A question for those of you who have or have had cyber-partners.
Have you ever become very emotionally attached to your partner to the point where you were devastated emotionally when you split up?
A feeling like you have lost a real part of your life. Someone who will leave a void in your life. You may even have loved that person.
Even though most online relationships won't ever lead to anything offline, Can a couple become very close simply by sharing life experiences, getting to know how the other person thinks and acts, discovering new things about each other telling secrets about themselves, etc... Build a close emotional bond with someone online? When we are online we often share things about ourselves and our feelings that we would never tell anyone else. Do we give more of ourselves emotionally because there are no physical distractions?
Is it possible that an online couple talk about these things more than a couple in REAL LIFE? Online there are usually little or no distractions during a chat so the conversation stays on track and perhaps delves deeper into the subject at hand.
I would love to hear about your thoughts/experiences with this.
I am very attached to my cyber lover. I share all my emotions with him, fantasies, wishes, and dreams.
Sometimes when we argue it always feels like this is the end and I panic. I really feel like we get each other and there is an amazing connection.
Even recently when lush was down I panicked because we never shared another avenue to talk.
I have never had a relationship like this but I thank my lucky stars everyday since finding him.
Our relationship means so much to me. I treasure it and him every day.
Many years ago, (before I wised-up!) I fell in love with a cyber-partner online. She was fascinating and intense. We chatted for hours every night, to the point where it became a distraction from the people in my real life. We threw ourselves into the relationship completely, and revealed our deepest secrets to each other, traded our nude pics, everything! We bonded over shared life experiences, as we were both recovering victims of aggravated . I invited her to visit me, but she was cautious, and always had reasons to postpone. Her life began taking bizarre turns that seemed almost theatrical, but I was naive back then, and had become addicted to her, so when the signs began piling up, I willfully ignored them and gave her the benefit of the doubt over and over again, until others in my life could see the trap I was falling into, and tried to warn me. The last 6 months devolved into drama, when she claimed she was under indictment for a white-collar crime and her trial led to a conviction and imprisonment. She disappeared, supposedly on the day she was to surrender to the authorities, and I never heard from her again. But the whole affair had torn a hole in my life, and taught me a valuable lesson about cyber-relationships. After that, I became a mod on a lesbian social site, and warned other members to enjoy these relationships as fantasies, but to be very careful to keep their eyes wide-open. But still I hear stories from other girls that sound very similar to mine.
Thank you for being so open and sharing your experience. If it helps one person to open their eyes and take a good look at who they are involved with it is worth it. It is bad enough getting drawn in even when there were so many signs, but for the person to vanish into thin air I imagine makes it hurt 100 times worse. There are many cyber-assholes who prey on people in these types of communities for various reasons.
OMG that sounded like I'm hosting the Oprah show.
Its nice when you chat to someone more than once, doesnt happen very often
Why would one be too attached to a partner?
Why wouldn't it hurt as much as a relationship in real life?
It actually hurts more, because it's fragile to begin with.
You're assuming it's not ok to get so close.
Both parties take the others' words at heart. At least I do.
That's where you don't really know peoples' intentions.
No way to gauge them.
I know this subject is very close to your heart, isn't it?
it seems very important to you.
I think it's the same online than offline.
I have been making friends online since I was 21 (I'm 30 now). I used to have a blog and met some nice people thanks to it. Then I got addicted to a TV series and ended in a forum dedicated to it. I met lots of girls and we had so much fun.
I met most of them in person, eventually. Some of them a few months after meeting them, with others it took years (we were far and didn't have that much money to spend traveling).
I'm still friends with some of them, with others friendship was over after a few years, with most of them I keep in contact but we don't write that often. The friendships that ended were never due to "Internet related" issues. But sometimes friendships end, doesn't matter if you met your friend in a chat room or sat next to her in Math class.
I've been (of course) cautious about it always. I have never lied and have behaved naturally always, but was careful not to share personal details (address, phone number, that kind of stuff). When I decided to meet someone, it was (obviously) always in a public place.
With the time even my parents stopped frowning at the idea of having a daughter who made most of her friends online. They even met one.
And yes, every of the friendships that ended hurt the same way that it did with the ones that had started offline.
But I'm probably going off topic here. You were asking about lovers, and relationships only online.
Well, I feel that here I have to be specially cautious. If you are too trusting and give your personal details, a resentful person may end publishing private chats (or pics, or videos, or whatever else people share here) in places where you wouldn't want to see them. Very private information could be there for your boss or your mother to see.
That is why at the beginning I wasn't talking about anything but sex here. After some time that changed, but I always had very clear that I didn't want to meet in person anyone.
Still, knowing that you are not going to meet in person, doesn't mean that you won't get close with anyone.
I care about people, that's who I am. So if I have regular contact with some nice person here, I care about them. If I don't see them in a long time, I wonder if they are ok. But I don't worry much about it.
I did have a special connection with a guy, we were close friends (and yes, cybersex partners too) for a few months. We didn't share personal details, but talked about lots of things, laughed a lot and had fun. There were some major changes in his company, he had to move to other country and leave behind his family, he was very busy and started writing less and less. I did feel sad, yes. And lonely. I missed him and worried about him and his family.
It did hurt, even if I totally understood the situation. I have no hard feelings at all towards him. I wish him (and his family) all the best. But yes, it did hurt. The same that it hurt when I lost any of my friends before (online or offline).
About an online romantic relationship I can't tell, haven't experienced a break up yet. But I bet the same principle applies.
I don't cyber a lot, but I would never cyber with anyone I don't have an emotional attachment to, be it a friendship or something stronger. That's pretty much true of my real life liasons as well.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Once I had a cyber lover and she and I enjoyed recounting the experience we each had in real life on-line with our bed partners. We were students.
She was from the US. We were to be in London at the same time. That was one time we had an opportunity to meet and enjoy together the loves we had expressed for each other and had shared with others.
She had evidently come close to the meeting place and had seen someone she thought was me - that older woman was wearing a similar scarf to the one we had agreed upon as the signal. I was where we had agreed to meet some 20 metres down the street. She had seen who she thought I was , and she took off. Unfortunately our lives as so far apart we may never ever meet again.
Hi Marta. Thanks for taking the time To write such a long post, and for being so open about your experiences.
I find the whole idea of cyber relationships very strange. I undestand that close friendships can develop and even a type of attraction. The problem for me is the lack of physicality.
I want to be able to hold someone not just look at a screen. I don't get attached easily but there is one person who's getting close. I won't , at least not until we'd actually met. Then maybe.
I'm not knobking it, it's just not for me.
I think its tough if you truly have a connection with someone. The feeling are just as real as offline maybe even stronger and your heart can truely miss the emotional intimacy. Its happened to me once and it still stings a little, however like any other relationship I wouldnt give up all the good times to get rid of the pain.
and 
away!!
)