set of encyclopedias and some medical books from a yard sale. I spent an entire summer reading them, because I was the kid who would read ANYTHING. I knew more about sex and the details of reproduction and contraception than my mother did, as evidenced by her pitiful attempt at a birds and bees talk when I was **Content removed by moderator. Violates Lush TOS.**. She handed me a book by Judy Blume and demanded I read it. Then, after I handed it back to her, she asked if I had any questions. I said, "Nope, I know enough." She wanted to know what I knew. So I told her. Her face turned red and when I finally finished explaining sex to her, she tried to forbid me to read. I laughed and told her I will never stop reading. That was "The talk."
I remember at school a lot of kids were really confused about what sex was. So, I explained a few things. Apparently mom got some angry phone calls. She told me not to talk about things like that at school. I just shrugged, "So, you think I should let them keep being stupid, and get pregnant or get a disease because their own parents won't tell them the truth? That doesn't seem right."
My mom didn't know what to do with me. That was the last time we ever talked about sex. She is mortified that I write erotica for a living.
